Read an Excerpt
The Emotionally Healthy Woman Workbook
By Geri Scazzero, Peter L. Scazzero ZONDERVAN
Copyright © 2014 Geri Scazzero and Peter L. Scazzero
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-0-310-82822-8
CHAPTER 1
Quit Being Afraid of What Others Think
(95 MINUTES)
Introduction (1 minute)
We are so glad that you have decided to be a part of this group. We will be exploring themes that are rarely talked about in most Christian discipleship settings but which significantly impact our ability to love God, ourselves, and others well.
The following questions touch on some of the topics covered in this study and will give you an idea of the journey you are about to embark on in becoming a more emotionally healthy woman:
• Do you need the approval of others to feel good about yourself?
• When you are angry, sad, or disappointed, do you feel guilty about it?
• Do you believe you don't have choices?
• Do you do for others what they can and should be doing for themselves?
• Do you rarely consider your own hopes and dreams because you are so focused on others?
• Do you say yes when you would rather say no?
• Do you have difficulty speaking up when you disagree or would prefer something different?
• Are you becoming a less loving instead of a more loving person?
• Are you resentful and tired because you regularly try to do it all?
• Are you afraid to admit your weaknesses and flaws?
• Do you make assumptions (about people and situations) instead of pursuing the truth?
Growing Connected (19 minutes)
1. Share your name, what you hope to gain from this study, and a few words about something that makes you feel fully alive.
2. Have someone read aloud the "Suggested Guidelines for the Group" found right before Session 1.
VIDEO: Quit Being Afraid of What Others Think
(17 minutes)
Watch the main video segment for Session 1. Use the space provided to note anything that stands out to you.
NOTES
LARGE GROUP: Discussion (30 minutes)
Starters (10 minutes)
Turn to another person and share the following:
3. What part(s) of the video most impacted you?
4. Describe a recent situation when you either avoided saying what you really thought or felt, or said yes when you really wanted to say no.
Bible Study: Exodus 32:1–8; 19–21 (20 minutes)
Have a volunteer(s) read the introductory paragraph and Scripture passage, and then discuss the questions that follow.
God had already miraculously delivered the Israelites from their slavery in Egypt, but on their journey through the desert, they become nervous when Moses, their leader, was gone for forty days and nights. Upset and desperate, they sought reassurance from Aaron. Read Exodus 32:1–8, 19–21:
1 When the people saw that Moses was so long in coming down from the mountain, they gathered around Aaron and said, "Come, make us gods who will go before us. As for this fellow Moses who brought us up out of Egypt, we don't know what has happened to him."
2 Aaron answered them, "Take off the gold earrings that your wives, your sons and your daughters are wearing, and bring them to me." 3 So all the people took off their earrings and brought them to Aaron. 4 He took what they handed him and made it into an idol cast in the shape of a calf, fashioning it with a tool. Then they said, "These are your gods, Israel, who brought you up out of Egypt."
5 When Aaron saw this, he built an altar in front of the calf and announced, "Tomorrow there will be a festival to the Lord." 6 So the next day the people rose early and sacrificed burnt offerings and presented fellowship offerings. Afterward they sat down to eat and drink and got up to indulge in revelry
7 Then the Lord said to Moses, "Go down, because your people, whom you brought up out of Egypt, have become corrupt. 8 They have been quick to turn away from what I commanded them and have made themselves an idol cast in the shape of a calf. They have bowed down to it and sacrificed to it and have said, 'These are your gods, Israel, who brought you up out of Egypt "
19 When Moses approached the camp and saw the calf and the dancing, his anger burned and he threw the tablets out of his hands, breaking them to pieces at the foot of the mountain. 20 And he took the calf the people had made and burned it in the fire; then he ground it to powder, scattered it on the water and made the Israelites drink it.
21 He said to Aaron, "What did these people do to you, that you led them into such great sin?"
5. Imagine yourself in the scene described in verses 1–6. What do you see, hear, and feel?
6. As the sense of anxiety grows among the people during Moses' long absence, with whom do you most identify?
7. Aaron participated in building the golden calf because of the pressure he felt from the Israelites (see vv. 1, 23). What were the consequences of Aaron fearing what other people would think instead oflistening to the voice of God (vv. 6–8)?
8. How might Aaron's response have been different if he had not been afraid of what others thought but had instead remained deep and secure in the love of God?
