Sacred Influence: How God Uses Wives to Shape the Souls of Their Husbands

by Gary L. Thomas

Overview

God calls women to influence and move their husbands in positive ways. Applying the concepts from his bestseller, Sacred Marriage, Gary Thomas offers a view through a man’s eyes. Here’s the inside scoop on what men find motivating—with inspiring real-life stories of women who are employing this knowledge to transform their marriages. Sacred Influence doesn’t flinch from difficult marital problems. But by using this faith-focused approach, you’ll see how to help your husband become the man God intends him to be. At the same time, God will shape you to be the woman he designed you to be. God has given godly women a wonderful power to influence and encourage their husbands. What’s the secret? This book will provide challenges, examples, and hope to women who want to love their husbands well and be loved well in return. --Dennis Rainey, President of Family Life

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780310570448
Publisher:	Zondervan
Publication date:	05/26/2009
Sold by:	Zondervan Publishing
Format:	eBook
Pages:	256
File size:	2 MB
Age Range:	18 Years

About the Author

Gary Thomas is a writer in residence at Second Baptist Church in Houston, Texas, and an adjunct faculty member teaching on spiritual formation at Western Seminary in Portland, Oregon. He is the author of over a dozen books, including Sacred Marriage, Sacred Pathways, Pure Pleasure, Sacred Parenting, and the Gold Medallion Award-winning Authentic Faith.

 

Read an Excerpt

Part 1
Your Marriage Makeover
Begins with You
Chapter 1
The Glory of a Godly Woman
Understanding Who You Are in Christ
I laughed out loud when I saw it. While waiting in line at a grocery store, I read the cover of a leading women's magazine and just had to write down the title of one of its articles: 'Why so many smart,
good women put up with snarly, dreadful men.'
You know what made me laugh? I can't even imagine a leading men's magazine --- say, GQ or Esquire --- with an article titled 'Why so many honorable, decent men put up with conniving, manipulative women.' It would never happen. Nor will you ever see books titled Men Who Love Too Much or The Men-Haters and the Men Who
Love Them.
There's a good reason for this. Historically, neurologically,
socially, and even biblically, I believe one can make the case that women tend to be more invested in their relationships and marriages than are men. As my friend Dr. Melody Rhode, a psychologist and marriage and family therapist, puts it, 'Women are bent to their husbands;
we just are.' This reality has its roots in the very first family.
Back in Genesis 3, following the fall, God tells Eve, 'Your desire will be for your husband' (verse 16). Respected Old Testament commentators Keil and Delitzsch suggest that the Hebrew language here evokes a 'desire bordering on disease.'1 It comes from a root word connoting a 'violent craving' for something.
Some women exhibit more of this than others. I recently listened to a talk program in which a woman described how her husband had carried on a secret affair for more than four years. The husband had acted cruelly on many fronts. He had introduced his mistress to his wife, for example, and in his wife's absence he had brought the mistress home. In fact, he even took his mistress into his wife's bed.
The illicit relationship ended only when the mistress died.
But do you know what most surprised me about the call? The wife seemed more concerned about losing this despicable man than she did about facing a life without him! Even though he had disrespected her as deeply as possible, trampled on their marital intimacy,
and offended their marriage bed, she felt more afraid of waking up without him than of waking up next to him. In fact, she really wanted to find out more about the mistress! What did she look like? What kind of personality did she have? What did her husband see in her?
Contrast this with a recent question-and-answer article in Sports
Illustrated, in which a number of professional male athletes were asked if they would ever take back a 'runaway bride,' a woman who left them at the altar and embarrassed them in front of their family and friends. Not a single athlete said he would. One of the men responded so vehemently and colorfully that I can't even print his answer in this book.
Why the discrepancy? In some cases, it may indeed be that women are more spiritually and emotionally mature, willing to forgive for the sake of the family and larger considerations. But in other cases, it might be less noble than that. Some women never rise above a sinful propensity to define themselves according to their likability
--- or acceptance --- by men. Unfortunately, some men seem to have an ultrasensitive spiritual radar that picks up on this. They somehow intuit a woman's spiritual neediness and will exploit it for their own ends.
Because of Christ's work and the conquering power of the Holy
Spirit, however, Christian women can be set free from such psychological dependency and destruction. Listen to a passage from 1 Corinthians
7, as rendered by Eugene Peterson in The Message: 'And don't be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else.
Where you are right now is God's place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life' (verse 17).
Did you catch that last line? God, not your marital status, defines your life.
Is this true of you? The more it is, the more success you will have in moving your man, because weak women usually forfeit their influence.
Look at this from a very practical perspective: do you care much about what a person for whom you have little respect thinks of you?
Probably not. So then, how is such a person going to influence you?
When their opinion doesn't matter, they may communicate clearly,
honestly, and practically --- but you're still not going to listen to them.
In the same way, if your husband doesn't respect you, if you have sinfully put his acceptance of you over your identity as a daughter of
God, then how will you ever influence him for the better?
Now let's put a positive spin on this. If someone you really respect,
greatly admire, and enjoy spending time with comes to you with a concern, aren't you going to give their words extra thought?
Aren't you at least going to consider that they may have a point, and that you need to pay attention?
Of course you are.
This explains why the type of woman who moves her man is a woman who also impresses her man. I heard one husband gush about his wife's business acumen, while another raved about his wife's intelligence.
Yet a third man went on and on about his wife's spiritual maturity and her ability to understand the Bible.

Table of Contents

Contents Dear Readers 9 Acknowledgments 11 Introduction: God Hears and Sees 13 Part 1: Your Marriage Makeover Begins with You 1. The Glory of a Godly Woman 19 Understanding Who You Are in Christ 2. The Strength of a Godly Woman 29 Becoming Strong Enough to Address Your Husband’s “Functional Fixedness” 3. “Be Worthy of Me” 37 How God Uses the Weaknesses of Others to Help Us Grow Part 2: Creating the Climate for Change 4. The Widow at Zarephath 47 Understanding a Man’s Deepest Thirst 5. The Zarephath Legacy 59 How You Can Learn to Appreciate an Imperfect Man 6. The Helper 77 Embracing the High Call of Marriage 7. A Claim, a Call, and a Commitment 91 Focusing on Personal Responsibilities 8. Understanding the Male Mind 101 Learning to Make Allowances for Your Husband’s Masculinity 9. Jeanne-Antoinette 115 The Power of a Persistent Pursuit Part 3: Confronting the Most Common Concerns 10. Ray and Jo: Taming the Temper, Part 1 133 Self-Respect as a First Defense against Your Husband’s Anger 11. Taming the Temper, Part 2 147 Learning to Navigate through Your Husband’s Anger 12. Rich and Pat: The Magic Question 157 Helping Your Husband to Become More Involved at Home 13. The Biology of a Busy Man 171 How to Help Your Man Put Family First 14. Pure Passion 185 Cementing Your Husband’s Affections and Protecting His Spiritual Integrity 15. Ken and Diana: Affair on the Internet 205 Winning Back the Husband Who Strays 16. John and Catherine: Finding Faith 219 Influencing a Nonbelieving or Spiritually Immature Husband Epilogue: Everlasting Beauty 237 Notes 243