Chapter One
The Boringest Store in the World
My name is A.J. and I hate school.
Do you know which months are the best months of the year? July and August, of course! Because there's no school over the summer.
Yay!
The only problem is that now it's September.
Boo!
Bummer after the summer!
School starts tomorrow. So my mom said we had to go to this store called Staples to buy back-to-school supplies. Ugh! Staples is the boringest store in the history of the world. They don't sell video games or toys or any cool stuff. They just sell pens and pencils and ultraboring junk like that.
My mom had a list of things I had to get for third grade. After we found the boring book covers, boring binders, boring colored pencils, and boring glue sticks, I wanted to get a pen with a laser beam in it. Laser beams are cool. I saw this movie where they used a laser beam to kill aliens from outer space. But they don't sell pens like that at Staples.
They do have one cool thing—a copy machine. Copy machines are cool because you can put your head on the glass and make a funny picture of your face. It only costs eight cents! But you have to be sure to close your eyes or you'll go blind.
I stuck my head in the copy machine and closed my eyes. I was reaching for the Start button when I heard the most horrible sound in the history of the world. . . .
"Hi, Arlo!"
Ugh! It was Andrea Young, this annoying girl in my class with curly brown hair. I hate her. Andrea calls me by my real name because she knows I don't likeit.
I took my head off of the copy machine. Andrea was with her mom, who looks just like Andrea but with wrinkles.
"Are you buying back-to-school supplies too, Arlo?" Andrea asked.
"No," I told her. "I'm skydiving."
When somebody asks you a dumb question, you should always give them a dumb answer. That's the first rule of being a kid.
"I would never put my face in a copy machine," said Andrea.
"Why not?"
"Because I'm one of a kind!" Andrea said.
"You should put your face in a paper shredder instead," I suggested.
Andrea rolled her eyes. Why can't a copy machine fall on her head?
My mom and Andrea's mom were talking about the weather. Grown-ups are really interested in weather. Nobody knows why. So I was forced to talk to Andrea.
"Which do you like better, Arlo," Andrea asked, "this notebook with a picture of kittens on it or this one with elephants on it?"
"Do they have a notebook with a picture of elephants stomping on kittens?" I asked.
Andrea rolled her eyes again. Our moms said we could play around on the office chairs for a few minutes while they talked about the weather.
"Let's pretend we're grown-ups working in a real office!" Andrea said.
I sat at one of the desks and picked up a fake telephone.
"Send over a million dollars!" I barked into the phone. "Now!"
"Where's my coffee?" Andrea shouted. "I'll die if I don't have coffee!"
"You're fired!" I barked again. "Get out!"
Pretending to be a grown-up is fun.
"I need to file some reports," Andrea said, and she rolled her chair over to a big filing cabinet. When she pulled it open, the most amazing thing in the history of the world happened.
A head popped out!
"G'day, mates!" the head said.
"AAhhhhhhhhhhhh!" we screamed.
It was Mr. Granite, our new, third-grade teacher!
My Weird School Daze #3: Mr. Granite Is from Another Planet!. Copyright © by Dan Gutman. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold.Chapter One
The Boringest Store in the World
My name is A.J. and I hate school.
Do you know which months are the best months of the year? July and August, of course! Because there's no school over the summer.
Yay!
The only problem is that now it's September.
Boo!
Bummer after the summer!
School starts tomorrow. So my mom said we had to go to this store called Staples to buy back-to-school supplies. Ugh! Staples is the boringest store in the history of the world. They don't sell video games or toys or any cool stuff. They just sell pens and pencils and ultraboring junk like that.
My mom had a list of things I had to get for third grade. After we found the boring book covers, boring binders, boring colored pencils, and boring glue sticks, I wanted to get a pen with a laser beam in it. Laser beams are cool. I saw this movie where they used a laser beam to kill aliens from outer space. But they don't sell pens like that at Staples.
They do have one cool thing—a copy machine. Copy machines are cool because you can put your head on the glass and make a funny picture of your face. It only costs eight cents! But you have to be sure to close your eyes or you'll go blind.
