Table of Contents
Introduction xiii
Chapter 1 It's a Boy! 1
Why Does Gender Matter? 1
Are Boys Different from Girls? 3
Research about Boys and Girls 4
Who's Easier? 5
Myths about Raising Boys 7
Exploring Your Own Expectations 9
What Do You Want for Your Son? 11
Chapter 2 Preparing Yourself to Raise Your Son 13
How Parents Affect Their Children 13
Learning from Your Parents 15
The Nature of Attachment 16
Self-Care and Balance 18
A Word about Your Relationship 21
What You Will Do as a Parent 23
Chapter 3 The Basics of Parenting Your Son 25
Belonging and Significance 25
Why Relationships Matter to Boys 27
What about Birth Order? 30
Understanding the Beliefs Behind Behavior 32
Kindness and Firmness 35
Learning to Listen 37
The Importance of Early Decisions 39
The Message of Love 40
Chapter 4 Your Son's First Year 41
Physical Development and Parenting 41
Brain Development 43
Your Son's Emotional Development 47
Your Son's Cognitive Development 48
What If I Think Something's Wrong? 50
Temperament 51
The Importance of Touch for Boys 54
Do Babies Need Discipline? 55
Child-Care 56
Chapter 5 Your Preschool Boy 59
Creating a Safe Environment 59
Language and Social Skills 62
Getting into Your Son's World 66
The Value of Curiosity 67
Developmental Appropriateness 68
The Terrible Trio 70
Mealtimes, Snacks, and Other Challenges 70
Nighty-Night-or Not 73
The Perils of Potty Training 74
Is It Too Soon for Technology? 75
Chapter 6 Discipline as Teaching 77
Discipline and Long-Range Parenting 77
Connection Before Correction 80
Discipline Versus Punishment 81
Following Through 84
Encouraging Communication 86
Teaching Life Skills 91
Chapter 7 Boys and Emotions 93
The Myth of the Stoic Male 93
The Voice of Culture 94
The Purpose of Emotions 95
Teaching an Emotional Vocabulary 96
Learning Maturity 99
Anger: The Acceptable Male Emotion 101
Boys and Depression 103
Keeping Your Son Connected 105
Chapter 8 Boys and Dads 107
What Sons Learn from Their Fathers 107
Play and Active Love 111
Fathers and Empathy 114
How and When to Support Mom 116
Being Your Son's Role Model 117
The Gift of Fatherhood 119
Chapter 9 Boys and Moms 121
The Dilemma of Mothers and Sons 121
What Sons Learn from Their Mothers 123
Connecting with Your Son 125
How Close Is Too Close? 128
Mom Can Play, Too 129
The Other Women 131
Chapter 10 Preparing Your Son to Learn 133
Why Boys Struggle with School 133
How Boys Learn 136
Helping Your Son Succeed in School 138
Boys and Books 139
Attention Deficit Disorder 142
Grades and Homework 145
The Dangers of Praise 147
What about Same-Sex Schools? 147
Chapter 11 Boys and Their Peers 149
Development of Social Skills 149
Boys and Their Friends 152
Sports and Competition 154
The Importance of Play 157
Bullying and Aggression 158
Making Room for Girls 162
Supporting Your Son's Friendships 163
Chapter 12 The Adolescent Boy 165
Understanding the Adolescent Brain 165
Hormones, Emotions, and Anger 167
The Task of Adolescence 169
Setting Appropriate Limits with Your Son 171
Curfew, Dating, and Driving 174
Enjoying Your Son 177
Chapter 13 The Importance of Character 179
Teaching Character 179
Encouragement Versus Praise 181
Teaching Responsibility 183
Mindsight and Compassion 185
Ethics: Encouraging Integrity 188
Spirituality in Your Son's Life 189
Supporting Resilience and Self-Reliance 190
Chapter 14 Boys and the Outside World 193
The Power of Mass Media 193
Taming the Television 195
Boys, Media, and Violence 197
Video and Computer Games 199
Keeping Up with Your Kid 200
Life in the Digital World 201
Movies, Music, and More 204
Chapter 15 Dealing with Risky Behavior 207
Adolescent Immortality 207
Influencing Your Son's Behavior 209
Talking to Your Son 211
What about Your Past? 213
Spying on Your Son 214
Smoking in the Boys' Room 216
Chapter 16 Boys and Sexuality 219
Gender Identity in Boys 219
Teaching Your Son about Sex 221
Sex in the Real World 223
Becoming Sexually Active 225
Is My Son Gay? 227
Affection with Your Growing Son 229
Chapter 17 Coping with Real-Life Responsibilities 231
Encouraging Responsibility in Your Son 231
Chores and Allowance 233
The Art of Managing Money 236
Should Your Son Get a Job? 239
Respect, Courtesy, and Manners 241
Self-Reliance in Action 242
Chapter 18 Single Parents and Stepfamilies 245
No More Broken Homes 245
The Effect of Divorce on Boys 247
Coparenting 249
Life in a Single-Parent Home 252
Stepfamilies That Work 254
Little Men 257
Chapter 19 Getting Ready to Let Go 259
Knowing When It's Time to Step Back 259
Weaning 260
Life Skills and Independence 261
From Parent to Mentor 263
When Your Son Returns Home 264
The Empty Nest 267
Keeping the Connection Alive 269
Chapter 20 Celebrate Your Son 271
A Moment for Reflection 271
Setting the Stage 273
Have Faith in Your Son 274
Rituals and Traditions 275
Staying in Touch 277
Congratulations! You Raised a Son 279
Appendix A Bibliography 281
Appendix B Additional Resources 283
Index 285
