The Boy Crisis: Why Our Boys Are Struggling and What We Can Do About It

by Warren Farrell, John Gray

Overview

What is the boy crisis?

It’s a crisis of education. Worldwide, boys are 50 percent less likely than girls to meet basic proficiency in reading, math, and science.

It’s a crisis of mental health. ADHD is on the rise. And as boys become young men, their suicide rates go from equal to girls to six times that of young women.

It’s a crisis of fathering. Boys are growing up with less-involved fathers and are more likely to drop out of school, drink, do drugs, become delinquent, and end up in prison.

It’s a crisis of purpose. Boys’ old sense of purpose—being a warrior, a leader, or a sole breadwinner—are fading. Many bright boys are experiencing a “purpose void,” feeling alienated, withdrawn, and addicted to immediate gratification.

So, what is The Boy Crisis? A comprehensive blueprint for what parents, teachers, and policymakers can do to help our sons become happier, healthier men, and fathers and leaders worthy of our respect.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781942952718
Publisher:	BenBella Books, Inc.
Publication date:	03/13/2018
Pages:	368
Sales rank:	34,263
Product dimensions:	6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x (d)

About the Author

Dr. Warren Farrell is the author of books published in 17 languages. They include two award-winning international best-sellers: Why Men Are The Way They Are plus The Myth of Male Power. Warren has been chosen by the Financial Times as one of the world's top 100 thought leaders.

Dr. Farrell is currently the Chair of the Commission to Create a White House Council on Boys and Men. He is the only man in the U.S. to have been elected three times to the Board of the National Organization for Women (NOW) in New York City. He started more than 300 men and women's groups, including ones joined by men from John Lennon to John Gray. Dr. Farrell has appeared repeatedly on Oprah, TODAY, and Good Morning America, and been the subject of features on 20/20, in Forbes, The Wall Street Journal, People, Parade, and The New York Times.

Dr. John Gray is the author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. USA Today listed Mars/Venus as number six among the most influential books of the last quarter century. In hardcover, it was the number one bestselling nonfiction book of the nineties. John Gray's books are translated into approximately 45 languages in more than 100 countries.

Dr. Gray's more recent books include Mars and Venus in the Bedroom, Why Mars and Venus Collide, and Work With Me (with Barbara Annis). John has appeared repeatedly on Oprah, as well as on The Dr. Oz Show, TODAY, CBS This Morning, Good Morning America, etc. He has been profiled in Time, Forbes, USA Today, TV Guide, and People. He was also the subject of a three-hour special hosted by Barbara Walters.

Table of Contents

Introduction

• My Personal Journey into The Boy Crisis

PART I: Is There Really a Boy Crisis?

1 The Crisis of Our Sons’ Mental Health

2 The Crisis of Our Sons’ Physical Health

3 The Crisis of Our Sons’ Economic Health

4 The Crisis of Our Sons’ Education

5 The Crisis of Our Sons Worldwide

6 Why Are We So Blind to the Boy Crisis?

PART II: Why the Boy Crisis Isn’t Your Fault

7 The Boy Crisis: A Problem Created by a Solution

PART III: The Purpose Void

8 The Path-to-Purpose Generation Gap

• The Power of Purpose
  
  • “I never thought you cared enough to ask.”
  
  
  
  
• Your Son’s Unconscious Wisdom
• Can a “Real Man” Transition from Provider–Protector to Nurturer–Connector?

9 The “Hero Paradox”: Value Yourself by Not Valuing Yourself

• A Hero with a Thousand Faces
• The Sirens of Social Bribes
  
  • Social bribes: Mom, men, the media, the military
  
  
  
  
• The Catch-22 of Your Son-as-Hero

10 Why Do More Marriages Fail in Countries That Succeed?

• The father’s catch-22
• The Era of the Multi-Option Mom and the No-Option Dad
• How Did Our Daughters Avoid the Purpose Void?
• “Sorry, It’s a Boy”

11 How Raising Our Sons Successfully in the Past Differs from Raising Our Sons Successfully for Their Future

• Making Money Versus Making a Difference
• How to Guide Different Boys Toward Different Senses of Purpose
• Our Sons’ New Sense of Purpose: The Hero’s Journey to Emotional Intelligence
• Son-Dropping

12 Raising a Balanced Son in an Out-of-Balance World

• What Happened to Pick-Up Team Sports?
• Helping Your Son Find His “Edge”
• Filling Your Son’s Purpose Void: Your Son as Hero

PART IV: Dad-Deprived Boys vs. Dad-Enriched Boys

13 Dad-Deprived Boys

• Boys Who Hurt, Hurt Us
  
  • The Lost Boys: Mass shooters
  • ISIS: A gang of dad-deprived boys?
  
