Candid Conversations with Connie, Volume 2: A Girl's Guide to Boys, Peer Pressure, and Cliques

by Kathy Buchanan

Overview

Welcome to Candid Conversations with Connie, Volume 2! And these conversations are going to be very candid. In this book we’re only taking questions from girls! Yep, they can ask whatever they want, and I will answer from my vast knowledge and experience. (Well . . . maybe not vast.) If I don’t know the answer, I’ll ask my friend Penny. We’ve been where you are, and we know what it’s like.

You’re not a little girl anymore, but you’re still years off from adulthood. You still like to play, but you also enjoy having long conversations with friends. You sometimes want to cuddle on your mom’s lap, and other times you wish she would just leave you alone. All that’s pretty normal, and you’ll see that from the questions we’re answering. Tyndale House Publishers

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781589977976
Publisher:	Focus on the Family
Publication date:	03/01/2015
Series:	Adventures in Odyssey Books
Pages:	176
Product dimensions:	5.40(w) x 8.00(h) x 0.40(d)
Age Range:	8 - 12 Years

Read an Excerpt

Candid Conversations with Connie, Vol. 2

A Girl's Guide to Boys, Peer Pressure, and Cliques

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By KATHY BUCHANAN, Gary Locke

Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.

Copyright © 2015 Focus on the Family
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-58997-797-6

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CHAPTER 1

Peppered Salami Is Underrated

(Knowing Who You Are)

Being a teenager is kind of like walking into the cafeteria during the most epic, unbelievable food fight ever. Meat loaf, strawberry Jell-O, and limp green beans fly through the air like a UFO invasion. Mashed potatoes splat against your face. A blueberry cobbler is dumped on your head. An entire pizza flies across the room and makes a bull's-eye on the front of your sweater.

You rush from the cafeteria into the restroom. As you stand in front of the mirror, you hardly recognize yourself.

You get so covered by the concerns about what other people think, doubts about your worth, and the opinions the kids around you have about dating, fitting in, and growing up that you forget who you really are.

But here's one thing I've learned: to survive—and thrive—during these years, you've got to know who you are.

You've got to wash off the pressures, criticism, and embarrassing moments like that blueberry cobbler in your hair. Then live with confidence that the janitor will mop it up later. (Well ... that's where the analogy breaks down, but you get what I mean, right?)

Tales of a Seventh-Grade Outsider

For me, seventh grade brought my first pimple, a frizzy perm, and my bizarre fear of staplers. Yep, that's right ... a fear of staplers.

Junior high was a time when I didn't really know who I was, so I tried to become what everyone else expected me to be. One of those everyones was Natalie VanUbenstein. She was running for student body president, and I volunteered to work on her campaign. I didn't know Natalie—except that she was really popular. I didn't know her plans for improving the school—except to add more purple, which was her favorite color. And I didn't know how to help her campaign—except to hang purple posters all over school that said, "It's the time—vote VanUbenstein!" (It really was an unfortunate name for a person seeking political office.)

I was the last student to leave school the afternoon of the poster hanging. (I wanted Natalie to be impressed with my commitment.) But as I was stapling the last poster with my heavy-duty, easy-squeeze staple gun, I accidentally stapled my thumb to a bulletin board. Ow! I jerked back to pull away, but instead I unintentionally jammed the staple-gun trigger in the "on" position. It began spitting metal like crazy—stapling my sweater, hair, and somehow even my sock to the bulletin board!

I was stapled next to the school lunch menu for forty-five minutes before a janitor finally rescued me.

You can see how this would be traumatic. To this day, even the sound of a staple gun will cause me to jump ten feet in the air and cling to a ceiling fan.

Of course, having a phobia of staplers didn't help me fit in any better at school. It only made me feel more weird—more like an outsider. Like peppered salami in a world of deli turkey. Turkey just fits in. Everyone loves it. But it's the rare person who chooses salami. Everyone else in seventh grade seemed to know the right way to be. But somehow I was ziplocked into a stay-fresh bag of cluelessness. I began to wonder, What's wrong with me and how can I change?

Since then, I've learned that my quirks are actually what make me "Connie." I mean, if I looked and acted and made decisions like everyone else, I wouldn't be Connie Kendall. I'd be Human Girl number 6,921,008,308 or something equally boring. But in junior high, I hated my quirks. My friends can relate:

Tamika: I got orange socks before school one year, and I was superexcited to wear them. I thought they were unique and fun. Until everyone started asking me if I'd lost a dare or if I realized how ridiculous I looked. Oops!

