My Life in Christ: 2 Volume Set: The Spiritual Journals of St John of Kronstadt

by E.E. Goulaeff (Translator), Nicholas Kotar (Editor), Ivan Ilyich Sergiev

Overview

2 Volume Set
 
My Life in Christ has been read by millions, making it one of the most beloved modern works of Orthodox Christian spirituality. In this new edition, the English translation has been thoroughly revised and freshly typeset to make St John's own words more accessible to today's reader. The bite-sized reflections draw the reader in to the author's profound spiritual experience and love for Jesus Christ and the Church. This is the kind of book you will return to time and time again. Appropriate, relevant, and edifying reading for all Christians.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780884654001
Publisher:	Holy Trinity Publications
Publication date:	12/01/2015
Edition description:	Second edition
Pages:	580
Product dimensions:	6.00(w) x 8.90(h) x 1.40(d)

About the Author

E.E. Goulaev's only publishing endeavor is his 1897 translation of My Life in Christ from the original Russian. Nicholas Kotar is a recent graduate of Holy Trinity Seminary. He also holds a degree in Russian Literature from UC Berkeley. He is also a founding member of Conquering Time, an ensemble of performance, visual, and literary artists inspired by the Inklings that stages original works of storytelling and traditional music and publishes new poetry and prose. Ivan Ilyich Sergiev (1829-1908), known to his contemporaries as Fr John of Kronstadt, was the most revered figure of the Orthodox Church in Russia in the half-century leading up to the Bolshevik revolution of 1917.

Read an Excerpt

My Life In Christ Part I and II

The Spiritual Journals of St John of Kronstadt

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By Ivan Ilyich Sergiev, Nicholas Kotar

Holy Trinity Publications

Copyright © 2015 Holy Trinity Monastery
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-0-88465-415-5

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CHAPTER 1

PART I

My Life In Christ

And this is eternal life, that they might know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent (John 17:3).

You, O God, have opened wide to me Your truth and Your righteousness. By instructing me in the natural sciences, You have opened to me all the riches of faith, of human nature, and of human reason; I have learned Your word — the word of Love — "piercing even to the division of soul and spirit" (Heb 4:12). I have studied the workings of man's mind, his love of wisdom, the formation and the beauty of speech. I have penetrated in part into the mysteries and laws of Nature, into the mystery of the creation of this world and the laws governing it. I learned about the population of our planet; I have acquainted myself with its different peoples, with historical luminaries and their works who have passed in turn through this world. I have begun to study the great science of self-knowledge and of how to draw closer to You; in a word, I have learned many, many things — "for things beyond human insight have been shown to you" (Sir 3:22.), and I have a great deal yet to learn. I own many books in many different genres; I have read and re-read them, but still I am not satisfied. My spirit still thirsts for further knowledge and my heart is not content; it hungers, and from all the knowledge thus acquired by the intellect, it cannot find consolation. When will it be satisfied? It will only be satisfied when "in righteousness shall I appear before Thy face; when Thy glory is revealed, I shall be satisfied" (Psalm 16:15). Until then, I shall continue to hunger. "Whoever drinks of this water will thirst again, but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life" (John 4:13–14), said the Lord.

How is it that the saints see us and our needs and hear our prayers? Let us make the following comparison: suppose that you were suddenly transported to the sun and were united to it. The sun lights the whole earth with its rays; it illuminates every grain of sand on the earth. In these rays you also see the earth, but you are so small in proportion to the sun, that you would form, so to speak, only one ray, and there are an infinite number of such rays. By association with the sun, each ray is intimately involved in the sun's illumination of the whole world. So also the saintly soul, having become united to God, its spiritual sun, sees all men and the needs of those that pray, through the mediation of the spiritual sun that lights the whole universe.