SMALL GROUP: Application (20 minutes)
Form groups of three or four for this application section. Begin by having a volunteer read the following paragraph.
Our lovability—our sense of being good enough—must come from two foundational realities: First, we are infinitely precious and valuable as image bearers of God. Second, Jesus gave up his life for each one of us. Because of these two truths, we don't have to look to any other source for our lovability
9. Take two minutes on your own to reflect on the statements below. Place a check mark next to any statement with which you identify.
It overly affects my sense of self-worth when ...
[] I don't have the approval of certain people.
[] I make mistakes or fail.
[] Others criticize me.
[] I don't know more than others.
[] I feel rejected by others.
[] I don't feel needed by others.
[] Others don't see me as responsible, loyal, and dependable.
[] Others don't see me as special and unique.
[] Others perceive me as weak.
[] I'm in conflict with anyone.
[] People are mad at me.
[] I'm not being productive.
[] My kids are not well behaved.
[] People don't think well of me
[] Other (fill in the blank) _____________________________________
__________________________________________________________.
Now, briefly share your responses with your group.
10. Think over the past week. Can you recall a situation in which your response to someone was rooted more in fear than honesty? (For example, you remained silent, avoided a difficult topic, gave the impression you agreed when you didn't, or lied.)
11. The next time you find yourself in a similar situation, what can you do to slow yourself down and respond thoughtfully and truthfully?
If time allows, briefly pray for one another. Then gather again as a large group
VIDEO: Frequently Asked Questions (5 minutes)
Watch the Frequently Asked Questions video segment for Session 1. The questions are repeated below, should you want to revisit them later on your own or with a friend or other group member. There is also some space provided for note-taking.
• In some ways, it seems like "to quit being afraid of what others think" could seem cold and unloving. Can you respond to that?
• So much of my life revolves around pleasing other people. How do I get the love of God deep into the center of my being—so that I am free to live out of God's love?
NOTES
Personal Reflection (2 minutes)
Take one minute to still your mind and heart before the Lord and respond to the following question:
What is one thing you learned about God, yourself, or others during this session? Write it down.
Spend one minute answering the following question:
What is one step you can take to quit being afraid of what others think? Write it down.
Closing Prayer (1 minute)
Use the following prayer or briefly offer your own closing prayer.
Lord, help us to quit living for the approval of others. Grant that we may rest in the freedom and joy that comes from remaining anchored in your love.
Between-Sessions Reading
Before your next meeting, read chapters 1–2 ("Quit Being Afraid of What Others Think" and "Quit Lying") of the book The Emotionally Healthy Woman.
CHAPTER 2
Quit Lying
(90 MINUTES)
Introduction (1 minute)
It is so deeply ingrained in us to lie and live with pretense that we rarely notice when we are doing it. And if we are aware, we think nothing of it because we assume everyone else is doing it too. So much of our world—politics, business, paying taxes, job applications, advertising, relationships, work, and school—is shrouded in deception. We shouldn't be surprised when our churches are not the exception
From the beginning, part of God's beautiful plan has been for human beings to live in truth. This remains central to his design for our freedom and joy. Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free" (John 8:31–32).
As followers of Jesus Christ, the degree to which we live in truth is the degree to which we are free. When we lie in any area of our life, we shackle and chain ourselves, restricting our experience of the freedom Christ won for us
Growing Connected (10 minutes)
Read the following verses aloud, either together or using volunteers.
"Lord, who may dwell in your sacred tent?
Who may live on your holy mountain?
The one whose walk is blameless,
who does what is righteous,
who speaks the truth from their heart" (Psalm 15:1–2).
"You love evil rather than good,
falsehood rather than speaking the truth" (Psalm 52:3).
"Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices" (Colossians 3:9).
Quit Lying
1. In what kinds of situations or circumstances do you find it hard to be truthful? Why?
VIDEO: Quit Lying (8 minutes)
Watch the main video segment for Session 2. Use the space provided to note anything that stands out to you.
NOTES
LARGE GROUP: Discussion (30 minutes)
Starters (10 minutes)
2. The following list includes some examples of when you might say or do something that is not completely true to what you really think or feel. Take turns reading them aloud as a group Place a check mark next to the ones that you most relate to
[] You say yes when you want to say no.
[] You smile and appear warm and friendly to someone, but you are filled with resentment toward him or her
[] You say, "We're doing just fine in our marriage," but your relationship can best be described as icy and cold.
