Powerful Phrases for Dealing with Difficult People

by Renee Evenson

Overview

Incompetent, lazy, spotlight-hogging, whiny, backstabbing, avoidant—there’s no end to the personality challenges that impede workplace relationships. But interacting effectively with employees, colleagues, and bosses is essential for success.

With Powerful Phrases for Dealing with Difficult People, anyone can confront problems head-on, before they fester and spread. Practical and easy to use, the book helps you identify button-pushing situations and deploy simple phrases to regain control and resolve conflicts—no matter who you’re dealing with. Helpful features include:
• Thirty common personality traits, behaviors, and workplace scenarios along with the phrases that work best with each
• Nonverbal communication skills to back up your words
• Sample dialogues that demonstrate how phrasing improves interactions
• A five-step process for moving from conflict to resolution
• “Why This Works” sections that provide detailed explanations

Like it or not, the bulk of our waking hours are spent with people at work. This book’s pithy, powerful communication tips will make those hours far more harmonious and productive.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780814432983
Publisher:	AMACOM
Publication date:	10/15/2013
Edition description:	Special ed.
Pages:	240
Sales rank:	46,001
Product dimensions:	6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x (d)
Age Range:	18 Years

About the Author

RENÉE EVENSON is a small-business consultant specializing in workplace communication and conflict resolution strategies. She is the author of several books, including Powerful Phrases for Effective Customer Service and Customer Service Training 101.

Read an Excerpt

Introduction

The ability to conduct yourself harmoniously and productively with your employees, colleagues, and bosses is a critical skill to master. However, when you enter the working world, no one equips you with this skillset, particularly as it applies to dealing with people who are difficult. When different personality types are expected to work side by side every day and get along with each other, it can be challenging. You can choose your friends, but you can't choose those with whom you work and, when you spend most of your waking hours with people who aren't of your choosing, getting along may prove to be demanding.

Yet, your ability to maintain strong work relationships is so important; it may, in fact, be vital to your success. Often, an employee who is capable of interacting well with others will be promoted over an employee who possesses greater job or technical knowledge. The ability to relate successfully to others doesn't necessarily mean being agreeable all the time, because we know that problems are going to arise. Rather, it's having the skills to effectively deal with those problems that will set you apart as an employee who values the importance of resolving conflict to maintain strong relationships.

Conflict is one of the most difficult situations we face because it thrusts us out of our comfort zone. The truth is that most of us are uncomfortable handling conflict of any kind, so we overlook problems and hope they'll go away. But that never happens. Unless you work to resolve conflict in an effective manner, one of two things is going to occur: Your working relationship with that person will be permanently damaged, or you'll bottle up your emotions and continue trying to ignore the problem. A damaged working relationship will never rectify itself; instead, the relationship will continue to fracture and may eventually sever completely. Further, when you bottle up your emotions, they slowly simmer until one day they begin to boil, which may cause you to lose control in an eruption of words you'll later regret.

A more effective way exists to handle conflict at work. Entering into a constructive conversation to resolve any problem as it occurs is the only way to demonstrate your ability to interact well with others all the time . . . and increase your odds for success.

In Powerful Phrases for Dealing with Difficult People, you'll find the tools that will enable you to develop the skills to handle any type of conflict with any person. You'll learn how to gain the cooperation of coworkers who are know-it-alls, meeting monopolizers, and people who send excessive emails. You'll learn how to communicate effectively with a boss who may be abusive, egotistical, microman-aging, or noncommunicative. And, when you cause a problem, you'll learn how to quickly recover, regroup, and work to successfully resolve the issue and reconcile the relationship.

In this book, you'll learn how to use over 325 powerful phrases to communicate effectively, as well as powerful actions to take in support of those phrases. You'll become familiar with the five-step process to resolve conflict of any kind. In addition, you'll develop the ability to work through problems with 30 types of difficult behaviors and personalities. And, throughout the book, you'll find "Something to Think About" tips, which detail how to handle unusual or difficult situations. The powerful words and phrases will be noted in italics and the type of phrase or word in bold.

Part 1, "Powerful Phrases + Actions = Successful Work Rela-tionships," explains the phrases and nonverbal techniques that form the basis of communicating effectively to resolve conflict. You'll learn when to incorporate "I" phrases to communicate how the problem affected you, along with words and phrases of understanding, apology, compromise, resolution, and reconciliation. You'll ascer-tain the body language, facial expressions, tone of voice, and as-sertiveness actions that will enhance your conversation.

Both chapters in Part 1 include Resolving Conflict: The Wrong Way/Why This Doesn't Work and Resolving Conflict: The Right Way/Why This Works sample dialogues to reinforce how the phrases and actions you're learning will be advantageous when handling any type of disagreement you encounter. Both chapters also include a summary of sample phrases and nonverbal tech-niques, which will be beneficial for quick reference.

Part 2, "Effective Conflict Resolution = Strengthened Work Relationships," builds on the powerful words and phrases and non-verbal techniques in Part 1 to show you when and how to incorporate them into your conflict resolution conversations. In Chapter 3, you'll learn the five-step technique to resolve any conflict. Included in this chapter are Resolving Conflict: The Wrong Way/ Why This Doesn't Work and Resolving Conflict: The Right Way/Why This Works sample dialogues, as well as a summary of the key points for each of the steps.

