Quiz: Which Weasley Are You?

Last week, a mere 17 years after the bloody Battle of Hogwarts, the world—wizards, witches, squibs, and muggles alike—finally got what it had been waiting for: an apology from J.K. Rowling for killing Fred Weasley for seemingly no reason, except to hurt us.
Lady—and I say that with all due reverence, my queen—it’s about time. Through seven books, lots of good people, elves, and animals lost their lives, but few deaths seemed so randomly cruel as the severing of the Weasley twins.
Since Rowling’s ripping open old wounds, now seems as good of a time as any to take a look at the snowflakes of the wizarding world: the Weasleys, of which only two are exactly alike. Which Weasley would you be? Let’s find out.
1) Describe yourself in one word.
a) Curious
b) Busy
c) Absent
d) Even-tempered
e) Mischievous
f) Goofy
g) Competent
h) Responsible
2) If you were a muggle—heaven forbid—what would your perfect job be?
a) Anthropologist
b) Air traffic controller
c) Missing person Zoologist
d) Startup founder
e) Hacker
f) Police officer
g) Investigative reporter
h) Chief of staff to the prime minister
3) If you were to look in the Mirror of Erised, what would you see?
a) A garage sale full of oddities like used toasters
b) All my family, in one place at one time
c) Dragons
d) A very rare steak
e) Dolores Umbridge consuming a Puking Pastille
f) Me as Head Boy and Gryffindor Quidditch Captain
g) Just a peaceful day for once—just one time
h) A perfectly organized file cabinet of regulatory forms
4) What’s your signature spell?
a) Freezing Charm—I desperately want to see if it actually does stop a muggle burglar alarm
b) Imperturbable Charm—The walls have Extendable Ears
c) Aguamenti
d) How in-depth would you like me to go in this explanation of arithmancy?
e) Love potions? Headless Hats? Skiving Snackboxes? They’re all specialties
f) I’m pretty handy with a stunning spell
g) Bat-Bogey Hex
h) Scourgify—This place is a pigsty.
5) What’s your biggest fear?
a) Crashing my Ford Anglia
b) My family in danger
c) Romantic attachments
d) My mother meeting my wife
e) Being alone
f) Spiders
g) Diaries
h) Demotion
6) Finally, what are you looking for in a partner?
a) A kind, feisty drill sergeant
b) That Nutty Professor vibe
c) Does she breathe fire?
d) That exotic appeal
e) A sense of humor
f) Someone who’s way out of my league
g) A sense of ominous foreboding that follows every one of his actions or nonactions
h) An exemplary résumé
Mostly A’s: Congratulations, you’re Arthur Weasley! As Weasley paterfamilias, you preside over a veritable buffet of organized chaos, but you don’t let any of the whirlwind bother you—that’s how your marriage works. Your innate curiosity and open-mindedness have carried you high in the ranks of the Ministry of Magic, overseeing muggle artifacts. While some consider the job boring, we know that keeping biting kettles out of the hands of unsuspecting victims is the real hero’s work.
Mostly B’s: Congratulations, you’re Molly Weasley! It’s no easy task serving as the ringleader of this traveling circus. Seven children, all magical and most mischievous, is a lot to handle, but you do it with poise, even managing to overfeed all the friends they bring home to the Burrow with them. Not to mention, your Christmas sweaters are the stuff of legend. And you’re as good with a wand as you are with knitting needles. Just ask Bellatrix Lestrange—oh, wait, you can’t.
Mostly C’s: Congratulations, you’re Charlie Weasley! The most mysterious of the Weasleys, your absence makes our hearts grow fonder. You’re a creature-first kind of wizard who’d rather spend the day outdoors than inside practicing your potions. While Romania may not be close to home, you still manage to keep your loved ones close. Of course, among those loved ones are the precious dragons you’ve devoted your life to, except for the Hungarian Horntail—now that’s a vicious thing.
Mostly D’s: Congratulations, you’re Bill Weasley! As the eldest Weasley child, you have that automatic cool factor, and the adoration of your younger siblings. And “cool” is pretty much the only way to describe a Curse-Breaker from Gringotts who finds time to fight as an anti-Voldermort vigilante, marry one of the Triwizard Tournament’s most desirable champions, and acquire primo beachfront property. You even have the suave confidence to pull off that werewolf facial scar and pretty continual hankerings for raw meat.
Mostly E’s: Congratulations, you’re Fred Weasley! Er, George! Er, we can’t tell the difference! But what does it matter when you’re such an infectious card either way? While your main concern is having a good time, and helping others have one, too, you can get down to business when the time comes. Only the most serious entrepreneurs could make a joke shop flourish in Diagon Alley. If that isn’t heroic, then terrorizing Dolores Umbridge with fireworks sure was.
Mostly F’s: Congratulations, you’re Ron Weasley! You’re one-third of the most important magical trio in this world or any other. Hermione’s the brains and Harry’s the Chosen One, but you’re the heart of the group. You may not always get credit for your contributions, but you’re indispensable. There’s pretty much no other way you could’ve won the heart of the brightest witch of her age. But perhaps your most noble quality is your willingness to self-sacrifice, whether it has you coughing up slugs or following the spiders. Why couldn’t it be follow the butterflies?
Mostly G’s: Congratulations, you’re Ginny Weasley! Being one of just two girls in the bunch can be an uphill battle, but you’ve hexed and handled it with ease. You’ve proven yourself time and again and terrified your brothers in the process, both with your hexes and your love life. It takes a tough cookie to fall in love and stay that way with the most famous—and consistently followed by danger—man in your world, and you fit the bill. That’s a trait that serves you well both on the Quidditch pitch and in the newsroom. But, between you and me, how did you let “Albus Severus” slip by you?
Mostly H’s: I’m sorry, you’re Percy Weasley! No, no, I kid. Despite your persnickety flaws, like cutting your family out of your life for years, you have plenty of admirable traits. For starters, your ambition is rivaled by very few, and your rise in the Ministry of Magic is appropriately meteoric. Now that the Ministry is not being run by maniacs, surely your progress will be even more unstoppable. A prefect through and through, you like to follow the rules, but that’s not a crime, is it? Well, is it? You’re the one we ask about these things.