Read an Excerpt
My Life in Your Eyes
Addyson's Story
By Ellsie Brooks
iUniverse, Inc.
Copyright © 2012 Leslie Sheppard McCombs
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4759-2885-3
Chapter One
Summer was almost over, and it was time to go back to school. I could not say that I was ready to go back, but I did not hate school either—only because of Braxton. He made life so much easier for me whenever he was around. It was just the times that he could not be with me that were so hard.
That summer, Braxton and I had been to the beach together. Our parents were extremely close friends, so it was not unusual for us. We usually went on one vacation together, then one with our families, alone. Those were nowhere near as fun. There were a few things that were easier when Braxton wasn't with us at the beach, however. Like, I would never get into a bathing suit in front of him, and I did not like eating in front of him. Being a hundred pounds overweight, I was self conscious anyway, but I did not ever want Braxton to see me, especially in a suit.
He had never judged me. He stood up for me when someone said something mean or cruel to me when I was with him. If I told him of something that happened when he was not around, he usually had words with that person later, especially at school. Because of that, I tried not to mention things that happened. I felt like a burden to him sometimes, like the little sister he had to protect. He was only one month to the day older than me but, because of his constant protective mode, I felt much younger.
If being so fat was my own fault, I would say that I may deserve some of the picking and joking that I constantly received. It wasn't my fault. I ate healthy food, I worked out three days a week, I only ate junk food on holidays or festive events, like birthday parties. I had been to every doctor in North Carolina and South Carolina, and still no one could help me.
I had tried every fad diet on the market, had been to gyms, workout clubs, and even tried medications. I could not lose weight. I would never give up, in any case. My dream was to be proud of the way I looked. Even though Braxton had made it clear he would be my best friend no matter what, I would have liked for him to be proud of being my best friend. Maybe, if I were skinny, maybe, we could be more.
Nobody asked me to dances, on dates, and, I had never had a boy friend. I would not let Braxton take me to the dances and other social school events. I was too worried people would tease him and laugh at him, all because of me. I felt like I tied him down. A lot of the dances and other things, he said he would rather not attend, but I felt like it was certainly because of me. He knew I wouldn't go, and I thought he felt guilty that I was at home alone; he missed out on so much by babysitting me.
I did go to a home football game once, and spent the whole game talking to Braxton. We were laughing, and screaming for the team. I booed when the other team would score, and just had fun generally. Then the game had to end, and it was time to leave.
I was following behind Braxton, very slowly, watching my step. The bleachers seemed narrower on the way down, and I was anxious to make it to the bottom without falling on my face. It would be embarrassing to fall, no matter who you are. The fat girl falling, that is even worse.
As I was passing Gary Williams, one of the hottest guys in school, he looked up to see who was coming by him. He made eye contact with me, and I instantly blushed. As I was stepping to the next step, trying to regain my focus, Gary quickly stuck his foot out, and sent me rolling down the last four steps.
I wanted to die. It was unfortunate enough that I had fallen in front of the entire school, but I had also fallen in front of Braxton. I could not look at him. The tears streaming down my face added to my shame. I heard Gary and his group laughing loudly.
"Hey Addy, I thought we were having an earthquake!" yelled Gary. I moved my hair out of my face with my bloody palms, and glanced up at his group. When the perfect Kristen Hefner, sitting beside him, saw my face, she stopped laughing. I saw the remorse and pity flash through her eyes, but only for a second. She glanced back at her boyfriend, and simpered, "Good one, Gary."
I stared at the ground, knowing I had to get up, but my knees were hurting so badly I could hardly move. I tried to work myself to all fours, which made the jokes come rolling out from the same group of kids. "Elephant" or "Cow," and let's not forget "Fat ass"—that was their favorite one. Suddenly, there were two people at either side of me trying to help me up. I quickly began to get up on my own. I did not want someone feeling how heavy I was.
I finally reached my feet, after what felt like thirty minutes, and thanked the people who had tried to help me. I began to walk towards Braxton's car in the school parking lot. Although, out of embarrassment, I did not want to see him right then, he was my only ride home. I realized he wasn't anywhere near me. I searched for a moment, thinking maybe that had been the last straw for him. I had been waiting for the day that he would get tired of it all; the day that he would say our friendship was over. As I looked back to where I had fallen down, I noticed Braxton beating the crap out of Gary.
I ran back over there, as fast as I could run, and begged Braxton to stop. After three boys had finally peeled Braxton off of Gary, Braxton walked down to me, put his arm around my shoulders, and simply said, "Let's go."
I could only imagine what my face looked like at that moment. My eyes had to be as large as baseballs. "Braxton, do not ever get in another fight for me, ever," I scolded him.
