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Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781481777834 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | AuthorHouse |
| Publication date: | 08/16/2013 |
| Sold by: | Barnes & Noble |
| Format: | eBook |
| File size: | 390 KB |
Read an Excerpt
Standards in Stilettos
Be Inspired, Be Motivated, Be Empowered
By Jazmin Frett
AuthorHouse
Copyright © 2013 Jazmin FrettAll rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4817-7782-7
CHAPTER 1
Soul Mates
"I don't know if I believe in there being a such thing as soul-mates. I think that falling in love can be a temporary feeling, however, actually loving someone is forever and always. I believe in understanding and faith and I emphasize on prayer."
What were my exact thoughts when this popped into my head? Well, I began to think about how I believed that there is someone out there for everyone ... but I wouldn't necessarily use the term soul mates. My reason for this is because I think that opposites do attract. I also think that you can find someone who compliments you and your lifestyle but there is always going to be a point where you will find doubt in yourself and in the relationship. You will begin to notice differences between you and your mate. Some people would argue that soul mates never fall out of love. I beg to differ because falling in love is temporary. The feeling of being in love is just a feeling and feelings go away. They dissipate. I think that actually loving and having love for someone is way more powerful than being in love, having love doesn't really go away. If you loved that person once, unless they did something so wrong and almost to a point where it's not worth forgiving, then you will always have love for the person. But what is there in this world that isn't worthy of forgiveness? Having love or loving someone is what keeps you involved with that person. Loving someone is what makes you want to take care of him or her, tend to him or her, cook for him or her, provide for him or her and so forth. I think that once the in love portion starts to fade away, you need to have understanding of the relationship. Have faith and understanding of the individual you're with, as well as yourself. Having faith in your relationship will get you through a lot of trying times. It will enable you to grow as a couple. But most importantly you have to pray. My mother always said "those that pray together, stay together." It's interesting how much power that there is in prayer.
* * *
"Your struggle is what fuels your strength."
* * *
"Your time is not always going to be in line with HIS time. Patience is a virtue."
* * *
Just because you love someone, doesn't mean that you're meant to be with him or her. They may not be "the one" that God has sculpted for you.
Women in the Kitchen
Ladies, I get the feeling that there are very few women who actually love to be in the kitchen cooking home cooked meals. Everywhere I go, I find that this is a common complaint amongst men. They argue that women these days don't know how to cook, and chose not to be in the kitchen cooking for them. They say that today's generation of women act like they are too good to be in the kitchen. News Flash: Men want women who can throw down in the kitchen!!!!
I'll tell you this, I am a woman who loves the kitchen, stays in the kitchen, and can't get enough of the kitchen. You know why, because I am a fat girl trapped in a skinny girl's body and I love food. I come from a long line of women who cooked breakfast, lunch, and dinner. My mother cooked almost everyday of the week and we always had Sunday dinner. Don't get me wrong, that doesn't mean that we never ate out. My family loves to eat at restaurants, but there's nothing like a home cooked meal. I remember my cousin and I would sometimes beg my grandmother to take us to go get fast food. Most of the time her answer was "No! We have food in the kitchen" and she would get up and commence to cooking dinner. Now that's love! I'm sorry, but there is just so much love in home cooked meals. Why do you think Thanksgiving (aside from giving thanks to God) is such a popular holiday? It provides a time to bond with family members (some near and some far) and you get the opportunity to eat great food that came from recipes that were passed down from generation to generation. Except for when the recipes have skipped a generation and not one woman in the family can even boil water. Then everyone is going to be sitting around eating KFC on paper plates looking at each other crazy.
I tried that attitude one day while talking to my mother and I remember telling her that when I got married I wasn't going to cook everyday. I was going to marry a man who was going to do all the cooking. Do you know what she told me? She said "Honey you aren't going to be married long!" And she is right! I take pride in cooking. The women, who I call my closest friends, are all cooks. They believe in providing hot meals for their men. They don't mind cooking breakfast, lunch, and dinner. However, we are few and far between. And the best thing about this "Sister Circle" (I call it that) is when we want to spice things up and try something new, or when we want to expose our men to different foods, we can just trade recipes and discuss ways to prepare things differently.
There is nothing wrong with being "Miss Independent" while coming home and making sure there is a hot meal waiting for your man when he gets home. Seriously, we women claim we want a man who can bring home the bacon and put food on the table. Well what happens when YOU don't know how to fry that bacon or prepare that food that the man is putting on the table? I'm just saying, think about it!
* * *
"Sometimes you have to realize that YOU are standing in your own way. Know when to step out."
* * *
"Sometimes you have to wake up ... and see the world for what it really is. Not all things are hidden and sugar coated. Most things appear to be very obvious, you're just allowing yourself to be blinded from the truth."
