For the first time since his bestselling RUSH LIMBAUGH IS A BIG FAT IDIOT, Franken trains his subversive wit directly on the contemporary political scene. Now, the "master of political humor" (Washington Post) destroys the myth of liberal bias in the media and exposes how the Right shamelessly tries to deceive the rest of us. No one is spared as Al uses the Right's own words against them: not Ann Coulter, Bill O'Reilly, Roger Ailes, the entire Fox network nor the Bush administration. This is the book Al Franken fans have been waiting for (and his foes have been dreading).
For the first time since his bestselling RUSH LIMBAUGH IS A BIG FAT IDIOT, Franken trains his subversive wit directly on the contemporary political scene. Now, the "master of political humor" (Washington Post) destroys the myth of liberal bias in the media and exposes how the Right shamelessly tries to deceive the rest of us. No one is spared as Al uses the Right's own words against them: not Ann Coulter, Bill O'Reilly, Roger Ailes, the entire Fox network nor the Bush administration. This is the book Al Franken fans have been waiting for (and his foes have been dreading).
Lies: And the Lying Liars Who Tell Them: A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right
1
Lies: And the Lying Liars Who Tell Them: A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right
1Overview
For the first time since his bestselling RUSH LIMBAUGH IS A BIG FAT IDIOT, Franken trains his subversive wit directly on the contemporary political scene. Now, the "master of political humor" (Washington Post) destroys the myth of liberal bias in the media and exposes how the Right shamelessly tries to deceive the rest of us. No one is spared as Al uses the Right's own words against them: not Ann Coulter, Bill O'Reilly, Roger Ailes, the entire Fox network nor the Bush administration. This is the book Al Franken fans have been waiting for (and his foes have been dreading).
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781565117976 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | HighBridge Company |
| Publication date: | 09/15/2003 |
| Edition description: | Unabridged; 10 hours on 8 CDs |
| Pages: | 1 |
| Product dimensions: | 6.40(w) x 5.30(h) x 1.10(d) |
About the Author
Coming soon...
Hometown:
New York, New YorkDate of Birth:
May 21, 1951Education:
B.S., Political Science, Harvard University, 1973Website:
http://www.al-franken.com/Read an Excerpt
Introduction
God chose me to write this book.
Just the fact that you are reading this is proof not just of God's existence, but also of His/Her/Its beneficence. That's right. I am not certain of God's precise gender. But I am certain that He/She/It chose me to write this book.
This isn't hubris. I'm not saying this in an egotistical way. God didn't choose me because I'm the greatest writer who ever lived. That was William Shakespeare, whose work I have a passing familiarity with. No. I just happened to be the right vessel at the right time. If something in this book makes you laugh, it was God's joke. If something makes you think, it's because God had a good point to make.
The reason I know God chose me is because God spoke to me personally.
God began our conversation by clearing something up. Some of George W. Bush's friends say that Bush believes God called him to be president during these times of trial. But God told me that He/She/It had actually chosen Al Gore by making sure that Gore won the popular vote and, God thought, the electoral college. "THAT WORKED FOR EVERYONE ELSE," God said.
"What about Tilden?" I asked, referring to the 1876 debacle.
"QUIET!" God snapped. God was angry.
God said that after 9/11, George W. Bush squandered a unique moment of national unity. That instead of rallying the country around a program of mutual purpose and sacrifice, Bush cynically used the tragedy to solidify his political power and pursue an agenda that panders to his base and serves the interests of his corporate backers.
God told me that Bush squandered a $4.6 trillion surplus and is plunging us into deficits as far as God can see. And that Bush squandered another surplus. The surplus of goodwill from the rest of the world that he had inherited from Bill Clinton.
And this was pissing God off.
He/She/It was right. But it sounded like a lot of work.
"Look, God, I'm flattered, but I think you got the wrong guy. The kind of book you're talking about would require months of research."
And God said, "LET THERE BE GOOGLE. AND LET THERE BE LEXISNEXIS."
"Very funny, God. I use Google all the time."
"YES, I KNOW," God said. "FOR HOT ASIAN TEENS."
"You must be thinking of my son, Joe."
"AL? I'M OMNISCIENT."
"Okay, okay." I changed the subject. "It's just that I can't do this book myself."
"LEAVE THAT TO ME," God boomed.
And that's when Harvard called.
***
Harvard's Kennedy School of Government asked me to serve as a fellow at its Shorenstein Center on the Press, Politics, and Public Policy. After my varied and celebrated career in television, movies, publishing, and the lucrative world of corporate speaking, being a fellow at Harvard seemed, frankly, like a step down.
I couldn't think of anything less appealing than molding the minds of tomorrow's leaders, unless it was spending fireside evenings sipping sherry with great minds at the Faculty Club. Yawn.
To my surprise and delight, though, all Harvard wanted me to do was show up every once in a while and write something about something. That gave me an idea.
"Would it be okay if I wrote a scathingly partisan attack on the rightwing media and the Bush administration?"
"No problem," Harvard said absentmindedly.
"Count me in," I replied. "From now on call me 'Professor Franken.'"
