Read an Excerpt
Building Your Child's Self-Esteem
9 Secrets Every Parent Needs to Know
By Yvonne Brooks
iUniverse, Inc.
Copyright © 2012 Yvonne Brooks
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4697-4675-3
Chapter One
Secret # 1: The Power of Love
Story About Love
At age eight, Clayton had sustained a serious injury, when a rottweiler bit him two centimeters from his eye. Patiently and lovingly, his dad told him he was the same boy that he had been before the accident. They continued to do all the family things they had done before, and Clayton's parents found safe ways for him to engage in activities as he progressed through the healing process.
After long months of recuperation and therapy, Clayton was back playing with the same dog, but a physical and emotional scar remained. Teasing persisted in school –so much, that he begged to stay home, even though he was a straight A-student who loved to learn. Clayton's parents continued to focus on his accomplishments, praising his consistently excellent grades. They told him "the accident was something that had happened, he couldn't change that fact, but that he didn't have to allow the accident to define who he was".
Joshua, (a fellow fifth-grader who teased Clayton the most about his scar), was a fifth-grader just like Clayton, but unlike Clayton, he was very athletic, but not a terribly good student. In class, Clayton made it a point to never snicker or make jokes when Joshua would answer a question incorrectly or be the last one to turn in his test paper. After a while, Joshua seemed to notice, and one day, offered to walk Clayton to the school bus after school.
As the school bus began to load, Joshua and Clayton waved good-bye to each other. Later, Clayton relayed to his parents, his interaction with Joshua at school earlier in the day.
"I don't know why he walked me to the school bus today, I thought he hated me."
His dad responded, "I think he noticed your kindness in the classroom, so he wanted to be kind to you. That's a very good thing." Said Clayton's dad.
Clayton agreed, and knowing that Joshua did not have a mom and dad who helped him the way his parents did, he wanted to do even more to help Joshua.
The next day when they got to school, Clayton went up to Joshua. "I sure wish I could run as fast as you", he said.
Joshua grinned. "Whenever you're ready, I would love to go running with you."
"I'd like that!" Clayton smiled back. "I am really only good at school stuff."
"I wish I could read faster." Joshua said with enthusiasm.
"I can help you with that." Clayton said with excitement.
And so Clayton started helping Joshua with his homework, and Joshua started helping Clayton learn the physical techniques for running in a safe and fun way. Joshua's grades were never as good as Clayton's and Clayton never won a race. However, they taught each other the meaning of "unconditional love", that what matters is loving yourself as you are, because that is what will allow you to love others as they are. When we practice the power of love daily, we heal ourselves naturally, and transformation of our families and our communities becomes effortless.
Defining the Power of Love:
Love is the first trait of healthy self-esteem. Like self-esteem, love is highly transferable from adults to children.
Love is a "noun", and it is also a "verb". As such, it has to be acted upon in order to be credible. Love is a motivator that causes us to respond to others with our "actions", not just our "words".
Every child requires love to survive. At an early age, children should be taught at an early age the tools for attending to their own needs of love before they can become responsible for loving others with authenticity.
Do you have negative thoughts about how others perceive you? Displaying love is the easiest way to disarm those thoughts. You were magnificently and wonderfully created for a purpose. The time of that purpose is now! Our world needs you. Your love is the answer to improving your family and community relationships.
As adults we know what the negative impact of a lack of love has in our lives. Imagine how much more of a deeper negative impact that has on a child. Without loving parents (or a loving guardian), many children experience frustration and loneliness. However; because love is powerful and transformative, this can be changed! As you personally practice sincere love, your inner strength will increase and you will build your own self-esteem. The more your self-esteem increases, the more your life will improve, and the more capable you are of loving others.
Love and knowledge work in tandem. When you come from a place of love, your thirst for knowledge grows automatically. Gathering knowledge is key to cultivating healthy self-esteem. When you invest time gathering daily knowledge, on a daily basis, you set a marvelous example for your children of how love and knowledge can form an incredible strong foundation. Don't wait a moment longer to share this threshold with your children. Become a living example of what the power of love and knowledge together can do.
Pay attention to the children around you. They may be some of your best mentors. The quiet love of children has uplifted parents, teachers, friends and communities for countless years.
Once uplifted, the power of a loving parent rarely fails. Parents who put love into action reach greater heights and come far closer to fulfilling their highest potentials.
