Fight Less, Love More: 5-Minute Conversations to Change Your Relationship without Blowing Up or Giving In

by Laurie Puhn

Overview

A Harvard-trained lawyer and mediator shows busy couples how to stop fighting and start communicating.

In Fight Less, Love More, readers will learn how to identify the bad verbal habits, instinctive responses, and emotional reasoning that can cloud judgment and ultimately lead to the deterioration of otherwise healthy relationships. With exercises, examples, and sample scripts, Puhn's modern voice presents simple 5-minute strategies create immediate, positive changes and provide long-lasting communication skills that couples can continually employ when faced with conflict.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781609612085
Publisher:	Rodale
Publication date:	09/18/2012
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
File size:	671 KB

About the Author

LAURIE PUHN, JD, is a Harvard-educated family lawyer and couples mediator with a private practice in Manhattan. She has made numerous national television and radio appearances, including the Today show, 20/20, Fox News. CNN, and NPR, and her advice has appeared in such magazines as Good Housekeeping, Redbook, Real Simple, Women's Health, and the New York Times. She also conducts empowering relationship communication seminars and workshops nationwide.

Table of Contents

Introduction ix

Part 1 Cracking the Code to Relationship Bliss

1 You Can Do It! 3

2 Love Is Conditional 13

Part 2 5 Minutes to Fight Less and Love More

3 Tame Rudeness: Install a Daily Communication Routine 21

4 Short-Circuit an Argument: Stop the Lion That Roars 35

5 Inspire Appreciation: End Relationship Madness 47

6 Keep It Confidential: Protect Your Union 63

7 Be More Lovable: Conquer with Compassion 77

8 Awaken Your Silent Mate: Pump Up a Verbal Exchange 87

9 Kick-Start Intimacy: Engage Your Brain 103

10 Deter Cheating: Put the "Adult" Back in Adultery 121

11 Criticize with Influence: Bark, Don't Bite 141

12 Reject Stubbornness: Get Out of Your Own Way 157

13 Orchestrate a Perfect Apology: Make Music for Your Ears 167

14 Negotiate for Love: Nothing Is Ever 50-50 177

15 Control Overreactions: Get Your Point Across 191

16 Disarm the Know-It-All: Regain Confidence in Each Other 207

17 Have a Good Fight: End Your Bad Fight Habit 221

Part 3 Change Your Thinking, Not Your Partner

18 Practice Optimism: Fuel Your Relationship 237

19 You: The Great Partner 247

Acknowledgments 251

References 253

Index 256

Editorial Reviews

As a Harvard-trained family and divorce lawyer and couples mediator, Puhn is extremely well qualified to speak to communication difficulties in relationships. In this book, she outlines tactics to improve communication, avoid unhealthy behaviors, and better appreciate your partner that are simple to implement, remarkably effective, and will benefit couples in relationships troubled and healthy alike. With advice that is nonjudgmental, extremely efficient, and clearly understandable, Puhn covers all aspects of romantic relationships, from problems like infidelity to boundaries giving couples of every strip something of benefit. Sections, chapters, and goals are clearly delineated and well positioned, with research bubbles (adultery is often a consequence of believing that one's marriage is already in trouble) and quotes from the familiar (Oprah) to the refreshing (Churchill) make for a light, easy read. Eschewing frustrating vagaries, sweeping generalizations, and gender-based assumptions, Puhn's extremely specific guide focuses on simple, rational solutions that primarily revolve around maintaining respect for one's partner. Readers will gain a great deal from her contribution to the genre. (Oct.)

Publishers Weekly

“Women and men may be from different planets, but Laurie Puhn's insightful advice will show them how to speak the same language and create a relationship of mutual respect and support. Fight Less Love More makes the considerable task of improving your relationship astonishingly simple, and gives couples the tools they need to create their own happiness.” —John Gray, Ph. D., author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

“Laurie Puhn offers a no-frills book about how to have a great relationship. Fight Less, Love Morecontains brilliant and precise advice; the underlyingimplication being that healthy, loving couples are sane and smart--a sentimentthat shines through on every page of clear, sensible information. I would recommend it as required reading for any couple.” —Harville Hendrix, Ph. D., author of Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples

“Most everyone I know would be willing to invest 5 minutes a day to improve their relationship. Laurie Puhn shows us how to use those few minutes to build lasting love. I highly recommend Fight Less, Love More.” —Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages

“Perhaps no conflict is more problematic for more people than that between partners and spouses. In this practical handbook, Laurie Puhn offers sound and pithy advice for today's time-pressed couples on how to deal with their differences in a smart and kind manner.” —William Ury, Ph. D. co-founder Harvard's Program on Negotiation, co-author of Getting to Yes and author of The Power of a Positive No

“Laurie Puhn hands couples who have lost their way a roadmap back to the relationship they want. Smart, empowering, and insightful, Fight Less, Love More offers real-life strategies for ending the cycle of fighting, hurt, and poor communication in which so many couples become entrenched.” —Rachel Greenwald, author of Find a Husband After 35 and Have Him at Hello

“No matter how much two people love each other in the beginning, at some point most couples end up in the same fight over and over--and inadvertently stepping on land mines that restart it all once again. Laurie's new book explains how to step beyond habitual patterns and reconnect with the person you fell in love with.” —Susan Piver,author of The Wisdom of a Broken Heart and The Hard Questions

“Ever been in one of those here-we-go-again arguments with your mate, wishing someone could step in to help you sort things out once and for all? That's where Laurie Puhn comes in. Written with humor and directness, her book will help you create the loving communication that you long for. Read it now before you're tempted to say, 'honey, can we talk?'” —Scott Haltzman, M.D., author of The Secrets of Happily Married Men

“With advice that is nonjudgmental, extremely efficient, and clearly understandable, Puhn covers all aspects of romantic relationships, from problems like infidelity to boundaries giving couples of every strip something of benefit. Readers will gain a great deal from her contribution to the genre.” —Publishers Weekly

From the Publisher