Networking for People Who Hate Networking: A Field Guide for Introverts, the Overwhelmed, and the Underconnected

by Devora Zack

Overview

Would you rather get a root canal than schmooze with a bunch of strangers? Does the phrase “working a room” make you want to retreat to yours? Is small talk a big problem? Devora Zack used to be just like you—in fact, she still is. But she’s also a successful consultant who addresses thousands of people each year, and she didn’t change her personality to do it. Quite the contrary.

Zack politely examines and then smashes to tiny fragments the “dusty old rules” of standard networking advice. You don’t have to become a backslapping extrovert or even learn how to fake it. Incredible as it seems, the very traits that make you hate networking can be harnessed to forge an approach even more effective than traditional techniques. It’s a different kind of networking—and it works.

Networking enables you to accomplish the goals that are most important to you. But you can’t adopt a style that isn’t true to who you are. “I have never met a person who did not benefit tremendously from learning how to network—on his or her own terms,” Zack writes. “You do not succeed by denying your natural temperament; you succeed by working with your strengths.”

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781605095226
Publisher:	Berrett-Koehler Publishers
Publication date:	07/27/2010
Pages:	192
Product dimensions:	6.00(w) x 8.90(h) x 0.60(d)

About the Author

Devora Zack, president of Only Connect Consulting, Inc., provides expert consulting, coaching, and facilitation to more than 100 clients, including the U.S. Department of Education, Cornell University, Smithsonian Institution, and SAIC.

Read an Excerpt

welcome to your field guide

Trust yourself. Then you will know how to live.

—Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

People swear up and down that I’m an extrovert.

This drives me nuts! I deny these accusations adamantly and then am subjected to a laundry list of supposed examples as to why I am mistaken. “But you give seminars for a living! You give presentations to huge groups and seem to love it! Plus, you know how to work a room …”

Blah, blah, blah.

These people have no idea what it really means to be an introvert. Plus, they assume that being an introvert by definition implies that one cannot be a strong speaker or networker.

Together, we will dispute, disprove, and knock upside the head these assumptions.

Welcome to your indispensible networking field guide for introverts, the overwhelmed, and the underconnected.

Your Author and Tour Guide

As we embark through the uncharted terrain of networking for people who hate networking, you want to be certain you are in capable hands. Why am I qualified to lead you on this journey?

First of all, despite protests from well-intentioned, ill-advised naysayers, I am an off-the-chart introvert. I am also nearly always overwhelmed and decidedly underconnected. My idea of a good time is being all alone. I have conversations with people in my head that I think actually took place. I need time to process ideas thoroughly before responding—or I get myself into trouble. The idea of a free-floating happy hour propels me into free-floating anxiety. A cacophony of external stimuli doesn’t excite me; it drives me away. I easily and naturally pick up on nonverbal cues many others miss. I prefer a few deep relationships to a large group of friends.

None of these preferences is linked to my exceptionally high energy level, propensity for public speaking, or business success. That’s because these attributes are not related to what defines introversion, a topic I have researched and taught about extensively for over fifteen years.

I am Type A, and I move fast. These traits are also not related to introversion.

Let’s have some fun. I will present examples of attributes that, to the untrained eye, may seem extrovert-centric, but with a bit of analysis emerge as introvert-friendly.

My favorite sport is running.

Even some “experts” claim that introverts are for some reason slower and less active than extroverts. This is baloney. Think about running—a fundamentally solitary sport that requires a singular focus for extended periods. The runner can think without interruption for the whole length of the run. What a perfect fit for an introvert!

I give two to three presentations weekly.

Whoa! This statistic combats most introvert stereotypes head on. Although I am a private person, I make a point of telling clients I am an introvert (on behalf of introverts everywhere). Introverts are entirely capable of being skilled public speakers. In fact, introverts prefer clearly defined roles and so may be more comfortable leading a discussion than participating in one. Many introverts are more at ease in front of a group than roaming aimlessly through a cocktail party.

I love networking.

Herein lies the book’s focus. This was not always the case for me. I discovered some wonderful techniques that turned the world of networking upside down—or shall I say right side up? You, too, can gain insights that allow you to excel at and enjoy networking. You can be a networking superstar.

Seem impossible? I am here to tell you it is not.

A Brief History of the Introvert

Many readers of this book are introverts. Many have been taught through cultural cues that introversion is a problem, a deficit, something unfortunate to hide or overcome.

