Cutting More Ties That Bind: Letting Go of Fear, Anger, Guilt, and Jealousy so We Can Educate Our Children and Change Ourselves
Cutting More Ties That Bind: Letting Go of Fear, Anger, Guilt, and Jealousy so We Can Educate Our Children and Change Ourselves
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Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781609255657 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | Red Wheel/Weiser |
| Publication date: | 09/01/1993 |
| Sold by: | Barnes & Noble |
| Format: | eBook |
| File size: | 815 KB |
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CUTTING MORE Ties That Bind
Letting Go of Fear, Anger, Guilt, and Jealousy so We Can Educate Our Children and Change Ourselves
By Phyllis Krystal
Samuel Weiser, Inc.
Copyright © 1990 Phyllis KrystalAll rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-60925-565-7
CHAPTER 1
REPROGRAMMING AND PREPARATION OF ADULTS AND TEACHERS
Surely, the first requisite for a more successful system of educating children is the reeducation of adults, precisely because children are, of necessity, trained by adults, both parents and teachers. Consequently, adults need to be re-educated in a manner very different from their own original indoctrination.
The chain-reaction that can be observed in patterns of behaviour handed down from one generation to the next must be broken. This will allow human beings to develop into self-reliant, independent, mature men and women, free to make choices between what is currently appropriate and the often outmoded or negative patterns handed down to them through their family heritage. These old patterns can be so constricting that change and progress become impossible for those imprisoned by them. We so often mechanically and unthinkingly echo whatever we have heard all our lives without even questioning whether it is true or useful in day-to-day life. Many people live through an entire lifetime automatically following inherited patterns of behaviour whether they are currently practical or not.
All the more primitive species learn by the repetition of tried and proven behaviour, either as directly taught by their parents or as copied from them. In this way it is imprinted on their nervous systems and acts as a defence against attack, hunger and other problems they may encounter. It allows them instinctively to know how and when to react.
But, though human beings are like animals in many ways, they do not live solely on the instinctive plane. They possess the abilities of thinking, reasoning, questioning and being creative in many ways in addition to eating, sleeping and producing offspring. Therefore, they are able individually to form new habits to fit changing times and conditions.
In the last fifty years there have been more drastic changes than in any comparable period in history. These changes have provided many advantages, but at the same time they have also created more problems. Such has been the pace of change that we have been forced to make many huge adjustments in a very short space of time. The result is a great deal of general confusion and insecurity.
At present there exists throughout the world an acute need to reshape the systems of education in order to give children growing up in this rapidly changing scene some very necessary new guidelines. These could replace those that are either totally missing or are so outmoded that they are of little practical use in present-day society. This situation has caused disorder, licence, depravity, addiction to drugs, alcoholism, sexual confusion, violence, delinquency and depression, often leading to youthful suicides.
When the essential meaning of life is no longer taught, either verbally or through example, our children grow up in a seemingly senseless but sense-dominated world that provides no emotional or spiritual sustenance. They then begin to crave they know not what. To satisfy this inner hunger, they turn desperately to anyone or anything that holds out even the slightest promise of assuaging it. Hence, the proliferation of multi-sexual encounters, the enormously increased reliance on drugs, alcohol, violent films and television shows, salacious books and magazines and even certain forms of 'pop' meditation. All these either overstimulate them, and in that way distract them from their pain and hunger, or dull their perceptions by numbing uncomfortable thoughts and feelings.
This part will, therefore, be a summary or overview of my first book. It will prepare parents and teachers by first showing them how to free themselves of the old negative conditioning and to avoid passing it on to the children under their care.
Many people will resist this idea as being highly impractical, citing the old saw, 'You can't teach an old dog new tricks.' But humans are not animals, though they do share many attributes. They have many advantages over other species, the most important one being free will. They are therefore not obliged to continue outmoded habits. Changing them may involve a great deal of hard work, but with determination, and the help of the High C, it is most certainly possible.
They will then be in a better position to bring children up in such a way that their innate abilities and personalities are allowed to flower, instead of being masked by the ideas of their educators.
Obviously, parents and teachers and all other figures of authority in a child's life need to be acutely aware of their very important roles in teaching and programming the children with whom they are closely associated. Only by training children, the future citizens of each country, is it possible for a change of consciousness to be brought about in the world, composed as it is of countries, organisations and families all containing individuals.
Only when adults sincerely try to apply to their own personal lives the time-tested human values comprising the world-wide and many-faceted heritage outlined in the various ancient teachings can they become capable of teaching them to the children who come under their influence.
By ancient teachings, I refer to the original truth received by inspired teachers, sages and seers through the ages. This truth has been lost to sight beneath the accretion of manmade embellishments. Regrettably, it is the latter on which the various disciplines have been built. But they are now fast crumbling or are already lost. This is as it should be if the original truth is to be reclaimed and presented in a form more appropriate to the times.
The Shiva (or Destroyer) energy is at work, whereby old rigidified guidelines are being demolished in many areas to make room for new growth to break through. It is similar to the way a field must be ploughed before fresh seeds can be planted to produce a new crop.
