Learning to Commit: The Best Time to Work on Your Marriage is When You're Single

by Avrum Nadigel

Overview

The fear of commitment to a partner is common, but this book is a practical, professional, common-sense guide to help you overcome at the right time your hesitation and to set you on the best possible course to a successful relationship.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781770404502
Publisher:	Self-Counsel Press, Inc.
Publication date:	09/01/2015
Series:	Reference Series
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
Pages:	154
File size:	3 MB

About the Author

Avrum Nadigel has been a therapist in Toronto, Montreal and Vancouver for more than 15 years. His approach combines family systems, psycho-dynamics and mindfulness perspectives. He has a Masters of Social Work from McGill University, a Bachelor of Commerce (Marketing) from Concordia University, and post-graduate training in Bowen Theory from The Western Pennsylvania Family Center.

Table of Contents

Introduction xv
1 Beginning to Learn 1
1. My Story: A Fear of Commitment 3
1.1 A paradigm shift 9
1.2 Everything coming together 12
2. How Family Systems Theory Works 15
2 Rethinking Love 17
1. Challenge Your Assumptions about Love 19
1.1 What is love? 21
1.2 Move beyond feelings: Jerry McGuire 23
1.3 Using relationships for validation 27
2. A New Paradigm: Knowing Ourselves 29
2.1 How close is too close? 30
2.2 Differentiation: Finding a healthy distance 32
2.3 Why compromise fails 36
vi Learning to Commit
2.4 Fighting fusion: being your own person 40
2.5 Pursuers and Distancers 42
3. The (Naturally) Dark Side of Relationships 44
3.1 Matching your emotional maturity 47
3.2 Too many fish? 49
3.3 Warming up those cold feet 51
3.4 Communication issues 54
3.5 Jealousy and external threats 58
4. Why Sexual Intimacy Fails 60
4.1 Relationships ebb and flow 61
4.2 Faulty assumptions about sex 64
4.3 A focus on technique and tools 65
5. Prolonging Your Own Pain 66
6. What Now? 69
3 Growing 71
1. Inertia versus Change 74
2. Embracing Pain 77
2.1 Standing on our own two feet 80
2.2 Learning to soothe our own anxieties 80
2.3 Taking risks leads to growth 80
2.4 Working on your relationship is a two-way street 80
3. Preparing to Go Home and Work on Your Family of Origin 81
3.1 Broaden the picture 82
3.2 Cultivate good questions 82
3.3 Discover the story of you 83
3.4 Be patient with yourself and others 83
4. Studying Your Family of Origin 84
4.1 Offering perspective 84
4.2 Objective assessment 85
4.3 Rethink your family dynamic 85
4.3a Case study: Susan, on her own 85
4.3b Case study: Greg, with a professional 92
Contents vii
4.4 Family exploration: Getting started 96
5. Dating with Your Eyes Open 98
4 Moving Forward 105
1. Next Steps 109
1.1 Tips going forward 114
Resources 115

Editorial Reviews

In a book world loaded with relationship advice, Avrum Nadigel’s Learning to Commit stands out as a major contribution to understanding how our relationships can be improved. While its focus is on the commitment-phobic person, he provides useful information for all couples who are attempting to navigate their way to a better relationship. His style is clear, understandable, and entertaining. He vulnerably provides examples of his own problems with commitment and how he worked through them. In addition, he gives many other real, clinical examples of difficult relationship issues that most of us can identify with. His wise insights and his knowledge of the principles that make for better relationships are accessible and solid. Nearly every page offers useful information for making it through the challenging world of developing good relationships.

Ronald W. Richardson

This book is such a clear and easily understood manual on how to find and keep a relationship with oneself and with others. It manages to synthesize some of the most profound of concepts into one user friendly guide to conscious living and loving. I cannot wait to teach from it, and to give it as a gift. Avrum's ‘voice’ is wonderful.

Adrienne Gold

I loved this book! Few self help books have kept my attention from beginning to end. Those that do I recommend to my patients. An enjoyable read chock full of valuable information and insights backed up by important theoretical perspectives. I will definitely recommend this book to anyone, single or coupled, who is struggling with relationships and those who need to reflect on family of origin issues to understand their present and improve their future.

Dr. Laurie Betito