"Don't ever get picked on in front of me then." He smiled that heart-melting smile at me. His crystal blue eyes held no regret. As a matter of fact, I thought he was pretty proud of himself. I walked off of that football field, with my head hung down, my long hair covering my face, hiding a massive smile.
That day held three firsts and one last for me: The first football game, and the first time Braxton got into in a fist fight over me. It also was the first time I had ever fussed at him for anything, as far as I could remember. However, it would also prove to be the last football game, or social event I would ever attend.
That was freshman year. We were going to be juniors this year. One would think the older we got, the older we would act, but that is not true. The older we get, the crueler people can be. Braxton always said when we graduated and went to college everything would be different. I wished I could believe him.
On this particular day, the day everything changed, Braxton and I were going to get our school supplies and some clothes. The clothes were for Braxton; I would never try clothes on in front of him. If he had discovered what size I had to buy, I would have died of embarrassment.
"Are you going to get another UNC book bag this year?" He asked as he pulled into the mall parking lot. I sat there for a few minutes taking in the sight of Concord Mills. I loved this place. It had every store anyone could want to shop in. When it first opened, people said it had a roller coaster inside of it. It turned out to be a lie, but the place was capacious enough to hold one. "Do fish have lips?" I asked as I got out of the car.
The car was another issue for me. His parents had bought Brax a brand new Chevy Camero over the summer. It was jet black and felt like it sat slam on the ground. It was beautiful, and Braxton fit in it perfectly. I had always imagined he would get a hefty truck, but the Camero suited him; he made the car look hot.
On the other hand, I almost had to roll out of the flippin' thing, onto the ground to get out. It was terribly embarrassing at first. I had figured it out though; instead of putting one foot out and trying to pull myself out, I turned to the side and put both feet on the ground, and then pulled myself up. Two hundred and forty-five pounds was a lot of weight to try to pull anywhere.
We must have walked around that mall for three hours. Out of all the clothes he had bought, he may have picked out only two shirts; I picked out most of them. I always looked for dark or blue colors for him. When he wore them, his eyes would glow. Braxton's eyes were his most remarkable feature. They were crystal blue; just like a Siberian husky's. Everywhere we went at least one person would ask if he wore contact lenses. It had become funny to us. People did not believe him when he said he did not wear contacts. Some people would compliment him on how beautiful his eyes were, and quickly walk away from us. One girl beats them all. She asked him to prove it. After a few minutes of awkward silence, I was finally the one to ask, "How is he supposed to do that?"
The dingbat girl said, "I don't know. Just prove it." Braxton and I laughed at the poor girl. He threw his arm around my shoulders, as best as he could, and after we had walked off, he said, "How? Take my eyeballs out?" It was hilarious to us, but maybe you had to be there.
I like to relive that day over and over, not because of the look on the nitwit's face, or over Braxton's reply, but over the look of pure shock and jealousy when he put his arm around my shoulders as we walked off. As far as she knew, Brax was more than my best friend. In her mind, a boy as hot as Braxton could never have love for a fat girl like me.
I laughed thinking about it. "What's so funny?" Braxton asked as he paid for our paper, pens, binders, and all of the little items we needed for the next week. I did not realize I had laughed loudly enough for him to hear.
"Oh nothing," I lied. He gave me a strange look. "Do you want to go to the art gallery for a few minutes after we leave here?" I asked, quickly changing the subject.
There was no way I was admitting that I was reliving the look on the face of the "eyeball retard" from four years ago. Plus I truly wanted to go home anyway; my feet were killing me, and I did not want to tell him that either.
"Do we have to, Addy? I was hoping to go home." His eyes flashed regret.
"Of course, we can go home."
I noticed he had been acting strange all that day. He unquestionably had not been as happy go-lucky, or as laid back, as he usually was. We had no physical contact, which I never asked for or initiated, anyway; he usually put his arm around my shoulders. He looked tired and preoccupied, and I knew something was wrong.
Once we got back in the car, I looked over as he stared at the steering wheel. "Braxton, is everything okay?" I finished snapping on my seat belt. It was a bitty to reach; the belt seemed like it was in the back seat. For a normal sized person, it would not be a problem at all. Me having to reach over my stomach, well, it was a deed in itself.
"I am OK." He smiled. Did I see regret flash in his eyes?
With one quick motion, I reached over and yanked the keys out of the ignition, "Tell me Braxton." I crossed my arms, and he knew I meant business.
He let out a deep sigh, leaned back against the seat, and closed his eyes. His head lay against the head rest, allowing his black hair to spread out over the top of it. As he sat with his eyes closed, I stared at him. How could one person be so perfect all the way around? His skin was flawless, not one pimple or scar; his nose, his mouth, his ears, all perfect.