At present we are all living in an interim period, watching the rapid demolition of many old and familiar patterns to which we have become so accustomed that they represent security. As yet there are no clear indications of the kinds of new patterns which might eventually replace them.
Very few people are comfortable in unfamiliar situations. These can be most anxiety-producing to some for the simple reason that they may not have had the experience to help themselves to handle them. No one likes to feel at a loss or inadequate. For those who are aware of the current changes taking place everywhere, these are very difficult and frequently bewildering times in which to be alive.
All species feel more comfortable with parameters or guidelines, even if some individuals may often wish to discard them and live free of restraint. Invariably, such rebellion ends in disaster, just as a runaway vehicle lacking control or direction eventually crashes.
First, before anyone can be taught new patterns of behaviour, the old and inappropriate ones must be relinquished. For this reason, I always suggest to couples who are planning to start a family that they work through some of the techniques from my first book before they embark on their new joint venture of parenthood.
First, the clearly observable chain-reaction proceeding from one generation to the next must be broken so that each new generation is free from any of the old negative conditioning that so often prevents growth. It is very simply expressed by the biblical quotation, 'The sins of the fathers shall be visited upon the children to the third and fourth generation.' Children react to parents either by copying them or rebelling against their identity, and how they behave and what they teach. But both such reactions inhibit their ability to express themselves freely and, consequently, restrict their development (or restrain their full development).
It is therefore imperative for prospective parents to cut the binding ties to each of their own parents, surrogate parents, or other authority figures. They themselves must be free to make contact with the High C and to henceforth receive instruction and direction from that inner source instead of from outer ones associated with their own hopes and fears, habits and objectives.
CHAPTER 2
CUTTING TIES TO PARENTS, AND OTHER TECHNIQUES
The first step before cutting the ties to parents is to prevent intrusion, control or coercion from any outer sources by delineating and protecting one's inner space or territory. This is accomplished by using the Figure Eight (described in Cutting the Ties that Bind). A person is directed to visualise, think of, or imagine on the ground all around him a golden circle with a radius the length of his arm with the fingers extended. This circle sets the limits of the holy ground or temenos, as the Greeks named it, space or territory, to use current terms. If the person is more than usually vulnerable, this circle can be imagined extending upward to form a cylinder all around him as high as feels comfortable and protective. Another golden circle about the same size, and containing one of the parents, is imagined on the ground immediately in front of him, the two circles just touching without overlapping. It will be easily seen that the Figure Eight has been formed. However, the two circles alone do not prevent intrusion or projection by either person into the other's territory. To free both from invasion or control by the other, a neon blue light is visualised, imagined or actually drawn on paper, starting at the point where the two circles touch. It flows first around the parent's circle in a clockwise direction, and back to where they touch. It continues around the person's left side, around his back to his right side, and back again to where they touch. It then flows around the Figure Eight continuously. The neon blue light has the effect of drawing each person's projections into his or her own circle, rather like disentangling the tentacles of two octopuses entwined in each other's grasp.
This visualisation needs to be practised daily for two minutes upon awakening, again just before going to sleep and at intervals during the day, for two weeks. The actual exercise for severing the tight constricting ties between the two people can then be undertaken. Briefly, it involves visualising or feeling one or more bonds connecting the person and his parents, and mentally removing and destroying them in whatever way is indicated by the High C. The next step involves a ritual in which the person thanks the parent for all the learning gained from the relationship, asks the parent for forgiveness for any wrongs perpetrated against him or her and requests the High C to forgive him or her for any wrongs against himself for which the parent has been responsible. The parent is then asked to leave the inner space, which allows more direct contact with the High C, the only true authority. A ritual bath to remove all overlay of the parent's attitudes completes the ritual.
Separate rituals should be undertaken for each parent and any other individuals responsible for early conditioning or programming. This method successfully frees a person from the overlay of old patterns learned from the parents during childhood which do not necessarily allow expression of the real personality.
After the cutting ritual, it is helpful to compile two lists, one for each parent, setting forth the positive and negative attributes of each. These help to determine where he has copied and where he has rebelled against the model of conduct they have presented to him. Unless these qualities are clearly seen, it is difficult for a person to decide where any correction of habits, attitudes or other learned Characteristics is needed in his own behaviour. Only when they have freed themselves in this way are prospective parents able to rear their own children more effectively by helping them to reveal their true personalities instead of projecting on to them their own hopes, ideals, expectations, preferences and other inherited patterns as so many parents usually do.
Unlike animals, human beings have free will and have the right to decide for themselves whether to follow a slow evolutionary path or to work to eradicate their faults and weaknesses. They can then detach themselves from past mistakes and be free to start living more positively in the present under the guidance of the High C.
Many other exercises outlined in the previous book would greatly aid prospective parents in preparing for their own children. I will merely refer to each of them here and suggest that the reader study these steps, described in the first book.
The Tree
The Tree technique, whereby prospective parents make contact with their own version of the inner Cosmic Parents, which together form the High C, is most helpful. So many people have had unhappy relationships with one or both parents and find the discovery of their own inner ones a tremendous comfort and support. Many people have never received love in a form they can accept and have not been taught either how to give love or how to receive it, simply because the parents themselves were not given loving role models by their parents. When they make contact with these loving inner parents they find they can receive from them the love that they had always longed for. They can then allow it to flow through them to other people.
