Overwhelmed: How to Work, Love, and Play When No One Has the Time

by Brigid Schulte

Overview

"[Schulte's] a detective in a murder mystery: Who killed America's leisure time, and how do we get it back?"-Lev Grossman, Time


When award-winning journalist Brigid Schulte, a harried mother of two, realized she was living a life of all work and no play, she decided to find out why she felt so overwhelmed. This book is the story of what she discovered-and of how her search for answers became a journey toward a life of less stress and more leisure.
Schulte's findings are illuminating, puzzling, and, at times, maddening: Being overwhelmed is even affecting the size of our brains. But she also encounters signs of real progress-evidence that what the ancient Greeks called "the good life" is attainable after all. Schulte talks to companies who are inventing a new kind of workplace; travels to countries where policies support office cultures that don't equate shorter hours with laziness (and where people actually get more done); meets couples who have figured out how to share responsibilities. Enlivened by personal anecdotes, humor, and hope, Overwhelmed is a book about modern life-a revelation of the misguided beliefs and real stresses that have made leisure feel like a thing of the past, and of how we can find time for it in the present.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781250062383
Publisher:	Picador
Publication date:	03/03/2015
Pages:	368
Sales rank:	167,161
Product dimensions:	5.40(w) x 8.20(h) x 1.10(d)

About the Author

Brigid Schulte is an award-winning journalist for The Washington Post and The Washington Post Magazine, and was part of a team that won the Pulitzer Prize. She is also a fellow at the New America Foundation. She lives in Alexandria, Virginia, with her husband and their two children.

Read an Excerpt

Preface to the 2015 Edition

I can guess what you’re thinking: You don’t have time to read this book.

     Perhaps you have a scrap of paper somewhere in your bag or your

junk drawer or on the back of an envelope on your desk that looks an

awful lot like the cover of this book. Perhaps seeing this scattered old

To Do list hit with a pang, a reminder of one more thing that you, too,

forgot you really need To Do. And though you may like the idea of

finding time for work, love, and play in your life, maybe you’re a little

resigned. A little angry, even. You’re living life in fast forward. Your

inbox is overflowing. Your days feel scattered in bits and fragments of

what feels like Time Confetti. And maybe you think this is just the way

life is.

     That’s at least what I thought.

     It took reporting this book to change my mind.

     That’s not to say change isn’t hard. It is. If living a Good Life, because

that’s what we’re really talking about, were easy, we wouldn’t need

to be reminded that there’s more than just getting to the end of the day,

washed up on our couches like shipwreck survivors with barely enough

energy to order take out, throw chicken nuggets at the kids, then grope

around the cushions for the remote and click on the TV. We wouldn’t

need stories to help us puzzle through what living a Good Life means.

And no one would feel compelled to obsessively click on those breezy

listicles online or snap up the magazine articles extolling the ten ways to

take back your time, the seventeen tips to reclaim your day, or the nine

habits of the world’s most productive people.

     When I decided to take on this book, I wanted to know why it’s so

hard to change. I wanted to understand why things are the way they

are, why Americans work such long hours, why there are virtually no

policies or laws that support working families, why women still carry

the heavier load at home, even as they take on breadwinning roles at

work, and why we think leisure is just a big waste of time. And I wanted

to know how it could be better. I wanted to find hope.

     I went out in search of answers in what Harvard psychologist Erik

Erikson called the three great arenas that make for a Good Life: Work,

Love, and Play. The book became a chronicle of what I found and the

journey I took from the chaos of living fast, feeling breathless, and

stuck in a storm of swirling Time Confetti, to moving closer to Time

Serenity.

     I’m a journalist and a writer. I’m not a guru. So this is not a book of

self help. And yet there is a lot in it that is helpful. That’s why, for this

edition, we inserted the words “How to” into the title so readers would

know that the book may start in Overwhelm, but it doesn’t stay there.

Because I did find hope. At the end of each section are short “chapterlettes,”

as I came to call them, on Bright Spots where the ground is already

shifting: Workplace cultures that are changing to give drained

workers time to live full lives, and are seeing better results. Couples

seeking to more fairly share their work and home lives. And places

where making time for leisure, for friends, for family, play and rest, is

just part of an ordinary day.

