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Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781524619787 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | AuthorHouse |
| Publication date: | 07/22/2016 |
| Sold by: | Barnes & Noble |
| Format: | eBook |
| Pages: | 100 |
| File size: | 196 KB |
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Screaming in Silence
By K. A. Russell
AuthorHouse
Copyright © 2016 K. A. RussellAll rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-5246-1979-4
CHAPTER 1
Six Years of "Being In Love" Bliss
THEY HAD STARTED DATING WHILE in high School, Ruby a junior, Ron a senior. The six years of courtship were happy. Ruby believed he was a godly man that feared the Lord. Ron never cursed during those six years. Nor did he drink or smoke or do anything to harm her. The best thing of all, he quoted scriptures on every date. Soon, she found herself falling deeply in love.
Ron graduated from High School and went to college, while their courtship was full of daily love letters to each other. He even drove home every weekend to see her and spend time together. There wasn't even a hint of evil or unkindness.
Ruby recalled how one evening their son asked her a very important question. After the many years of abuse in their home, her son asked "Mom, Why did you marry dad knowing he was like that?" Wow. A moment for the children to hear the truth; she was shocked at her son's question. Suddenly it occurred to her that her children had only seen the angry, cruel man he was ... But neither of those qualities ever exhibited themselves during the courting years! She explained to her now grown children that during the six years of romantic courtship, he never yelled at her, he certainly never cursed at her! He had hidden all of these traits of his character while they dated. But once they got married, and after a quick one night honeymoon, he drove them to a city 65 miles from home. The honeymoon was nothing special; a cheap hotel room after first going to get dinner because Ron was hungry. She was too nervous to be hungry, a blushing new bride. But that one night away from home something alarming happened, at least for the bride.
Once in the hotel room, she blushingly went in the restroom to put on the special white gown her dear mother had given to her just for the honeymoon.
Then, stepping out of the restroom all in white, she asked him if he had put the sign on the door "DO NOT DISTURB." He assured her he had already taken care of that. Then they proceeded to the bed, where something magical was expected to take place ... She had "saved herself for her husband." She had dreamed of this one special night all of her life. And it had not been easy to "save herself" for the boy, or man of her dreams.
But the magical expectation did not take place. ... She wasn't sure what she was to expect, but it certainly wasn't what occurred. In the wee early morning hours, as they were trying once again for that important magical moment, someone knocked on their hotel room door. She froze. She was scared to pieces! She asked him who would be knocking on their door that time of morning. It was around 5:00 a.m. He said he didn't know. Then the person knocking on the door proceeded to use a key to the door to gain entrance! This was so disturbing to her! She asked him "Did you not put the DO NOT DISTURB sign on the door?" He replied "Of course I did! I don't know why they are trying to come in!" Adding, "Just ignore it!"
It was impossible to ignore such a scare. She jumped out of bed and ran to the restroom for safety. Suddenly, the door was cracked with an opening only to discover the chain lock was up. It wasn't until they discovered the chain lock in place that the knocking and pushing the door stopped ... Thank God!
That was when she insisted for him to look outside the door. As he did, no one was in sight. But they both discovered a very important detail. Instead of putting the DO NOT DISTURB sign he had placed MAID WANTED!!!!! The maid was trying to get in their room! She was furious! He was laughing. How could he find this embarrassing situation so funny? She didn't find anything funny about it at the time. But now, it was humorous to think back on.
So much for a luxurious romantic honeymoon; it was over. And it was nothing like what she had dreamed of all her life as a small girl. Not even close.
They dressed, packed and left the hotel for the drive home.
CHAPTER 2Chapter 2: Honeymoon Over
UPON THEIR ARRIVAL HOME, SHE was excited to decorate their own little home. He went to work the very next day while she had a week off just to enjoy being a new bride. After all, she had dreamed of this day all her life as a little girl. She used to daydream of that one special boy that she would love and he would love her too. It was like a dream come true to finally be married, to be the wife to a boy she loved and adored. And the best part of all? He loved God even more than she did. He even quoted bible scriptures on every date night. She didn't know the scriptures as well as he did, so she was at times afraid she wasn't as close to God as he appeared to be. But for this reason, she fell in love with him, because of his close walk with God.
