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Just Keep Breathing
A Shocking Exposé of Real Letters You Never Imagined a Generation was Writing
By Reggie Dabbs, John Driver Thomas Nelson
Copyright © 2016 Reggie Dabbs and John Driver
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-0-7180-7920-8
CHAPTER 1
Unfixable and Invaluable
LETTER 1: I WAS RAPED, BULLIED, AND I WONTTO DIE ... BUT NO ONE CARES
"RACHEL"
Dear Reggie,
I know you probably wont get this. But im at the XX and i wontto die. I always wontto die. I cut so much. I have had over 15 stitches. I have overdosed over 3 times. But God doesnt let me die. He wont let me. I dont wontto be here. I get pushed in the lockers at school. I get threatened all the times. I have an older brother who is badly disabled. No one really cares. I know you talk about hope, but where is it? My boyfriend and his little brother and friend killed thmself. It will be 2 years ago tomarrow. I get abused and hurt so much, no one cares. People see the cuts, they see the bruises but no one cares. I try nd ask for help nd i get pushed away. Why should i be here. I wont to die. I have been raped and im scard to report it. No one cares. Im cutting so much and doing such stupid stuff. Ill probably die. No one cares like, i try and ask, but no one cares. My dads emotionaly abusive, my moms an addict and physicaly abusive, her bf is a drunk and abusive, why should i [be] here? I wontto die. I know you dont care but yeah ...
im Rachel, not that anyone cares.
Reggie's Initial E-mail Response to Rachel
Rachel, I need you to hear me: I do not want to push people away. I want to lead them to the place where they can find hope like I did. I know you have a purpose. I believe in you, even if you don't think so, okay?
Reggie
Rachel's Reply to Reggie's Response
???? you may say that now, but you wont care soon. You will wontto get rid of me too. You would wontto be the one to just push me away. Call me the weird person. I just cant do life. Ive cut so much over this youth rally. Its so pathetic i know. I never do this kind of stuff. Im so sorry i found your email. Im sorry im even writting this. I just dont know what to do anymore. I try. U really try but its like why do i? I dont even know. I dont wont to be here anymore. I fractured 5 ribs the other month, got forced into ... (message cut off)
Reggie's Reply to Rachel
Dear Rachel,
Let me begin by saying something to you that someone should have said a long time ago — I am sorry. I know, I know — I am not the one who should be apologizing because I am not responsible for everything that has come your way. But please hear me when I say that on behalf of everyone who may never tell you what they should say, I, Reggie, am sorry for everything that has happened to you.
I'm sure you are not perfect, but you do not deserve all of this. I, Reggie, care about you. I know, this does not erase all that has happened to you, but do not underestimate the power of one person caring, one person loving. Yep, one person can change the world; I am counting on this to be true in you. Right now, you are my one person. But before that can happen, let me — the only person I can do anything about — change your world by loving you just the way you are.
You see, I really do believe in you, even if you don't think so. There is a purpose for you. If you really thought it was all over, you never would have written me. But you did write me. That means you are still breathing, and there is still hope. For Rachel, there is still purpose. Who knows how your story might affect other people someday? Who knows if you might save someone's life?
Sometimes life is so difficult that it seems hard to breathe. Believe me, I've been there, and I know you are there right now. I know you want to give up, but you must not. Why? Because if you give up today in the middle of your problems, you will miss the very answer that is waiting for you right now in your tomorrow. It is there waiting for you. You just have to keep breathing long enough to reach it and take hold of it.
If you give up, you will become just another statistic, and no matter what the world says, no person is meant for this. If you were nothing but a statistic, your parents would have named you a number. Could you imagine being named Seven or Twenty? Hey, Seven, quit counting stars and come to dinner!
But, instead, you were given an actual name: Rachel. So you must keep breathing long enough to make that name great. I do not have all the answers, but I can tell you that I know what it is like to hurt deeply, to feel lost and abandoned, to consider ending my own life, to wonder if anyone cares. You are not alone in this. The path to survival is long and winding with many stops along the way, but it is a path you can walk. It is hard, but you are worth it.
So for now let me give you one answer you need to at least make it through today — no matter what, just keep breathing. These are not just empty words. This is not some motivational sports movie or just worthless inspiration. As long as you breathe, you live. As long as you are living, you can hope for tomorrow.
Remember that one large black man named Reggie thinks your name — Rachel — i s already great. You are loved. So don't hate yourself. You can make it!
I Got Yo' Back!
