Read an Excerpt
Sex Has a Price Tag
Discussions about Sexuality, Spirituality, and Self Respect
By Pam Stenzel with Crystal Kirgiss Zondervan
Copyright © 2003 Zondervan
All right reserved. ISBN: 0310249716
Chapter One
Things You'll Never Know
It's the first day of junior high Health class. You're sitting in the back row with your friends. You can't decide if you're excited or nervous. Scared or thrilled. You've been waiting for weeks to learn about important stuff, like s-e-x, but you're not sure you want to be learning it from Mr. Henderson-the seventh-grade basketball coach and personal friend of your parents who also happens to go to your church.
When Mr. Henderson walks into the room, you know things aren't going to be good. He looks mad. No, he actually looks worried. Or maybe scared. He clears his throat, glances at the room, turns to the chalkboard, and starts drawing a diagram. His hand is trembling.
At first the picture looks kind of like a smiley face-two eyes and little mouth. Then it starts to look like a frog. Make that a smiling frog. Two smiling frogs. Wait ... make that two smiling frogs doing a strange dance. Without turning around, the teacher says, "Today we'll be discussing the reproductive systems of boys and girls. If anyone giggles, we'll just forget the whole thing and do worksheets for the next six weeks."
He points to the first smiling dancing frog-looking thing and says, "This is the female reproductive system, comprising fallopian tubes, ovaries, uterus and vagina." He points to the second and says, "This is the male reproductive system, comprising urethra, penis and testicles."
At the mention of testicles, you and your friends start giggling uncontrollably.
The teacher slams down his piece of chalk, shattering it into dust particles, and frantically erases the board. The back of his neck starts turning bright red and his ears quiver nervously. In a stern but shaking voice he says, "Take out your workbooks, class, and turn to the chapter on personal hygiene. This week we'll study B.O."
So much for that.
Nothing is more likely to kill the thrill of junior high sexual curiosity than the mention of human perspiration.
Sexual curiosity is normal, especially in young children. In their innocence, they realize that a great mystery surrounds the human body and its many functions. In fact,
mystery is exactly the word the Bible uses when describing the relationship between a man and woman.
So how did we end up with the picture of sex so prevalent in today's society?
Let's look at school first. Sex education has managed to reduce the mystery of sex to a simple biological function. "The male penis enters the female vagina. Presto. Sex."
Of course, schools must cover all the bases, so they add the following.
"Sex, by the way, can result in pregnancy or the contraction of an STD, so be sure to use a condom. Let's all open our sample condoms together and practice, um, using them, um, I mean, take a look at them, shall we?"
And then, for good measure, they add one last thing.
"Remember, don't have sex with anyone until you're ready."
With any luck, everyone will pass the class and a whole new population of sexually educated teenagers will hit the halls.
If you missed the unit at school, no problem. Just spend a night in front of the TV.
Girl: "Oh, Jack. We've known each other almost a whole 15 minutes. Don't you think it's time we cemented our love by sleeping together right here, right now?"
Jack: "Yes, yes, yes. And since our time slot is almost over, there's no time to talk about the pros and cons. Let's just do it, confident that no one will get pregnant, contract a disease, experience any guilt feelings, or regret having slept with such a loser."
Girl: "Thank goodness every sexual encounter is always great and perfect. Who'd want to spoil a sweeps week episode with a disappointing, unfulfilling, and believable act of sex?"
Or maybe you'd rather watch a movie.
Boy: "Hey there, young beautiful lady. Why are you going to jump off the side of this boat into the dark churning waters of the angry ocean?"
Girl: "Because, even though I am beautiful and wealthy, I haven't yet found a dashing young man to sweep me off my feet and have sex with me, thus proving that I am valuable and worthy to walk upon this earth."
Boy: "Hey, if that's all you want, I'm not busy for the next few days. Whaddya say we spend, oh, maybe 48 hours pretending to get acquainted and then get down to business, if you know what I mean. That way, if the boat sinks and one of us drowns, the other one will have great memories for the next 50 years."
Give me a break.
Our society, which claims to know so much about sex, really knows nothing. Actually, less than nothing. If society knew the truth about sex, it would have to remove sex from every TV show, every movie, every book, song, and magazine. Do you know why? Because
sex, the way it was intended to be, could never be reduced to a screen, a CD, or a piece of paper.
Here are some facts that schools and the media will never tell you about sex.
1. Sex is the most awesome, amazing, indescribable, unbelievable, extraordinary tool for giving pleasure to someone you love, but ...
2. It promises to be awesome, amazing, indescribable, unbelievable, and extraordinary only in the context of a committed, life-long, one-man-one-woman relationship (known as marriage), because ...
3. In addition to being awesome, amazing, indescribable, unbelievable, and extraordinary, sex is often embarrassing at first and always messy (assuming everything is in good working order), and ...
4. Who would willingly risk embarrassment with a person who hasn't proved trustworthy?
5. Why engage in a behavior that is dangerously costly in every instance except one (more on this in chapter 4)?
6. Who'd spend $59.95 on a cheap stereo that will last for only a few months, when you could invest that money for a few years, let the principal and interest grow, and then buy a quality system that will last a lifetime?
Granted, that's a simplified version of things, but you get the idea.
I recently spoke at a high school summer camp held on a prominent Christian university campus. The university nurse was there while I spoke, and when I finished, she asked if I could come back in the fall and speak to the college students. She was really concerned that the information I presented wasn't reaching the college age group. She told me that lately, she'd had a number of girls come into health services complaining of sore throats. She and her staff had performed strep cultures, but they all came back negative. She'd then suggested to the primary physician that the girls be tested for chlamydia. Sure enough, the tests came back positive.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Sex Has a Price Tag by Pam Stenzel with Crystal Kirgiss Copyright © 2003 by Zondervan
Excerpted by permission. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
