Dirty Girls Come Clean

by Crystal Renaud

Overview

You are not alone.

The sexual addictions of pornography and masturbation are not just men’s issues. They’re women’s issues, too. Research shows that 25% of Christian women are addicted to pornography. But 70% of these women will never admit their struggle.

In Dirty Girls Come Clean, Crystal Renaud aims to change these statistics and help you gain freedom from sexual addiction.

Why This Book?

So often, ministries and tools for overcoming these sexual addictions are more accessible to men than they are to women. Even if these ministries and tools were accessible to women, they may not be as effective in giving freedom because women turn to pornography for different reasons than men do.

Women need a resource crafted specifically for them.

A Trusted Source

Crystal, founder of Dirty Girls Ministries and AACC certified counselor, comes clean first. Her story of addiction to pornography began when she was 10 years old and continued and intensified for eight years.

During this time of sexual addiction, Crystal deceived and withdrew. She came to know shame intimately, and she thought she was alone in her struggle.

After coming clean about her sexual addiction, Crystal also includes stories of other women who have come clean about theirs.

A Plan for Freedom

Crystal is determined to help women come clean and, by God’s grace and power, get free.

Addressing both the sexual addictions themselves as well as underlying issues that cause them, Crystal provides a plan for freedom using the acronym SCARS.

• S—Surrender: Trusting the Healer
• C—Confession: Out of the Darkness
• A—Accountability: Restoring Our Character
• R—Responsibility: Owning My Part of the Story
• S—Sharing: God Never Wastes an Experience

In addition to her plan for freedom from sexual addiction, Crystal provides other resources such as: personal inventories, the twelve steps of sexaholics anonymous, online accountability programs, other books, and links to recovery groups.

Join Crystal and many others who have claimed freedom from sexual addiction. Now is your time to come clean and be free.

“With the recent release of Crystal’s book Dirty Girls Come Clean women now have the tools they need to fight a battle that many assume only ensnares men.

I can only imagine what kind of hope and encouragement this book is going to offer women who have believed for years, decades, that they were the only ones struggling and there was no hope for them.”

-Book review by Marsha Fisher on porntopurity.com

An Excerpt from the First Chapter:

This book is for you, the woman who feels alone in addiction to pornography. I don’t believe in coincidences. This book is in your hands because God wants to speak some truth to you, and, for whatever reason, He’s chosen to use this book to do so.

The dark cloud of this addiction is far-reaching. Pornography addiction knows no path other than one of destruction, isolation, and suffocation. Pornography addiction knows no creed. Pornography addiction knows no gender.

We are all sexual beings. If not, you and I would not be living on this earth. So to believe that pornography can only be a man’s problem is not only false, but it is an ignorant lie that comes from the enemy.

The enemy, Satan, deceived Even in the garden of Eden by convincing her that if she ate the forbidden fruit, she would be like God. She in turn offered Adam the fruit, he took some, and as a result of their disobedience, they were expelled from the beautiful garden where they had enjoyed perfect fellowship with God. Satan’s goal was to destroy. And the enemy has been trying to destroy women ever since.

From the first bite of forbidden fruit to pornography addiction, the enemy will use whatever he can to deceive us and keep us ineffective for use in the kingdom of God.

May you find comfort in knowing that not only are you not alone in your struggle, but there is hope for breaking the stronghold of this addiction.

And that hope comes from Jesus.      

I write this book from a Christian point of view because it is my personal belief that Jesus is the reason I stand free from pornography today. But as I said, pornography addiction knows no creed. Pornography affects everyone. So it is my hope that the steps provided throughout this book will be beneficial to all women, from all walks of life.

You were created for so much more than this life you’ve been living. Life is to be lived abundantly. It is time to come on out from behind the bushes.

Life is waiting. 

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780802477798
Publisher:	Moody Publishers
Publication date:	04/01/2011
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
Pages:	160
Sales rank:	220,030
File size:	2 MB

About the Author

CRYSTAL RENAUD is Founder and Executive Director of Dirty Girls Ministries, a not-for-profit ministry helping women struggling with pornography and sexual addiction. Founded by Crystal in February 2009, the desire of Dirty Girls Ministries is to break through the stigmatic barriers that are keeping women in bondage to this addiction. Crystal has used the experience gained from her own 8-year pornography addiction to counsel hundreds of women as well as writes and speaks in various venues on the topic. Crystal is single and resides in the Kansas City area.
CRYSTAL RENAUD is Founder and Executive Director of Dirty Girls Ministries, a not-for-profit ministry helping women struggling with pornography and sexual addiction. Founded by Crystal in February 2009, the desire of Dirty Girls Ministries is to break through the stigmatic barriers that are keeping women in bondage to this addiction. Crystal has used the experience gained from her own 8-year pornography addiction to counsel hundreds of women as well as writes and speaks in various venues on the topic. Crystal is single and resides in the Kansas City area.