* * *

Have you learned to see God before you at all times, as ever-present Reason, as the living, dynamic Word, as the Life-giving Holy Spirit? The Holy Scripture is the domain of Reason, Word, and Spirit, of the Triune God. In Scripture, He clearly manifests Himself: "The words that I have spoken to you — they are full of the Spirit and life" (John 6:63), said the Lord. The writings of the Holy Fathers are also the expression of the hypostatic Reason, Word, and Spirit, in synergy with the spirit of mankind. The writings of ordinary worldly men, on the other hand, are the expression of the fallen spirit of mankind, with its attachment to sin, evil habits, and passions. In the Holy Scriptures we see God face to face, and ourselves as we are. Man, come to know yourself through them, and walk always as in the presence of God.

You yourselves can see that man, in his word, does not die; he is immortal in it, and it will speak after his death. I shall die, but shall continue to speak even after my death. How much of this immortal word remains among the living, left behind by those who have died long ago! Sometimes this word still lives in the mouths of an entire people! How enduring is the word even of one ordinary man! Still more so is the Word of God. It will survive beyond all time, and will live and act forever.

* * *

Since God is the creative, living and life-creating Thought, those people who in their thoughts turn aside from the hypostatic Thought and occupy themselves with earthly, perishable things sin greatly by making their spirit also earthly and perishable. Especially sinful are those who allow their minds to turn away from God and wander in different places outside the church, either during the divine service or in their personal prayers. They greatly offend God, upon Whom our minds should be fixed.

* * *

What is the point of fasting and prayer? Why must we work so hard? They cleanse us from sin, they lead to spiritual peace, to union with God, to sonship, to boldness before God. There are truly important reasons for fasting and confessing from the bottom of one's heart. Immeasurable rewards will be given for conscientious labor. Do many of us love God as a son loves a father? How many of us dare, without condemnation and with boldness, call upon the Father in Heaven and say: "Our Father"? Is it not the exact opposite? Our hearts, deadened by the vanities of this world and attachments to its objects and pleasures, are incapable of crying out with a son's voice. Is not our Heavenly Father distant from our hearts? Should not we rather imagine a vengeful God, since we have left Him to go into a faraway land? Yes, because of our sins, all of us are worthy of His righteous anger and punishment, and it is wonderful how long-suffering and forbearing He is to us: He does not uproot us like the barren fig trees. Let us hasten to propitiate Him with repentance and tears. Let us enter into ourselves; let us consider our unclean hearts in all strictness, and we will see what a multitude of impurities hinders the reach of divine grace. Only then will we realize that we are spiritually dead.

* * *

The loving Lord is here: how can I allow even a shadow of evil to enter my heart? Let all evil completely die within me; let my heart be anointed with the sweet fragrance of goodness. Let God's love conquer you, hateful Satan, who pushes us toward habitual evil. Evil is fatal both to the mind and to the body. It burns, it crushes, and it tortures. No one bound by evil will dare to approach the throne of the God of love.

* * *

When praying, we must absolutely subjugate our heart and turn it toward God. It must be neither cold, crafty, untruthful, nor double-dealing; otherwise, what will be the use of our prayers, of our preparation for the Mysteries? Is it good for us to hear God's angered voice: "These people drawl near to Me with their mouth, And honor Me with their lips, But their heart is far from Me"? (Matt 15:8). Therefore, let us not stand in church in a state of spiritual apathy, but let the spirit of each one of us on such occasions burn, laboring to strive toward God. Even men do not much value work done listlessly, out of habit. God wants us to give Him our hearts, "My son, give Me your heart" (Prov 23:26), because the heart is the most important part of man — his very essence. More than this, the heart is the man himself. Thus, he who does not pray or does not serve God with his whole heart does not pray at all, because in that case only his body prays, and the body without the mind is nothing more than dirt. Remember that when you stand at prayer, you stand before God Himself, who knows everyone's mind. Therefore, your prayer should be, so to speak, all spirit, all mind.

The saints of God live even after their death. When I stand in church, I often hear how the Mother of God sings the wonderful, heartrending song that She uttered in the house of Her cousin Elizabeth after the Annunciation. At other times, I hear the song of Moses; the song of Zacharias, the father of the Forerunner; the song of Anna, the mother of the prophet Samuel; the song of the three children; the song of Miriam. And how many holy singers of the New Testament delight the ear of the whole Church of God to this very day! And the divine services? The sacraments? The rites? Whose spirit is there, moving and touching our hearts? The Spirit of God and of His saints. Here is a proof of the immortality of the human soul. How is it that all these men have died, and yet they still direct our lives after their death. They are dead, and they still speak, instruct, and touch us!

