Partners In Passion: A Guide to Great Sex, Emotional Intimacy and Long-term Love

by Mark Michaels

Overview

Most of us long for intimate relationships, and though texting and emailing may keep us superficially connected, it ultimately cannot create the kind of intimacy necessary to sustain a deep, fulfilling, and lasting partnership. With the divorce rate reaching a staggering 50 percent in 2013 and the breakup rate among unmarried long-term couples even higher, it appears that the more we tweet, the more disconnected we become. So many of us believe that new is better, hotter, and more intense, but love at first sight isn't really love, it's chemistry. Developing the connections and intimacy that everyone craves takes time and skill. In Partners in Passion, Michaels and Johnson provide readers with a fun, step-by-step guide to discovering true, loving, and romantically sexual relationships that will last for decades. Comprehensive and inclusive, Partners in Passion is original and provocative, drawing on a variety of sources: cutting-edge science, psychology, the authors' background in tantra, and personal experiences as teachers and as a couple. Partners in Passion invites couples to design their relationships and to choose consciously, and is replete with how-to suggestions and exercises, including interviews with couples from diverse backgrounds, relationship styles, and orientations who are enjoying erotically vibrant partnerships.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781627780452
Publisher:	Cleis Press
Publication date:	02/11/2014
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
Pages:	504
Sales rank:	397,334
File size:	2 MB

About the Author

Internationally known and widely quoted as experts, Michaels and Johnson are the authors of Partners in Passion (Cleis Press), as well as Great Sex Made Simple, Tantra for Erotic Empowerment, and The Essence of Tantric Sexuality(Llewellyn). Their books have garnered numerous awards: Independent Publishing (IPPY), ForeWord Reviews/IndieFab, and USA Book News Best Books, among others. They co-founded Pleasure Salon in 2007 to support New York’s sex and pleasure positive community. Learn more at MichaelsandJohnson.com. Designer Relationships "Michaels and Johnson's latest book on Designer Relationships takes my book one step further, past communication skills about monogamy agreements and into new ways to be transparent about all types of revolutionary forms of commitment that will take us forward into the 21st Century. Where my book left off, theirs continues and includes all the information any couple could ever want or need to create loving, open partnerships. Where most books only offer history and data, Mark and Patricia give practical advice and ground rules for trust, empathy and intimacy for collaborative non-monogamous relationship. We all need a book like this that integrates good tips and techniques and the words to define what we want from a partner; the freedom to choose. Whatever you are looking for, it is in this book. Written by a couple who really love one another and are committed to their work, this book comes at the perfect time, I am convinced it will help a lot of people." –Dr. Tammy Nelson, Author of The New Monogamy and Getting the Sex You Want "Designer Relationships is thoughtful, honest and powerful! Reading this book is like rubbing a lamp to get your own Genie – but instead of magic, you’ll get practical guidance on how to create the relationship that’s ideal for you. Mark Michaels and Patricia Johnson speak from experience, lead from the heart, and open a space for true sexual freedom." –– Ricci Joy Levy, Executive Director, The Woodhull Sexual Freedom Alliance "Finally a book that celebrates the only things that really matter when it comes to healthy relationships – honesty, authenticity, and mutual and enthusiastic consent and desire. Relationships today are about self-awareness and choice, and this book will help to guide you on your way to finding what works for you and your partner(s) as you explore the ultimate relationship question – How would you live and love if society, religion, and the media weren’t constantly “shoulding” all over you?" –– Jenny Block

Read an Excerpt

Partners in Passion

A Guide to Great Sex, Emotional Intimacy and Long-Term Love

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By MARK A. MICHAELS, PATRICIA JOHNSON

Cleis Press, Inc.

Copyright © 2014 Mark A. Michaels and Patricia Johnson
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-62778-045-2

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CHAPTER 1

NEW RELATIONSHIP ENERGY

Do you remember how it felt when you were first falling in love? Or maybe you don't have to remember because you're lucky enough to be in that heightened state right now. Either way, the experience is intense, delicious, magical, something to be enjoyed to the fullest. All your physical and mental juices are flowing, and the experience is literally intoxicating. In new relationships sex tends to be exhilarating, and most new couples are eager to make love as often as possible. Nights may be long—with bouts of lovemaking interspersed with deep conversation and no concern about feeling sleep deprived. Those who are in this elevated and almost manic state are sometimes described as being in the throes of new relationship energy (NRE).

