Bullied: What Every Parent, Teacher, and Kid Needs to Know About Ending the Cycle of Fear

by Carrie Goldman

Overview

Carrie Goldman became an unexpected voice for the antibullying movement after her blog post about her daughter Katie's bullying experience went viral and an online community of support generated international attention. In Bullied, Goldman brings together the expertise of leading authorities with the candid accounts of families dealing firsthand with peer victimization to present proven strategies and concrete tools for teaching children how to speak up and carry themselves with confidence; call each other out on cruelty; resolve conflict; cope with teasing, taunting, physical abuse, and cyberbullying; and be smart consumers of technology and media. As a mother, she calls on us all—families, schools, communities, retailers, celebrities, and media—to fiercely examine our own stereotypes and embrace our joint responsibility for creating a culture of acceptance and respect.

For parents, educators, and anyone still wrestling with past experiences of victimization and fear, Bullied is an eye-opening, prescriptive, and ultimately uplifting guide to raising diverse, empathetic, tolerant kids in a caring and safe world.

At least 25 percent of kids have been bullied online. One in five teens has been bullied at school. More than half of bullying behaviors will stop in less than ten seconds when another student intervenes.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780062105073
Publisher:	HarperCollins Publishers
Publication date:	08/14/2012
Pages:	348
Product dimensions:	6.38(w) x 9.14(h) x 1.16(d)

About the Author

CARRIE GOLDMAN blogs about issues related to adoption and parenting for ChicagoNow.com, the online community of the Chicago Tribune. She has been featured on Babble.com, Mamapedia.com, HuffPost Parents, CircleofMoms.com, and other top parenting sites. Goldman received her B.S. from Northwestern University and her M.B.A. from the Kellogg School of Management. She lives in Illinois with her husband and three daughters.

Table of Contents

Foreword ix

Introduction xi

Part 1 Katie's Story

1 Anti-Bullying Starts in the First Grade 3

2 The Littlest Jedi 10

3 Our Local Community Response 19

Part 2 Kids at High Risk for Peer Victimization

4 From Geek Girls to Sluts: What Does It Mean to Be a Girl? 27

5 Princess Boys and Nonconforming Guys 40

6 Quirky Kids and Kids with Hidden Disabilities 51

7 Kids with Different Appearances or Physical Disabilities 61

8 Gay, Lesbian, Transgender, and Bisexual Students 72

9 Victims of Cyberbullying, Sexting, and Sexual Harassment 86

10 The Harmful Effects of Bullying on the Brain 103

Part 3 Where Do We Go from Here? Prevention, Intervention, and Reconciliation

11 Create a Home Environment That Produces Neither Bullies nor Victims 115

12 Set Out Family Guidelines for Responsible Uses of Technology, Media, and Music 131

13 Changing Our Cultural Attitudes Toward Aggression and Cruelty 157

14 Calling on Toy Retailers to Eliminate Gender-Based Marketing 168

15 Stop Marketing Makeup and Sexy Clothes to Children 179

16 Reassess the Role of Schools in Character Education 193

17 Social and Emotional Learning 205

18 Responding to the Bully 214

19 Responding to the Victim 222

20 Restorative Justice 233

21 Strategies That Ease the Negative Effects of Taunting 242

22 Creating Witnesses and Allies out of Bystanders 251

23 Cybersupporting Instead of Cyberbullying: A Real-Life Happy Ending 261

Conclusion 269

Acknowledgments 273

Bibliography 275

Resources

Online Resources 285

Reading Recommendations for Children 287

Audiovisual Resources 291

Appendix A Overview of Several Promising Research-Based Bullying-Prevention and Character-Education Programs 293

Appendix B Two Examples of Bullying Surveys 300

Appendix C Examples of Sexual Harassment Surveys 303

Notes 311

Index 327

What People are Saying About This

Trudy Ludwig

“Bullied is an excellent how-to guide for addressing bullying and creating a culture of acceptance and respect. I can’t recommend this book enough to parents and educators.”