* * *

As the breath is necessary for the body, and as life without breath is impossible, so the soul cannot truly live without the breath of God's Spirit. As air is necessary for the body, so the Holy Spirit is necessary for the soul. Air is even a kind of image of the Holy Spirit. "The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear the sound of it, but cannot tell where it comes from and where it goes. So is everyone who is born of the Spirit" (John 3:8).

When you are faced with the temptation to sin, then remember that sin angers God greatly, since He hates iniquity. "Thou hatest all them that work iniquity" (Psalm 5:6). In order to understand this better, imagine a father, righteous and severe, who loves his family, and tries every way he can to make his children well-principled and upright, in order to reward them afterwards for their good behavior with the great riches he himself prepared for them with great labor. Nevertheless, this father sees, to his grief, that his children disregard his love, and neither love him, nor pay attention to the inheritance he prepared for them with love, instead choosing to live prodigal lives, rushing impetuously to destruction. Remember that "sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death" (James 1:15), because it kills the soul, making us slaves to the devil, the destroyer of men. The more we sin, the more difficult is our conversion, and the surer is our perdition. Fear every sin, therefore, with your whole heart!

When your heart inclines to evil and the waves of the evil one's influence begin to inundate your heart, intending to sweep it off the rock of faith, say to yourself inwardly, "I know my spiritual poverty, my nothingness without faith. I am so weak that it is only by Christ's name that I live and console myself, that I rejoice and my heart grows in love, but without Him I am spiritually dead, I am troubled, and my heart becomes constrained. Without the Lord's cross, I would have long ago become the victim of the most cruel sorrow and despair. Only Christ keeps me alive; the cross alone is my comfort and consolation."

* * *

We are all able to think because thought exists without limit, just as we are able to breathe because air exists without limit. This is the reason why a good idea on any subject is called "inspiration." Our thought constantly flows only thanks to the existence of the eternal, reasoning Spirit. This is why the Apostle says, "Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think of anything as being from ourselves, but our sufficiency is from God" (2 Cor 3:5). This is also why the Saviour Himself says, "Do not worry about how or what you should speak. For it will be given you in that hour what you should speak" (Matt 10:19). Do you see? Our thought and even our word (our inspiration) come to us from without. Of course this happens only in a state of grace or in extreme cases. But even in our ordinary state, all our inspired thoughts come from our guardian angel and the Spirit of God; while, on the contrary, impure, dark thoughts come from our corrupt nature and the devil, ever lying in wait for us. How then, should the Christian behave? "For it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure" (Phil 2:13). In general, the entire created world bears the impression of God's creative thought in the structure of the visible world, in particular in the earth — in the rotation and the life of the planet; in the distribution of the elements of light, air, water, earth, fire (concealed); in the diffusion of all the other elements in the animal world; in birds, fishes, reptiles, beasts, and men. We see His thought in the wise and efficient design of the animal world, in the remarkable abilities, characteristics, and habits of the animals. Even in the plant world, we see His delicate arrangement in their structure, nourishment, etc. In short, we see the guidance of God's thought everywhere, even in lifeless stone and sand.

Priest of the Lord! Learn how to turn the sorrow of the Christian sufferer into joy through the consolation of faith. Convince him that he is not the most miserable of men, but the most fortunate; assure him that since he was chastised "in a few things, Great kindness will be shown them" (Wis 3:5). If you do this, you will be a friend to mankind, an angel of consolation, an instrument of the Holy Spirit, the Comforter.

If the fervor of faith in our heart is not kept alight, then our apathy may entirely extinguish our faith. Christianity, with all its sacraments, will completely die for us. The enemy does everything he can to extinguish faith and obliterate the truth of Christianity in our hearts. That is why we see men who are Christians only in name, their actions declaring them to be pagans.

