Sex Tips for Straight Women from a Gay Man

by Dan Anderson, Maggie Berman

Overview

Who better to unveil the mysteries of the he-man psyche than a woman's best friend, the master of clever and refined thinking, the gay man? He knows exactly when, where, and how to elicit that ultimate ooh-ooh, because he knows all too well what he wants.

Two fearless and dedicated scholars, Dan Anderson and Maggie Berman have conducted an intensive, lifelong survey on the subject of male pleasure, at times even descending into the trenches themselves. Now the wisdom they gained can finally be divulged to the heterosexual public.

Dazzle your guy with surefire man-pleasers!

• The Flying Wallenda Position
• The Upstanding Citizen
• The Princeton Belly Rub

Get the fire started with foolproof first moves!

• "Wait a second . . . let me get that thread off your pants."
• "Wow, you've been working out! Make a muscle."

Hot tips for hot loving!

• The Up, Twist, Over, and Down—the stroke that'll have men fighting over you like you were Helen of Troy!
• Remember: You want to hold a Diet Coke, but you don't want to crush the can.

So take some Sex Tips for Straight Women from a Gay Man . . . and drive your lover to new heights of ecstasy!

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780061804694
Publisher:	HarperCollins Publishers
Publication date:	01/17/2012
Sold by:	HARPERCOLLINS
Format:	eBook
Pages:	192
Sales rank:	132,232
File size:	5 MB

About the Author

Dan Anderson and Maggie Berman are the authors of the bestselling Sex Tips for Straight Women from a Gay Man. They live in Palm Springs and New York City.

Read an Excerpt

Chapter One

Before we get into the actual tips, there are some preliminary things you should know. Gay men look at every sexual encounter as a once-in-a-lifetime performance. While women get gold stars for having food in the fridge for the next morning, gay men know that their partners may not hang around that long. They want everything to be perfect and do their best to design the most fabulous experience ever—whether they expect to see that person again or not. So while some of these tips may seem obvious, they're worth keeping in mind.

Clean Up Your Act
A nice shower is always a good idea whether he smells like he just got back from the gym or not. In your old life it may not have mattered, because you were the wide receiver and he was the star quarterback. But now that your hands, mouth and, yes, your nose will be in places they might not have been before — and for a longer time, at that — you'll want to be sure that he's squeaky clean. We're not saying that a natural manly scent isn't a turn-on, but no one wants to stick their face into an old gym shoe. Hot and sweaty after sex is good, but before is another matter altogether.

If you're out on a date, chances are that he took a shower before heading out. But if he just came upstairs from walking the dog or fixing your washing machine, you'll feel a whole lot better if you're not gagging from the smell of 3-in-1 oil or other unpleasant odors. Likewise for eliminating that ambient barroom smell of smoke and Scotch. The same thing goes for you. Those silver plastic pants you saw in Vogue may look hot, but they might leave you smelling like the beach after a nasty storm.We're not saying you have to get crazy about this, but it does make things more pleasant.

Rumor has it that Cher, upon sighting a particularly sexy specimen, ordered, "Have him washed and brought to my tent." She can probably get away with that, but unless you're Claudia Schiffer or fabulously wealthy, do not, under any circumstances, suggest that he take a shower. This could make him feel momentarily undesirable or inferior to your royal pristineness. It is much better to say, "Hmm, looking at you like that makes me warm. I think I'll cool off in the shower." After that, look him in the eye and remove an article of clothing. He'll be mesmerized — honest. As you walk toward the bathroom, he probably won't need any coaxing to join you. If he's really dense, don't hesitate to offer a sincere invitation. If that doesn't do the trick, just say that you feel the need to take a shower. Leave the bathroom door open a bit, get naked, get under the water, and beckon him to bring you more soap, a washcloth or your body lotion from the nightstand (see chapter 2). The rest is up to you.
And while we're on the subject of you, there are a few other don'ts that women's magazine sometimes overlook.

Baubles and Beads
Did you ever notice that gay men might admire your cool jewelry but they don't wear much of it themselves? Maybe it's true that men are dazzled by shiny, dangling earrings and fluffy hair accessories, but he really doesn't want your tennis bracelet caught in his pubic hair, and neither do you, for that matter. Even the smallest diamond studs, whether they're in your ears, nose or belly button, can do serious damage. Remember, if it can cut glass, it can cut skin. Ditto on the watch, rings and ankle bracelets.

There's no doubt that sexy lingerie is a turn-on. It becomes a royal pain when those delicate pearl beads and crystal buttons get tangled and stuck in his chest hair, or leave a dent in his skin. Keep it simple. Chances are very good that you won't be wearing it for long anyway.

