This unique book contains one year's worth of My hilarious accomplishments, and has been personalized for you, so that you can experience my glory as your own. From performing mundane tasks with unparalleled perfection, to explaining the universe's most challenging secrets, My personal flair will leave you inspired and in stitches. Here are some samples, using Michael as an example:

Michael once took a Rorschach test. He saw Pavlov's dog.

Michael once coached a colorblind amputee to the World Twister! Championship.

Michael is the founder of the Dictionary of the Month Club. Each month you'll receive a different letter. Keep only the ones you want, and cancel anytime.

I am, by all accounts a regular person like yourself, and just slightly off. Painstakingly made up, they have now been released to the masses. Not only have you have been invited to familiarize yourself with these sacred texts, you can now claim them in your own name. Your place in Our kingdom has been reserved. Fear not, a Personal Seat License is not required.