A Day In The Life Of A Book Nerd

The life of a book nerd might not be dramatic and edgy, but it’s definitely full of adventures…just not necessarily your own adventures. That said, becoming so enthralled with the literary goings-on beneath your nose can make for a pretty exciting day. Who would have thought that waking up, showering, and going to work could be so fraught with peril? For a true book nerd, every day is a series of a Mr. Magoo-like missteps, thanks to the book propped at all times in front of our noses. Check out a day in the life of a book nerd if you don’t believe me:

4:30 a.m. Wake up for no reason at all. Lift the book you fell asleep reading from your chest and pick right back up again without a thought. Read until you fall back asleep.

7 a.m. Wake up, remove book from face, mentally berate self for sticking pages of said book together with drool—yet again.

7:10 a.m. Think about making coffee, realize that you can’t even think about making coffee until you’ve bought the daily paper.

7:30 a.m. In line for the paper, notice cashier isn’t paying attention because he can’t stop watching T.V. You fantasize briefly about the articulate, funny, and heartfelt rant you’ll make when your time at the front of the line comes.

7:32 a.m. Leave bodega with two newspapers. Your usual, and a second one you bought as a treat to console yourself for chickening out by, in lieu of ranting, politely telling the cashier to have a good day.

8 a.m. Get ready for work. Do not see Post-Its reminding you to leave book outside of the shower, because you were too involved in reading.

8:10 a.m. Briefly Google “how to dry out a library book so no one knows you totally took it into the shower with you.”

8:20 a.m. Repack your bag for the day, making sure to bring the book you’re reading, the book you’ll read next, and the book you always carry with you just in case.

8:21 a.m. Make mental note to look into hiring a chiropractor. Your shoulder, inexplicably, is killing you.

9 a.m. Commute! Thank goodness you take the train to work. Reading in the car has always made you feel nauseated. Also, you couldn’t afford another ticket for reading while driving.

10 a.m. Morning meeting.Everyone thinks you’re diligently keeping notes on your smartphone. The reality: you’re quietly finishing the chapter you started on the train. But still, diligently.

12 p.m. Skip the office-wide free lunch to add more books to your ereader must-have list. Who needs free steak when you’ve got perfectly good day-old lasagna sitting in the bottom of your unrefrigerated desk?

2 p.m. Avoid the gaze of all the smokers who are judging you for taking a “book break.” It’s your life, and you can quit whenever you want.

5 p.m. Miss your train because you were reading. It wasn’t even your own book, it was the book of the guy standing next to you…who also missed his train.

5:15 p.m. Make awkward small talk with the fellow reader. It’s okay that it’s awkward, though: You both get it.

6 p.m.: Astound family and friends by cooking a new recipe from a cookbook while simultaneously drinking a glass of chardonnay and reading the first chapters of the newest Diana Gabaldon. What can you say? You’re gifted.

6:20 p.m. You sweep up a broken wineglass while your guests politely scrape the char off of…whatever this is you decided to feed them.

8 p.m. Hunker down to watch your favorite TV show, based on your favorite book, while reading a novel you aren’t crazy about—but only during the commercials. Come on, it’s not like you’re crazy.

10 p.m. Spend more time than you planned writing in your blog about your favorite fictional characters. Which is TOTALLY DIFFERENT than writing fan fiction. You’re just writing hypothetical and sexy situations where Pip from Great Expectations and a grown-up Harriet the Spy meet courtesy of a time travel portal and fall in love. NO BIG DEAL.

12 a.m. Thank God you’re an adult who does not have someone telling you to turn off your light and go to sleep.

2 a.m. Kind of wish someone would save you from yourself by telling you to go to sleep.

2:15 a.m. Rest the book on your chest. Just for a second. While your rest your eyes…

How accurate is this portrayal?