Loving Hard-to-Love Parents: A Handbook for Adult Children of Difficult Older Parents

Everyone knows some truly fine people in their thirties to sixties whose older parents treat them really badly, with hurtful sarcasm, irrational demands, constant criticism, and undeserved anger. These frustrated, unappreciated adult sons and daughters simply want to be good to their parents. Perhaps you are one of these people yourself.

In this unique handbook, Dr. Chafetz provides adult children of difficult older parents (CODOPs) the tools they need to protect themselves emotionally, effectively love their hard-to-love parents, and create a healthy legacy for their own children.

Here are thirty powerful, time-tested tools for CODOPs:

Ten concepts to empower their minds

Ten insights to comfort their hearts

Ten behavioral skills to guide their actions

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Loving Hard-to-Love Parents: A Handbook for Adult Children of Difficult Older Parents

Everyone knows some truly fine people in their thirties to sixties whose older parents treat them really badly, with hurtful sarcasm, irrational demands, constant criticism, and undeserved anger. These frustrated, unappreciated adult sons and daughters simply want to be good to their parents. Perhaps you are one of these people yourself.

In this unique handbook, Dr. Chafetz provides adult children of difficult older parents (CODOPs) the tools they need to protect themselves emotionally, effectively love their hard-to-love parents, and create a healthy legacy for their own children.

Here are thirty powerful, time-tested tools for CODOPs:

Ten concepts to empower their minds

Ten insights to comfort their hearts

Ten behavioral skills to guide their actions

9.99 In Stock
Loving Hard-to-Love Parents: A Handbook for Adult Children of Difficult Older Parents

Loving Hard-to-Love Parents: A Handbook for Adult Children of Difficult Older Parents

by Been Obscene
Loving Hard-to-Love Parents: A Handbook for Adult Children of Difficult Older Parents

Loving Hard-to-Love Parents: A Handbook for Adult Children of Difficult Older Parents

by Been Obscene

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$9.99 

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Overview

Everyone knows some truly fine people in their thirties to sixties whose older parents treat them really badly, with hurtful sarcasm, irrational demands, constant criticism, and undeserved anger. These frustrated, unappreciated adult sons and daughters simply want to be good to their parents. Perhaps you are one of these people yourself.

In this unique handbook, Dr. Chafetz provides adult children of difficult older parents (CODOPs) the tools they need to protect themselves emotionally, effectively love their hard-to-love parents, and create a healthy legacy for their own children.

Here are thirty powerful, time-tested tools for CODOPs:

Ten concepts to empower their minds

Ten insights to comfort their hearts

Ten behavioral skills to guide their actions


Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780999016114
Publisher: Paul K. Chafetz PhD PLLC
Publication date: 07/05/2017
Sold by: Barnes & Noble
Format: eBook
Pages: 120
File size: 518 KB

About the Author

Dr. Paul Chafetz, clinical psychologist, is a full-time private practitioner in Dallas, Texas. Trained at Brown University, the University of Florida, Duke University Medical Center, and the Texas Research Institute for Mental Sciences in Houston, Dr. Chafetz is a dynamic speaker, a prolific blogger, and a former associate professor at The University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center in Dallas. He has twice served as president of the Dallas Psychological Association. Learn more about him at PaulKChafetz.com

Table of Contents

FOREWORD, ix
GETTING STARTED, xi
My aha moment, xii
Why another book about difficult parents?, xiii
Is CODOP an ageist concept?, xiii
PART ONE: The Difficult Older Parent & Their Adult Child, 1
Typical descriptions of difficult fathers, 3
Typical descriptions of difficult mothers, 4
Typical descriptions of difficult mother/father pairs, 6
Types of difficult-parent situations, 10
The biggest issues and needs of adult children of difficult older parents, 14
The CODOP program, 16
PART TWO: New Tools for Building a Better Future, 17
Ten Concepts to Empower Your Mind, 19
Concept 1. Lifespan development occurs in stages, 19
Concept 2. Stages are bridged by transitions, 21
Concept 3. Normal aging, 22
Concept 4. Where does personality come from?, 24
Concept 5. Coping mechanisms, 25
Concept 6. Personality disorders, 27
Concept 7. Dementia, 30
Concept 8. Values: Guiding principles for caregiving, 31
Concept 9. Authority and responsibility, 32
Concept 10. The intergenerational cascade, 34
table of contents
viii • Paul K. Chafetz, PhD
Ten Insights to Comfort Your Heart, 36
Insight 1. Parental love and the CODOP moment, 36
Insight 2. Difficult parents have real impact on the child, 38
Insight 3. Having a difficult older parent is a personal growth opportunity, 40
Insight 4. Are difficult parents sick or bad?, 42
Insight 5. Honoring difficult parents, 42
Insight 6. Expectations & satisfaction, 45
Insight 7. Adult duty to be logical and realistic, 48
Insight 8. What about my other parent?, 50
Insight 9. Forgiveness, 51
Insight 10. Transmission prevention (CODOP STOP), 53
Ten Skills to Guide Your Actions, 55
Skill 1. CODOP self-care, 55
Skill 2. The genogram, 57
Skill 3. Emotional fluency, 59
Skill 4. Boundaries, 62
Skill 5. Become a smarter fish, 65
Skill 6. Avoid pointless confrontation with irrational people, 67
Skill 7. The therapeutic fib, 70
Skill 8. Seek out and accept support, 73
Skill 9. Dementia-specific care strategies, 76
Skill 10. Overcome difficult behaviors in yourself, 79
PART THREE: Implementation, 83
Action Trees for the Top Twelve Difficult Parent Scenarios, 85
Closing Thoughts, 91
APPENDIX: 250 EMOTION NAMES, 95
REFERENCES & RESOURCES, 98
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS, 100
ABOUT THE AUTHOR, 101

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