Every loving action a parent takes -whether taking their children to school, making breakfast, responding to their child's needs, developing family goals, or participating in family activities-is an action that will help maximize both their own and their children's potential as well.
Manifestations of Parents Lacking Love:
Parents who lack love usually:
• Display ungrateful and unforgiving attitudes • Behave irresponsibly • Do not effectively plan their days or organize their goals • Are unclear about heir purpose in life
In addition, they often unknowingly reject the very knowledge that would provide solutions to improve their situations. Parents who lack love transfer these same negative emotions and behaviors to their children.
Characteristics of Loving Parents:
Loving parents:
• Do no wrong to others, and welcomes correction without being offended
• Quickly forgive the offenses of their children
• Demonstrate respect and honor as habitual behaviors
• Are deeply rooted and securely grounded
• Put their love in action by praying for those who dishonor or hurt them
Sayings of Loving Parents:
"I love myself, therefore I respect my time."
"I am a powerful channel of love. I receive love and give love easily and frequently."
"I attract loving and mutually beneficial friendships."
How to Build the Power of Love
Activities:
1. Forgive yourself for not having invested time wisely over the years to seek new knowledge daily 2. Forgive everyone who hurt you in the past. Do not allow another day to go by while you still hold on to an offense that has already stolen your purpose and vision, (letting go opens the door for you to add greater value to your family and your community) 3. Seek out a mentor or a coach who can assist you in maximizing your potential 4. Create a list of loving actions you would like to display to your family and surrounding community 5. Make a list of individuals you will positively impact through your loving actions beginning today 6. Keep a journal of the success you experience as you take these loving actions 7. Set intentions for daily self-growth activities
You deserve to be happy. Happiness is a choice. Forgiveness is also a choice. Take control of your life and demonstrate the power of love to your children, and your world, starting today.
Parents Self-Esteem Survey # 1
Your children bring home the following grades:
1. English-A 2. Math-F 3. Music-B
Which grade deserves the most attention from you? Please select an answer.
Parents Self-Esteem Development Exercise
1. What steps can you take today to add value to each family member?
2. What resources can you use to maximize your potential to experience the power of love every day, with each of your children?
3. What are some definite plans you will create to increase your ability to transfer love to others more powerfully?
4. How can you use the information you've learned about "The Power of Love" to empower your spouse and other adults who influence your children?
5. What is your first step? What action will you commit to taking right now in order to improve your own self-esteem?
Affirmations for Building the Power of Love
I am a loving parent.
Love is my foundation.
I am rooted and grounded in love.
I demonstrate the power of love daily.
I choose to love myself.
I honor others.
I respect others.
I value my friendships.
I do everything with love.
My love never fails.
I forgive quickly.
My love is patient.
My love is kind.
My love is strong.
Power of Love Quotes
"A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge." (Thomas Carlyle)
"A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love." (Stendhal)
"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." (Lao Tzu)
"I have found the paradox, if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love." (Mother Teresa)
"I like not only to be loved, but also to be told that I am loved." (George Eliot)
"If you want to be loved, be lovable." (Ovid)
"Let us always meet each other with a smile, for the smile is the beginning of love." (Mother Teresa)
"Love is all we have, the only way we can help each other." (Euripides)
"Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit." (Peter Ustinov)
"Love is the flower you 've go to let grow." (John Lennon)
"Love is the foundation from which your decisions about your life should be made." (Darren L. Johnson)
Kids' Purpose- Development Exercise
As early as the Elementary school level, you can help your children understand and know what they were born to accomplish. Developing purpose is very important for building healthy self- esteem.
Ask your children to write down the answers to these questions:
1. What makes you feel important to our family? ____________________________________ 2. What makes you feel important to our community? ____________________________________
Ask your children to describe their personal purpose below in one sentence. (Use the space below provided.)
Example: "My purpose in life is to share the power of love with my family and my community."
(Child's Purpose Statement)
My purpose in life is to
________________________________________ ________________________________________
Encourage your children to draw pictures showcasing their purpose!
