7 Books That Would Be Better with Cats

Books are great, and so are cats. It is thus pure logic that we determine combining books with cats will yield something truly remarkable. Sure, these great works are all just fine on their own, and will doubtlessly remain classics even if left cat-free. But wouldn’t the addition of some furry heroes, villains, or even authors elevate their already sure place in the literary firmament? We think so. In honor of National Cat Day, here are just a few example of great books that could become even greater…with cats.
The Hobbit, by J.R.R. Tolkien
Bilbo Baggins should be replaced with Tilbo Tabby, a fat, lazy cat with a love for food and not adventures. No matter how stridently Gandalf insists, you know Tilbo will just lick himself and fall asleep. Though this would make for a very short book, it would still be adapted into three movie epics.
Les Misérables, by Victor Hugo
In this adaptation, the justice-obsessed Javert is replaced with a farting but vigilant aged persian cat (mine is available). Rather than take his own life, he allows Jean Valjean to adopt him, and tenderly pet his belly. There will be no musical adaptation, which is really for the best.
Jane Eyre, by Charlotte Brontë
This is basically the best idea I’ve ever had. Jane Eyre is my favorite non-picture book. I’d let Jane stay human, Rochester stay human, little Adele could stay human—even Mrs. Fairfax and Blanche may maintain their humanity. But let’s be real, how great would it be if Rochester dragged everyone to the attic to dramatically reveal to Jane that he could not marry her…because he was already married to a cat! Bertha Meowsan! For added scandal she would be wearing a tiny nightgown and a long flowing wig.
Huckleberry Finn, by Mark Twain
Though Huck’s winsome and sly boyishness and good humor would be replaced with hissing and scratching, I can think of nothing more amusing than a cat attending his own funeral.
Of Mice and Men, by John Steinbeck
Maybe this one is too obvious, but sub out Lennie and George with two cats, and Curley’s Wife with…a mouse. That way it’s not a tragedy, but rather, cats doing what they do. In the words of Tim Rice, that’s the circle of life.
Beowulf, by Anonymous
People are notoriously fearful of dragons. But you know who’s not afraid of anything? Cats. I present for your consideration, CATOWULF. He’s got no time for this nonsense. He’s got mead to drink, and catnip littering the great hall that must needs be rolled around in.
The Prince, by Niccolo Machiavelli
Machiavelli’s classic tome on strategy, conniving, and politicking could for sure have been written by a cat. In fact, we have no actual proof (other than portraits and accounts from the time in addition to his apparent literacy) that Niccolo wasn’t a cat! If that was the case, I’m pretty sure he left out some key chapters, including, “Spurn The Hand That Would Feed You But Twice a Day, Spurn It With Fire” and “Cuddling As Psychic Torture.”
What classic book could be EVEN BETTER with cats?