  
  
  
• Bio Dad: The Discovery of the Dad Brain
• Careers Are for Now; Children Are Forever
• The Absence of Dad Creates the Presence of Government

14 Why Are Dads So Important?

• Let Me Count the Ways

15 Rediscovering Dad

• The Generation of the Dad Rich Versus the Dad Poor
• When Does Dad Begin to Matter?
• Stepdad or Bio Dad: Does it Make a Difference?

16 What Dads Do Differently

• Boundary Enforcement (Versus Boundary Setting)
• Exploring Nature, Taking Risks
• Roughhousing: Dad as a Rough, Tough Cream Puff
• “Teachable Moments”: A Little Pain for a Lot of Gain
• Challenging the Kids’ Limits
• Hangout Time
• Teasing: Emotional Intelligence Training, Dad-Style?
• The Conditional or Hierarchical Dad
• The Worrier and the Warrior: The Checks and Balances of Parenting

17 In the Case of Divorce . . . The Four “Must-Dos”

18 The Father Warrior: Why Fathering Will Be a New Male Sense of Purpose

• com: The Father Warrior Meets the Have-It-All Woman
• If Men Get Paid More, Is It Realistic for a Dad to Be the Primary Parent?

19 DAD: Discrimination Against Dads

• “It Doesn’t Feel Right When I See Them Together”
• Moms Have the Right to Children, Dads Have to Fight for Children
• How Did Father Knows Best Become Father Knows Less?
• Guiding Your Son to “Make a Difference”

20 The Best Parent is Both Parents, But . . .

• The Best “Parent” is an Attitude Shift
  
  • Fighting in front of the kids
  • No one asked why the men were drinking
  • Cheap fun for dad and son
  • Dad-inspiring movies
  
  
  
  
• When the Best “Parent” Cannot Be Both Parents
  
  • The Cub Scouts and character
  • Mentoring and rite-of-passage programs
  • Grandfather time
  • When the biological father is missing, can God the Father help?
  
  
  
  

21 From “Cultural Shrug” to Cultural Shift

• Kill Today, Love Tomorrow: The Military Dad Dilemma
• From Father’s Dime to Father’s Time
• The Government: As Problem, as Solution
  
  • Creating a White House Council on Boys and Men
  
  
  
  
• Our Dads, Our Sons, Our Guns

22 Creating Dad-Enriched Families

PART V: Heroic Intelligence Versus Health Intelligence

23 Heroic Intelligence Versus Health Intelligence

• Biologically, Girls Just Live Longer, Right?
• Social Bribes: Hollywood—Heroic Health Versus Mental and Physical Health
  
  • Does the new heroine mean your son won’t have to risk his life for her love?
  
  
  
  
• Health Intelligence Inventory
• Boys’ Weakness as Their Facade of Strength
• Your Son’s Body, Not His Choice
  
  • “First and ten, concussion again!”
  • My son wants to join the military. Is this good news or bad news?
  
  
  
  
• Your Son’s Body, Your Son’s Choice: Resisting the Sirens of Social Bribes

24 Emotional Intelligence and Mental Health

• The Barriers to a Boy’s Emotional Intelligence
• Behind Your Son’s Mask
  
  • “I’m fine . . . Just leave me alone.”
  • Helping your son take risks in life without risking his life
  
  
  
  
• How Heroic Intelligence and Emotional Intelligence Play Out in Everyday Life
  
  • Moving to better neighborhoods helps girls and hurts boys
  • The bully and the bullied
  • Helping both the bully and the bullied
  
  
  
  
• Eighteen Steps Toward Integrating Emotional and Physical Health Intelligence into Heroic Intelligence

