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Boomerang Nation
How to Survive Living with Your Parents ... the Second Time Around
By Elina Furman Fireside
Copyright © 2005 Elina Furman
All right reserved. ISBN: 0-7432-6991-8
Chapter One
Boomerangers Unite! After school, my parents didn't blink an eye when I told them I'd be moving back home. They kind of just shrugged their shoulders and handed over the garage-door opener. It's funny, because I remember how different things were for my older sister eight years ago. When she wanted to move home, my parents freaked. They thought she had lost her mind, that she was having some kind of nervous breakdown. They even blamed themselves for being horrible parents. I think it helps that a lot of their friends now have their kids living at home, too. They're much cooler about it now. - Amanda, 24, Arlington, VA
Good news! Most people moving home today will find that the stigma of living at home has all but disappeared. Having come out of the basement, boomerangers are proud, loud, and not afraid to show the world that they mean business. With so many young adults opting to return to the nest around the world, it's become clear that we boomerangers are not going away anytime soon.
While there may not have been any overnight breakthroughs, there has been a slow and gradual acceptance of boomeranging. Over the years, the nuclear American family has evolved to the point where we can barely recognize ourselves, steadily morphing into a model European family, where multiple generations live and even thrive together under one roof.
What used to be seen as a social taboo has now become a commonly accepted life passage. Attitudes have significantly changed, bringing with them an entirely new way of looking at adulthood. No longer do we set a rigid timeline for how long it takes to mature, establish a rewarding career, or start a family. And judging by this chart, it's clear that many of us aren't in any rush to get to the finish line. According to the 2000 census:
1970 12.5 million 18- to 34-year-olds live at home. 2000 17.8 million 18- to 34-year-olds live at home.
Going by the sheer size of this demographic, it's clear that boomerangers can't be pigeonholed into one neat stereotype. They come in all shapes and sizes, from a variety of socioeconomic backgrounds and cultures, and are equally diverse in their views about what brought on the sudden change in their lifestyles.
Sociologists, economists, and psychologists have been scratching their heads, analyzing various statistics to figure out what brought about this unexpected shift. And after much research and painstaking data collection, the following emerged as some of the main contributors to the explosive boomerang phenomenon.
Financial problems, like high credit card and school loan debt
A tight job market and lack of opportunities for recent graduates
A reluctance to grow up and accept adult responsibilities
A delay in the average age for marriage for both men and women
The prohibitive cost of housing
Illness or death of parent
Breakup or divorce
Close, best-friend-like relationships between parents and young adults
Multiculturalism and its emphasis on intergenerational living
It's the Economy, Stupid!
The American Dream is not what it used to be. According to recent statistics fewer and fewer high-school-age children expect to have it better than their parents. And with good reason. In light of the recent recession, the high unemployment rate, and the exorbitant cost of housing, most of us consider ourselves pretty lucky just to be able to squat at our parents' place after we graduate or find a pink slip where the holiday bonus should have been.
The 1990s saw many of our hopes rise and fall in the span of five years. When the technology sector was booming, companies couldn't seem to create new positions fast enough. The rallying cry was "Hire, hire, hire!" But with the dot-com bust of 2001, the same companies changed their tune to "Fire, fire, fire!"
The Bureau of Labor Statistics reported that 10.9 percent of 20- to 24-year-olds were unemployed in September 2003, versus 6.7 percent in September 2000. The jobless rate for 25- to 34-year-olds rose as well, from 3.7 to 6.3 percent in that same period.
One day I was living the good life, really good, and then everything crashed. I had about half a million in options and then I was down to zero - overnight! Suddenly, I couldn't afford anything. It was good-bye shopping, good-bye expense account, good-bye weekly manicures and pedicures, good-bye apartment. Months went by and I still couldn't find work. I finally broke down and took a part-time at a clothing store (something I swore I would never do). But there was no way I could afford to live in the city on what I was making. Luckily, my parents lived close by and took pity on me. I honestly don't know what I would have done if it wasn't for them. - Lesley, 27, Austin, TX
Simply put, the middle-class lifestyle of our parents that seemed so readily attainable has gradually revealed itself as a mirage in our new economy. All the fruits we expected as our birthright - cars, houses, health insurance, job stability - now seem like relics of an idealized and out-of-reach past.
Cash Pad
Anyone who's ever thumbed a nose at the younger generations for being shiftless, aimless, and incapable of supporting themselves clearly never experienced the degradation of answering an ad for a $1,000-per-month apartment only to find a hovel with no windows, heating, or fridge. While bustling cities like New York, Chicago, and San Francisco beckon to recent graduates with the promise of greater opportunities, culture, and creative fervor, these very same environs are virtually uninhabitable for anyone making under $40,000 or $50,000 a year (and let's face it, most starting salaries are far lower).
Sure, we often hear of young people living like sardines in up-and-coming neighborhoods and eating ramen noodles by candlelight. But when faced with the prospect of shelling out more than half of their monthly salary for a fraction of the amenities, many young adults are opting out of the shabby chic living phase in favor of the plush and comfy confines of their family homes.
Not only are skyrocketing rental prices squeezing us out, but the housing sales market is equally unwelcoming. Chew on this: The National Association of Realtors estimated that the cost of a home rose by 500 percent, from 1973 to 2004, to a median price of $156,200. Not only that, the typical starter household income for that same time period increased only 300 percent, to an average of $42,228. What does it all mean? It means that our salaries just can't keep pace with the rising cost of housing, and many of us feel that there's no way we'll ever be able to experience the dream of home ownership. Unless, of course, we save for a down payment by moving home with Mom and Dad.
Take Stan, for example. After graduating with an MBA from a top school, he moved to San Francisco to start his mid-six-figure-salary job. Stan could have had his pick of any number of deluxe apartments overlooking the city. Instead, he opted to move home with his parents for two years in order to pay off his $75,000 school loan and start saving to buy a place of his own.
