10 Signs You’re Having a REAL Fairy-Tale Romance

“It was just like a fairy tale!” your friend says after getting home from a successful date. “You mean his foster mother stabbed your eyes out with rose thorns??” you reply nervously. When you really think about it, nobody wants to live a life that’s like a fairy tale, even if it means getting to marry a prince you barely know at the end (is he even funny? Does he even read?). But if you suspect you’ve stumbled into your very own fairy-tale love story, then heed these warning signs, if only so you can stock up on your iron shoes now, and play the odds by being extra nice to aged crones you meet in the woods. Here are 10 signs your love life is too Grimm Brothers for your own good:
1. You’ve been on three dates, and he still doesn’t know your name. You’re way too busy gazing into each other’s eyes on the dance floor.
2. You don’t like telling your “how we met” story at parties. People are really uncomfortable with the fact that you were technically in a coma during your first kiss.
3. His mother may be trying to kill you. Just…steer clear of that candy apple she’s going to offer you on Halloween.
4. He has six older brothers. But they’re all missing or dead.
5. Woodland creatures have been helping you get ready for your dates. The raccoon who lives out by your garbage cans is a surprisingly excellent seamstress.
6. You’ve discovered he actually has no idea what you look like. If a stranger wearing your favorite shoes were to meet him at the movies, he wouldn’t know the difference.
7. To get safely to and from his place, you’re obliged to leave a trail of bagel crumbs. And his front door is guarded by a blackbird who makes you sing a poem before it’ll let you in.
8. There’s one room in his apartment that you’re not allowed to enter. You’re pretty sure it’s full of Crossfit equipment, but maybe you’d better check just in case…
9. Your single older sisters are so happy for you! Just ignore the fact that the “date night” dress they gave you appears to be laced with cyanide.
10. You knew it was love when your first kiss caused all his weird body hair to disappear. Including the ill-advised soul patch.
Are you living a fairy-tale romance? How did you know?