The Mayonnaise Murders

by Keith Owens

Overview

Whoever killed Johnny Beardy ruined a perfectly good sandwich in the process. I was hungry when I found him, so that's the first thing came to my mind. For the record, my name is Vid. It's short for a name you don't wanna bother trying to pronounce if you're from Earth. Anyway, I solve problems. It's not what I always did, but things change and here I am. Stuck up to my gills in other critters' problems on good ole Planet 10. Once again, if you're an Earthling reading this, I meant that literally. You folks have a habit of making up cute little sayings and whatnot. Working your tail off. Sweatin’ like a pig. Up to your neck in. This ain't one of those. I have gills. Deal with it. On Planet 10, pork is fine but mayonnaise is illegal. Used as an essential ingredient in the highly addictive drug MayoMadd, mayonnaise has long been banned for the safety of the colonies which has been free of the MayoMadd craze for years. So then where did the mayonnaise come from? And who has enough pull to get it delivered to Planet 10? Or is somebody manufacturing it, and if so where are they getting the ingredients? Is sandwich spread really that important to a critter, and where does a dead rock star fit into all this? That’s what Vid has to find out, with more than a little help from Vee, a shapely news reporter with no shortage of attitude and an arsenal of quick comebacks wrapped in as much barbed wire as humor. What they eventually uncover is the biggest story of Vee’s career, but it could also pose one of the biggest threats to Earth’s teenagers – especially those with a taste for chemical thrills. The whole twisted affair could turn both Vid and Vee into wanted criminals just for playing too close to the fire.

Product Details

BN ID:	2940148267836
Publisher:	Detroit Ink Publishing
Publication date:	03/26/2013
Series:	Civics in Practice: Principles of Government and Economics , #1
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
Pages:	346
File size:	276 KB

About the Author

My nearly 30-year background as a writer includes time spent as a columnist/reporter and/or editor for Detroit's Metro Times, the Michigan Chronicle, the Detroit Free Press, the Fort Lauderdale Sun Sentinel, and other newspapers including the Denver Post and the Los Angeles Times. I was also a nationally syndicated columnist with Universal Press Syndicate for three years beginning in 1993. My two-part, 11,000 word article for Detroit's Metro Times on the history of the blues in Detroit entitled "Boogie Chillun" earned recognition from the Alternative Newsweekly Awards and also from the Detroit Chapter of the Society for Professional Journalists. I am currently a regular contributor to the progressive political blogs PoliticusUSA and Jack and Jill Politics.

But fiction was my first love long before I became involved in journalism.

One of my mother's most cherished pictures is the one of me at age two or three, standing up on tippy toe in my underwear trying to reach the keys of an old black typewriter perched on the edge of a table. One hand was outstretched upward, as I looked back over my shoulder at the camera, apparently just becoming aware that my picture was being taken.

I have no idea what my fascination was all about at the time, Naturally I'd like to think I had the Great American Novel pent up inside me and I just had to get that story told. Because even at that young age I obviously knew my destiny, and the typewriter was my chariot that would transport me from that small orange brick house on Milwaukee Street in Denver, Colorado to riches and fame.

Then again, maybe the keys were nice and shiny and I was just reaching upward like any curious kid to try and get my hands on the shiny thing just out of my reach. And my mother, like most mothers, had her camera nearby on the ready for any and all cute baby shots, and she realized this one was a keeper. Then she quickly snatched me away before I pulled the bright shiny typewriter down on top of my little baby head.

Like I said, I have no idea what my fascination was all about at the time. But that picture has stayed with me throughout the years as my true fascination with words and stories has evolved into a passion that has all but consumed me. Writing is not what I do, it's who I am. So long as words are involved, and I can tell a story, then the beast will let me rest another day.

Editorial Reviews

It's the spirit of Sam Spade with a twist - the main character is an alien. Not from across one of the borders, but an alien complete with gills and hair in unexpected places. Mr. Owens has penned an imaginative, often hilarious, and always entertaining work of fiction that joyfully skates across the genres of science fiction, mystery, comedy, adventure and whimsy. Okay, that last one isn't really a genre, but the author of "The Mayonnaise Murders" makes it one.

Amazon - J Colella

"The Mayonnaise Murders" rejoices the absurd. Told in the snappy patter of a 50's PI movie and from the perspective of Vid, the narrative resonates with wisecracks worthy of Jim Rockford.

Owens doesn't bog us down in expansive detail about his world and how it began. He gives us exactly what we need so that the novel has a filled out feel of setting and time and assumes that we as readers are smart enough to extrapolate the rest.

Amazon - Avid Reader

he Mayonnaise Murders is first of all a delightful read. It is a page turner what with its fast paced banter and zany plot line. This is a hard boiled detective story told tongue in cheek. The puns operate on several levels, making the read all the more enjoyable. The author's irreverent sense of humor serves him well when the wise cracking, tough guy, detective actually turns the tough guy trope on its head. Well not quite on its head, as the story is a bit twisted, in a good way.

Amazon - Slave's Dream