Ben Cohen

“This is an important book on an important subject. We are glad to see such a broad and considered approach taken on the complex subject of bullying.”

Editorial Reviews

When the author, a blogger for the online community of the Chicago Tribune, posted about her six-year-old daughter being bullied at school because she was sporting a Star Wars backpack and water bottle, cyberspace rose to her defense with a flurry of posts, e-mails, and letters. Goldman decided to delve more deeply into the subject, discovering that 160,000 children stay home every day from school because of bullying, 42% of kids have been bullied online, and one in five teens has been bullied at school in the previous year (“bullycides” are also an alarming trend). Although progress has been made, Goldman and the experts and parents she interviews reveal that there’s more work to do. Goldman identifies kids who are at high risk for bullying (i.e., “geeks”; children with disabilities; gay, lesbian, transgender, and bisexual students; and kids who do not choose gender-specific toys). In fact, any nonconformist is a likely target, and society ups the ante with gender-specific marketing and expectations. In this informative book, Goldman also addresses prevention, intervention and reconciliation, helping parents recognize the warning signs of emotional distress and offering techniques for dealing with bullies (who also need help). The author calls upon parents, schools, and marketers to collaborate in order to change damaging cultural attitudes and create a culture of acceptance and safety for all kinds of kids. (Aug.)

Publishers Weekly

"Carrie Goldman has written a compelling, well-organized book providing a depth of knowledge about a national crisis and deftly showing how people working together in schools and communities can eradicate bullying."

New York Journal of Books

"This is an important book on an important subject. We are glad to see such a broad and considered approach taken on the complex subject of bullying."

Ben Cohen

"Bullied is an excellent how-to guide for addressing bullying and creating a culture of acceptance and respect. I can’t recommend this book enough to parents and educators."

Trudy Ludwig

"Bullied is a captivating blend of stories, research and guidance. Goldman’s odyssey as a blogger mom at the epicenter makes her a powerful voice for positive change. Her insights make this a comprehensive and indispensable bullying prevention resource."

Judy S. Freedman

After her first-grade daughter, Katie, was roundly bullied for having what was considered a gender-inappropriate Star Wars thermos, Goldman—purveyor of a popular blog on Chicago.now—wrote a post that went into overdrive. Here, Goldman offers concrete advice on dealing with bullying, something one in five teens say they have experienced in the last year. At 25,000 not the hugest printing, but the issue is in the news.

Library Journal

A well-researched guide to combating bullying. Goldman's daughter Katie wasn't interested in being like all the other girls; a big Star Wars fan, she loved her Star Wars water bottle. Her mother was concerned when Katie told her she didn't want to bring the water bottle to school anymore. When Goldman pressed her, Katie broke down in tears, upset that the boys at school told her that Star Wars was only for boys. "Is this how it starts?" she asked herself. "Do kids find someone who does something differently and start to beat it out of her, first with words and sneers?" Goldman addressed the issue with the school and wrote about the experience online, touching off a flood of support from Star Wars fans and, eventually, bullying prevention forums, Twitter and celebrities. Goldman's empathetic guidebook examines the ways in which bullying happens, from the teasing that takes place in the hallways of schools to the cyberbullying that runs largely unchecked through the digital halls of social media. Academic research into bullying, while useful, often fails to bridge the gap between insight and practical solutions, but Goldman effectively boils down the research into statistics that flow naturally into a larger narrative. The author focuses primarily on how girls are affected by bullying, both as victims and as perpetrators, with less consideration of male victims. This is understandable given Goldman's experience, but a greater examination of bullying of boys would provide a more complete picture. However, this book is a must-read for parents with children of any gender. Valuable support, resources and concrete actions for safely navigating the social wilderness of adolescence.

Kirkus Reviews

Carrie Goldman has written a compelling, well-organized book providing a depth of knowledge about a national crisis and deftly showing how people working together in schools and communities can eradicate bullying.