Resources for Parents on the Subject of Love:
Suggested Books to Read for Younger Children:
-Mama Do You Love Me? By Barbara Josse
-Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Bianco
Suggested Books to Read for Older Children
-Charlotte's Web by E.B. Wright
-Lassie Come Home by Rosemary Wells
Suggested Books to Read for Parent:
-365 Ways to Love Your Child by Caryl Krueger
-Curriculum of Love by Morgan Daleo
Suggested Family Movies to Watch:
-"Sound of Music" (1965)—Julie Andrews
"-Free Willy" (1993) –Wincer, Richter
Healthy Self-Esteem grows as you effectively manage your personal purpose, vision, mission, priorities and values with excellence.
Chapter Two
Secret # 2: The Power of Joy
Story About Joy
Justin was a typical little boy who liked doing all sorts of things. He enjoyed going to school, except for "reading". It wasn't easy for Justin, so his assignments were always late, and when starting a new book he would give up in disgust.
One day Justin went to the bookstore with his grandfather and found, one that peaked his curiosity. He couldn't resist reading this book, so his grandfather purchased it for him. As usual, things didn't go well. He was about to quit after reading a couple of lines, when a character in the book began to speak to him.
"Psst! You aren't just going to leave me like this, are you? Come on! The least you can do is read with me a little longer". Justin was understandably shocked, but continued reading.
As he was using his imagination to being the character to life, it retorted, "Much better, now I can see myself, but what have you done to me? Arghh!"
Trying to make excuses, Justin replied, "I don't read very well."
The character interrupted him. "OK, no problem." Go on, read the last paragraph." I'm sure that if you try again, you'll do better. Justin took a deep breath. Using his imagination in a more fun and entertaining way, he began reading again, only this time with emotions.
"Hey! You forgot to stop at the end of the sentence!" prodded the character.
"Oh, yeah", responded Justin.
"Hmmm, I think I'm going to have to teach you how to read more fluidly so that you can do me justice", replied the character in its quick squeaky voice.
Although, almost paralyzed with fear, Justin began, reading the next paragraph, with ease and remembered to stop at the end of each sentence. Again, the character urged Justin to "Re-read the last sentence, but this time with more confidence; you make me sound like a whimp!"
After spending nearly the whole afternoon with this crazy new teacher, Justin did not want to stop reading. He had so much fun that he gave his new "instructor" a hearty "Thank You!" for having taught him how to read so well.
The character quickly replied, "But I didn't do anything, silly!' answered the character, in its usual quick manner. 'Don't you see that you've been practicing a lot, and enjoying it all the while? I bet that's the first time you've done that!'
Justin stopped to think. The truth was that previously, he read so poorly, because he had never practiced reading for more than five minutes at a time. He had also always read angrily and grudgingly. Justin decided that without a doubt, the little character was correct. "OK, you're right, but thank you anyway," said Justin. Before he went to bed that night, he carefully placed his new book in his school bag.
The next morning Justin jumped out of bed and went running to retrieve his new book. He searched everywhere, but there was no sign of it. Although still sleepy, he was concerned and began franticly looking around the house. Worriedly, he began to wonder if he had spent the previous afternoon talking with the little character, or had simply dreamt the whole thing up. He decided to try and settle the matter by taking another book from his school bag, and reading it in character, just like he was taught.
Except for a couple of mispronunciations, it turned out not to be that bad after all. He imagined his bossy little teacher telling him to read more slowly, and that it looked like he was trying too hard. Justin gladly started over and began reading with confidence. He realized that the crazy little character had been right all along; it made no difference whether Justin had the magic book or not; he simply needed to keep practicing with confidence, in order to understand, and enjoy the process of reading.
From that day forward, Justin would imagine the characters urging him on, saying "Come on, my friend, where is the fun and excitement?" I can't come alive with you reading like this!"
Defining the Power of Joy:
Joy is the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying.
Joy builds strength and is based on truth. The power of joy comes from knowing who you are and why you were created.
By being "noble", (having a high moral and mental character of excellence), clears the path for attracting friendships that are honorable and joyful.
Most parents with healthy self-esteem invest significant time developing their moral and mental character. They know that doing so will help maximize their joyfulness.
Joy is not achieved through coincidence or by accident. It is achieved through a process of seeking things that are admirable, lovely, authentic, and pure. Joy is the result of choices associated with right thinking.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Building Your Child's Self-Esteem by Yvonne Brooks Copyright © 2012 by Yvonne Brooks. Excerpted by permission of iUniverse, Inc.. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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