* * *
"Start your day different from how you ended your last. #NewBeginnings"
Respect Yourself
Sometimes I take a look around me and I can't help but to notice the series of events that are happening. We women these days demand so much respect, yet we don't even respect ourselves. How do you have the audacity to demand respect from a man, when you don't even show respect for yourself?
Let me elaborate on this. Don't expect for a man to respect your body when every time you walk into the building you're showing all of your assets. Your skirts are too short and you're exposing too much skin. Your jeans are extra tight, cutting off circulation, and you look like you can't breathe. Okay, so it's alright to wear some things form fitting but not to the point where you are cutting off circulation. Your body needs oxygen! Wearing clothes that are too small for you is not flattering at all.
Let me say this, if you come into a building looking like a stripper than you are playing the part of how you would like for a man to treat you. When you have everything out for him to see, why wouldn't he approach you with such disrespect? Of course the first thing he's going to do is grab your arm or put his hand in places where they do not belong. You're basically telling him that it's okay. The way you carry yourself and the way that you dress is simply telling him "Treat me in whatever way you want." I believe that if you leave something to the imagination, then you hold a great amount of attractiveness within yourself.
We should dress classier and carry ourselves with confidence. Remember, beauty is carried from within, it isn't' painted on. It's your world and you deserve to get the best out of it. The confident attitude that you carry, your poise, the intellectual conversations that you have are all things that will attract the perfect gentlemen. Stop wearing four or five different hair colors in your hair with four or five different hairstyles in one. No boo-boo, this isn't cute. This is just too much.
Self-respect should mean a lot to you. Respect yourself by not allowing others to disrespect you. Respect yourself by having self-esteem. Respect yourself by treating others in the manner in which you want to be treated. Respect yourself by carrying yourself like a true lady.
* * *
"What USED TO BE is no longer who you are. What is GOING TO COME, is in fact, who you will be."
* * *
"Be who you are. Be genuine. Do not allow anyone to rob you of your identity. Individuality is significant."
* * *
"Being a bad chick doesn't mean that you have to wear skin tight revealing clothing and a ton of make-up. Being a "bad chick" means you walk with unspoken confidence, you know how to take care of your household, you value your self-worth, you educate yourself in the streets and in the books, and you demand respect without speaking any words."
Submission and Catering
So many times I have heard women speak about how they refuse to be submissive to their significant others. They talk about how they are "strong independent women" and they "refuse to obey any man." Hmmm if you consider yourself to have faith in God and believe in his word, then why are you so defiant against submission? Being submissive doesn't mean that if your man tells you to go jump off a cliff that you have to obey his order. It also doesn't mean that you have to be his slave. A real man wouldn't take it that far and I will explain why later on. In the meantime, meditate on this ... Ephesians 5:28.
Why do we women always demand so much from a man, yet we give so little in return? We seek men who are capable of providing and protecting us and we give them just enough power that it allows them to feel somewhat like a man; however without truly giving them the full effect of being "the man." There is nothing wrong with being submissive and catering to your significant other. He deserves it as long as he is doing the things that he is supposed to be doing as a man, husband, and head of household. The Bible states, "husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself" Eph 5:28. A good God-fearing man who loves himself will never allow himself to disrespect or mistreat you. He won't abuse you or use you and he won't take you for granted because he refuses to treat himself that way. He will realize your worth and treat you like the queen that you are. This alone ladies, is a good enough reason for us to continue to be submissive and cater to our men.
I take pride in catering to my man at all times. I cook his meals; I prepare his plate, and bring (or serve) his food to when I am done cooking. All he has to do is sit there, read, watch the T.V., carry a conversation with me in the kitchen, and wait. And when everything it done I don't even have to worry about cleaning the kitchen because we are a team and even though he is "the man," at some point he recognizes a good thing when he's got it. He knows that he has got a good supportive, strong, and submissive woman. And when we're done eating that meal, he gets up ... collects my plate and his ... goes to the kitchen ... washes the dishes ... cleans the kitchen ... and takes out the trash.
Now I must admit that it took me awhile to get used to this submission thing. I remember being young and whenever any of my male friends would come over for dinner with my family and I, my mom would always say "Jazz, get your butt up and fix this boy a plate" and I would always look at her (and him) with a crazy face (and you know I wasn't looking at my momma crazy for too long. She doesn't play those games honey. She is quick to snatch me up). See I didn't understand it then, but I understand it now. For so many years I have watched my mother serve my dad his meals, prepare his food, treat him like a king, and cater to him and I hadn't had a clue why. It wasn't until I got older and God brought me someone who was worthy. When you've got a good thing you treat it like it's a remarkable thing. You want to keep it polished so you continue to put in work. And trust me when I tell you this, a real good man (and I'm talking about a man with some act right.) Thinks that a submissive woman is beautiful beyond measure.