Read an Excerpt

DIRTY GIRLS COME CLEAN

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By CRYSTAL RENAUD

Moody Publishers

Copyright © 2011 Crystal Renaud
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-0-8024-6300-5

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Chapter One

WALK AWAY —or Jump In

It began with frustration.

I had been leading pornography addiction recovery groups for women for about a year when it came to the point that I needed something more from the material I was using. It was great material.

In fact, it was powerful material.

But it was written for female sex addicts. Largely written for and focused on women recovering from promiscuity, adultery, sexual abuse, and more. Women who struggle with pornography were only mentioned here and there. It contained no real-life accounts of women who had been down this road before and revealed very little about the problem or how to be released from its hold.

As if pornography and pornography-related behavior couldn't be all a woman struggled with. As if she had to be wholly sexually aggressive. As if she had to have larger issues because she was using and viewing pornography.

Women were beginning to tell me, "Hey, this book really isn't for me."

Not entirely true. But I could see their point.

While pornography and pornography-related behavior are definitely sexual addictions, these women had a hard time seeing themselves as full-blown sex addicts. They were becoming resistant to the process of recovery because of this label.

So I searched high and low for Christ-centered material that focused less on whole sexual addiction and more on a woman's use of and addiction to pornography. One that walked through what leading a woman through recovery is supposed to look like.

Unfortunately I turned up empty-handed.

Were there really no recovery books for women with pornography addiction? There were a few books on the topic of pornography addiction for men, and there were many more for wives with addicted husbands.

But nowhere could I find a single recovery resource on the effects of pornography addiction in women or any substantial information on how to specifically help them overcome it.

And that's when I felt it.

Standing in the middle of a Christian bookstore (choking on the smell of Christmas potpourri), feeling defeated and frustrated at the deadend I'd found myself in, I felt God's impression to write this book.

I immediately sent my friend a text message, letting her in on this absurd book-writing idea.

"I think I am supposed to write a book about female pornography addiction."

Her response: "Of course you are."

When God first laid it on my heart to begin sharing my story and minister to women addicted to pornography, I never in my wildest imagination thought He'd ask me to write a book. After all, I was only leading a humble group of women in my local church. If I am being honest, there were only three women attending my group at the time.

Expose my own addiction story for hundreds, perhaps even thousands of people to eventually read?

That's humorous, God.

But that's exactly what He directed me to do.

In February of 2009, I launched the website DirtyGirlsMinistries.com to host surveys specifically for women who were in addiction to pornography or who at one time struggled in the area of pornography addiction. Following in the footsteps of a friend who had written a book several months prior, I knew that in order to get a solid foundation for writing, I needed the data these surveys would provide. I needed to see with new eyes, beyond what my own eyes had already seen, just how widespread the porn problem among women really was.

In less than one week, I received over 300 survey responses and countless e-mails from women all around the world.

All revealing about themselves something they likely had never revealed before.

I knew about my own addiction. I knew about my accountability partner's addiction. And while there were similarities in our two stories, these surveys proved above all else that there was no formula. There was no pattern or single common denominator for how or why a woman would become addicted to pornography.

These women were young. These women were old. These women were married. These women were single. They were mothers. And daughters. And sisters. And wives. And some of them were even in ministry.

The only things these women had in common were that they each had a name, they were someone's someone, and they were living secret lives of pornography addiction. And they all fully believed they were the only women who did.

Throughout this book, I will come clean about my own eight-year battle with pornography addiction and how I was ultimately set free from it.

You will also read the stories of several other brave women who will come clean. Real women just like you, who found freedom from their addiction in similar ways as I did and allowed me to use their stories as hope for you. Pornography had profoundly affected the lives of these women—by choice and otherwise.

This book is not for sensationalism's sake or to be something I am praised for writing. This book is a testament to the bravery of the women who stepped up to complete a survey and the women therein who shared their stories with me. It is because of these women, and the women who will read this book with hope in their hearts and a relentless call by God, that this book has now come to fruition.

And this book is for you, the woman who feels alone in addiction to pornography. I don't believe in coincidences. This book is in your hands because God wants to speak some truth to you, and, for whatever reason, He's chosen to use this book to do so.

The dark cloud of this addiction is far-reaching. Pornography addiction knows no path other than one of destruction, isolation, and suffocation. Pornography addiction knows no creed. Pornography addiction knows no gender.

