Mending the Soul: Understanding and Healing Abuse

by Steven R. Tracy Narrated by Eric Turner

Overview

Biblically grounded and psychologically informed, Mending the Soul is a first-of-its-kind, comprehensive approach to understanding and treating every form of abuse for:
* Pastoral and ministry staff
* Small group leaders and youth workers
* Educators and seminary students
* Pastoral and clinical counselors

It's time for the church to recognize the epidemic scale of abuse.

Abuse kills.
In its different forms---physical, sexual, verbal, spiritual, or neglectful---abuse deadens the emotions, slays self-worth, cripples the mind, even destroys the body.

Its victims are legion.
They live in your neighborhood, play with your children, and attend your church. In the United States
* one in three women will be physically assaulted by an intimate partner.
* around 1.5 million children are abused or neglected annually.
* at least twenty-five percent of girls experience contact sexual abuse.

But there is hope.
God delights in mending shattered souls. However, healing doesn't come by ignoring the problem of abuse, minimizing its complexities, or downplaying its devastating impact. Healing comes by fully understanding the nature and ramifications of abuse, and by following a biblical path of restoration that allows God's grace to touch the heart's deep wounds.

Mending the Soul sounds the call and leads the charge. Thorough and accessible, here at last is a unique and powerful resource for understanding and healing victims of abuse.

Product Details

BN ID:	2940172492044
Publisher:	Zondervan
Publication date:	02/08/2020
Edition description:	Unabridged

Related Subjects

• Self-Help & Relationships
• Parenting & Family
• Bibles & Christianity
• Religion
• Self-Improvement
• Family Issues
• Christianity
• General & Miscellaneous Religion
• Emotional Healing
• Christian Life
• Church & Church Work
• Pastoral Ministry
• Abuse & Violence
• Family Abuse & Violence
• General & Miscellaneous Christian Life
• Pastoral Care & Counseling

Read an Excerpt

chapter 1
a wake-up call regarding the extent and power of abuse

Mary sobbed uncontrollably on the bathroom floor. Her mother stroked her hair and held her until she could finally speak. Mary's first day of high school had been a parent's worst nightmare. She had gotten into a fight with a classmate, had threatened the principal, and was on the verge of being expelled from school. Mary's parents, missionaries with a
Christian organization in the inner city of San Francisco, were beside themselves.
Ever since she entered adolescence, Mary had grown increasingly rebellious and withdrawn. The precocious little girl who wore fairy dresses and drew pictures of puppies now wore black and drew pictures of corpses. Mary attempted suicide twice in junior high. In fits of rage she would curse her parents for not aborting her before she was born. Her parents sought help from counselors,
their youth pastor, and even the family doctor, but nothing seemed to help. It felt as though they were in a losing battle with an invisible demon that was consuming their daughter's very soul.
Finally Mary began to speak to her mother in barely audible whispers. She told about a boy at school who had threatened her friend. As her mother began to question the depth of her rage at the boy, the long-invisible dragon began to take shape. Her cruel classmate had triggered dark memories she had spent years trying to escape. Finally she could no longer hold back the terrible images. She shamefully recounted that five years earlier, her cousin had sexually molested her over a period of two years while he was babysitting her. The molesting stopped once her family moved to San Francisco, but her cousin continued to make sexually suggestive comments whenever she came to visit.

Mary's parents immediately contacted the authorities and the rest of the family. The authorities chose not to prosecute the case, since there was no physical evidence. The extended family turned on Mary and her parents with a vengeance. They accused Mary of trying to destroy the family by making up lies.
They accused Mary's parents of using the cousin as a scapegoat for their poor parenting. They threatened to report Mary's parents to the mission board to get them removed from their ministry. Even when three other children came forward and reported that the cousin had fondled them, the entire extended family refused to believe or support Mary. They argued that if the cousin had done something inappropriate to Mary, it was in the past, and she was obligated to forgive and forget. To add insult to injury, they rebuked Mary for her anger toward her cousin and said it showed how sinful and unchristian she really was.
Two years after disclosing the abuse, Mary still wasn't sure she could believe in a God who watched her cousin molest her but did nothing to stop it.
I wish Mary's story were merely a hypothetical example. It is not. My ministry to Mary and her family has permanently transformed my understanding of abuse. It also raises troubling questions for all Christians:
* How widespread is abuse?
* How can abuse that happened years earlier continue to have an impact?
* How can parents, youth workers, and single adults looking for life partners identify potential abusers?
* How can abuse victims heal?
* What does genuine healing look like?
* Where does forgiveness fit in?
These are some of the questions this book seeks to answer. For all too long the church has ignored or even covered up abuse. By God's grace this must change.
Mending the Soul is divided into three parts. Part 1 addresses the nature of abuse. Here I will seek to give a biblical explanation for abuse, define exactly what constitutes abuse, and look at the characteristics of abusers and abusive families. I'll examine five different kinds of abuse, all of which distort the image of God and hence are very damaging.
Part 2 explains the effects of abuse. Abuse victims and those who seek to minister to them must understand the way abuse impacts the soul before a plan for healing can be mapped out. All too often, well-meaning Christians spout
Bible verses to cure very complex problems such as abuse. Scripture does give us a path to healing, but we cannot use Scripture properly until we have a keen grasp of the nature of abuse and the damage that needs to be healed.1 More specifically, I'll look at shame, deadness, powerlessness, and isolation as four of the most persistent and destructive effects of abuse. I will also relate these effects of abuse to our being made in the image of God, for it is only when we see abuse from the vantage point of our unique creation as divine image bearers that we can understand the soul damage created by abuse.
Part 3 will provide a path to healing. I'll specifically discuss facing the brokenness caused by the abuse, coming alive from deadness and numbness, learning to love and trust God, and understanding the role and practice of forgiveness. This section will conclude with an epilogue written by a sexual abuse survivor, who shares how God helped her heal, and will also include her thoughts on how churches and Christian leaders can minister to the abused.
I've also included five appendixes I developed in pastoral ministry: a sample child protection policy, a written application to work with minors, an oral screening form, a summary of warning signs of potential abusers, and a listing of Bible passages that address abuse. I've written this book to be an accessible handbook for the wounded and for the shepherds (both lay and professional)
who seek to care for them. Therefore, I have tried to keep technical discussion to a minimum. For those who desire a more nuanced discussion of the issues and documentation of sources, I have provided ample endnotes.
Before we begin our formal look at the nature of abuse, I'd like you to be aware of three of the premises that shape my model of abuse and healing.
I, like many who were blessed to have grown up in a loving home, have had a very difficult time accepting the reality of abuse, particularly in Christian homes.
Years ago, when I was a young pastor in a vibrant church, I was deeply offended when the women's ministry invited a special speaker to address the topic of domestic violence.

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