"No," Harvard said, "you're not a professor. But you can run a study group on the topic of your choosing."
"Great," I said. "I've got the perfect topic: Write My Son's Harvard College Application Essay."
"No," they said. "Harvard students already know how to write successful Harvard applications, Al. We want you to teach them something new."
Harvard was right where I wanted it. "How about if the topic is: How to Research My Book?"
"Sure," Harvard said. "Most of our professors teach that course. Why, in the Biochemistry department, most of the graduate level courses are-"
Harvard was boring me. "I gotta run, Harvard. Thanks."
***
I had my Nexis, I had my Google, I had my Harvard fellowship, and I had my fourteen research assistants. I sat down to write. Nothing.
So I got on my knees and prayed for guidance. "How, God, can I best do Your work through this book? Who, dear Lord, is the audience for a book like this? And what's a good title?"
God answered, "YOU KNOW THOSE SHITTY BOOKS BY ANN COULTER AND BERNIE GOLDBERG?"
"The best-sellers that claim there's a liberal bias in the media?" I asked.
"TOTAL BULLSHIT," God said. "START BY ATTACKING THEM. HE'S CLEARLY A DISGRUNTLED FORMER EMPLOYEE, AND SHE JUST LIES. BY THE WAY, THERE'S SOMETHING SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH HER."
"That's pretty obvious."
"SO GO AFTER THEM, THE WHOLE LIBERAL BIAS MYTH, AND THEN GO AFTER THE RIGHT-WING MEDIA. ESPECIALLY FOX."
"Okay, God, I'm writing this down."
"THEN USE THEM AS A JUMPING-OFF POINT TO GO AFTER BUSH. YOU KNOW, BIG TAX CUTS FOR THE RICH, SURGING UNEMPLOYMENT, IGNORING EVERYONE BUT HIS CORPORATE BUDDIES, SCREWING THE ENVIRONMENT, PISSING OFF THE REST OF THE WORLD. THAT STUFF. AND THAT'S YOUR BOOK."
"Got it. One last thing. Title."
"HOW ABOUT BEARERS OF FALSE WITNESS AND THE FALSE WITNESS THAT THEY BEAR?"
"Hmm. I, uh, I'll work with that."
Reprinted from Lies: And the Lying Liars Who Tell Them-A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right by Al Franken by permission of Dutton, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc. Copyright © Al Franken, Inc., 2003. All rights reserved. This excerpt, or any parts thereof, may not be reproduced without permission.
Table of Contents
ContentsA Note from the Author xi
Introduction xv
1 Hummus 1
2 Ann Coulter: Nutcase 5
3 You Know Who I Don't Like? Ann Coulter 17
4 Liberals Who Hate America 21
5 Loving America the Al Franken Way 24
6 I Bitch-Slap Bernie Goldberg 28
7 The 2000 Presidential Election: How It Disproved the Hypothetical Liberal Media Paradigm Matrix 37
8 Conclusion: A Lesson Learned 51
9 Five Get-Rich-Quick Tips the Wall Street Fat Cats Don't Want You to Know 52
10 Chapter for American Book by Kharap Juta 56
11 I'm Funnier than Kharap Juta 57
12 The Chapter on Fox 58
13 Bill O'Reilly: Lying, Splotchy Bully 65
14 Hannity and Colmes 83
15 The Blame-America's-Ex-President-First Crowd 104
16 Operation Ignore 115
17 Our National Dialogue on Terrorism 123
18 Humor in Uniform 124
19 Who Created the Tone? 132
20 Did the Tone Change? 142
21 Why Did Anyone Think It Would Change? 143
22 I Grow Discouraged About the Tone 152
23 I'm Prudenized 165
24 Paul Gigot Is Unable to Defend an Incredibly Stupid Wall Street Journal Editorial 170
25 "This Was Not a Memorial to Paul Wellstone": A Case Study in Right-Wing Lies 177
26 I Attend the White House Correspondents Dinner and Annoy Karl Rove, Richard Perle, Paul Wolfowitz, and the Entire Fox News Team 206
27 The Lying Years 217
28 Bush Can't Lose With Clinton's Military 220
29 Operation Chickenhawk: Episode One 226
30 Fun with Racism 252
31 I'm a Bad Liar 261
32 Thank God for Jerry Falwell 277
33 Abstinence Heroes 283
34 Abstinence Heroes II 287
35 "By Far the Vast Majority of My Tax Cuts Go to Those at the Bottom" 288
36 The Waitress and the Lawyer: A One-Act Play 304
37 The Gospel of Supply Side Jesus 313
38 I Challenge Rich Lowry to a Fight 324
39 Vast Lagoons of Pig Feces: The Bush Environmental Record 328
40 I Meet Former First Lady Barbara Bush and It Doesn't Go Well 336
41 My Personal Search for Weapons of Mass Destruction 342
42 The No Child Left Behind Standardized Test 349
43 What Is a Lie? 352
Sources and Notes 355
Meet TeamFranken 369
Acknowledgments 373
Endnotes 379
Interviews
An Interview with Al Franken
Barnes & Noble.com: This interview is taking place a little earlier than expected, due to Fox News's lawsuit against you and your book, Lies -- a lawsuit that not only failed to delay its publication, but dramatically increased its sales. How badly did Fox screw this one up?
