Stop Saying You're Fine: The No-BS Guide to Getting What You Want

by Mel Robbins

Overview

Right now, over 100 million Americans secretly feel frustrated and bored with their lives.  You may be one of them if…
 
*you’ve come to regard yourself as “your own worst enemy”
 
*you’ve developed a commute-work-commute-sleep routine that seems endless
 
*you and your significant other treat each other like roommates
 
*you constantly daydream and wonder, “Is this all there is?”
 
*you sense a potentially hot relationship with someone next door, down the hall, or in the adjacent cubicle but somehow it never happens
 
*you worry that no matter what you do to stay in shape, the battle is already lost
 
*you have a tendency, when asked how you’re doing, to just say, “Fine.”
 
If any of the above sounds familiar, there’s clearly something missing from your life. This book will help you discover what it is, and how to win it back. Written by Mel Robbins, one of America’s top relationship experts and radio/tv personalities, this hands-on guide not only shows you how to put your finger on the problem, it reveals what to do about it.
 
Mel Robbins has spent her career teaching people how to push past their self-imposed limits to get what they truly desire.  She has an in-depth understanding of the psychological and social factors that repeatedly hold you back, and more important, a unique set of tools for getting you where you want to be.  In Stop Saying You’re Fine, she draws on the latest neuroscientific research, interviews with countless everyday people, and ideas she’s tested in her own life to show what works and what doesn’t.  The key, she explains, is understanding how your own brain works against you.  Because evolution has biased your mental gears against taking action, what you need are techniques to outsmart yourself.
 
That may sound impossible, but Mel has created a remarkably effective method to help you do just that — and some of her discoveries will astonish you. By ignoring how you feel and seizing small moments of rich possibility –a process she calls “leaning in” – you can make tiny course directions add up to huge change.  Among this book’s other topics: how everything can depend on not hitting the “snooze” button; the science of connecting with other people, what children can teach us about getting things done; and why five seconds is the maximum time you should wait before acting on a great idea.
 
Blending warmth, humor and unflinching honesty with up-to-the-minute science and hard-earned wisdom, Stop Saying You’re Fine moves beyond the platitudes and easy fixes offered in many self-help books.  Mel’s insights will actually help vault you to a better life, ensuring that the next time someone asks how you’re doing, you can truthfully answer, “Absolutely great.”

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780307716736
Publisher:	Potter/TenSpeed/Harmony
Publication date:	06/12/2012
Edition description:	Reprint
Pages:	272
Product dimensions:	5.32(w) x 7.82(h) x 0.62(d)

About the Author

MEL ROBBINS is the host of an upcoming relationship series on the A+E Network and she gives advice to men and women across America on her daily syndicated radio show “The Mel Robbins Show.”  A Dartmouth-educated lawyer-turned-life coach, she’s also a columnist at Success Magazine, blogger, relationship expert and working mom.  She currently lives with her family in Sherborn, Massachusetts.

Read an Excerpt

CHAPTER ONE

Stop Hitting the Snooze Button

Gain Power by Taking Action

There are some days when you just feel more powerful. You force yourself to get up early and break a sweat before everyone else wakes up. That sets the tone for the rest of your day. Your coffee tastes especially good, and the commute doesn't suck. At work, you go the extra mile on a project and come off looking like a hero. Afterward, you meet some friends whom you haven't seen in months, and have a couple of drinks on an outdoor deck in the cool summertime air. Someone hands you tickets he couldn't use. You embrace spontaneity and go see a great show. Afterward, you drive home by moonlight, have great sex, and drift off to sleep on a cloud.

We've all had days when we feel excited about our lives. We feel young, confident, and alive. Everything clicks. We feel like we're going somewhere, like we have momentum. We become more powerful versions of ourselves.

The powerful you is always there waiting and you can tap it anytime you want, if you know how. It's the part of you that loves discovery, curiosity, challenges, exercise, connecting with other people, checking off goals, taking action, heading somewhere, and talking out loud. It is a force inside you that wants to grow, move, and expand.

At the same time, there's an equal and opposite force that works inside you to hold you back. You were born with resistance. It's an inner, evolutionary bias to take the safe bet, the sure thing, the known path. Whenever you're feeling bored, bummed, or broken, resistance is winning in your life. Resistance loves surfing the Web, vegging out in front of the TV, sticking to routine, not picking up the phone, hitting snooze, avoiding confrontation, making excuses, rumination, and isolation.

Resistance will keep you in place; the powerful you will push you ahead. You will always feel tension between these two forces, between your current life and your desire for more. The direction you choose is entirely up to you. Every single day of your life, you have the choice to stay where you are or move your life in new directions. The question is, Will the powerful you awaken and start taking action, or will you wait just a little longer and delay the joy, satisfaction, and fulfillment you deserve?