NRE can be a very heady and enjoyable state, and there's no reason to deny yourself the intensity and pleasure that accompanies it. As long as you remain mindful of the fact that it is temporary and something of an illusion, you'll be able to revel in it without being consumed by it. Similarly, remembering that the intensity will not last will make it much easier to transition from being in a new relationship to being in a longer-term one.

During this stage, the novelty of discovering a new partner, exploring and enjoying that partner's body, can create its own momentum. The same intensity is sometimes felt in casual sexual encounters. Novelty can be very alluring and can function as a powerful aphrodisiac.

NRE usually propels people for six months or so, but for some its effects can last as long as two years. As Helen Fisher has argued in The Anatomy of Love, NRE is (for the most part) a neurochemical phenomenon. It is very easy to make all kinds of promises and fantasize about having a life together when you are in this altered state of consciousness. Ironically, this is actually the worst time to decide whether this is the person you want to be with for the long term. Knowing that NRE is influencing (and possibly impairing) your judgment during this early stage can provide you some protection against being overwhelmed and making less than optimal decisions or promises that you'll end up regretting.

The emotions you feel during this period may seem like love, but they are probably better described as infatuation. Six months is not long enough to develop a real relationship and get to know another person. More often than not, your ideas about your beloved during this period are based on limited knowledge, projections, and fantasy. As infatuation fades and you start to gain a deeper knowledge of this other, you may realize that the person who captivated you is not the paragon of virtue that you imagined. It's easy to feel misled and deceived when this happens, but in most cases the deception is self-deception, and the disappointment is rooted in the other's inability to live up to your fantasy.

So love in the first six months is often frenzied, a kind of hallucination. Because everything is so heightened, it's a very exciting time, and it can be filled with drama, especially if you're afraid that the object of your affections and desire does not reciprocate. While this intense emotion may prove to be a foundation for a calmer, more balanced relationship over time, the drama that gets associated with new love, and especially with unrequited love, is not likely to be sustainable in a long-term partnership, even a passionate one, and we suspect that few people would want it to be.

NEW RELATIONSHIP ENERGY FEELS LIKE ...

Here are some descriptions of NRE from our friends on Facebook:

The exhilarating ambush of endorphins that results from a new emotional connection. Or just a new physical connection.

A rush up the spine for me and mine.

Let the self-revelation begin. Can't go anywhere REAL without it.

Like a kid in a candy store.

Maddening, delightful, dizzying, overwhelming. For me it's euphoria mingled with anxiousness before relaxing into contentment. And blushing. Lots of blushing.

It's like one of those puke rides at the Parish fair that leaves you feeling dizzy and a little queasy.

(Continues...)

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Excerpted from Partners in Passion by MARK A. MICHAELS, PATRICIA JOHNSON. Copyright © 2014 Mark A. Michaels and Patricia Johnson. Excerpted by permission of Cleis Press, Inc..
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents

Contents

List of Illustrations, xviii,
List of Tips and Techniques, xix,
Foreword by Tammy Nelson, PhD, xxi,
Preface, xxix,
Chapter 1: New Relationship Energy, 1,
Chapter 2: Good Relationships: The Ten Big Myths, 11,
Chapter 3: A New Paradigm: Keys to Creating an Enduring and Erotic Relationship, 41,
Chapter 4: Beyond the Keys: How to Live the New Paradigm, 73,
Chapter 5: Great Sex: Concepts, 103,
Chapter 6: Anatomy: A Little Technical Knowledge Goes a Long Way, 131,
Chapter 7: Tantra and Neo-Tantra: Techniques for Enhanced Lovemaking, 169,
Chapter 8: Basic Sexual Adventuring, 209,
Chapter 9: Advanced Sexual Adventuring: Open Relating to Strengthen Your Partnership, 253,
Chapter 10: Bonding through Kink, 307,
Chapter 11: Dealing with Discrepancies, Distractions, and Disruptions, 333,
Chapter 12: Going the Distance, 377,
Chapter 13: Resource Guide, 409,
Selected Bibliography, 428,
Acknowledgments, 439,
About the Authors, 443,
Index, 447,