Raising Children Who Think For Themselves

by Elisa Medhus M.D., Elisa Medhus

Overview

Raising Children Who Think for Themselves offers a new approach to parenting that has the power to reverse the trend of external direction in our children and help parents bring up empathetic, self-confident, moral, independent thinkers. Children who are externally directed make decisions based on the peer groups, violent movies, sexually explicit television shows, and rap lyrics that permeate their lives. When children are self-directed, on the other hand, they use their power of reason like a sword to cut through the jungle of external influences. Fortunately, the author shows us, it is never too late to foster in our children the ability to weigh options, consider sources, and think for themselves.

Filled with real-life examples, humorous anecdotes, and countless interviews with parents, children, and teachers, Raising Children Who Think for Themselves

• Identifies the five essential qualities of self-directed children
• Outlines the seven strategies necessary for parents to develop these qualities in their children
• Addresses nearly one hundred child-raising challenges—from body piercing to whining wars—and offers solutions to help encourage self-direction

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781582700472
Publisher:	Atria Books/Beyond Words
Publication date:	04/01/2001
Edition description:	Original
Pages:	304
Product dimensions:	6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 0.80(d)

About the Author

Elisa Medhus, MD, is a physician and mother of five who has practiced internal medicine for over thirty years. She is the author of three award-winning parenting books, including Raising Children Who Think for Themselves and Hearing Is Believing, and has lectured on parenting for schools, parent groups, and corporations. After the death of her twenty-year-old son Erik, Dr. Medhus began journaling her grief in her blog ChannelingErik.com and wrote the successful book My Son and the Afterlife. She lives in Houston, Texas.

Table of Contents

	Dedication	ix
	Acknowledgments	xi
	The Basics
	Introduction	3
	What This Book Is About	3
	The Five Essential Qualities of Self-Directed Children	6
	Understanding Internal vs. External Direction	11
	The Game Plan
	Seven Strategies for Raising
	Self-Directed Children
1	Creating the Proper Family Environment	19
	Eliminating Elements That Foster External Direction	19
	A Word about Sibling Influences	44
	The Importance of a Family Identity	48
2	Helping Children Develop Healthy Internal Dialogue	51
	Eight Techniques to Encourage Introspection	51
	Derailing Unhealthy Internal Dialogue	66
	Helping Them Confront Their Unhealthy Internal Dialogue	66
	Helping Them Rebound from the Effects of Facing the Truth	68
	Helping Them Find Solutions through Honest, Healthy Internal Dialogue	69
	Modeling Our Own Inner Honesty for Our Children	69
3	Helping Children Develop Natural Intuition	71
	Modeling the Use of Our Own Intuitive Powers	72
	Encouraging Them to Follow Their Own Hunches	72
	Teaching Children How to Strengthen Their Intuitive Powers	72
	Playing Intuition Games	74
	Keeping an Intuition Journal	74
	Teaching Children How to Receive Intuitive Signals More Clearly	74
4	Teaching Children Empathy	77
	Teaching Children How "Benevolent Selfishness" Works	79
	Helping Children Understand Others by Using the "Empathy Triad"	79
	Helping Children Develop Empathy through Service	81
	Helping Children Use Internal Dialogue to Develop Empathy	82
	Helping Children Develop Empathy through Role Play	84
	Using "I Messages" to Teach Children Empathy	85
	Modeling Empathy	86
	Teaching Children Empathy by Not Criticizing the Unfortunate	87
5	Disciplining to Promote Internal Direction	89
	What It Means to Discipline in a Way That Promotes Internal Direction	89
	The Twelve Basic Requirements of Self-Directed Discipline	91
	Eight Discipline Techniques That Encourage Self-Direction	107
6	Helping Children Rebound from Failure	121
	Discussing Our Own Mistakes with Our Children	123
	Not Denying Opportunities to Excel As a Consequence for Misbehavior	123
	Sharing Lessons We've Learned from Our Own Mistakes	124
	Teaching the Value of Failed Attempts	124
	Teaching Children to Strive for Personal Excellence, Not Perfection	125
	Using Mistake Contests	126
	Downplaying Past Failures	126
	Teaching "Failure Tolerance" by Not Over-reacting to Mistakes	127
	Encouraging Mistakes	128
	Encouraging Independence	128
	Teaching How to Separate Failures from Self-Worth	129
	Accepting Suffering As a Good Thing	130
7	Helping Children Handle Real-World Influences	133
	Drugs and Alcohol	134
	Violence among Children	137
	Modern Technology	139
	The Hurried Life	142
	Consumerism vs. Simplicity	145
	Sexuality	147
	Body Image and the Perception of Beauty	151
	The Winner-Loser Mentality and Competition	154
	Conclusion	157
	Specific Child-Rearing Challenges	159
	Level System for Teenagers	275
	Resources	277
	Index	283

What People are Saying About This

From the Publisher

"Raising Children Who Think for Themselves provides plenty of sensible, down-to-earth advice for parents. A goldmine of suggestions and guidance."

—Thomas W. Phelan, PhD, author of 1-2-3 Magic

"Rich stories and examples from her own parenting experiences and those of her patients make Medhus's book a comprehensive guide for teaching our children to become honest, intuitive, and independent thinkers, using not only their heads but their hearts."

—Jeanne Elium, coauthor of Raisin a Son and Raising a Daughter

Editorial Reviews

"Raising Children Who Think for Themselves provides plenty of sensible, down-to-earth advice for parents. A goldmine of suggestions and guidance."
—Thomas W. Phelan, PhD, author of 1-2-3 Magic

"Rich stories and examples from her own parenting experiences and those of her patients make Medhus's book a comprehensive guide for teaching our children to become honest, intuitive, and independent thinkers, using not only their heads but their hearts."
—Jeanne Elium, coauthor of Raisin a Son and Raising a Daughter

From the Publisher

Raising Children Who Think For Themselves provides parents with a new approach to directing children, covering the methods which foster independent thinking. Chapters point out differences between children who are externally directed to make decisions and those who are self-directed and use reasoning powers, providing plenty of examples on how parents can foster the latter.