     I wrote this book to shake things up, and to start a conversation

about how we work and live. Since the book came out, some readers

have reached out to tell me that it’s also changing their lives. Some have

started Overwhelmed Mitigation Groups, OMGs, to help each other

knit together their scraps of Time Confetti. They’ve begun to catch

themselves, they told me, when they unconsciously begin to brag about

how busy they are. Some are joining campaigns to advocate for better

policies. Others are trying to be more mindful. One man wrote that,

until he heard me talk about the book, he’d never questioned why he

worked six days a week to impress bosses who worked even more. He

quit. He found another employer who pays him the same, gives him

more paid vacation time, and expects him and everyone else to finish

their work and be out the door by 5:30. Now he likes his job and is doing

better work. He sees his wife more. He’s sleeping better. And he even has

begun to give himself permission to leave the smartphone behind and go

fishing every now and again on weekends, something he’d always felt

too busy to do before. “Your book inspired me to seek a better life.”

     Maybe you don’t have time to read this book. Or at least not the

whole journey from Time Confetti toward Time Serenity. And that’s

okay. You can read the chapters about the things that are most bugging

you, or that you’re most curious about. Or read the Bright Spots chapterlettes

for inspiration. Or listen to the audiobook. Or begin by downloading

the summary from my website. For the seriously time starved,

flip to the Appendix in the back for a brief digest of what I learned

about how to find time for work, love, and play. There are many ways to

read this book. There are many ways to live a Good Life. The important

thing?

     Just start.

Table of Contents

CONTENTS

Preface to the 2015 Edition xi

Part One: Time Confetti
1. The Test of Time 3
2. Leisure Is for Nuns 21
3. Too Busy to Live 41
4. The Incredible Shrinking Brain 56

Part Two: Work
5. The Ideal Worker Is Not Your Mother 71
6. A Tale of Two Pats 97
Bright Spot: Starting Small 117
7. When Work Works 123
Bright Spot: If the Pentagon Can Do It, Why Cant You? 145

Part Three: Love
8. The Stalled Gender Revolution 153
9. The Cult of Intensive Motherhood 172
Bright Spot: Mother Nature 190
10. Dads Want to Have It All, Too 197
Bright Spot: Gritty, Happy Kids 205

Part Four: Play
11. Hygge in Denmark 213
12. Let Us Play 232
Bright Spot: Really Plan a Vacation 249
Part Five: Toward Time Serenity
13. Finding Time 255
Bright Spot: Time Horizons 272
14. Toward Time Serenity 274
Appendix: Do One Thing 279
Notes 287
Acknowledgments 335
Index 341

Reading Group Guide

1. If you started keeping a time diary, what categories would you want to create? Would you follow John Robinson's definition of leisure? Which category consumes most of your time right now?

2. In your family, how has the delegation of household duties changed over the generations? Did your childhood feature many scheduled activities, or did you have unstructured time? Did your parents embrace the idea of leisure and vacations?

3. How have you been affected by the increasing demands placed on salaried workers in an age of 24/7 availability? Who at your company would need to be convinced that reduced work hours and increased flexibility in scheduling could actually lead to increased productivity and profit?

4. How did you react to the author's interviews with Pat Buchanan and other traditionalists? What sustains their point of view?

5. What would it take for programs such as the Menlo Innovations approach in Ann Arbor and the Alternative Work Schedule at the Pentagon to become the norm throughout the United States? What do the book's progressive examples tell us about the best way to achieve change?

6. What are the most frequent contributors to your time confetti? If you could convert all of your confetti into leisure time, would you feel guilty?

7. Discuss the true equality proposed by Jessica DeGroot at ThirdPath Institute. Have you seen it in action in your community?

8. How would you respond to those who say women have only themselves to blame for the inequities they endure in the ratio of leisure time to "on call" time? What enabled Schulte to leave her kids behind and trust Tom? How did that help them work through their impasse?

9. What is at the root of discrimination against working moms, both in the workplace and among certain circles of stay-at-home moms? What do cases such as that of Renate Rivelli, the Brown Palace Hotel employee described in chapter 5, illustrate about the grossly inaccurate perceptions of a working mother's capabilities?

10. How would you answer the central questions posed by Schulte in chapter 9: who's right, what's best, and how do we stop the insanity? What did you learn from her sojourn in Denmark, where work hours are shorter and highly focused while the economy remains robust? How could the concept of hygge help us redefine the ideal standard of living?

11. In your opinion, why does the ideal of the self-sacrificing mother persist, despite the gains of the feminist movement? Why have so many American families resisted the fact that dads also have a parenting instinct, and that a diverse caretaking community can have a highly positive impact on a child's well-being?

12. One of the findings presented in Overwhelmed is the notion that grit and self-confidence, rather than income or GPA, are strong predictors of happiness. What do our barometers of success say about our real values as a society? Is happiness-whose pursuit is touted in the Declaration of Independence-still valued in the United States?