We are all sexual beings. If not, you and I would not be living on this earth. So to believe that pornography can only be a man's problem is not only false, but it is an ignorant lie that comes from the enemy.

The enemy, Satan, deceived Eve in the garden of Eden by convincing her that if she ate the forbidden fruit, she would be like God. She in turn offered Adam the fruit, he took some, and as a result of their disobedience, they were expelled from the beautiful garden where they had enjoyed perfect fellowship with God. Satan's goal was to destroy. And the enemy has been trying to destroy women ever since.

From the first bite of a piece of forbidden fruit to pornography addiction, the enemy will use whatever he can to deceive us and keep us ineffective for use in the kingdom of God.

May you find comfort in knowing that not only are you not alone in your struggle, but there is hope for breaking the stronghold of this addiction.

And that hope comes from Jesus.

I write this book from a Christian point of view because it is my personal belief that Jesus is the reason I stand free from pornography today. But as I said, pornography addiction knows no creed. Pornography affects everyone. So it is my hope that the steps provided throughout this book will be beneficial to all women, from all walks of life.

You were created for so much more than this life you've been living. Life is to be lived abundantly. It is time to come on out from behind the bushes.

Life is waiting.

Testimonial:

Crystal: I'll Come Clean First

It was an ordinary day.

I had Just arrived home from another long day in the sixth grade and made myself a big glass of milk mixed with a little chocolate syrup. A staple around my house. Leaving my homework for later (or never), I headed to the couch to watch TV.

But on the way there, I took a brief detour to the bathroom.

What I would discover there and the events that followed on that crisp autumn afternoon would soon change the course of my entire life.

Hi, I'm Crystal ... and for eight years I battled a pornography addiction.

How's that for getting right to the point?

I know that if I don't begin straight away by telling you my story, you'll look at me and look at this book as Just another self-help by someone who doesn't have a clue.

But hear this sweet sister:

I'm a woman who has been where you are.

I'm a woman who has endured countless church sermons describing only men's struggle with pornography addiction.

I am a woman who knows what it is like to be in a women's Bible study and have the group leader pass right over any chapters that deal with lust because "no one here has an issue with that."

I am a woman who knows that you have likely made attempts to free your life of pornography.

I am a woman who knows you have likely failed miserably at those attempts and more times than you'd care to admit.

I am a woman who knows that you likely feel like the only woman to ever struggle with this addiction.

The truth is, the number of women addicted to pornography is growing rapidly every single day.

The statistics are staggering. But not surprising.

Here are Just a few of those statistics. These are from back in 2003 so one can only assume the numbers have increased, not decreased with the rapid growth of Internet use.

• Breakdown of male/female visitors to pornography sites: 72 percent male and 28 percent female.

• 70 percent of women keep their cyber activities secret.

• 17 percent of all women struggle with pornography addiction.

• Women favor chat rooms two times more than men.

• 1 of 3 visitors to all adult websites are women.

• 9.4 million women access adult websites each month.

• 13 percent of all women admitted to accessing pornography while at work.

• Women, far more than men, are likely to act out their behaviors in real life, such as having multiple partners, casual sex, or affairs.

You're thinking statistics are Just numbers. What does it mean about you personally? Or what do I, the author of this book, personally know about pornography addiction?

More than I care to mention actually. But I will.

My rendezvous with pornography began in October of 1996. Just a month short of my eleventh birthday. That's right, I was only ten years old when I first stumbled upon pornography.

Here's another stat ... the average age a child first sees pornography is age eleven.

In the summer of 1996, we had Just moved because my dad's Job transferred us from Minnesota to Kansas. My mom, recovering from a two-year stint of clinical depression, had to start working outside the home. My dad was away on business trips more than he was home.

My brothers, although older, lacked the interest or maturity to take good care of me. As their nosy little sister, I knew a great deal about what they were going through. I even did my best to help keep them out of trouble.

I enjoyed a peaceful home. Even when it was sometimes only peaceful because I worked hard to keep it that way. I was always the peacemaker. I never wanted my brothers to even get grounded ... or kicked out. And, given what they were doing, that could have been a possibility.

So almost daily, I came home from school to an empty house. It never bothered me, though. In fact, I relished my solitude.

I had my routine.

Drop my book bag on the floor. Check.

Grab a snack and a drink from the fridge. Check.

Locate seat impression left on the couch from the day before. Check.

Even though my mom had her struggles with depression off and on when I was a kid, she remained very protective.

My dad was pretty checked-out faithwise as he was a nonpracticing Catholic who stopped going to church completely by the time I was eight years old. My mom, however, was a woman of great Christian conviction.