Reggie Dabbs
Rachel's Reply to Reggie
I wonted to say that going to XX, I was going to not go. I was going to stay home and kill myself. I was going to take this razor i got and i was going to just let the blood go. But then i went to XX and was like i will just do it when i get home today. I was going to bleed to death like my boyfriend did. But you saved me. Last night. I had cut really bad. Should have goten stitches but it stoped bleeding this morning. i was siting in the bathroom just hurting because it was bleeding bad but then i got your email and i cryed so much.
LETTER 2: IF I WAS MEANT TO LIVE, WHT THE H*** WOULD I [WANT TO DIE?
"HANNAH"
Dear Reggie,
If I was meant to live, why the h*** would I want to die, huh? Can you tell me that, Reggie?
Hannah
Reggie's Reply to Hannah
Dear Hannah,
Yeah, I can tell you! I can tell you that the hurt and pain you are going through is so strong that you want to give up. It is a natural response to extreme hardship. When most people get really tired, they lay down to rest. When people get weak, they want to give up.
You feel like giving up is your only way out, but that is not true. I was right there in your shoes, and I wanted to give up too, but I held on because someday there was going to be someone like you who would have needed me to hold on. That's what separates us from everybody else. We won't give up; we won't lie down. There has to be a reason to hope.
You were not born just to be sixteen, and then just leave this world. There is something more for your life. So, yes, I can give you the answer — life. There is a reason we go through pain and sorrow. Life. Once we get through all that pain, there is love on the other side — contagious love that spreads to others. There is life on the other side of your pain.
I am writing you back because I have hope — hope that my own personal pain and sorrow in everything I have been through will somehow become hope for you too. No matter what you feel or how angry you are, I hope that you find hope because I answered your letter.
I had a guy ask me just today, "Why are you doing this? Why are you answering these letters? Nobody cares!" That's just it! If you care enough to write me the letter, then you should know that I love enough to answer. If you hurt enough to put these words on paper or in a Facebook "message" and send them, I will care enough to put my words on paper and send them back. What is this letter? It is a Band-Aid helping to heal your cut. It is a salve — like an ointment — to bring relief to wounds that may have been open too many years. It is hope for you when you have no hope, love when you have no love. This letter is tomorrow in the middle of the pain you are facing today.
So why should you live? Because you are you — and there will never be another you. And we need you, even if you don't realize it yet. But the day will come when the world will need a hero, and because you have come through what you have come through, you will be the exact hero that we'll need tomorrow.
I Got Yo' Back!
Reggie Dabbs
LETTER 3: I WILL NOT LET THE BULLIES WIN
"KAYLEE"
Dear Reggie,
My name is Kaylee, and you were at my high school in XX today. When I heard you were coming, I was so excited and kept telling all my friends, "Hey, I gotch yo back," and they started laughing and said, "I really can't wait for Reggie to brighten up my day." When you came to XX Middle School, I believe in 201X, I realized how much stronger I really was.
Freshman year was pretty rough, and I was trying to find my friend group and just went down a really bad path. I was bullied continuously. I battled depression for about 6 months. I told my mom that I had thoughts of hurting myself, and everything I kept bottled up inside finally exploded. That day was the hardest day but also the best day.
I started to see a therapist; that was my new best friend and favorite place to be. That room was a safe place for me to just pour out my feelings, and I only listened to him. I mean really listen; my mom and dad are the best parents in the world. I love them more than anything, but when you're stuck in a black whole with no light, you don't hear anything.
Fast forwarding a little, after all the times I saw my therapist, I got a lot better and was getting back to being myself. Those were the roughest 6 months I have ever gone through, and multiple times I had thoughts that if I just died tomorrow, no one would care and everyone would go on with their lives.
But I kept telling myself, I am strong, and I cannot and will not let those bullies win. They didn't win. Sorry for telling you everything about my past, but the whole reason why I am sending you this e-mail is to explain how I was one day going through my Facebook and saw you on my newsfeed. That day changed my life.
I looked at myself in the mirror and said, you can't let them win. Reggie didn't just come to your school for nothing; he came to tell you when one door closes, and even if that door shatters to bits and pieces when it closes, there's always another one waiting. Opened. Having you talk today really made me reflect on who I am as a person and come to the realization that I am strong.
I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 5 months who was my best friend. I spent every day with him in the summer. He is a senior, and I am a sophomore, and I thought we are going to be dating for sure when he goes to college. But the feelings, the love I had for him, just vanished, and I tried so hard to find them, but they never came back. I am okay and know that if I could get through depression, I could get through this. I broke his heart, and I beat myself up every day for it.
But when you came today and told us about all the terrible, sad stories you have heard. That made me say to myself, "Keep your head high, and don't let anyone knock you down. You could someday make a difference in someone else's life and save them from something. You can do this, Kaylee."