* * *
"Your journey isn't over, it's only the beginning. Divulge in all that life has to offer you. Inspire!"
* * *
"Your esteem is dependent upon self. It starts with having to building yourself first & discovering your self worth
* * *
"You can't win every battle and not every war is yours to fight."
Diva vs. Proverbs 31 Woman
Diva, Diva, Diva ... Everybody wants to be a diva. But really what's the true definition of a diva? Some people think that being a diva is holding a certain standard of class, always fabulous and living the good life (So they say). Others think that being a diva is being overly dramatic. Beyonce says it's just "a female version of a hustla." (Umm, what exactly are you trying to hustle that you need to even hold that title?) Don't get me wrong, I love the son (and I love Beyonce) but that's not for everybody and it's just for entertainment. Everyone seems to have their own definition of what a diva is and what it takes to be a diva. However, there are very few women who are seeking out what it takes to be a Proverbs 31 woman. Being a Proverbs 31 woman is so much more rewarding than being a diva. A diva holds the definition of being a goddess. Let me tell you something. You don't need to hold the title of being a goddess when you have God in your life. Proverbs 31:30 says "Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised." Everyone wants to run around saying "I'm a diva, I'm a diva!" But what exactly are you striving for with that? Let's be grown women. Grown women are immersed in humility. They have self-control, poise, dignity, and are about their business.
Proverbs 31 women possess the Fruits of the Spirit (Gal 5: 22-23 love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control). She is wise (Proverbs 31:26 ... she opens her mouth with wisdom and on her tongue is the law of kindness). She is strong (Pro 31:17 ... She girds herself with strength, and strengthens her arms). She is worthy (Pro 31:10 ... her worth is far above rubies).
A Proverb 31 woman possesses incorruptible beauty (1 Pet 3:4 ... rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God). Now, can you say any of these about being a diva? Think about it because in many cases, being a diva means rejecting humility and accepting an attitude that is loud and boastful.
Now trust and believe that every woman has a diva like moment, and there really isn't anything awful about it. We just tend to have our over-the-top moments. I, for example, can definitely be a diva at times. I like to get jazzy and put on those heels that give me a five inch boost in height and confidence; however, there's a time where I must realize that I have to bring it down. Let's not get mixed up in the fantasy of what women should be, and how they should act.
* * *
"Finding your happiness has nothing to do with other people. Finding your happiness means finding yourself."
* * *
"You live, learn, & love the things that brought you to this point. Defining 'right here right now' are the things that will shape your future."
* * *
"You will never be able to find yourself in someone else. You have to find who you are within yourself. What makes you, YOU!"
Just "Good Enough"
I never seem to understand the great lengths that we women go through to choose the men that we choose. If I've said it once, I will say it again. "We women put up with and go through so much just to be happy in our relationships." However, I have come to the conclusion that it's not the men who choose us, but the men that we choose. I am a firm believer that after the first few months of knowing him, a man (or anyone for that matter) is going to show you their true colors and their real identity.
I am not one to "man bash." I don't believe in it and I think that when we do it, it brings those (good men) down. "All men are dogs" is definitely not a true statement. I think that every man has his moment. There are good men out there. The problem is that many women are too busy looking for love instead of allowing love to find them. Often times when you go looking for something, you just might find it. However that something might not be right for you. You become impatient and you settle for less than you deserve. Impatient women are normally those who worry about "always being the bridesmaid and never the bride." Marriage is definitely not something that anyone should rush into. You should want to make sure that you are marrying someone for all the right reasons and that you are completely sure that individual is the one that you want to spend the rest of your life with.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Standards in Stilettos by Jazmin Frett. Copyright © 2013 Jazmin Frett. Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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Table of Contents
Contents
Acknowledgements.................... ix
Soul Mates.................... 1
Women in the Kitchen.................... 6
Respect Yourself.................... 11
Submission and Catering.................... 16
Diva vs. Proverbs 31 Woman.................... 21
Just "Good Enough".................... 26
Why Do Women Tear Each Other Down.................... 32
10 Steps to Dating ... for The Ladies.................... 37
Letting Go ... Exhale!.................... 45
Selling Yourself a Dream.................... 50
Number 1 Most Deadly Words Heard from A Woman ... "Love Doesn't Live Here
Anymore".................... 55
Woman, Wife, Friend: Know Your Role.................... 61
Finding Comfort in Yourself and Personality Through Assistance with God.... 67
The Inner Beauty in You.................... 72
Selfless Love.................... 77
The Power of Positive Speaking.................... 82
Love vs. Lust.................... 86
Finding God's Purpose in You.................... 91
Keeping the Faith After God Closes a Door.................... 93
Healing from a Broken Heart.................... 96