And I mean conviction.

Being that I was a child of the eighties, my mom followed the rules for being a "good Christian mom" at that time, which meant we didn't go trick-or-treating, didn't believe in Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny, and didn't even watch The Smurfs.

Even going as far as putting in place adult content blocks on our cable box and Internet filtering (when the Internet came of age in my high school years).

Some would say she went overboard.

Needless to say, she kept me safe back then. Naïve.

But no filter, password, or accountability software could have protected me from what my oldest brother had brought into our home.

So on that nothing-out-of-the-ordinary afternoon when I found a certain questionable magazine sitting in our downstairs bathroom ... I was taken aback.

Sure, I had seen romantic movies. Perhaps even a naked woman on film when my mom couldn't cover my eyes quickly enough. But I had no idea what sex actually was.

Let alone have even a clue what pornography was.

It was because of my naïve nature, this heightened curiosity, and the neglect of being home alone at such a young age that I decided to explore my newfound discovery.

I picked up the magazine. I opened the front cover. And it happened.

In that one moment, in less than a second's time, I not only exposed my eyes to a concept I had never seen before, but I exposed my heart, my mind, and my body to a world that no ten-year-old should ever have entered.

Counselors (to this day I love counseling) I've had over the years have compared the emotional trauma this first exposure to pornography caused me to the emotional trauma of a rape victim.

While that was a difficult parallel for me to accept because I have known women who have been physically raped, it was true.

It was true because of how I reacted to that initial experience.

Reality was that I came in contact with pornography completely innocently. But the reality I believed was the amount of shame I felt and amount of blame I placed on myself for even looking at it in the first place.

And on some level it began to complete me.

Especially since my use of pornography didn't stop with that one magazine, but became the catalyst for what would be a long, painful road ahead.

I soon (and rather quickly) discovered that pornography was everywhere. And it was easily accessible virtually anywhere I went.

(Continues...)

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Excerpted from DIRTY GIRLS COME CLEAN by CRYSTAL RENAUD Copyright © 2011 by Crystal Renaud. Excerpted by permission of Moody Publishers. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents

Foreword by Anne Jackson
Walk Away—or Jump In
Testimonial: I’ll Come Clean First
1. From Wounded to Healed
                Testimonial: AmyChristine Comes Clean
2. You Are Here
                Testimonial: Sarah Comes Clean
3. S—Surrender: Trusting the Healer
                Testimonial: Chelsea Comes Clean
4. C—Confession: Out of the Darkness
                Testimonial: Jenny Comes Clean
5. A—Accountability: Restoring Our Character
                Testimonial: Charlotte Comes Clean
6. R—Responsibility: Owning My Part of the Story 
                Testimonial: Jennifer Comes Clean
7. S—Sharing: God Never Wastes an Experience               
                Testimonial: Stephanie Comes Clean
8. It Is for Freedom

Personal Inventories:
For Those Seeking Freedom from Porn
For Those (Mostly) Free from Bondage
About the Author and Resources
Notes
Acknowledgments
It’s Never Too Late

What People are Saying About This

From the Publisher

Honest. Powerful. Compassionate. Practical. Needed . . . are the words that came to mind when reading Crystal Renaud's book Dirty Girls Come Clean. A great challenge for women of all ages to come clean!
Craig Gross. Founder of XXXchurch.com and author of Eyes of Integrity

I appreciate Crystal Renaud’s honesty and courage in sharing her own struggles with a rarely discussed issue among women. By shedding light on this, she will no doubt help many women out of darkness and isolation.
Larissa Lam, JCTV Host

Crystal Renaud is a courageous young lady, and one who openly confesses her viewing porn, her addiction to porn, and, while it is scandalous, she proclaims the scandalous freedom we have in Christ. I highly recommend this book!
Reverend Tal Prince, Cofounder of Route 1520, pastor, and host of Tal Prince Live!

Thanks to Dirty Girls Come Clean, Christian women now have a voice that describes their secret struggle with pornography. In this hope-filled volume, Crystal outlines a realistic process for ‘coming clean’ and helps women take those important first steps toward freedom.
Marnie C. Ferree, MA, LMFT, Executive and Clinical Director of Bethesda Workshops; author of No Stones—Women Redeemed from Sexual Addiction and L.I.F.E. Guide for Women.