13. Discuss the concept of contaminated time. Knowing that the brain's working memory can hold only seven pieces of information at once, how would you begin to clear your cluttered mind-even if the responsibilities of work and home seem to follow you 24/7? What kind of space would "decontamination" create in your life?

14. Overwhelmed underscores the fact that years of history and cultural conditioning have spurred women to work harder than men, even during supposed time off: If a woman wants to watch TV, she'd better fold some laundry while she's at it. If she'd like to read a book, she should do it on the treadmill. On family "vacations," Mom will make sure that all of the kids' needs are met. Does this ring true for you? Do the men and women in your world manage time differently? If so, what can they do to silence that little voice that says women don't deserve to rest? What would motivate you to give yourself a break, even if it incites uproar at first?

15. Drawing on the author's closing advice to "do one thing," which of her changes will you implement in work, play, and love? What predictions would you make about the way future generations will balance their time among parenting, career, and leisure?

Editorial Reviews

Every parent, every caregiver, every person who feels besieged by permanent busyness, must read this book.”—Anne-Marie Slaughter

“[Schulte’s] a detective in a murder mystery: Who killed America’s leisure time, and how do we get it back?”—Lev Grossman, Time

“[Schulte] not only captures the conundrum so many people face, but also offers some practical solutions. . . . I found many of the anecdotes and stories personally instructive.”—Andrew Ross Sorkin, The New York Times

“Incredibly well-researched . . . [Overwhelmed] tackles something we all feel every day.”—Goop

“Schulte can report with the best of them and is honest and insightful. She perfectly captures the experience of the worried mother/professional in twenty-first-century America, while weaving in contemporary scientific research on time management and stress.”—GQ

“Overwhelmed is a superb report from the front lines of the sputtering gender revolution. Brigid Schulte takes up the perennial problem of women’s ‘second shift’ with fresh energy and fascinating new data, effortlessly blending academic findings and mothers’ lived experiences, including her own often hilarious attempts to be both the perfect parent and a successful full-time journalist. Before you embark on parenthood, before you volunteer to make cupcakes for a school party or stay up late to finish a fourth grader’s science project—and definitely before you pick up another copy of Martha Stewart Living—read this book!”—Barbara Ehrenreich, author of Nickel and Dimed: On(Not) Getting By in America

“Reflecting on her meticulous research, searching her feelings, and renegotiating the division of emotional labor with her husband, Tom, Brigid Schulte offers us a well-written and timely book, both witty and wise.”—Arlie Hochschild, author of The Second Shift: Working Families and the Revolution at Home

“Beautifully written, with searing facts, engaging stories, illuminating history, and wry personal observations. A must-read by a truly perceptive author!”—John de Graaf, editor of Take Back Your Time: Fighting Overwork and Time Poverty in America

“Why is life so insanely busy? What happened to ‘leisure’ time? Tired of the modern hamster wheel, Brigid Schulte set out to find a better way to live. Her voice is delightful, her findings surprising and hopeful. Overwhelmed is a passionate, funny, very human book that reads like a detective story.”—William Powers, author of Hamlet’s BlackBerry: Building a Good Life in the Digital Age

“Overwhelmed is a time management book that’s not just about how to be more productive and effective—it’s about the broad and fascinating role time plays in our emotional satisfaction, our physical health, and even our notions of gender equality. The more overwhelmed you feel, the more crucial it is to take the time to read this important book.” —Daniel H. Pink, author of Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us

“Everyparent, every caregiver, every person who feels besieged by permanent busyness, must read this book. A new wave of research, experience, and insight is challenging deep assumptions about why we have to live and work the way we do. Overwhelmed is a wake-up call and an exhilarating prescription for change.”—Anne-Marie Slaughter, president and CEO of the New America Foundation and author of “Why Women Still Can’t Have It All”

From the Publisher

Every parent, every caregiver, every person who feels besieged by permanent busyness, must read this book.

Anne-Marie Slaughter

[Schulte's] a detective in a murder mystery: Who killed America's leisure time, and how do we get it back?

Time Lev Grossman

[Schulte] not only captures the conundrum so many people face, but also offers some practical solutions. . . . I found many of the anecdotes and stories personally instructive.

The New York Times Andrew Ross Sorkin

Incredibly well-researched . . . [Overwhelmed] tackles something we all feel every day.

Goop

Schulte can report with the best of them and is honest and insightful. She perfectly captures the experience of the worried mother/professional in twenty-first-century America, while weaving in contemporary scientific research on time management and stress.