It was not just my opinion; every girl who met him apparently agreed. I had watched girls trip over their feet trying to watch him walk by. Some girls stuttered or rambled on aimlessly about nothing at all, and others had hit on him with their boyfriends standing right beside them. A couple of girls had walked up and groped him as if they were dating him. One person even walked up to him and said, "I am in love with you; marry me." Of course, none of them would have ever thought for one second that someone as handsome as Braxton would ever be with me. I did not exist, a ghost in the shadows; to them, I did not matter. And, of course, we were not dating, and I did not own him; I just felt like I did.
"I am not looking forward to this year, Addy. I do not know how you do it. How do you allow things to roll off of your back so easily? Nothing seems to bother you. I am not looking forward to the pointing and laughing, the jokes and sneers. This school supply trip always confirms it for me; our little vacation from Hell is almost over. Now give me my keys back." He stared at me with his hand held out for the keys.
I did not know what to say. My mind was rolling a mile a second, but no words would form. I was an enormous burden on him. The hottest boy in East Lincoln High should not be dreading school. He should be living it up, going out on dates with girls. Brax should be playing sports, especially football; I knew for a fact that football was something he had always wanted to do. He should have been hanging out with his friends, going to social events and parties—all of the things normal teenagers our age did. I looked at him one last time with my heart breaking for my self-proclaimed hero. I promised him, in my heart, that the last two years of his life in high school, were going to be the best two years of his life.
Chapter Two
A change came over Addyson when she gave me back the keys to the car. She became quiet and detached. I glanced over at her several times but she was not looking back at me.
"Did we forget anything?" I rotated my eyes from her to the road, waiting on a reply.
"No" was all she said. I finally gave up on getting her to talk. Maybe she was thinking about next week and everything that came with a new school year. Maybe she was secretly dreading it as bad as I was. One of the things that always amazed me about her was she never let her pain, anger, frustration, or fear show on the outside. The last time she showed any kind of emotion about being teased, we were in seventh grade. At the time, we were still bus riders. My parents would drop me off at the Michaels' house every morning so I could catch the bus with her. This particular morning wasn't any different from the rest. The bus pulled up at fifteen minutes 'til eight. Addy followed me onto the bus as I guided us toward our regular seat. Addy took the window seat, and I sat on the aisle.
Matthew Henson sat right behind us with Jerrod Finley and Billy Maxis. I had a terrible feeling that something was going on, something was brewing. After so many years of endless pranks and jokes, you start to recognize the ones that are the cruelest; you could almost feel it like an invisible force in the air. I could hear laugher and hushed whispers coming from behind us. I kept glancing back but, when I looked, all three were crunched in the seat talking to each other.
"Are you going to be at the water fountain?" Addy always seemed nervous on the bus and at lunch. Those two times of the day, I would trade bodies with her. I would trade forever if I could.
"Ain't I always?" I smiled at her, trying to lighten the mood.
The bus pulled into the parking lot. I threw my book bag over my shoulder and stood. Addyson's terrifying scream startled me, and my protective instincts flew into action.
I focused on Addy. She was still sitting against the window with her hands held flat out in front of her. Milk was dripping out of her hair and into her lap. I looked behind the bench seat and noticed Jerrod and Matt laughing wildly. Addyson looked up at me and the tears spilling from her honey brown eyes had me spinning into outrage. My blood ran cold in my veins and all I could think about was punching those boys in the face, making them hurt as bad as she did.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" I directed my anger towards Matt the most. I knew he was the one who did it. Jerrod and Billy weren't mean enough to do that, but the laughter was almost as bad as the act itself.
Matt stood up from the bench and his head almost touched the roof of the bus. He was in high school and three times my size. I knew he would beat me to a pulp, but I tried to hide my fear. "Why do you mess with her? What did she do to you?" The laughter had ceased and I realized that the entire bus was watching us.
"I thought the cow would want some milk." Matt's face looked as stern as his words. "What are you going to do about it?" He stepped over the other two boys in the seat and was now standing in front of me in the aisle. Before I could answer him, the bus came to a stop and the bus driver was walking towards us, to break up the fight that was about to happen.
"Braxton, I am okay; just let it go," Addyson whispered as if no one else could hear her. Matt laughed. "Yeah, listen to your girlfriend." Matt pushed me out of the way, and I fell into a girl who was sitting in the seat across from ours.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from My Life in Your Eyes by Ellsie Brooks Copyright © 2012 by Leslie Sheppard McCombs. Excerpted by permission of iUniverse, Inc.. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
