Do I Get My Allowance Before or after I'm Grounded?: Stop Fighting, Start Talking, and Get to Know Your Teen

by Vanessa Van Petten

Overview

Vanessa Petten bridges the communication gap between teens and parents.

Every parent fears "losing" their child. But in this revolutionary book, youthologist Vanessa Van Petten translates what parents want to say into what teens want to hear.

At 16, Vanessa Van Petten started her award-winning website, RadicalParenting.com, in reaction to sudden friction with her parents. Today, Vanessa and more than one hundred teen contributors help thousands of parents build and maintain healthy, strong, mutually fulfilling relationships with their teenage children-by providing prescriptive advice straight from the source.

From classic fights like dating and chores to 21st Century issues such as sexting and cyberbullying, this comprehensive book provides step-by-step guidance on every worry, including:

• Lying
• Peer Pressure
• Social Networking
• Sex
• School
• Drugs

  It's never too late to reconnect. Vanessa Van Petten helps you learn what's really going on in your child's life, and most importantly- understand when to put your foot down and when to let go.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781101543696
Publisher:	Penguin Publishing Group
Publication date:	08/30/2011
Sold by:	Penguin Group
Format:	eBook
Pages:	320
File size:	343 KB
Age Range:	18 Years

About the Author

VANESSA VAN PETTEN has been writing and speaking about teen issues since she was sixteen. She founded RadicalParenting.com and is a CNN columnist, as well as winner of the Mom’s Choice Award. She travels the country speaking to all types of groups about family relationships, teen lifestyles, advertising to Net-Generation and many other issues pertaining to Gen Y. She lives in Los Angeles.


From the Trade Paperback edition.

Table of Contents

Introduction ix

Part I Build the Relationship

Chapter 1 Change How You Talk 3

Chapter 2 Stop Fighting the Same Fight 32

Part II Learn About Their Life

Chapter 3 Figure Out Friendship 65

Chapter 4 What Happens Online, Stays Online 92

Chapter 5 The New Bully 125

Chapter 6 Risky Business: Smoking, Drinking, Sex, and More 163

Part III Why You Don't Need to Worry ... as Much

Chapter 7 Handling High School 211

Chapter 8 The Greatest Generation? 248

Conclusion 271

Acknowledgments 277

Resources for Parents 279

Bibliography 289

Index 297

Editorial Reviews

Van Petten, founder of the popular Web site RadicalParenting.com, offers parents a candid view of the contemporary teen's world in this eye-opening text. Van Petten uses actual stories about teens and their often anxious, angry, or befuddled parents to introduce each chapter. Pointing out that she is neither a parent nor a teen (nor a doctor, therapist, or counselor), the college-grad author has nevertheless earnestly investigated her subject and includes current research on teens as well as hundreds of "real quotes, interviews, e-mails and advice from actual teens." Van Petten explores a variety of timely subjects, including peer relationships, teen/parent communication, bullying, technology, and "risky business" (smoking, drinking, sex, and more). Her outlook on technology and "Internet savvy" is particularly incisive, emphasizing not only the hazards of "time-suck" activities (i.e., Facebook, chatting on IM, and texting) but also the many social and academic benefits of the digital universe. Like a crafty spy, Van Petten comfortably segues from parent to teen perspective, and while noting that each adolescent is unique, she skillfully opens doors to the collective teen psyche. (Aug.)

Publishers Weekly

"Explores a variety of timely subjects, including peer relationships, teen/parent communication, bullying, technology, and 'risky business.' Her outlook on technology and 'Internet savvy' is particularly incisive, emphasizing not only the hazards of 'time-suck' activities but also the many social and academic benefits of the digital universe. Like a crafty spy, Van Petten comfortably segues from parent to teen perspective, and while noting that each adolescent is unique, she skillfully opens doors to the collective teen psyche."—Publishers Weekly

"Offers parents of teenagers a new opportunity to communicate with their kids on a level that strips away the strife. Van Petten's time-tested, step-by-step methods can help both parents and their children navigate around the classic pitfalls and reach a level of mutual understanding."—Today.com

"Translates teen behavior into terms parents can understand and explains why your child may suddenly seem unrecognizable to you. She tackles bullying, drugs, technology, lying and grades and encourages parents to communicate, communicate, communicate with their teens, even if a large portion of that communicating comes in the form of arguments."—Chicago Tribune

From the Publisher

A 25-year-old "youthologist" offers firsthand insight to assist parents and children in building better relationships.

By the time Van Petten was ready to celebrate her Sweet Sixteen, she had already achieved success as the founder of RadicalParenting.com, a website that curates parenting tips from teenagers. Building on the same formula that won her numerous accolades and skyrocketed sales of her two previously self-published titles, the author culls advice from teenagers and translates it directly into language parents can understand. "Some of the advice in this book you may not like," Van Petten cautions parents in the introduction. This might be particularly true of the chapter entitled, "Risky Business: Smoking, Drinking, Sex and More," in which the author adamantly states from the get-go, "Every teen will engage in 'risky' behavior." Practical solutions on how to address issues ranging from chores to curfews, and even cyber bullying, can be found here, in addition to exercises for parents and their teens to improve family unity. Most effective is the author's discussion of the distractions and difficulties presented by society's increasing reliance on technology; she suggests enforcing electronic-free times and areas and engaging in family-wide discussions about what it means to be a good cybercitizen. Van Petten's overarching message is that all teenagers are different, and regardless of their issues, most teenagers wish their parents would talk and listen to them more, not less.

A rational approach to defuse hand-to-hand combat parenting.

Kirkus Reviews