Table of Contents
Foreword by Jimmy Wales, founder of Wikipedia xi
1 Who Gives a Darn About Conflict? 1
If It Happened to Them, It Can Happen to You 1
How This Book Will Help You 3
It All Began on August 6, 1991 3
Every Single Day People and Businesses Take a Hit on the Internet 4
The Negative Effects of Unresolved Conflict 6
Unique Aspects of Online Communications 6
Anonymity and Pseudonymity 7
The Legal System’s Weaknesses 8
When It’s Online, It’s Permanent 8
Three Scenarios Revisited 8
What Is Conflict and How Can Conflict Management and Resolution Help? 10
Foundational Concepts in Conflict Management and Resolution 11
Positions 11
Needs 11
Values 12
Different Types of Conflict Management and Resolution 13
Negotiation 14
Facilitation 14
Mediation 15
Arbitration 15
Civil Litigation 16
Three Foundational Skills Necessary in Conflict Management and Resolution 17
What This Book Covers 19
Endnotes 20
2 Why Your Online Reputation and Privacy Matter 25
More and More, Everything You Do Is Public and Subject to Public Scrutiny 25
Sharing and Oversharing 26
Your Digital Footprint Matters, Whether You Want It to or Not 28
How Online Information About You Affects Your Reputation and Life 29
Online Information About You Affects Your Education, Too 30
Online Information About You Impacts Your Career Success 31
Online Information Affects More Than You Think 32
Reputational Hits from the Outside 33
Reputational Hits from the Inside 33
Measuring Your Existing Digital Footprint 35
Consumer Review and Complaint Sites 36
Local and Hyperlocal Sites 37
Sentiment Analysis 38
Creating a Strong Online Reputation 40
The Importance of Trust and Goodwill 42
If You Make a Mistake, Own It 46
Monitoring Your Online Reputation 47
Using Monitoring Tools 48
Endnotes 50
3 The Different Types of Conflicts You’ll Encounter Online 57
Whether You’re a Global Giant or a Private Individual, You Can’t
Escape Online Conflict 57
How Many Different Types of Online Conflicts Are There? 59
One-on-One Conflict 59
One-on-One Conflict Between Individuals with a Prior Relationship 60
One-on-One Conflict Between Individuals Who Are Known to Each Other 61
One-on-One Conflict Between Individuals with Only a Superficial Prior Relationship 63
Conflicts Between Several People or Groups 63
Conflicts Between Several People or Groups Who Share a Common Identity 64
Conflicts Between Several People or Groups Who Don’t Share a Common Identity 64
Conflicts Between an Individual and Several Community Members 65
Conflicts Between Community Members and Site Representatives 65
Conflict with People Who Are Pseudonymous or Anonymous 66
Online Lynch Mobs 67
Private Versus Public Disputes 69
Conflict Issue Categories 70
Content-Based Conflicts 70
Personality-Based Conflicts 72
Power-Based Conflicts 73
Identity-Based Conflicts 75
Why These Online Conflicts Matter 76
Endnotes 77
4 Who Are the Troublemakers? 85
A Pathetic Loser and Coward 85
Troublemakers Come in All Sorts of Shapes and Sizes 86
Anatomy of a Troll 86
How to Deal with Trolls 90
Dealing with Sockpuppets 90
How to Identify a Sockpuppet 93
Dealing with Difficult People 94
Dealing with Online Defamers 100
Cyberbullies, Cyberharassers, and Cyberstalkers 102
What to Do If You Are Being Harassed or Stalked 103
Online and Offline Can Overlap 104
Endnotes 104
5 What’s Your Conflict Style? 111
It’s Other People Who Are Making Me Crazy, So Why Are We Talking About Me? 111
There Is No Single Right or Wrong Conflict Style 112
Adult Personal Conflict Styles 113
Competing: The Warrior 114
Coercing: The Bulldozer 115
Circumventing: The Dodger 117
Compliant: The Pacifier 117
Compromising: The Negotiator 119
Covert: The Operative 120
Collaborative: The Resolver 121
Online Conflict Style Quiz: Which One Are You? 122
Scoring Key 126
Endnotes 126
6 The 101 of Anger Management 129
Anger Is a Primal Emotion 129
An Important Note About This Chapter 131
What Happens to You When You Become Angry? 132
Are There Differences in Who Becomes Angry and How They Express It? 132
Why People Become Angry 135
Don’t Confuse Anger with Other, Similar Emotions 139
Negative Anger Affects People at Work and at Home 141
The Downside of Expressing Anger Online 144
Venting and Self-Control 146
Anger Management Techniques 148
Endnotes 153