During the first two months, she worked her full time job while he worked his new job acquired upon graduation from college. But he made no bones about it, he hated his job. He had received several job offers, fortunately, but accepted the one with the highest salary, being a new husband. But he was miserable every evening he came home. He often went straight to their bedroom, throwing himself across the bed, crying like a baby. She enjoyed her job and couldn't grasp how a job could make a man so unhappy. Then he started accusing her of the reason he had to work, to support a wife. Those words made her sad, and she quickly began to realize he didn't like the responsibility being married carried with it. But there they were, married, for better or worse. She knew deep inside he resented her, he resented being a husband, and he definitely resented having to go to a job every day he hated. She asked him if he didn't want a wife, why did he ask her to marry him? She learned it was going to be a question she would ask routinely throughout their marriage, because at first he refused to answer her simple question. His anger began to get worse and worse each night he would return home. Although she felt sorry for him, she didn't know what she could do to improve his work situation.
It was only the third month of the marriage. As usual, he was angry. He had a bad day at work. But this time upon his arrival from work, while she was busy preparing their meal for dinner, he grabbed her by the arm, took her outside through their back door. She was quite bewildered and wondered what was going on.
Suddenly he threw her down on the ground, in the grass of their tiny back yard. She was caught by surprise as he forced her onto the ground, flat on her back. She didn't even have time to think "Is he going to kiss me out here?" Then he sat on her chest, making it impossible for her to move. The FIRST HIT came. Then the second, and the third, across her face..... she laid there speechless. This is not what she was expecting. Once he struck her face the last time, at least four or five strokes on each cheek, without a word of apology, or telling her why he was hitting her, he got up and turned his back to her and went back into the back door of their tiny home. (which was a small mobile home, often referred to as a trailer).
She laid there a few minutes, crying, and trembling while looking up at the sky through the tears. It was dark, and the stars were beginning to twinkle as she lay there wondering "What was that? What did I do to deserve that? Did I do something wrong? O Lord, help me please! I am a new wife, and I don't recall my daddy ever laying a hand on mom. Lord, what do I do?" But after crying, she knew she had made a vow to God and she took her vow seriously. But what was that?
She picked herself up off the grass, brushed herself off, thinking to herself "I don't know what I did wrong to deserve that. But I must find out so I don't do it again." But now there are new emotions she had never experienced before with a person. Now she was filled with fear. guilt. humiliation. embarrassment.
She walked into the back door to find him in the kitchen, eating, acting like nothing had happened! How could this be? She asked "What was that? Why did you hit me?" He answered "You burned the macaroni! I thought you knew how to cook. Can't you do anything right? And you cooked enough for an army. It's only the two of us. Why so much food?" Shyly, she responded "In my home, I was used to cooking for 4, so I guess I am going to have to learn how to cook for 2." Then, she did the unthinkable. She apologized she was the victim, yet she felt it was already her fault, and apologized, to make peace in the home. Little did she realize, with apologizing, she gave her husband power in that split moment.
She promised to be more careful, and it would not happen again. Little did she know that was the first hit of many to follow. What most amazed her? He never apologized. He made her think it was her fault and she deserved it. She discovered she was on an unknown road in strange territory.
CHAPTER 3No Longer Bliss
AS THE FIRST FEW MONTHS of their marriage unfolded, he told her something that she couldn't believe. He told her he didn't like her family, nor did he like her parents. He tried to convince her that her parents didn't treat her like they did her brother. He held great animosity for one relative because he took his new car for a spin, and he heard the tires spin. He was livid when he returned the car. And much to her surprise, he was holding a special grudge against that relative.
He even told her he was going to ask for a transfer to another office in another state of the company he worked for. Even though he hated his job, he hated her family even worse. This caused great sadness in her heart, as she loved her family deeply. That is probably the reason he hated them so, pure jealousy and hatred, because she was very close to her parents.