Crystal Renaud is a woman of deep compassion and character who sets out to help others in a profoundly honest and humble way. She's brave enough to talk about what few will and she does it in a way that brings hope and healing. I am so thankful she is a voice championing integrity in our broken world.
Jud Wilhite, Sr. Pastor, Central Christian Church Las Vegas, author of Throw it Down

Dirty Girls Come Clean is an excellent resource for women about the topic of sex, desire, and pornography. With story, honesty, hope, and lots of grace, Crystal Renaud takes this sensitive topic, one that often leads women toward guilt-filled dead ends, and reveals pathways toward forgiveness and healing.
Matthew Paul Turner, Author of Churched and Hear No Evil

Crystal's voice is unmistakably clear in a culture void of healing, comfort, and hope for the broken. If you are that girl, this book is for you.
Renee Johnson, Devotional Diva is a spirited speaker and writer, http://www.devotionaldiva.com

I am thankful for the vulnerable faith of people like Crystal. While I’m sure her story was not easy to share, it is in the power of her testimony that others find help out from under lies and isolation. Frank and cliché-free, this book has teeth.
Kem Meyer, Author, Less Clutter. Less Noise

There is simply no other resource like it on the market, and I am absolutely convinced God is going to use it to start a new healing revolution for women in bondage. The emotional trauma of a girl’s first exposure to pornography is compared by counselors to the emotional trauma of a rape victim should clue us in to the severity of this addiction and the importance this book. Lives will be changed.
Pete Wilson, Senior Pastor at Cross Point Church and author of Plan B

Crystal tackles the taboo subject of pornography addiction and bares her soul in her courageous confessional of her own struggle with it. The testimonies of women in this book display hope and will profoundly inspire you. Dirty Girls Come Clean will give you a taste of freedom and you will see just how contagious that is.
Cindy Beall, Author of Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken

The most powerful thing about Dirty Girls Come Clean is that Crystal goes first. Her willingness to openly share her struggles and road to sobriety creates a safe place for others to come clean. Thisbook is so engaging and practical that I wouldn’t be surprised if both women and men are deeply impacted by reading it.
David Trotter, Author and speaker—LAUNCH52.com

Finally, an authentic, legitimate voice for women everywhere! Dirty Girls Come Clean tastefully and practically addresses a not so tasteful issue with grace. If you’ve ever felt helpless in your struggle with porn, Crystal’s book is saturated in love, hope, and packed with real-world answers.
Angus Nelson, Speaker and Writer, angusnelson.com

Finally! Female porn addicts have been writing to me for years, asking for help. Crystal Renaud is the pioneer we’ve been waiting for. Her frankness is refreshing and her vision can change the world. If you know a woman who struggles with porn, buy this book.
Nate Larkin, Founder of the Samson Society, Author of Samson and the Pirate Monks: Calling Men to Authentic Brotherhood

We’ve heard a lot about men and pornography, but precious little from women who struggle with porn addiction. If the adage ‘you’re only as sick as your secrets’ is true, then Crystal Renaud’s book will help a lot of women get out of their shame and secrecy and into the light of confession and healing.
Susan Isaacs, Actress and author of Angry Conversations with God

Dirty Girls Come Clean is an honest, thoughtful and poignant treatment .The stories are a reminder to us that sexual temptations are not just a 'guy' thing. It honors the different ways in which women enter into struggles with sexual issues. Dirty Girls will be shocking to some, but the hope within it makes it a must read for those who want to take these issues head on.
William M. Struthers, PhD, Associate Professor of Psychology, Wheaton College, Author of Wired for Intimacy

While the double standards and sexual stigma that exists in our culture has branded women who struggle sexually as ‘dirty girls’, it's high time that an “angel” of hope appears to change all of that. If you're a woman reading this, and this is the cross you bear, then read on because Crystal just may be that “angel” you've been waiting for.
Michael Leahy, Founder of BraveHearts and author of Porn Nation

Pornography addiction among women is a widespread problem and it is not going away. In fact, it is growing every day. Crystal Renaud is a courageous young woman who came to God with a yes in her heart and a burden for hurting women in her soul. It is my honor to wholeheartedly endorse this book. Crystal is the real deal.
Mary Southerland, Women’s ministry motivator and author

Dirty Girls Come Clean is a fresh dose of authenticity and transparency that gives a voice to the woman in bondage.  Sexual addiction has a name; it has a face; it has a soul. DGCC is a constant reminder that those that struggle desire freedom and that freedom and redemption is found through confession.
Justin Davis, Campus and Teaching Pastor at Cross Point Church, Nashville TN and Co-Founder of RefineUs Ministries 

You're not alone. None of us are. Dirty Girls Come Clean is a must read for all teenage girls as well as parents of teenage girls. Porn addiction for women is only a taboo subject because we've made it that way. It's time to start talking and take away the hold it has over us.
Jenni Clayville, Worship & Creative Arts Pastor at Paseo Christian Church, Blogger at JenniClayville.com