I am a professional stand-up comedienne, stage/tv/film actor and published author.

I write stuff. Some people think I'm funny.

I am on an eternal mission to prove to my parents that they should've used birth control.

I have two unruly, whiny, maniacal, co-dependent and I-swear-they-drop-acide-behind-my-back cats who treat me as if I'm the hired help.

I want to meet the guy who designed the little plastic thingy inside women's wallets so I can smoosh his head into one.

I ask for so little.