You may not find this as important, but mental and emotional trauma is another form of abuse, because he took everything out on her that didn't make him happy. Thus, he was living a life full of hatred towards her, but she was oblivious to any of this. She was sad in heart, and her soul was deeply troubled with distress, because he was desperately trying to take her away from those she so deeply loved and longed to be with - especially after that hit. She found herself walking on eggshells, watching everything she said, everything she did, as it had to meet his approval in order to keep peace in their own little home.
She revealed secrets to no one, especially not to her family. She attempted to hold peace and harmony in her little home, shared with this angry man, now her husband. She was in unfamiliar territory and didn't have a clue how to handle it or who she could trust or confide in. So she kept quiet, and held all the secrets deep within her. Without knowing, she blocked them, went into denial and internalized everything.
Into the fifth month of marriage, he came home one day not quite as angry as all the previous days. She asked him what had happened to make him so happy. That's when he announced of his request to be transferred to another state with his company. He wanted to move in order to take her away from her much loved family.
She was devastated. At first she cried a lot. When she shared this new move with her mother, she also cried. Her parents had no clue what she was really living behind closed doors. She was desperately trying to win the love of her husband, and trying to keep peace and harmony in her home.
In only the sixth month of the marriage, they were packing everything to prepare for the move. They were relocated from Utah to Connecticut. She was sad, but hopeful that with the relocation, he would not hit her again, and he would learn to love her and her family, since they would not be living near them. She packed everything, and went by her parent's home the morning of the move, but with many tears. She did not want to loose the only thing secure in her life- her parents and their love and devotion to their children.
While being sad, she also had a little bit of hope and adventure, as she had never been away from home before. Now she was going to make new friends, and live in another state- she saw it as an opportunity to start all over, of course, hoping deep within her heart he would never hit her again.
CHAPTER 4You Can't Run From Trouble
SIX MONTHS AFTER THE MARRIAGE, they were transferred to Connecticut with his job. Although a little afraid of leaving everything she loved and knew, her safety net of home, there was within her a feeling of renewed hope and adventure. For she hoped once they were away somewhere new, it would never happen again, the hits, the yelling, everything would change!
But they relocated to the new city, he with his original company but with a new job. She just knew this would help. And she found a new job! She was excited! She was meeting new people everyday at work, and writing her parents every week. She never wrote what was really going on or why they really moved. She didn't want her mother to worry.
They would take a road trip once every six months to spend the weekend with her family. But she put up a front, not giving the slightest hint of the fear and humiliation that lay deep inside her. She buried it- deep within.
Leaving was sad because she had to leave her family and take the road trip back to her other life; the life of wife. The only things that kept her going were her faith in God for honoring her vows, trusting one day God would change this man she married, that was no longer the boy she courted, so she threw herself into her work.
But it was cut short. Only after three years on his new job, she got a phone call from him at her work one day. He told her to come to his work, now. He was crying. She was afraid one of their parents had passed away.
She asked her boss if she could leave work and go to her husband, he said of course.
When she arrived, he was a nervous wreck and crying terribly. She asked what was wrong.
He told her he just got fired- and no reason was given. He was upset, but she thought to herself, maybe now I will get back the boy I married. Now maybe he will stop the verbal and mental abuse (except at the time, she didn't recognize it to be "abuse") and he will be nice like he was when they dated. She tried to ease his hurt and shame and told him it was going to be ok. (Do you see anything wrong here? She is soothing the wounds of the person who is actually hurting her in every way? But he never did the same for her?) But she was unaware of the situation she was caught up in because she was his wife. It was her duty to soothe his wounds. Although she figured he could get a new job, she didn't know how long it would take. But she had the faith that God knew, and God was in control.
But there was another matter at stake. They had just purchased their first newly built house from the contractor. Now they couldn't afford the house. To make matters a little scary, she had buyers on their present house and papers were signed. "What were they going to do?" she pondered.
She left his office and somehow through her own tears of bewilderment and disappointment, she managed to drive back to her job.
