The Everything Self-Esteem Book: Boost Your Confidence, Achieve Inner Strength, and Learn to Love Yourself

by Robert M Sherfield

Overview

If you're looking to completely change how you feel about yourself, The Everything Self-Esteem Book is the perfect guide to help you gain a positive attitude and brim with confidence. Noted speaker and educator Robert M. Sherfield, Ph.D., provides you with encouraging professional advice on how to build self-esteem through developing a positive mindset, defining your personal joys, and learning from and celebrating mistakes. The Everything Self-Esteem Book shows you how to: recognize behavior that reduces self-esteem; set goals that work; build confidence at home and in the workplace; find happiness in all areas of your life; take positive risks; identify and eliminate people who bring you down; and more. Whether you want to overhaul your life and build a positive sense of self-worth or are just preparing for the journey, The Everything Self-Esteem Book is an essential guide to help you realize a healthier life.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781440522697
Publisher:	Adams Media
Publication date:	12/01/2003
Series:	Everything
Sold by:	SIMON & SCHUSTER
Format:	eBook
Pages:	320
File size:	2 MB

Read an Excerpt

Chapter 7

Getting Ready for the Journey

Seek and ye shall find. The quote is as old as time it seems, but still bears weight and significance. The search for healthy self-esteem can be a long and treacherous road. It can also be a road filled with unparalleled pleasures, unique surprises, and an outcome that will take your breath away.

Developing A Positive Mind-Set for Healthy Self-Esteem

Negative self-talk, previously discussed, is the little voice in your head tells you that you can't, that you're not good enough, that you aren't smart enough, that you can't succeed, that you're ugly, fragile, weak, and fearful. The voice must be stopped. The voice must be silenced if your self-esteem is to ever flower.
You are the only person on earth who can stop negative self-talk, the inner critic. No friend, family member, co-worker, or advocate can stop the voice because it is in your mind. It is there haunting you with pathological statements that cause great damage. A positive mind-set will remain elusive until the voice is silenced.

Voice of the Critic

Your inner critic or negative self-talk is a direct consequence of your unhealthy self-esteem. Everyone has an inner critic, but people with unhealthy self-esteem are more likely to give the critic validation. Your negative self-talk damages your ability to function in many ways, most specifically; it damages your ability to take constructive criticism without suffering a complete meltdown. It clouds your ability to learn from your mistakes. It limits your growth possibility because it continually tells you that you are not worthy of growth or change. It continually compares you to others that it perceives a better, smarter, kinder, prettier, etc, etc, etc. The voice incapacitates you with "You should haves…" You've heard them all, "You should have been more loving," "You should have been more forceful," "You should have exercised more," "You should have studied more in school." The "Shoulds" are the primary ally of your negative self-talk.

"Do not attempt to do a thing unless you are sure of yourself, but do not relinquish it simply because someone else is not sure of you." Stewart White

The voice is a powerful force and a pollutant in your life. Sometimes, it is more powerful than your own voice or the voice of those who love and support you. However, you can learn to make the voice stop, or at least learn how to tune out the voice so that it does not exterminate your ability to have healthy self-esteem.