Negative Emotions
The various techniques for detaching oneself from negative emotions such as fear, anger, guilt, jealousy and envy, to name just a few, are an excellent preparation for assuming the responsibility of rearing children, who frequently stir up all manner of unpleasant reactions in parents unless they have released these feelings beforehand. Often parents will vent their anger on their children over some trifling incident. Their child often has no idea how he has evoked such an exaggerated outburst.
The Inner House
Working with the Inner House and setting it in order is another very helpful undertaking, since the house is a symbol of the entire self with the various rooms representing all its parts. The actual house in which they live can also be cleaned and put in order at the same time, which greatly emphasises the message to the subconscious.
The Inner Child
Identifying the Inner Child, attending to its needs and giving it love and attention to help that part of the personality to grow to the same age as the rest of the personality is extremely important. Otherwise, there is apt to be a conflict between the Inner Child of each parent and the outer physical child they bring into their lives.
The Black Cloud
If a Black Cloud is suspected as a negative influence on either of the parents' families, it should by all means be dissipated before a child is bom into a family. These negative inherited memories can be triggered at any time if one of the members of a family faces a situation that is reminiscent of old family traumas.
The above techniques or exercises are recommended as indispensable for prospective parents. However, it would of course be very helpful if they would both go through the rest of the exercises described in Cutting the Ties that Bind to remove anything else that could cause problems while their children are growing up.
We all feel more secure when we have clear guidelines to direct us in our daily lives. That is one reason why some old customs continue to be followed despite the fact that many of them have either degenerated into senseless rules or are no longer relevant to life at the present time.
Children tend to learn more easily and quickly by example than by words. If parents live according to high moral standards, their children are more likely to follow their lead. If, on the other hand, the parents teach one thing but do another, children are quick to detect the inconsistency and become confused.
During my childhood in England, I was quoted as repeatedly having said to my mother from a very early age, 'You tell me not to lie, but you do it all the time. That's not fair.' This reaction is typical of young children before they have become too inhibited to express themselves freely. It is very easy to teach others but that is not enough. Children need to be shown by the example of elders and teachers the type of behaviour and practices which match their teachings. Not all teachers have high standards, so discrimination is needed to distinguish between those who only teach the truth and those who also practise it.
CHAPTER 3
SATHYA SAI BABA
Many years after I first started to receive the counselling method I use, I heard about Sathya Sai Baba, a world teacher who lives in Southern India. He was bom in 1926 in a tiny remote village and has been quietly and patiently teaching all those who are willing to listen to his message which, like that of Jesus and other spiritual teachers of the past, is based on unselfish love.
Since 1972, when I first heard about Baba, I have visited him many times in India and have been able to watch him in many different situations and with thousands of people.
No ordinary human being could do even a fraction of what he accomplishes every single day, year after year. Each day's activities represent a superhuman feat which I doubt anyone could match. And he accomplishes it all with such unhurried, unruffled serenity and, above all, with immense love. Sai Baba's life is his message, as he often avers. I have certainly found this to be true. Experiencing Sai Baba's influence is a challenge to bring our lives into line with his teachings. In so doing, we can give a clear example to others who may be in need of guidance.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from CUTTING MORE Ties That Bind by Phyllis Krystal. Copyright © 1990 Phyllis Krystal. Excerpted by permission of Samuel Weiser, Inc..
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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Table of Contents
Contents
Preface
Acknowledgments
Introduction
Part 1
Chapter 1 Reprogramming and Preparation of Adults and Teachers
Chapter 2 Cutting Ties to Parents, and Other Techniques
Chapter 3 Sathya Sai Baba
Chapter 4 Preparing for Parenthood
Chapter 5 Bonding the Baby with the Parents
Chapter 6 The Birth Chart
Chapter 7 The Early Years: Pre-puberty
Chapter 8 Techniques for Use with Younger Children
Chapter 9 Puberty Rites
Chapter 10 Love
Chapter 11 Parental Control
Chapter 12 How Teachers Can Help
Chapter 13 Addictions
Part 2
Chapter 14 Who Are We and Why Are We Here?
Chapter 15 Early Conditioning
Chapter 16 Symbols
Chapter 17 Detaching Ourselves from Roles
Chapter 18 Men and Women
Chapter 19 Balloon and Nest-of-Dolls Roles
Chapter 20 The Effect of Roles on Future Relationships
Chapter 21 Identification with Occupation or Profession
Chapter 22 Inherited and Behavioural Patterns
Chapter 23 Sub-Personalities
Chapter 24 Freedom from Fear of Rejection
Chapter 25 Traditions, Customs and Mores
Chapter 26 Prejudices
Chapter 27 World Religions and their Effects
Chapter 28 Reincarnation and Karma
Chapter 29 Past Lives
Chapter 30 Dreams
Chapter 31 Thought and Thought-Forms
Index
About the Author