From a young age, introverts receive the message that it is an extrovert’s world. Go play with others. Join in on the game. Class participation is part of your grade. Kids who withdraw around crowds are labeled as anti-social rather than applauded for being self-regulating.

Introversion is innate, and preferences are observable early on. As a kid, I asked for games to play by myself—a request that could prompt some parents to conduct a thorough psychological examination. As a parent now myself, I recognized clear traits indicating an introverted preference in one of my sons from the age of three.

THE BIG THREE

Introverts are reflective, focused, and self-reliant. These characteristics lead to the following key distinctions between introverts and extroverts:

Why not indulge yourself and use all three characteristics at once? Take some time to ponder these traits (reflective), in depth (focus), while alone (self-reliant). I’ll wait here.

Regardless of temperament, by linking your strengths to customized techniques, you will be well-positioned to network away. Introverts, extroverts, and centroverts (definition ahead!) can all benefit from this field guide.

Did I mention that I am psychic? I sense you are curious where you land in all this. Right this way …

Table of Contents

Introduction: This Book is Required Reading
Chapter One. Welcome to Your Field Guide
Chapter Two. Assess Yourself
Chapter Three. The Destruction of Stereotypes
Chapter Four. Why We Hate to Network
Chapter Five. Sparkling New Rules That Work
Chapter Six. Network Event Survival Kit
Chapter Seven. Good-bye Golden Rule
Chapter Eight. Networking Without a Net
Chapter Nine. The Job Search
Chapter Ten. Business Travel
Chapter Eleven. Creating Events That Work For All
Chapter Twelve. Defining Outcomes, Achieving Goals
Conclusion. See Ya’ Later Alligator
Acknowledgments
About Only Connect Consulting
Index
Your Fearless Author

Editorial Reviews

Devora Zack knows networking, and her mission to make it easy and fun for you comes through on every page.”
—David Bach, #1 New York Times bestselling author of The Automatic Millionaire

“Let’s face it, you have to network.  Devora Zack’s innovative strategy enables the networking-averse to succeed and have a great time doing it.”
—Joe Thomas, Dean, Johnson Graduate School of Management, Cornell University

“No, you don’t have to run around collecting a business card from every single person at every single meeting. Devora Zack proves you can make lots of new connections that will help you professionally and personally and still be true to who you are.”
—Jeff Weirens, Principal, Deloitte Consulting LLP

“I highly recommend this lighthearted, eminently practical book by a type-A introvert. (No, that’s not a typo!) It’s like having a trusted friend there at each step of the way as you become a world-class networker.”
—Jeff Martin, Vice President, Human Resources, CSC, Inc.

“Reading this incredibly enjoyable book is the next best thing to having Devora whispering in your ear, coaching you through events, and then leaving when you need time to yourself! You’ll gain perspective, confidence, and the willingness to take risks.”
—Peter Borden, Vice President, Sapient Corporation

“You are going to love reading this book!  Devora Zack connects with the reader like no other business author I have ever read.” 
— P. J. Kuyper, President, Motion Picture Licensing Corporation

“What fun joining Devora as she explores the battlefield of business networking. If you’ve got a reception in your future, grab this book in advance!”
—David Mayhood, President, The Mayhood Company

“This brilliantly written, eminently practical guide really works. Read it today!”
—David Meisegeier, Technical Director, ICF Consulting

“Devora shines a refreshing new light on what it means to be a stellar networker. Focusing on quality and sincerity rather than quantity and triviality, she teaches us how to make solid, lasting relationships.”
—Kye Breisath, former program analyst, U.S. Office of Personnel Management, Presidential Management Fellows Program

“A tangible and practical guide to a very daunting subject.  Zack takes the reader by the hand and with a combination of humor and business savvy navigates effortlessly through the world of networking.”   
—Howard Wiener, Vice President for Global Tax Research and Planning, Marriott International Inc.

“Remember when networking was fun and effective?  No, me neither, but with this book it finally is.”
—Rachel Lam, Senior Vice President and Group Managing Director, Time Warner Investments

“Devora expertly weaves insightful wisdom with a sparkle of wit to address the jungle of business networking. I look forward to experimenting with her successful strategies.”
—Hon. Walter McLean, former Secretary of State of Canada

From the Publisher