Table of Contents

	Top Ten Benefits of Having Healthy Self-Esteem	x
	Introduction	xi
1	What Is Self-Esteem Anyway?	1
	Finding Your True Self	2
	Formal Definitions of Self-Esteem	3
	Self-Esteem Takes a Bad Rap!	6
	Feeling Good versus Feeling Right	8
	Recognizing What's Right	9
2	When Self-Esteem Is Unhealthy	11
	Recognizing Unhealthy Self-Esteem	12
	What Self-Esteem Isn't	14
	Characteristics of Unhealthy Self-Esteem	16
	Looking for Love in the Wrong Faces	17
	The Effects of Unhealthy Self-Esteem	18
3	Influences on Self-Esteem	21
	The Past Matters	22
	Your Family	22
	Your Friends	24
	Your Teachers	25
	Television, Movies, and Music	26
	Letting Go of Old Ways	27
4	Deja View: Seeing Yourself Through Clear Glasses	29
	The Pitfalls of Comparisons	30
	Self-Worth	30
	Your Uniqueness	31
	Believing What Others Say	33
	Handling Criticism and Praise	36
5	It's Who You Are	39
	How You Behave	40
	Finding Happiness	41
	Forging Relationships	45
	Your Values and Spirituality	47
	Achieving Your Aspirations	48
6	It's Not Just a Job	49
	Change and Growth	50
	Problem-Solving Skills	51
	Critical and Creative Thinking Skills	52
	Your Personal Economy	54
	Dealing with Mistakes	55
7	Getting Ready for the Journey	57
	Developing a Positive Mindset	58
	Setting Goals That Work	60
	Making Personal Commitments	62
	Developing a Plan of Action	64
	Getting the Job Done	64
	Sample Goal-Planning Worksheet	66
8	Work	69
	A Job versus a Career	70
	More Than the Money	73
	Working for Others	75
	Givin' It All You've Got	77
	Activity: Stretching the Limits	79
9	Happiness and Laughter	81
	Defining Your Personal Happiness	82
	The Habits of Happiness	85
	Finding Happiness	88
	Sharing Happiness with Others	89
	Turning Away Misery	90
	Activity: Daily Happiness	91
10	Spirituality	93
	What Does It All Mean?	94
	Why Spirituality Matters	94
	The Power of Beliefs	95
	The Role of Spirituality in Character	97
	The Role of Spirituality in Ethics	99
	Activity: If It Is to Be, It Is Up to Me!	101
11	Wellness	103
	Wellness in the Body	104
	Eating Right, Feeling Right	106
	Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and Drugs	107
	Sex-Esteem	109
	Wellness and Your Thoughts	109
	Stress Reduction	111
	Wellness as a Way of Life	112
	Activity: Bury the Victim	112
12	Expanding Your Comfort Zone	115
	Getting Out, Getting On	116
	Taking Positive Risks	119
	Holding Back the Fears	121
	Dreaming Big	122
	Motivation to Move On	123
	Activity: Your Legacy	125
13	Looking Back	127
	Cleaning Up the Past	128
	The Danger of Living in the Past	129
	Running from the Past	130
	Learning from Mistakes	133
	Embracing the Lessons	135
	Activity: Digging Up Bones	136
14	Developing a Philosophy of Life	139
	What Is Your Purpose?	140
	Knowing What You Need	140
	Pursuing What You Want	143
	Why Are You Here?	144
	Where Are You Going?	145
	Getting There	146
	Activity: What Is Different?	149
15	Dealing with Contaminated People	151
	identifying Contaminated People in Your Life	152
	Types of Contaminants (A Baker's Dozen)	153
	Confronting Contaminated People	157
	Giving Them a Second Chance	158
	Eliminating Contaminated People	160
	Activity: The Stupidest Person I Know	161
16	Visualization and Positive Thinking	165
	The Power of Optimism	166
	Getting the Optimism Fever	168
	Conquering Pessimism	171
	Visualizing Your Success	172
	Putting Visualization into Action	174
	Activity: Twenty-Four Hours	174
17	Integrity	177
	A Personal Definition of Integrity	178
	Moral Bankruptcy	179
	Developing a Personal Integrity Plan	182
	Fitting Integrity into Your Life	183
	When Your Integrity Is Threatened	184
	Activity: What If?	186
18	Personal Responsibility	189
	Owning Your Actions	190
	Failure to Accept Responsibility	191
	Handling Blame	193
	Personal Criticism	195
	Letting Go of Perfection	196
	Activity: Past Responsibility	198
19	Forgiveness and Reconciliation	201
	Making Peace with the Past	202
	What Is Forgiveness?	203
	Forgiving by Communicating	204
	Forgiving by Resolving Conflict	205
	Learning to Trust Again	206
	Understanding Differences	208
	Take Action Now	209
	Activity: Finding Goodness	210
20	Self-Promotion	213
	It's Healthy to Self-Promote	214
	Discovering You	215
	Renewing Your Relationship with Yourself	215
	Mementos of the Heart	216
	Letters to Myself	219
	Thoughts of Worth	220
	Activity: Self-Advertisement	222
21	Unconventional and Creative Thinking	225
	What Is Unconventional and Creative Thinking?	226
	Characteristics of Creative Thinkers	227
	The Fear of What Others Think	230
	Doing What Others Dare Not Do	232
	Trying Different, New, and Scary Things	233
	Activity: Being Unconventional	234
22	Active Listening	237
	Listening versus Hearing	238
	The Importance of Listening	240
	The Chinese Verb "to Listen"	242
	Learning to Become an Active Listener	243
	Overcoming the Obstacles to Listening	245
	Activity: Listening with Questions	246
23	Subtraction	249
	Admitting Your Weaknesses	250
	Overcoming Weakness	253
	Putting It into Perspective	255
	Learning from Others' Comments	257
	Activity: I Am Certain	258
24	Giving	261
	Service to Others	262
	Volunteering	265
	Finding Gifts in Everyday Life	267
	Giving to Yourself	268
	Activity: What Can I Do Today?	269
25	Self-Esteem for Life	273
	More Work Ahead	274
	Make Wellness a Priority	276
	Practice Integrity in Every Action	277
	Forgive Your Past	279
	Live in Your Spiritual Nature	279
	Practice Optimism	281
	Set Goals for Your Personal Success	283
	Bringing It Home	285
Appendix A	The Self-Esteem Assessment Inventory	288
Appendix B	Additional Resources	291
Appendix C	Goal-Planning Worksheet	293
Appendix D	Bibliography	295
	Index	299