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YOUR NAME

or:

The Name Game

Let?s say your Jewish parents named you Courtney or Clayton or Lindsay or Chad or Morgan or Ryan or Meagan or Shawn. With half the names - Courtney, Ryan, Meagan and Shawn - you could open an Irish law firm. With the other half - Clayton, Lindsay, Chad and Morgan - you could open a Protestant blue-blood Brahmin stock brokerage. But there are some of you who had the dubious fortune of having your parents name you after a body of water, like Brooke, or after a desert, like Sierra. I do agree that it would be inappropriate to choose the name ?Dead Sea? as a Jewish alternative to ?Brooke,? but what would be so bad in opting for the name ?Sinai? over ?Sierra??
Now, we are told that Chad was named for his dead Jewish grandfather, Haim, even as Meagan was named for her dead Jewish grandmother, Miriam. Most Jewish parents give their children two names, like Sarah Mary. After all, in the spirit of American pluralism, one needs to show respect for the Judeo-Christian tradition. Therefore, the Jewish mother Sarah must be balanced by the Christian mother Mary.
Of course, one of the challenges is that many of these names will lead one back to his or her roots in Ireland or Sweden, not Poland or the Ukraine. This phenomenon reminds one of the story of two old Jewish high school buddies, Goldstein and Cohen, who bumped into each other after a hiatus of over forty years.
Cohen: Goldstein, how are you doing?
Goldstein: I couldn?t be better. I work as a doctor at Beth Israel Hospital in Boston. And what about you?
Cohen: I am also doing well. I am a partner in the law firm of Sullivan and O?Brien.
Goldstein: How nice. Sullivan and O?Brien? What a surprise!
Cohen: I?ve got a bigger surprise. I?m O?Brien!
Now, what about those of you who have more traditional names like Edward or James or William? While more subtle than the assimilated names of Courtney, Ryan, et. al., they certainly cannot be characterized as Jewish names. Of course, one can argue that since William is the derivative of the German name Wolf, which is the English of the Hebrew name Ze?ev (which indeed is a wolf in Hebrew), then one?s name is really a Jewish name. But that would be stretching the point. I would hate to see the length of the nametag, which the sponsors of a Jewish identity seminar would have to produce, in order that others attending the seminar would know that dear oldWilliam is indeed a Jew, and not some pretender to the British Crown!
There is a tradition of Jews changing their names. Abraham was converted from Abram. Sarah from Sarai. And Jacob became Israel. In each case, the names meant something significant; and it was incumbent upon the individual to live up to his or her name. For example, the name ?David? means ?beloved.? The name ?Michael? means an ?angel of God.? The name ?Isaac? means ?he will laugh.? Imagine, a family of three rambunctious boys blessed with these names. What a magnificent challenge for them to become beloved angels of God who sit around laughing all day!
Remember this classic exchange from the popular TV show All in the Family:
Archie: That?s something the ?Hebes? do. They change their last names, but keep their first names so that they?ll still recognize each other.
Mike: Whaddya mean Arch?
Archie: Well, you take a guy like Isaac Schwartz. He changes ?Schwartz? to ?Smith,? but he leaves ?Isaac.? So he?s Isaac Smith. Jacob Cohen? He becomes Jacob Kane?see?
Mike: Yeah, I see what you mean Arch. Like Abraham?Lincoln.
Edith: I didn?t know Lincoln was Jewish!
So all you Claytons out there, change your name to Rachmiel. Once you do that, you will no longer be identified as some transplanted Yankee oil tycoon who appeared on the Eighties? popular TV soap opera Dallas, who courted Miss Ellie shortly after her husband died. Rachmiel means ?God, the Merciful One.? Now isn?t that a far better offering? And what a great challenge to fulfill the meaning of your new name. Also, if you can pronounce the name, you are halfway on the road to being Jewish, because it would mean that you have mastered one guttural letter of the Hebrew language (see Way #4 - Your Language). And for all you Courtneys, let?s go for Osnat. Admittedly, there is a challenge with the pronunciation of the name - ?oh, snot.? But the name relates to a biblical personality, giving one a sense of longevity, as well as providing one with a feeling of historical and religious importance.
Also, some Jewish names have a certain authority to them. Take the name Samuel. It has a power to it. ?Hello, this is Sam. I?ll place fifty dollars on Tyson to bite his ear off in three.? Or Rachel: ?Listen kid, this is Rachel, like the mother Rachel, from the Bible. Now sit down and shut up!?
When Rabbi Zushya1 was on his death-bed, his disciples gathered around him. Zushya seemed deeply troubled. His disciples asked him what was the matter. Zushya responded: ?I am not afraid of dying, I only fear one question. Not that God will ask me why I was not like Moses, but why was I not like Zushya??
A name is serious business. It labels an individual, oftentimes attaching a certain persona. It is with you from birth to death. A name gives a hint of one?s identity, of one?s self-definition. One of the reasons that the Jewish People has survived for so long is that Jews never gave up their names.2 So, the first way to be Jewish is to be immediately identified as one, by choosing a Jewish name. Ashley and Scott won?t cut it. Joshua and Deborah will. Paul and Art won?t do the trick (that is, Saint Paul and King Arthur). Simon & Garfunkel might.