Table of Contents

Introduction 1

Part I Why You Aren't Getting What You Want

Chapter 1 Stop Hitting the Snooze Button 7

Chapter 2 Anti-Actions, Fake Limits, and Other Ways Your Brain Betrays You 37

Chapter 3 Routines: Why Your Freedom Depends on Breaking Them 73

Chapter 4 HOW to Outsmart Your Brain 92

Part II The Method for Becoming Powerful and Getting What You Want

Chapter 5 Step 1: Face It, You Are Not Fine 107

Chapter 6 Step 2: Admit What You Want 129

Chapter 7 Step 3: Go Public with What You Want 152

Chapter 8 Step 4: Zoom Out and Create a Map 171

Chapter 9 Step 5: Lean In to Change 190

Part III Finding the Stamina to Keep Getting What You Want

Chapter 10 Push Through the Mental Walls That Block Your Path 205

Chapter 11 The Seven-Day Stamina Challenge 234

Conclusion 242

Appendix 251

Acknowledgments 257

What People are Saying About This

From the Publisher

"Why is it so hard to do the things that we know will make us happier? In Stop Saying You’re Fine, Mel Robbins gives funny and sharp advice that's not only thought-provoking, but also action-provoking."
—Gretchen Rubin, author of the #1 New York Times bestseller The Happiness Project

"Mel Robbins is one of the most entertaining and compelling voices today.  Read at your own risk. Mel will obliterate your excuses and leave you inspired, empowered and on fire."
—Darren Hardy, Publisher of Success magazine and bestselling author of The Compound Effect

“Mel Robbins has the guts to tell you why your brain is your biggest problem – but only if you listen to it.  Here, she tells you how to power through and get what you want.   I, for one, am listening.”
—Chris Brogan, President of Human Business Works and co-author of the New York Times bestseller TRUST AGENTS

"In STOP SAYING YOU’RE FINE, Mel Robbins draws on everything from cutting-edge research to countless real-world case studies to create a wonderful program for anyone who's ever wanted to stop wishing and start doing.”
—Marci Shimoff, New York Times bestselling author of LOVE FOR NO REASON and HAPPY FOR NO REASON

“Quit whining, stop saying you’re fine, and just snap out of it.  Easier said than done, of course, which is why this roadmap is so remarkable.  It’s jam-packed with concrete steps to pave the way.”
—Tory Johnson, Workplace Contributor for “Good Morning America” and CEO of Women for Hire

“STOP SAYING YOU’RE FINE nails a national problem: our tendency to try and be strong and stay the course—when it's the course we have to change, and strength is not working in our favor! In this no-nonsense book, every page demolishes the excuses we all make for not moving ahead with out lives, and gives us solid practical assignments that help us be better, happier, more fulfilled. Robbins is wonderfully inspiring and helpful, but also hugely entertaining — moving forward doesn't have to be dull or depressing!  You’ll be surprised how her small suggestions can create life-changing new directions. STOP SAYING YOU’RE FINE deserves to be a best seller.”
—Pepper Schwartz, PhD, Professor of Sociology, University of Washington, and author of PRIME: ADVENTURES AND ADVICE ON SEX, LOVE, AND THE SENSUAL YEARS

Editorial Reviews

"Why is it so hard to do the things that we know will make us happier? In Stop Saying You’re Fine, Mel Robbins gives funny and sharp advice that's not only thought-provoking, but also action-provoking."
—Gretchen Rubin, author of the #1 New York Times bestseller The Happiness Project

"Mel Robbins is one of the most entertaining and compelling voices today.  Read at your own risk. Mel will obliterate your excuses and leave you inspired, empowered and on fire."
—Darren Hardy, Publisher of Success magazine and bestselling author of The Compound Effect

“Mel Robbins has the guts to tell you why your brain is your biggest problem – but only if you listen to it.  Here, she tells you how to power through and get what you want.   I, for one, am listening.”
—Chris Brogan, President of Human Business Works and co-author of the New York Times bestseller TRUST AGENTS

"In STOP SAYING YOU’RE FINE, Mel Robbins draws on everything from cutting-edge research to countless real-world case studies to create a wonderful program for anyone who's ever wanted to stop wishing and start doing.”
—Marci Shimoff, New York Times bestselling author of LOVE FOR NO REASON and HAPPY FOR NO REASON

“Quit whining, stop saying you’re fine, and just snap out of it.  Easier said than done, of course, which is why this roadmap is so remarkable.  It’s jam-packed with concrete steps to pave the way.”
—Tory Johnson, Workplace Contributor for “Good Morning America” and CEO of Women for Hire

“STOP SAYING YOU’RE FINE nails a national problem: our tendency to try and be strong and stay the course—when it's the course we have to change, and strength is not working in our favor! In this no-nonsense book, every page demolishes the excuses we all make for not moving ahead with out lives, and gives us solid practical assignments that help us be better, happier, more fulfilled. Robbins is wonderfully inspiring and helpful, but also hugely entertaining — moving forward doesn't have to be dull or depressing!  You’ll be surprised how her small suggestions can create life-changing new directions. STOP SAYING YOU’RE FINE deserves to be a best seller.”
—Pepper Schwartz, PhD, Professor of Sociology, University of Washington, and author of PRIME: ADVENTURES AND ADVICE ON SEX, LOVE, AND THE SENSUAL YEARS

From the Publisher