Chapter 1 – Introduction
From infancy, we begin to use body language to express ourselves for
everything between needs and feelings. It is how we learn to get our needs met.
As we grow up and learn to talk, we continue to use a series of body language
signals along with a grunt here and there to entertain, have a need met, or show
an emotion we are feeling that we are not yet able to express verbally. If, while
we are young, our caretakers pick up our body language signals easily, as we
age we are more apt to continue to refine the skill of using body language.
However, when our body language signals go unnoticed as an infant or
throughout childhood, in adulthood the use of body language often goes to the
wayside. Those are the adults you hear people refer to as “hard to read”.
Although they can make great poker players, it does little for the art of subtle
communication. Like the saying goes, if you don‟t use it, you lose it. Or in the
least, you get real rusty at it.
Life is a game of sorts. There are no guarantees in anything; however, you can
increase your odds in the game of life with practice, and not just in your body
language skills but also in your ability to read body language. Communication
through all forms is important in life. It can make the difference between landing
a dream job or that dream mate and many other factors. People use an average
of 50% body language to 50% verbal language when communicating.
If you cannot pick up the subtle nuances of the body language someone is
giving, the message you may be receiving verbally could be quite different then
what they intended on it being. The more you try to use and learn how to pick up
on body language signals, the better you will get at it. If you don‟t get it the first
time, then continue to try and keep trying. “People watching” is a great way to
brush up on your ability to read body language. Go to a mall and just sit on a
bench and try.
There are several main types of body language. Two of the most common types
of body language that people can pick up on easily are romantic and greeting
body language. Other forms of body language are aggressive, attentive, bored,
closed, deceptive, defensive, dominant, emotional, evaluating, open, power,
ready, relaxed, and submissive. We will look at each category listed
alphabetically, and explain signals used in each.
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Chapter 2 – Aggressive Body Language
Aggressive body language is way more than simply being punched in the face or
punching someone. There are many types of aggressive signals. If picked up
early, they can save you from being a receiver of a physical attack or give you
time to turn the aggression down. Aggressive body language is a signal of a
possible physical threat or a verbal threat at the least. As we were taught early
on, physical confrontations can never lead to any good. So learning to pick up
threat signals early is extremely beneficial. If you work in a setting where there
are volatile people (prison settings for example), knowing signals of
aggressiveness could even save your life.
Facial signals that can alert you to a possible threat are frowns, pursed lips,
reddening of the face, a sneer look, clinched jaw, stare downs with a squint, and
jerking of the head towards you much like one would jerk their body towards you
in an aggressive advancement.
Another common facial threat signal is a person getting right up in your face with
their face. With all of these gestures, it is best you step back a couple feet to put
a bit of distance between you and the aggressive person to give you a chance to
possibly defuse the situation. The attack stance of body language is typically the
positioning of feet for stability, and clinching of fists and muscles. Some may
even get a bit „dancey‟ or bouncy with their feet, much like a boxer.
This is typical, however there are some that really show little outward physical
cues that indicate they are about to punch you. People who present with a flat
affect may show very little to no indication that they are about to physically attack
another. This is when body language alone can put one in a risky situation and it
is important to listen to word cues as well.
Another form of aggressive body language is crossing personal space, mental or
emotional boundaries. Fake friendships are an example of crossing all three of
these boundaries. When pretending to be a friend to another with intent of harm,
aggressive body language takes on a chameleon effect in the beginning. They
will use smiles, and friendly gestures to gain closeness.
Everyone has a comfort zone called his or her personal space. When that is
crossed physically (e.g.