[] You say, "I'm great!" when you are not.
[] You remain silent during a difficult conversation, giving the impression that you agree with what is being said. In reality, you strongly disagree.
[] You say, "Sure, I'd be glad to do that for you," when you don't mean it.
[] You say, "I think you did a great job," but you actually think the person's performance was adequate at best.
[] You tell someone, "I don't mind that you were an hour late for our meeting," when you were actually quite annoyed
[] You give someone a hug when you don't want to.
[] You lie on your tax return—or you don't pay your taxes.
[] You don't say anything when a cashier mistakenly undercharges you.
3. Turn to another person and share whatever most impacted you from that exercise
Quit Lying
Bible Study: Acts 5:1–11 (20 minutes)
Have a volunteer(s) read the Acts 5:1–11 passage below and then answer the questions that follow.
1 Now a man named Ananias, together with his wife Sapphira, also sold a piece of property. 2 With his wife's full knowledge he kept back part of the money for himself, but brought the rest and put it at the apostles' feet
3 Then Peter said, "Ananias, how is it that Satan has so filled your heart that you have lied to the Holy Spirit and have kept for yourself some of the money you received for the land? 4 Didn't it belong to you before it was sold? And after it was sold, wasn't the money at your disposal? What made you think of doing such a thing? You have not lied just to human beings but to God."
5 When Ananias heard this, he fell down and died. And great fear seized all who heard what had happened. 6 Then some young men came forward, wrapped up his body, and carried him out and buried him.
7 About three hours later his wife came in, not knowing what had happened. 8 Peter asked her, "Tell me, is this the price you and Ananias got for the land?"
"Yes," she said, "that is the price."
9 Peter said to her, "How could you conspire to test the Spirit of the Lord? Listen! The feet of the men who buried your husband are at the door, and they will carry you out also."
10 At that moment she fell down at his feet and died. Then the young men came in and, finding her dead, carried her out and buried her beside her husband. 11 Great fear seized the whole church and all who heard about these events.
4. Imagine yourself witnessing the events described in the Scripture text you just read What most shocks or surprises you?
5. Consider the difference between two offerings—the one given by Barnabas (see Acts 4:36–37), and the one from Ananias and Sapphira. Outwardly, both present money that they gained from the sale of property. Why do you think God intervened through Peter in such a dramatic fashion in response to Ananias and Sapphira's dishonesty?
How might the life of the church have unfolded differently had God not intervened?
6. Imagine a church, small group, workplace, or family in which people make themselves out to be more than they really are. What might be some of the implications or consequences of this?
Quit Lying
SMALL GROUP: Application (30 minutes)
Form groups of three or four for this application section. Begin by having a volunteer or two read the following paragraphs.
One reason we lie is because we haven't learned how to speak the truth in difficult or awkward situations. Few of us have observed emotionally healthy communication modeled in our families or cultures. Yet learning these skills is crucial for spiritual maturity Healthy communication is marked by four qualities; it is respectful, honest, clear, and timely.
Respectful: Think before you speak. Carefully describe what you want to say Be polite, not insulting Take the other person's feelings into account
Disrespectful: "That idea stinks!"
Respectful: "That is an interesting idea, but I'm puzzled by ..."
Honest: Say what you truly think or feel; don't lie or fudge the truth.
Dishonest: "My daughter loved the book you gave her!"
Honest: "I completely forgot to give my daughter your gift, but I will write myself a reminder to make sure that I give it to her today. I think she will love it."
Dishonest: "I can't go out to lunch with you today I have too much work to do "
Honest: "Thank you for your invitation to lunch, but I need some time to be alone this afternoon."
Clear: Don't beat around the bush or drop hints Don't make a statement when you are really asking a question, or vice versa Include details
Unclear: "Oh no! I'm down to my last pair of contact lenses."
Clear: "Mom, would you please order me a new set of contact lenses?"
Unclear: "I'd like you to cook dinner more often."
Clear: "I would like you to cook dinner on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and to be completely responsible for all the ingredients you will need."
(Continues...)
Excerpted from The Emotionally Healthy Woman Workbook by Geri Scazzero, Peter L. Scazzero. Copyright © 2014 Geri Scazzero and Peter L. Scazzero. Excerpted by permission of ZONDERVAN.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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