Chapters 4 and 5 describe 20 challenging coworker behaviors and 10 challenging personality types of bosses. You'll discover how to use the five-step process to confront conflict and effectively resolve problems. Sample Resolving Conflict: The Right Way/Why This Works dialogues take you through each step of the process. These chapters also include "Applying the Approach," a quick reference of helpful tips for dealing with each of the behaviors and personality types.

In Chapter 6, you'll learn how to handle situations in which you caused a problem. When you realize you've said or done something inappropriate, offensive, or unkind, you'll be prepared to take the initiative and incorporate powerful phrases and words in conversations to repair and reconcile the relationship. And, when someone approaches you about a problem you didn't realize you caused, you'll learn how to quickly recover and work through the five-steps to resolve the conflict, no matter whether the person approaches you in a constructive manner or confronts you in a spiteful or hurtful manner.

Powerful Phrases for Dealing with Difficult People will be your guide when you encounter problems with your employees, col-leagues, or bosses. You'll be able to specifically identify the be-haviors and personality types that are problematic for you. You'll build your confidence to handle any type of conflict with any per-son, whether you have a problem with someone or another person has a problem with you. It's the book that will provide you with the skills to enter into a productive dialogue and resolve any problem quickly.

Powerful Phrases for Dealing with Difficult People will enhance your communication skills, improve your leadership skills, and in-crease your assertiveness skills. When you develop these skills, you'll be seen as a person who connects successfully with others. And that is going to strengthen all of your work relationships.

Table of Contents

CONTENTS

Acknowledgments ix

Introduction 1

PART 1

Powerful Phrases + Actions = Successful

Work Relationships

1 Communicating Powerful Phrases 7

Resolving Conflict: The Wrong Way 9

Why This Doesn't Work 10

Begin with "I" Phrases 10

Phrases of Understanding 13

Phrases of Apology 15

Phrases of Compromise 16

Phrases of Resolution 19

Phrases of Reconciliation 21

Resolving Conflict: The Right Way 22

Why This Works 24

2 Actions That Enhance Powerful Phrases 27

Resolving Conflict: The Wrong Way 29

Why This Doesn't Work 30

Body Language 31

Facial Expressions 34

Tone of Voice 36

Assertiveness 38

Resolving Conflict: The Right Way 41

Why This Works 43

PART 2

Effective Conflict Resolution = Strengthened

Work Relationships

3 Five Steps to Effective Conflict Resolution 47

Resolving Conflict: The Wrong Way 49

Why This Doesn't Work 50

Step 1: Think First 51

Step 2: Gain a Better Understanding 53

Step 3: Define the Problem 56

Step 4: Offer Your Best Solution 57

Step 5: Agree on the Resolution 61

Resolving Conflict: The Right Way 63

Why This Works 66

4 Powerful Phrases for Challenging

Coworker Situations 69

Basic Rules When Confronting a Coworker 70

How to Deal with a Backstabber 71

How to Deal with a Brownnoser 76

How to Deal with a Bully 81

How to Deal with a Credit Taker 85

How to Deal with a Criticizer 89

How to Deal with an Ethics Violator 94

How to Deal with an Excessive Emailer 98

How to Deal with a Gossipmonger 102

How to Deal with a Know-It-All 106

How to Deal with a Late-Nick 111

How to Deal with a Loudmouth 115

How to Deal with a Meeting Monopolizer 119

How to Deal with a Mistake Maker 123

How to Deal with a Negative Nelly 128

How to Deal with a Personal Hygiene Offender 132

How to Deal with a Personal Space Invader 136

How to Deal with a Slacker 139

How to Deal with a TMI'er 144

How to Deal with a Whiner 148

How to Deal with a Wimp 151

5 Powerful Phrases for Challenging

Situations with Your Boss 155

Basic Rules When Confronting Your Boss 156

How to Deal with an Abusive Boss 157

How to Deal with a Controlling Boss 162

How to Deal with an Egotistical Boss 167

How to Deal with an Incompetent Boss 172

How to Deal with an Inconsistent Boss 177

How to Deal with a Micromanaging Boss 181

How to Deal with a Noncommunicative Boss 186

How to Deal with a Passive Boss 191

How to Deal with a Reactive Boss 195

How to Deal with an Unethical Boss 200

6 Powerful Phrases for Situations You Cause 207

Resolving Conflict: The Wrong Way 209

Why This Doesn't Work 210

Step 1: Think First 211

Step 2: Gain a Better Understanding 213

Step 3: Define the Problem 216

Step 4: Offer Your Best Solution 218

Step 5: Agree on the Resolution 220

Resolving Conflict: The Right Way 221

Why This Works 223

About the Author 225

Editorial Reviews

"Her [the author's] book offers readers great tips for handling difficult personalities using specific verbal and nonverbal communication in combination with a five-step conflict-resolution formula." —Retailing Insight

"Isn’t workplace harmony worth a try? Wouldn’t you rather have truce than trouble? If the answer to those questions is affirmative, then grab this book." —Houston Style Magazine

From the Publisher