* * *

Do not think that our faith cannot give us pastors life or that we serve God hypocritically. No! We receive God's mercy more than everyone else, and we know by experience Who the Lord is to us, with His sacraments, His most-pure Mother, and His saints. For instance, in partaking of the Life-giving Mystery of the Body and Blood of the Saviour, we often experience in ourselves their enlivening effect, the heavenly gifts of consolation and joy in the Holy Spirit. We know that even the merciful gaze of a king does not bring as much joy to the heart of the least of his subjects as does the merciful gaze of our heavenly Master, as do His mysteries. We would be extremely ungrateful and hard-hearted if we do not tell all God's beloved about this glory of the Life-giving Mysteries, if we do not extol His miracles, performed in our hearts during every Divine Liturgy. We also often experience the invincible, incomprehensible, divine power of the precious and life-giving Cross of the Lord, and by its power we drive away from our hearts evil passions, despondency, faintheartedness, fear, and all the snares of the devil. The Lord is our friend and benefactor. We believe this sincerely, fully acknowledging the truth and power of these words.

* * *

You wish to comprehend the incomprehensible, but can you understand how your soul-killing sorrows overwhelm you, or can you find the means to drive them away, except through the Lord? First of all, learn with your heart how to free yourself from sorrows, how to calm your heart, and then, if necessary, philosophize about the incomprehensible. "If you then are not able to do the least, why are you anxious for the rest?" (Luke 12:26).

Think about this more often: whose wisdom is manifest in the construction of your body? Who constantly sustains its life and work? Who has designed the laws of human reason, so that until now these laws govern all men? Who has engraved in the hearts of all men the law of conscience, so that even now it rewards good and punishes evil? O almighty, All-wise, and All-gracious God! Your hand is constantly upon me, a sinner, and there is no moment when Your mercy leaves me. Grant me, then, always to kiss Your gracious hand with living faith. Why should I go far to seek the traces of Your mercy, Your wisdom, Your omnipotence? How clearly these traces are visible within me! I myself am a miracle of God's goodness, wisdom, and omnipotence. I am a microcosm of the whole world; my soul is the representative of the invisible world, while my body represents the visible world.

* * *

Brothers! What is the purpose of our earthly life? It is this: after the trial of earthly sorrows and misfortunes, after our gradual advancement in virtue through the divine gifts of grace given to us in the sacraments, we may rest after our death in the Lord, Who is the peace of our souls. That is why we pray for the dead in the following words: "Give rest, O Lord, to the soul of Thy departed servant." We wish him to rest in peace, to achieve this summit of all desires; therefore, we pray to God with these words. Is it not, then, unwise to grieve too much for the departed? "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest" (Matt 11:28), says the Lord. Our departed ones, who have fallen asleep in a Christian death, hear these words of God and come to him and obtain rest. Why then do we grieve?

Those who are trying to lead a spiritual life have to wage a most subtle and difficult warfare in their thoughts every moment of their life. This is spiritual warfare. They must be entirely awake, every moment, ready to notice every evil thought entering their souls from the evil one and to repel them. Such people must have hearts always burning with faith, humility, and love; otherwise, the cunning devil will quickly invade them, leading to lessening of faith or complete loss of faith. Then every possible evil will inhabit their hearts, evil that will not easily wash away even with tears. Do not, therefore, allow your heart to become cold, especially during prayer, and avoid stony insensibility in every way possible. Very often a person prays only with the lips, but his heart is wounded by weak faith or complete lack of faith. With his words, this man seems near to God, but in his heart he is far from Him. During our prayers, the evil one uses every weapon he has to make our hearts cold and incline them to evil in ways we do not even notice. Pray and strengthen yourself; guard your heart.

(Continues...)

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Excerpted from My Life In Christ Part I and II by Ivan Ilyich Sergiev, Nicholas Kotar. Copyright © 2015 Holy Trinity Monastery. Excerpted by permission of Holy Trinity Publications.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Editorial Reviews

"...it's the kind of book that you don't simply pick up and read cover to cover but rather go back and read a chunk and meditate and chew and pray and gradually learn more and more each time." —Nicholas Chapman, Speaking of Books

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