25 Reversing Depression, Preventing Suicide

• Causes of Suicide
  
  • Women cry, men die
  • If no human doing, no human being
  • Suicide is contagious
  
  
  
  
• Diagnosing Danger: The Warren Farrell Male Depression/Suicide Inventory (WFMDI)
• Preventing Suicide

26 Hidden Hazards to Your Son’s Health

• The “Sperm Crisis”: To Be, or Not to Be
• Drinking and Drugs
• The Unholy Trinity: Obesity, Diabetes, and Erectile Dysfunction

27 From Hurt People Hurting People to Healed People Healing People

• Refilling the Empathy Void
• Couples’ Communication: Your Children’s Best Inheritance

PART VI: ADHD: Treatment With or Without Medication

28 The New Neural Crisis

• A New Spin on ADHD

29 The Four Faces of ADHD

30 The Many Causes of ADHD

• Addressing the Cause to Heal the Brain

31 Natural Solutions to Restore Dopamine Function

32 Natural Supplements for Better Brain Performance

Conclusion

• Your Mission: Guiding Your Son to Discover His Mission
• Extending Gender Liberation to Dads
• From Cultural Shrug to Cultural Mission: A Gender Liberation Movement

Appendix A: Family Dinner Night: The Five Essentials

Appendix B: The Boy Crisis List: The Benefits of Dad, the Dangers of Dad Deprivation

Bibliography

Acknowledgments

About the Authors

What People are Saying About This

From the Publisher

“The Boy Crisis brilliantly explores the challenges facing our sons—and everyone. The sections on ADHD, the role of mothering and fathering, and developing boys’ health intelligence are priceless and life-changing.”

—Suzanne Somers

“Drs. Farrell and Gray frighten and enlighten us in their brilliant analysis, insights, wisdom, and practical solutions to The Boy Crisis . . . essential reading for every parent, teacher, and policy-maker.”

—Philip Zimbardo, PhD, former president of the American Psychological Association and Stanford University professor

“It would be impossible to read this book and not become a better parent, teacher, or thought leader.”

—Marci Shimoff, #1 New York Times bestselling author

“What The Feminine Mystique did for girls and women, The Boy Crisis does for boys and men. An eloquently written, compelling tour de force, The Boy Crisis presents a long overdue vision of boys’ self-worth, sense of purpose, and idea of heroism that will leave our boys happier, healthier, and better prepared to sustain love.”

—Dr. Richard A. Warshak, author of Divorce Poison

“A must-read for anyone who cares about our boys, our schools, our culture, and the future of our country.”

—Helen Smith, PhD, author of Men on Strike

“Arresting, alarming, and impeccably researched, The Boy Crisis is a must-read for every parent, educator, and policymaker who cares about the future of boys and girls.”

—Michael G. Thompson, PhD, New York Times bestselling coauthor of Raising Cain

“The Boy Crisis is a groundbreaking and exhaustively researched book about one of the most vital and disastrous yet underreported topics in America.”

—Suzanne Venker, Fox News contributor and author of The War on Men

“Original, thoughtful, and filled with gems of practical wisdom to understand and support the future of boys.”

—Jack Canfield, coauthor of the #1 New York Times bestselling Chicken Soup for the Soul® series

“As an activist in the women’s movement, I’m proud of expanding life choices for our daughters. But no one did the same for our sons—until now. Dr. Warren Farrell shines his searchlight on the ‘boy problem with no name’ in this totally absorbing, astonishing, and masterful book. Best of all, he offers parents and educators straightforward solutions with a heart full of compassion.”

—Gail Sheehy, author of Passages and Understanding Men’s Passages

“The Boy Crisis is the most important book of the 21st century. . . . If you care about the very survival of humankind, you must read this book.”

—Jed Diamond, PhD, author of The Irritable Male Syndrome

“A must-read for anyone who cares about our boys, our schools, our culture, and the future of our country.”

—Helen Smith, PhD, author of Men on Strike

“The Boy Crisis is a groundbreaking and exhaustively researched book about one of the most vital and disastrous yet underreported topics in America by one of the most thoughtful writers of our time. As the wife of a dad-deprived man, and the mother of a dad-enriched son, I can personally vouch for its deep significance.”

—Suzanne Venker, Fox News contributor and author of The War on Men