Reggie, you're amazing; you made me the happiest I have been in 2 weeks, and for the time you were talking, all the thoughts about everything went away. All the stress was gone. I can't tell you how thankful I am for having you come today. When I reflect on today, I only remember me smiling and laughing.
I am thanking you from the bottom of my heart. And keep on doing what you do best, and that's changing people's lives. Thank you for taking your time today speaking and looking at this e-mail. Thank you, Reggie, and bless your heart, and wherever that great vibrant path you're on takes you, I bless it You once again changed my life. Thank you.
Reggie's Reply to Kaylee
Dear Kaylee,
Thank you so much for believing in what I do! I love coming back to schools multiple times because I get to meet kids who saw me in middle school and then again in high school, just like you did.
I've heard that many kids who are teased and picked on never get over it. But I don't believe that has to be the case. Being bullied does not mean they can't go on to become great people. I have met many people who have been bullied or teased. Guys like NFL wide receiver DeSean Jackson, who said people made fun of him for being short. Just like you, he didn't let the bully keep him down. He decided to stand up for what is right. And I want you to know that I am proud of you. You were in the black hole. You said there was no light, but there is always light. There is always someone who will help you get to the other side. In your darkest night, in your toughest fight, someone is going to be there.
I'm glad I got to walk into your day, and I'm glad you remember me saying, "I Got Yo' Back!" That's why I say these words — people need to know that somebody is on their side. Even if I am out of sight, it doesn't mean I'm out of mind.
Love? Yeah, you're right. Sometimes when you love someone, it can really hurt. When I was reading this, I remembered one time when I was in middle school, I dated a cheerleader. Notice that I said one time. I took her to my favorite restaurant, which was also one I could afford: McDonald's.
Back then they had little squirt ketchup bottles. We went after a football game; she wanted some ketchup for her fries, and I offered to get it for her. I was trying to be a man and squeezed the bottle, but nothing would come out. She tried to help, but I insisted that I could do it. So I squeezed that bottle as hard as I could because I wanted to be a man. You can guess what happened. Boom! It exploded all over her cheerleading outfit. She jumped up, called me stupid, and walked out the door. I was depressed. I was in that black hole. But it didn't last long because I realized she had left food. So I ate her food and went home to watch Happy Days. (That's an old show from the 70s and 80s you should look up on Netflix.)
So everybody goes through that. And, yes, you are right. You are a princess, and your prince is going to come. Just keep getting up every day. Just keep living life. Helping people. Watching the sun rise. Just keep breathing. Everything will be all right, and you can make it, no matter what any bully says.
I Got Yo' Back!
Reggie Dabbs
EXHALE 1: COULD ALL THIS BE TRUE
When I asked a few younger friends to read over the first letter you just read, after some prodding, they reluctantly expressed a shared suspicion: there is no way Rachel's story can be completely true. It is just too much to happen to one person. Maybe she is making it up — piling it on for attention or dramatic effect?
This suspicion does not make them — or you, for that matter — horrible people for considering it. You are right. Rachel's story is extreme, and all of the letters to follow will not always deal with the lengthy laundry list of tragedies we see here. But we must face two crucial questions: Is her story true, and why is that an important question to ask?
You should know that Reggie actually met with Rachel, along with an adult close to her situation. Reggie saw the scars on her arms. He personally looked into her troubled eyes. He also spoke with the adult who confirmed the details of her story. So you see, Rachel's story may seem unbelievable, but the most unbelievable part is that it is definitely true.
When we hear stories like these, we want to either disbelieve them or simply wish them away. These are natural reactions. The details are just too much to process. In the age of social media and reality television, people often embellish their stories to gain attention. Sensationalism abounds.
We are so overstimulated with the crazy stories we hear on the news, in interviews, and on talk shows that we have become numb to them. The lands of reality and fiction have lost their borders, so we act as if the laws are the same in both places: Just another person trying to get his fifteen minutes of fame. Just another crazy cartoon-type character to dismiss or ridicule. Man, what is wrong with people these days?
But our suspicions often go too far. We stop seeing individuals and only see unlikely stories, to the point that we ignore the realities all around us. We see characters instead of people. These are just a few letters we have chosen out of thousands — thousands of stories with details similar to Rachel's. Abuse, rejection, bullying — they are not just buzzwords. People are really hurting and not just in cities where gangs are prevalent or poverty is high.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Just Keep Breathing by Reggie Dabbs, John Driver. Copyright © 2016 Reggie Dabbs and John Driver. Excerpted by permission of Thomas Nelson.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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