7 Digital Literacy in a Hyperconnected World 163
Brett Cohen the Celebrity 163
The News Media Takes Accuracy Seriously And Still Sometimes Gets It Wrong 164
Digital Literacy and Why It’s Important 166
Truthiness Is the Word 166
Critical Thinking Is a Core Component of Digital Literacy 168
Check Your Biases and Beliefs 169
Examining Credibility and Quality 173
Don’t be Seduced By Gossip and Rumors 179
Accuracy and Verifiability of Information 182
Is a Desire for the Truth Strong Enough to Overcome Bias and Faulty Thinking? 184
Endnotes 185
8 Into the Trenches: Conflict Resolution Skills and Strategies 195
Could This Dispute Have Been Managed Better
and Possibly Even Avoided? 195
Your Conflict Goals and Corresponding Approaches 197
Your Organization’s Culture and Conflict Practices 199
Determining If, When, and How to Respond 201
A Word About the Role of Compassion 204
Dispute Management Process 206
Gather information 206
Identify the Disputants 208
Define the Problem from Your Perspective 210
Determine What the Other Side Says the Problem Is About 211
When the Parties Have Different Views About What the Dispute Is About 212
What Does the Other Side Say It Wants? 213
Who Are the Decision Makers? 214
Agreeing on Process and Ground Rules 215
Know Your BATNA and WATNA 216
Creating Possible Solutions 218
Agree on and Implement the Solution 218
Review Your Progress 219
Interpersonal Skills for Successful Dispute Management 220
Focus on the Problem and Not the Person 220
Don’t Make Personal Attacks or Ad Hominem Fallacies 220
Form of Expression Matters 221
Active Listening 223
Responses When Someone Bashes You Online 224
Examples of Effective Online Problem Solving 227
A Special Note About Consumer Review Sites 231
Single Versus Repeat Occurrence Disputes 232
Can You Manage the Dispute on Your Own or Do You Need Outside Help? 233
Crisis Management Approach 235
Endnotes 237
9 Legal Aspects of Online Disputes and Conflicts 241
Is Questionable Behavior Illegal? It Depends
on the Facts and Circumstances 241
The Imperfect Nature of Legal Rights and Responsibilities Online 245
Freedom of Speech 246
Defamation 249
Privacy 251
Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act 253
Drafting Robust and Legal Social Media Policies 254
Endnotes 257
10 30-Day Plan for Better Conflict Management Online 267
Putting Knowledge into Action 267
Day 1: Start Your Conflict Inventory and Assessment 268
Day 2: Identify Your Greatest Online Conflict Concerns 271
Day 3: Measure Your Existing Digital Footprint 272
Day 4: Start Identifying Your Online Conflict Management Goals 273
Day 5: Identify Your Internal Champions 274
Day 6: Get Buy-in from Leadership 275
Day 7: Get Human Resources’s Buy-In 275
Day 8: Identify the Stakeholders and Key Personnel You’ll Need 275
Day 9: Identify the Financial Resources You Need 276
Day 10: Claim Your Online Identity 277
Day 11: Choose an Online Monitoring Tool 278
Day 12: Set Up an Online Conflict Tracking System 278
Day 13: Set Up Your Social Media Sites 279
Day 14: Create Your Company’s Social Media Policy or Review Your Existing One 279
Day 15: Hire Someone to Manage Your Social Media Properties 280
Day 16: Hire an Attorney 280
Day 17: Determine Whether You Need to Bury or Remove
Negative Information 280
Day 18: Start Developing Your Company’s Online Conflict
Management Training 282
Day 19: Establish Criteria for Measuring Success of Conflict
Management Training Program 284
Day 20: Create a Social Media Conflict Response Flow Chart 284
Day 21: Start Offering In-Depth Conflict Management Training to Your Social Media Professionals, Public Relations Professionals, and Online Community Managers 285
Day 22: Start Drafting Your Crisis Management Plan 286
Day 23: Identify Your Online Crisis Management Team 287
Day 24: Decide Who Your Public Face Will Be in an Online Crisis 288
Day 25: Train Your Public Relations Team and Social Media Team in Crisis Management Skills 288
Day 26: Develop Your Company Website’s “Dark Site” 288
Day 27: Start Developing Your Anger Management Training Course 289
Day 28: Start Developing Your Digital Literacy Training Course 289
Day 29: Simulate an Online Conflict Crisis 290
Day 30: Conduct the Online Crisis Simulation’s
Post Mortem 290
Endnotes 290
Index 291