I figured if my parents were cool enough to give me a free ride by letting me crash at home, I could pay down my school debt in a couple of years. That's pretty good if you think about it. If I really buckled down and saved, I could even scrape a little bit toward a down payment on a condo. If I had moved straight into my own apartment, it would probably take me more like eight to ten years to get to that same point. I figure it was a compromise worth making. - Stan, 28, Santa Rosa, CA
School of Hard Knocks
Stan's story, while surprising to some, is hardly unique. Rising school loans and tuition hikes play a huge role in the evolution of the boomerang culture. According to the Department of Education in 1980, federal Pell grants accounted for about 77 percent of the cost of a four-year institution. Today, that number has slid to a paltry 40 percent, and getting one of these grants is tougher than ever. With the new changes in the eligibility requirements made by the Department of Education, about 84,000 incoming students will be excluded from the program entirely. With Pell grants falling faster than Britney Spears's record sales and universities raising tuition fees due to a lack of state and federal support, many have to work overtime to make ends meet.
In the past, a high-school diploma was enough to land a middle-class income and lifestyle. Your dad or granddad graduated from high school, landed a job at the local steel mill, and was able to provide for a family of three. These days, a high school degree won't get you much. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, college graduates earned 80 percent more than people with only a high school diploma. So in order to match the standard of living enjoyed by our parents, we have no choice but to buckle down and get an advanced four-year degree.
On top of being virtually mandatory, a college degree now takes longer than ever to acquire. While most students used to breeze through the curriculum in a four-year period, that time frame has gotten considerably longer. On average, only one-third of students who enter four-year colleges straight from high school graduate on time. With so many students transferring schools, switching majors, and taking time off to work, many experts have established six years as the new, more realistic graduation timeline.
Tempting as it is for us to dawdle on campus for five years or more, we rarely acknowledge the damage it's doing to our bank account until it is too late. After six years of kicking and screaming, most of us will be saddled with an average school loan of $18,000.
For many students, paying off their school loan on an entry-level salary is a formidable feat. After the monthly installment is paid, the rent handed in, and the bills mailed, there's just not enough money left to go around. So is it any wonder that when faced with the prospect of paying off their school debt and living on our own, many of us are opting to return home in droves?
Debt-Free by 60
With escalating school loans, credit card companies aggressively marketing on campuses across the country, and almost no education available on the topic of credit, the financial picture for many young adults is bleak at best. It's gotten to the point where experts are calling us "Generation D" (for debt) or "Generation B" (for bankrupt). And with more than 615,000 people age 35 and under filing for bankruptcy in 2000 (according to a Harvard Law School study), it may be time to admit that we may indeed have a problem managing our money.
Caught up in a highly consumptive culture where the message is to "charge now, pay later," many young adults are finding themselves knee-deep in debt before they've even held down their first full-time job. According to a Nellie May study published in 2002, over 83 percent of college undergraduates carried credit cards; the average debt for graduating seniors is now estimated at around $3,000.
But young people aren't spending just on late-night pizza fests and high-tech gadgets, either. With the rise in tuition fees and less financial aid to go around, many college students are using credit cards to pay for their education. Not a good idea, of course, since the interest on school loans is considerably lower than that offered by credit-card companies.
For the most part, young adults are in the dark about bad credit habits. They'll max out one card only to apply for a new one or pay off the minimum of one card by charging it to another. Caught up in a vicious spiral of spending and debt, many twenty- and thirtysomethings are finding that the only way to get out of the cycle is to take cover at home while paying off their balance.
Delaying the Inevitable
With all the goalposts of adulthood - housing, economic independence, employment, completion of education - getting harder and harder to achieve, it's not surprising that so many of us are choosing to turn back instead of run ahead.
Adolescence used to be defined as a time of personal struggle for identity that ended with the choice of a career and a spouse. Among the markers on the chronological road to adulthood: Get a job at 18 or 22. Get married between 18 and 23. Become a responsible adult. Have kids. Today's generation questions such handy definitions. Boomerangers ask, "Isn't making decisions for yourself a vital part of being a responsible adult? How is blindly trying to live up to society's expectations indicative of adulthood?"
The current generation is living in a time of shifting realities and downgraded expectations. Stripped of the sense of entitlement that characterized our younger years - that feeling that the world owes us a better lifestyle than our parents enjoyed - many boomerangers now believe that it's best to go with the flow and not push too hard or expect too much when forging a personal or professional future.
In today's rigorous economy and dynamically changing world it becomes difficult for many recent graduates to acclimate and adjust to a new environment in which they must support themselves. With this life change often comes anxiety, confusion, and an overall lack of direction. I for one didn't know what I was going to do with my life or what was being offered in the employment world. Going home gave me a haven to get my life together and make decisions as to which paths I would take. - Steve, 23, Philadelphia, PA
The twenties are increasingly becoming a time to explore, experiment, and self-actualize. With many of our parents wishing that they could have benefited from a similar pressure-free zone in which to explore career options, relationships, and identities, they are more than willing to support us financially and emotionally as we go through one transition after another.
"I call it the self-focus age. It's the one time in life where you can decide for yourself how to live, without having to compromise or get someone else's permission. The focus is on your own self-development," explains Jeffrey J. Arnett, a professor of human development at the University of Maryland and the author of Emerging Adulthood: The Winding Road from the Late Teens through the Twenties.
If adolescence is defined as the time between puberty and being saddled with responsibility for other people, then maybe 30 really is the new 20, as so many recent polls and social scientists have expressed.
Continues...
Excerpted from Boomerang Nation by Elina Furman Copyright © 2005 by Elina Furman. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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