Penny: I couldn't find my locker on the first day of junior high, so I thought, Well, I'll just ask this nice, older girl. She'll help me out. And she did. She gave me directions to the Dumpsters behind the gym. (I probably should have guessed the directions were wrong before I ended up outside.) Anyway, for years afterward, the upperclassmen called me Dumpster Girl. It got old. Actually, it was old as soon as they said it the first time.

Olivia: I wore jeans and a green T-shirt on the first day of eighth grade. My hair was pulled back in a ponytail. Amber Grayson sneered when I walked by. "Why are you dressed so strange?" she said. I thought I looked pretty normal. "Nobody dresses like that," she said and then walked away. Really?

Camilla: I felt so much pressure from other kids my age. I was trying to figure out how I was supposed to dress, look, and act. Should I wear a beret? Should I raise my hand in class? Should I talk to the girl wearing weird glasses? It seemed impossible to have it all together.

Emily: All my friends were boy-crazy and wanted to know who I liked and who I didn't like. But I didn't even care. And they were like, "What? You don't care?" And I felt like a freak.

These are supercommon problems: feeling peer pressure, fitting in, being made fun of, liking boys, and choosing friends. It's easy to feel like you're being attacked from all sides.

When the Massive Food Fight Comes Your Way ...

Over the next several years, you'll have a lot of things thrown at you. But getting around these dilemmas won't be as simple as dodging mashed potatoes in a food fight. You'll hear words from others (and even in your own head) telling you that you're not enough—not pretty enough, talented enough, cool enough, important enough. You'll wonder if you should change so a certain group of girls will accept you or so a certain boy will like you. You'll start questioning things that you know for sure now.

When all that comes at you, you must trust the truth about how God sees you. The Bible says you are His "chosen people," "a royal priesthood" and "God's special possession" (1 Peter 2:9, 2011). The knowledge of who you are in God's eyes can make it easier to choose what words to believe and who your friends should be. And then it'll be easier to make the right decisions. (Notice, I didn't say easy—just easier.)

So when someone calls you a nasty name, you'll know it's not true. Because you'll know you're amazing.

Or when you feel pressure to drink alcohol because that's what everyone else is doing, you'll know you don't have to. Because you'll know what your standards are.

And when your friends are convinced that you're nobody until you have a boyfriend, you'll be able to laugh it off. Because you'll know you're worth more than that.

And when everyone judges you by what you wear or weigh or how your hair looks, you'll have a better perspective. Because you'll know what's really important.

And when you have that terrible, horrible day that you'd like to forget, you won't forget the right voice to listen to. Because one day you might trip on the softball field and cost your team the game, or start crying when you're giving a speech in front of the school, or flunk that chemistry exam, and then you'll hear a couple different voices:

Voice Number One: I'm a total loser, and I can't believe anyone would want to be my friend. No one wants me around. I just mess up all the time. I might as well hide from everyone. Who really cares what I do anyway? Or ...

Voice Number Two: I messed up. I'm really disappointed in myself. I disappointed others, but that doesn't define who I am. God created me to be His daughter. I'm important and created for a purpose. God knows my whole story, and He's teaching me things. This matters. I matter. And even though I would've happily redone this day, I'm glad to be alive.

Which voice do you think God wants you to listen to?

You're entering a time when you'll likely grow up a lot—and that's something to be proud of. You'll laugh harder than you ever have. You'll find the best friends you've ever known. You'll learn new things. Discover secret talents. Recognize interests and gifts you never realized you possessed. Enjoy all the fun things coming your way ... without letting the food fights ruin them.

Your Turn

This will be fun—really! Find an old notebook. Maybe last year's history book that's filled only halfway with notes. Or you can use the lines below. Start answering the following questions. (I asked the girls to do this, and they've shared some of their answers!)

1. What do I believe? This is a pretty deep question. But give it some thought. What do you believe about God and the Bible? Why do you think He created you? What's your purpose in the world?

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Tamika: I believe that God created me for a purpose and that He has a plan for my life. I believe that God loves me and that Jesus died to forgive my sins. I want to love God by obeying what the Bible says. Being honest, caring for others, and trying to be unselfish are important. Attending church and being with my family are important to me too.

2. What am I good at? You don't have to be an expert, but list your talents and skills—like athletics, relationships, hobbies, or whatever. You're probably good at more things than you think. You can even ask your parents or friends for their observations.

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This is what I wrote down in my journal: I'm a good writer, and I'm gifted at connecting with other people. I'm pretty friendly and outgoing. God has given me some organization and leadership skills. I'm good at encouraging others and giving them advice when they need it. I'm a decent public speaker. (Oh, and I make really delicious french toast.)

3. What do I enjoy? Think about things that make you happy—flavors, smells, activities—or people who make you feel really alive. You can even jot down favorite memories and moments. This is probably a list you'll add to over the years, because you'll always be finding new things you love.

