Why Mac B. Kid Spy Should Be My New Best Friend

(CODE RED: This blog post is for your eyes only.) If Mac B. Kid Spy’s secret missions are as real as he says they are, then he’s not just a spy, he’s the coolest kid in the world. And I want to be his friend. I might not know the Queen of England or even Mac Barnett, but I do have a few assets he might find helpful the next time the phone rings, and it’s time to go undercover. Please remember to eat this blog post when you’re done. This is top secret stuff. And don’t steal any of my ideas in an elaborate heist. Mac B should be MY best friend, not yours. If you agree to these terms, you are allowed to read on.

1. I blend in.
2. I have a basement. It’s awesome for hideouts.
3. I’m totally comfortable wearing sunglasses indoors.
4. I too grew up in the 1980s and know my way around a Gameboy.
5. I can fake a British accent. Or an Australian accent. I’m never sure. But it sounds posh.
6. I don’t know karate, but I do barre. They’re the same, right?
7. I do know the difference between perfume and knock out gas, and I volunteer to test any suspicious bottles that might come his way.
8. I always have pockets—perfect for sneaking out with the Crown Jewels.
9. I’ll write all his secret messages for him, so no one can ever trace the handwriting back to him.
10. I’ve been to lots of museums, which is helpful in heists.
11. I can redact our correspondence like a boss.
12. I want to listen to him tell all his stories again and again.
13. I always pack snacks.

This post will self destruct in 3…2…1 million years!