Al Franken: Very badly. Fox News Channel chairman Roger Ailes had to know that this case was a loser from the beginning but gave in to placate an out-of-control commentator who was in an infantile rage. He clearly underestimated how foolish they'd look and the damage it would do to the network. Everything about the way they handled this thing only corroborates what I say about Fox in my book.
B&N.com: Left-wing pundit Joe Conason has suggested that Fox News should adopt a new motto, based on the judge's lawsuit in your favor: "Wholly Without Merit." What new motto would you recommend?
AF: The judge did say that it is unlikely that Fox's trademark "Fair & Balanced" is even valid. And he said their case was "wholly without merit both factually and legally." So Joe then suggested the "Wholly Without Merit" motto. I really can't beat that.
B&N.com: You had a now-legendary run-in with Bill O'Reilly earlier this year. Any chance O'Reilly will ask you onto his show to discuss your book?
AF: The event was the BookExpo in Los Angeles. Molly Ivins, Bill, and I were there to tell the booksellers about our books. I was promoting Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them: A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right, and Bill was promoting his latest, Living with Herpes. Which, by the way, is very good. No, no. Actually, his book has another, even better, title.
Anyway, Bill forgot that it wasn't his show and went after me, so when it was my turn, I got up and told a story from my book that showed he was an egregious liar. Well, Bill went nuts, yelling "Shut up!" It was on C-SPAN, and someone said it was the most exciting C-SPAN since the impeachment. Anyway, Bill's tantrum eventually led to the lawsuit and to my being No. 1 on the New York Times bestseller list.
Chances that Bill will invite me on his show? I'd say small.
B&N.com: Ann Coulter's newest right-wing screed, Treason: Liberal Treachery from the Cold War to the War on Terrorism, is selling quite well at the moment. What's your take on her?
AF: While researching my book, I talked to a lot of conservatives. Almost to a person, when I brought up Ann Coulter, the next words out of their mouths were, "Off the record, there's something wrong with her." She is a thoroughly dishonest writer, but you should really read the two chapters about her in my book. Personally, I love my country. I will be doing my fourth USO Tour this Christmas when I go to Afghanistan and Iraq.
B&N.com: You assembled a large research team -- dubbed "TeamFranken" -- to help put your book together and to make sure you got your facts straight. Does Bill O'Reilly employ a similar team? If he did, what name would you give his team?
AF: I don't know if there is a "TeamO'Lie-lly." But if there were, I'm sure they'd all hate him.
B&N.com: O'Reilly's Fox News co-worker, Sean Hannity, also comes in for a fair amount of abuse in Liars. In your opinion, who's worse: Bill or Sean?
AF: Hard to say. They're different animals. Hannity is more the movement conservative who carries water for the cause. He lies a lot -- again, documented in my book -- but some of it might be stupidity. O'Reilly has an almost deluded self-image. He talks a lot about coming from poverty and likes to crow about his hardscrabble childhood in working-class Levittown, Long Island: "You don't come from any lower than I came from on an economic scale." In fact, he grew up comfortably middle-class in Westbury, Long Island, a completely different village than Levittown. O'Reilly, however, while clearly conservative, does not toe the party line as much as Hannity.
B&N.com: What's your favorite George W. Bush lie?
AF: I think "the trifecta." When his budget started going into deficit, Bush claimed to have said during the campaign that he would allow us to go into debt during a national emergency, a war, or a recession. "I guess I won the trifecta," he joked inappropriately and kept using the line at fundraisers. Both Tim Russert of NBC and the Washington Post found that he had never said any such thing [during the campaign]. One candidate did, however. Al Gore.
B&N.com: How complicit is the media in the right-wing lie machinery?
AF: The media has been cowed into letting the Bush administration and the right-wing media get away with this. They're so afraid of being called liberal, that they bend over backward. After 9/11, they completely lost their peckers. Read all about in my No. 1 bestseller, Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them: A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right.
B&N.com: Has Bush used the country's anger and sorrow over 9/11 as justification for attacking Iraq?
AF: I think there was a case for the war with Iraq that could have been made, but Bush chose to mislead the American people into believing there was an imminent threat to us and a tie to al-Qaeda. If we continue to get mired down there, Americans are going to be a lot less forgiving than if he had been honest with us.
B&N.com: Is it true you had a run-in with Karl Rove at this year's White House Correspondents Dinner?
AF: I didn't have a run-in with Rove. We jibed each other a little. That doesn't mean I don't hate everything he stands for.
B&N.com: Do any of the current Democratic candidates for president excite you? Who would you like to see run, ideally?
AF: They all excite me. Actually, I think Bush can be beaten, and a number of these guys could do it. I think all of the top-tier candidates would make good presidents. I'd love to see Bill Clinton be able to run again, however. He'd squash Dubya. Actually, I had a plan to get around the 22nd Amendment. I run for president, Clinton for vice president, and as soon as I'm sworn in, I resign -- Clinton's president. It works. Read the amendment.