Don't Get Nailed
While men are fascinated by your fabulous French manicure, and look forward to a gentle back rub with your nails, no one wants to be fishing around in bed for a fake nail tip. If he finds a Vamp lacquered nail tip between the sheets the day after, he might freak out because he doesn't know what it is, or worse, he might think you're a total fake. Civilized gay men, and we've never known one who isn't, are fastidious about clipped and filed nails. Keep your nails trim and smooth, because you never know where they might end up.

Scents and Sensibility
Women's magazines are big on fragrance, but remember, they get paid big bucks to run those ads. Contrary to what the salesperson says, men do not equate a certain fragrance with fabulousness. It doesn't make any difference anyway. If they can hardly remember your birthday, why would you expect them to remember your perfume? He may like your Windsong on his mind, but not on his sheets, shirts and sofa. A well-placed dab here and there is fine. Just don't overdo it. Also on this subject, the world is now filled with pollutants and allergens to which few are totally immune. A sneezing fit when he leans forward to kiss you is a surefire way to kill the moment.

Tips on Texture
Do wear suede, cashmere, silk and leather for their sensual feel or smell. Don't wear scratchy wools, cheap stiff lace or things that make you sweat like a pig. Another word on texture: You may never suspect it, but your pubic hair can be just as irritating on his lips and chin as his beard can be on your face. Good sexual grooming tells us that the use of a simple, over-the-counter hair conditioner can prevent a bad case of brush burn.

Editorial Reviews

If In & Out writer Paul Rudnick and Bette Midler teamed up to write a how-to sex manual, the result might resemble the hilarious Sex Tips for Straight Women From a Gay Man. Certainly it's shocking that this book hasn't been written before -- after all, who do women ask their most intimate sexual questions if not their gay male friends? And who knows more about what men like than a gay man? Part sexual etiquette and part how-to, Sex Tips is a cannily entertaining romp through the nuts and bolts of sex from the male perspective. Freud may have been puzzled by what women really want, but ask any straight woman and she will confess to a similar dearth of knowledge when it comes to the male orgasm. Taking a brisk, no-nonsense approach, Anderson and Berman boldly assert from the outset that "taking up these techniques while you're dating will surely lead to a quick proposal of marriage." Rules Girls, take note.

It certainly enlivens the prose that Anderson and Berman happen to be mistresses of the campy take, sprinkling their observations with just enough irony to let you know they're in on the joke. On perfume: "If (straight men) can hardly remember your birthday, why would you expect them to remember your perfume?" Or, "Gay men who at one time had sex with women say the difference is that women rarely go hard and fast enough toward the end," admonishes the fellatio chapter. "Don't forget to let go after the first few spurts ... and now might be an excellent time to suggest that trip to Paris."

So what are these tips? It's clearly accurate, just for starters, that most women are "mystified" by the role of testicles in the carnal drama. "We believe that balls have always been treated like unwelcome country cousins," the authors write delicately. "You recognize them when they show up at the door, but you're not so happy to see them because you have absolutely no idea of what would keep them entertained." Kiss confusion goodbye after reading the "Play Ball" chapter.

Which leads to one of the main purposes of books such as these, which I suspect is simply validation. Sex Tips works from the premise that sex is the most fun when it is honestly and frankly addressed, with a dash of humor thrown in for good measure. Some of the tips are good, some are plain funny and a few are incomprehensible. (Unless she's a contortionist, a fellating woman surely risks death via suffocation in The Upstanding Citizen position.) Nevertheless, the book's boldness is irresistible. "A little ladylike initiative goes a long way," they write encouragingly. "As a last resort, just grab it." Lest you think that's a bit obvious, look at it this way: "'Just Grab It' is more than a piece of advice," our authors remind us. "It's a way of life." -- Salon

Courtney Weaver

What the man in your life won’t tell you...but wants you to know.

Condomania.com

Chattily didactic, the book offers witty—and yes, explicit—desciptions of all manner of how-tos, how-tease and how-t’OOH!s.

Daily News

This book gives very specific advice on how to knock his socks off . . .

Dating911.com

You might want to check out Sex Tips for Straight Women From a Gay Man.

Glamour

The dishy, humorous voice the authors developed makes this a nonthreatening sex manual.

Philadelphia Weekly

A primer that takes dish deeper than a Chicago-style pizza.

New York Post

A cannily entertaining romp through the nuts and bolts of sex from the male perspective.

Salon.com

The best-kept secrets of sex experts (and a few sexually satisfied women) are now up for grabs—and road-testing.

Cosmopolitan