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Olivia: I like spending time with my family, waterskiing, reading, acting, pruning lilacs, and teasing my little brother. My favorite ice cream is mint chocolate chip, and my favorite thing to do on a Saturday is go to Whit's End and try on different outfits in the costume room. I had the best time being the lead in a play Connie directed.

You may not know what you like to do at this point in your life. And that's okay, because now is your opportunity to experience new activities and find out where you fit in and shine the most! Go ahead and join the swim team and take art classes and write for the school paper. Audition for choir and the school play. Take up an instrument. Do anything that interests you. See what you enjoy. Then keep adding things to your list.

4. List three qualities you hope people notice in you. What are the character qualities people compliment you on? Or the things you most appreciate about yourself?

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Olivia: creative, funny, kind

Camilla: compassionate, athletic, likable

Penny: wise, artistic, unique

Tamika: adventurous, hardworking, enthusiastic

Emily: intelligent, curious, disciplined

You could use a ton more adjectives, too: Maybe you want to be known as cheerful, thoughtful, organized, friendly, imaginative, fun, strong, understanding, or brave.

5. What are my goals? Dream big with this. You might not know your future career—that's fine; very few teens do. (I'm still trying to figure out mine!) But think about things you'd like to do during your life. Have a family? Travel around the world? Go to college? Live in outer space? Cure cancer?

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Camilla: I want to get a soccer scholarship. Then I want to go back to Kenya to work in an orphanage for a year. My family went there last year, and the experience really made me realize what's important in life. And it's not having a lot of things. I think I'd like to grow up to be an animal keeper at a zoo or play on the US Olympic soccer team.

Then—and here's the superimportant part—learn how God sees you. Even when we don't see ourselves clearly, we can trust that God knows us better than we know ourselves. He's our FFF (Forever Father and Friend), which is way better than a BFF.

6. What does the Bible have to say to me? Jot down verses that have been important to you over the past few years. Take a look at the appendix on page 167. Read these verses out loud; really think about them. Circle all the truths where God says this is who you are! Do any of these verses stand out as ones you want to remember? If so, list them.

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(Continues...)

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Excerpted from Candid Conversations with Connie, Vol. 2 by KATHY BUCHANAN, Gary Locke. Copyright © 2015 Focus on the Family. Excerpted by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc..
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents

Contents

Introduction, 1,
Chapter One: Peppered Salami Is Underrated (Knowing Who You Are), 3,
Chapter Two: When Penny Saved My Life (Finding Fantastic Friends), 17,
Chapter Three: The Joys of Friendship (Gossiping, Drama Queens, and Frenemies), 31,
Chapter Four: Get the Garlic out of Your Pudding (Learning to Lead), 47,
Chapter Five: Crying into My Pizza (Understanding Cliques), 61,
Chapter Six: Adventures of the Nerd Bird (How to Handle a Mean Girl), 73,
Chapter Seven: Once upon a Yellow-and-Pink-Checkered Jacket (What to Do About Peer Pressure), 89,
Chapter Eight: Blame It on My Hippocampus (How to Make Good Decisions), 101,
Chapter Nine: Tapping into Your Superpower (Skills for Surviving ... and Thriving), 117,
Chapter Ten: How to Survive Mad Cow Disease (The Laws of Like), 131,
Chapter Eleven: A Knight in Shining Arrogance (How to Spot a Godly Guy), 143,
Chapter Twelve: Brain Problems, Zip Lines, and Homeless Puppy Dogs (Q & A About Guys ... with the Guys Themselves), 155,
Appendix (Verses About How God Sees You), 167,
Notes, 169,

Editorial Reviews

“Why are there mashed potatoes on the Mona Lisa?” —Connie

You are worth more than a world-famous painting. But sometimes life gets messy, and we can forget how special we are. Hurtful words from friends or “frenemies,” peer pressure, and clique drama can cover up the beautiful work of art God created us to be.

In volume 2 of Candid Conversations with Connie, you’ll join a picnic with the crew from Odyssey as they honestly discuss important questions that affect girls like you.

• Who am I, really?
• What do I do when I don’t fit in?
• How do I handle a mean girl?
• Why are boys so weird?

Through fun stories and activities, you’ll grow in your ability to make the best decisions about boys, spiritual matters, and friendships. Read this book by yourself, with your mom, or with a group of friends and enjoy growing up God’s way!

For help using this resource as a Bible study, slumber party event, or conversation tool for girls ages 8–12, visit whitsend.org/connie. Plus, don’t miss the feature “Candid Conversations with Connie” each month in the Adventures in Odyssey Clubhouse magazine.

From the Publisher