She immediately went to her boss, broke down crying, (after all, who is going to soothe her pain? Her sadness? It wasn't the man she married to) after sharing with her boss, and crying, she asked him" What were they going to do? "He prayed for her, for them, and told her he would help her husband find a new job so she could keep hers. He didn't want to loose her as his secretary. She thanked him and went back to her office.
CHAPTER 5The Rented House
WHEN SHE RETURNED HOME FOR the evening, things were worse than when he had a job! She didn't understand. He hated his job. He cursed about it everyday he came home. He worked long hours to the point it was difficult to keep his dinner from burning (after burning the macaroni the first three months of marriage, she didn't dare burn his dinner again!). But now he is angrier than ever because they were due to move into the new house, and now they have sold their house with nowhere to go. He was furious, and taking it all out on her. "Lord have mercy on me" she pleaded as she prayed every day and night.
At work the next day, she shared their dilemma with her boss about their new house, and the fact they already had their house sold. Her boss just told her to pray about it and God would take care of them.
Within hours she received a phone call from the man that built their new house. She explained their situation to him, letting him know her husband had lost his job, they had sold their present house to move into his, but they couldn't afford to buy their new house and didn't have anywhere to go. He knew without her husband's job they couldn't afford to buy his new house but he had a small house he usually rented to people. He asked if she would be interested. She said yes, she was interested, but how much would the rent be each month? He answered with "Would FREE be cheap enough?" She started crying, right there at work and on the phone. So now they had somewhere to go until her husband found a new job. She immediately called her mother to tell her the news. Her mother cried on the phone, and said "Thank you lord for taking care of my girl."
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Screaming in Silence by K. A. Russell. Copyright © 2016 K. A. Russell. Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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Table of Contents
Contents
Chapter 1: Six Years of "Being In Love" Bliss, 1,Chapter 2: Honeymoon Over, 4,
Chapter 3: No Longer Bliss, 7,
Chapter 4: You Can't Run From Trouble, 9,
Chapter 5: The Rented House, 11,
Chapter 6: Life in the new rented home, 12,
Chapter 7: Life in the new apartment, 14,
Chapter 8: This Cannot Be Happening, 16,
Chapter 9: The Power of Knowledge- or the Lack of It, 18,
Chapter 10: Interesting Development, 20,
Chapter 11: Elation and Hell, 22,
Chapter 12: The next NINE months, 24,
Chapter 13: THE day has arrived- Finally!, 26,
Chapter 14: He Buried Her, 28,
Chapter 15: A Different Twist, 30,
Chapter 16: WHY did you ASK me to marry YOU, 32,
Chapter 17: Pregnant Again, 34,
Chapter 18: Three days shy of Four years, 36,
Chapter 19: Protecting The Children, 38,
Chapter 20: Vacations, 39,
Chapter 21: That Night, 41,
Chapter 22: The Holy Bible, 43,
Chapter 23: New Bike, 45,
Chapter 24: Road Trip, 47,
Chapter 25: The Unexplainable, 49,
Chapter 26: Relocating Again, 50,
Chapter 27: No Longer a Secret, 51,
Chapter 28: Church, 52,
Chapter 29: Sleeping In Separate Beds, 53,
Chapter 30: The Unexpected Blessing, 56,
Chapter 31: Homeless, 59,
Chapter 32: The Sheriff, 60,
Chapter 33: Attorney Needed-Now!, 62,
Chapter 34: Attorney Hired, 64,
Chapter 35: Three Months Later, 66,
Chapter 36: The Unthinkable, 67,
Chapter 37: Is it for REAL?, 69,
Chapter 38: Divorce Court, 70,
Chapter 39: Dinner Date, 71,
Chapter 40: The Impossible, 72,
Chapter 41: The Judge, 74,
Chapter 42: No, No, No, 76,
Chapter 43: The Phone Call, 77,
Chapter 44: It took 15 months, 80,
Chapter 45: Her Next Decision, 82,
Chapter 46: The DEED, 84,
Chapter 47: New Name, 86,
Chapter 48: Her new home, 87,
Chapter 49: The New Beginning, 90,