I stuck my head in the copy machine and closed my eyes. I was reaching for the Start button when I heard the most horrible sound in the history of the world. . . .
"Hi, Arlo!"
Ugh! It was Andrea Young, this annoying girl in my class with curly brown hair. I hate her. Andrea calls me by my real name because she knows I don't likeit.
I took my head off of the copy machine. Andrea was with her mom, who looks just like Andrea but with wrinkles.
"Are you buying back-to-school supplies too, Arlo?" Andrea asked.
"No," I told her. "I'm skydiving."
When somebody asks you a dumb question, you should always give them a dumb answer. That's the first rule of being a kid.
"I would never put my face in a copy machine," said Andrea.
"Why not?"
"Because I'm one of a kind!" Andrea said.
"You should put your face in a paper shredder instead," I suggested.
Andrea rolled her eyes. Why can't a copy machine fall on her head?
My mom and Andrea's mom were talking about the weather. Grown-ups are really interested in weather. Nobody knows why. So I was forced to talk to Andrea.
"Which do you like better, Arlo," Andrea asked, "this notebook with a picture of kittens on it or this one with elephants on it?"
"Do they have a notebook with a picture of elephants stomping on kittens?" I asked.
Andrea rolled her eyes again. Our moms said we could play around on the office chairs for a few minutes while they talked about the weather.
"Let's pretend we're grown-ups working in a real office!" Andrea said.
I sat at one of the desks and picked up a fake telephone.
"Send over a million dollars!" I barked into the phone. "Now!"
"Where's my coffee?" Andrea shouted. "I'll die if I don't have coffee!"
"You're fired!" I barked again. "Get out!"
Pretending to be a grown-up is fun.
"I need to file some reports," Andrea said, and she rolled her chair over to a big filing cabinet. When she pulled it open, the most amazing thing in the history of the world happened.
A head popped out!
"G'day, mates!" the head said.
"AAhhhhhhhhhhhh!" we screamed.
It was Mr. Granite, our new, third-grade teacher!
My Weird School Daze #3: Mr. Granite Is from Another Planet!. Copyright © by Dan Gutman. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold.
Mr. Granite Is from Another Planet! (My Weird School Daze Series #3)
112
Mr. Granite Is from Another Planet! (My Weird School Daze Series #3)
112Related collections and offers
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9780061346118 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | HarperCollins Publishers |
| Publication date: | 09/02/2008 |
| Series: | My Weird School Daze Series , #3 |
| Pages: | 112 |
| Sales rank: | 30,087 |
| Product dimensions: | 5.10(w) x 7.50(h) x 0.40(d) |
| Lexile: | 580L (what's this?) |
| Age Range: | 7 - 10 Years |
About the Author
Customer Reviews
Explore More Items
Barbara Park’s #1 New York Times bestselling chapter book series, Junie B. Jones,
Barbara Park’s #1 New York Times bestselling chapter book series, Junie B. Jones,
Get ready to go back to school with the World's Funniest First Grader, Junie B. Jones, in this special 11
Many baseball players claim that Satchel Paige was the fastest pitcher in the history of the game. Stosh and his coach, Flip Valentini, are on a
In this eighth book in the My Weird School series, Ms. LaGrange talks funny, and she's from some other
In this twelfth book in the My Weird School series, Ms. Todd is subbing, and A.J. and his friends are
Joe "Stosh" Stoshack has an incredible ability. He can travel through time
In eight days, Coke and Pepsi McDonald are going to turn thirteen.
Before then, they'll jump off a cliff, get trapped in the locked basement of their burning school, chased cross-country by
Ella Mentry School is just
Hip, hop, hooray! Its Easter, and this year Mayor Hubble is hosting an Easter egg roll and a special egg hunt
Stosh is shocked when his enemy, Bobby Fuller, begs him for a favor. He wants Stosh to take him back in time to
In the fifth book of the original My Weird School series, Ella Mentry’s gym teacher, Miss Small, is
It’s time to jam in this sixth book in the My Weird School series. Thanks to their teacher, Mr. Hynde,
In the seventeenth book in the My Weird School series, Miss Suki is a famous children's book