GQ

Overwhelmed is a superb report from the front lines of the sputtering gender revolution. Brigid Schulte takes up the perennial problem of women's 'second shift' with fresh energy and fascinating new data, effortlessly blending academic findings and mothers' lived experiences, including her own often hilarious attempts to be both the perfect parent and a successful full-time journalist. Before you embark on parenthood, before you volunteer to make cupcakes for a school party or stay up late to finish a fourth grader's science project--and definitely before you pick up another copy of Martha Stewart Living--read this book!

author of Nickel and Dimed: On(Not) Getting By Barbara Ehrenreich

Reflecting on her meticulous research, searching her feelings, and renegotiating the division of emotional labor with her husband, Tom, Brigid Schulte offers us a well-written and timely book, both witty and wise.

author of The Second Shift: Working Families a Arlie Hochschild

Beautifully written, with searing facts, engaging stories, illuminating history, and wry personal observations. A must-read by a truly perceptive author!

editor of Take Back Your Time: Fighting Overwo John de Graaf

Why is life so insanely busy? What happened to 'leisure' time? Tired of the modern hamster wheel, Brigid Schulte set out to find a better way to live. Her voice is delightful, her findings surprising and hopeful. Overwhelmed is a passionate, funny, very human book that reads like a detective story.

author of Hamlet's BlackBerry: Building a Goo William Powers

Overwhelmed is a time management book that's not just about how to be more productive and effective--it's about the broad and fascinating role time plays in our emotional satisfaction, our physical health, and even our notions of gender equality. The more overwhelmed you feel, the more crucial it is to take the time to read this important book.

author of Drive: The Surprising Truth About Wh Daniel H. Pink

Everyparent, every caregiver, every person who feels besieged by permanent busyness, must read this book. A new wave of research, experience, and insight is challenging deep assumptions about why we have to live and work the way we do. Overwhelmed is a wake-up call and an exhilarating prescription for change.

president and CEO of the New America Foundation an Anne-Marie Slaughter

★ 01/06/2014
On her quest to turn her “time confetti” into “time serenity,” journalist Schulte finds that, while it’s worse for women and hits working mothers the hardest, what she calls the “Overwhelm” cuts across gender, income, and nationality to contaminate time, shrink brains, impair productivity, and reduce happiness. Investigating the “great speed-up” of modern life, Schulte surveys the “time cages” of the American workplace, the “stalled gender revolution” in the home, and the documented necessity for play, and discovers that the “aimless whirl” of American life runs on a conspiracy of “invisible forces”: outdated notions of the Ideal Worker; the cult of motherhood; antiquated national family policies; and the “high status of busyness.” The result is our communal “time sickness.” Schulte takes a purely practical and secular approach to a question that philosophers and spiritual teachers have debated for centuries—how to find meaningful work, connection, and joy—but her research is thorough and her conclusions fascinating, her personal narrative is charmingly honest, and the stakes are high: the “good life” pays off in “sustainable living, healthy populations, happy families, good business, sound economies.” While the final insights stretch thin, Schulte unearths the attitudes and “powerful cultural expectations” responsible for our hectic lives, documents European alternatives to the work/family balance, and handily summarizes her solutions in an appendix. Agent: Gail Ross, Ross Yoon Agency. (Mar.)

Publishers Weekly

2014-01-19
An examination of how to change how you use your time. "You can't manage time. Time never changes," writes Washington Post journalist Schulte. "There will always and ever be 168 hours in a week." So the question remains: How do we manage time so the sense of being overworked, of dealing with never-ending responsibilities and the endless need to check the flood of information constantly available doesn't swamp us? Through careful, extensive research, the author explores the multiple levels where humans waste time and offers concrete advice on how to reclaim those lost moments. Today's workplace is still built around the outdated notion of the "ideal worker"—usually a man who can devote concentrated hours to the task at hand—and doesn't take into account the millions of women now juggling a full-time career with family life. Schulte advocates for a new system that provides flexibility in hours, paid maternal and paternal leave, and consideration of the desire for more freedom and leisure time. Women constantly multitask, coping with the multiple demands of housework, cooking and child care, which often leaves them feeling fragmented, exhausted, and with little or no time for themselves. This arena must become more balanced, writes the author, with both parents assuming equal responsibilities in all departments. Regarding leisure, Schulte looks to the Danes, who have one of the best ratios of work-to-vacation time in the world; they average a 37-hour workweek and six weeks of paid vacation, and long hours at the office are actually frowned upon. Backed by numerous examples, Schulte's effective time-management ideas will be helpful in stamping out ambivalence and will empower readers to reclaim wasted moments, so life becomes a joyful experience rather than a mad dash from one task to the next. An eye-opening analysis of today's hectic lifestyles coupled with valuable practical advice on how to make better use of each day.

Kirkus Reviews