The Parent-Child Dance: Strategies and Techniques for Staying One Step Ahead

by Ronald A. Kotkin, Aubrey H. Fine

Overview

A unique manual to raising a child—for parents everywhere—using the metaphor of dance to provide expert, comforting advice.

Having children and raising a family should be the greatest joy in one’s life, but it is a role that requires tremendous responsibility and patience. As parents, our job is to provide a strong foundation for our children, so that they can eventually grow up to become self-sufficient adults. However, just like everything in life, all children are different, some requiring more support than others and to varying degrees over time. Parenting is like a dance between parent and child. The more seamless the movements, the more graceful the interaction. When a parent takes the lead or decides to share, over time with practice, the dance can be smooth and effortless.

Nevertheless, when the child is unintentionally allowed to take the lead, the parent-child dance may appear more rocky and unstable. This often occurs when the parent is unclear and at odds with their role. The ensuing battle for the lead may cause disharmony in the relationship and the dance. Parenting is a lifelong commitment that takes patience, thoughtfulness, and skill. The Parent-Child Dance is designed to explain the concept of the dance and act as a catalyst for encouraging parents to begin their journey in making positive changes in their child’s life. Parents will recognize the scenarios and gain insight through humorous examples and step-by-step strategies to avoid disharmony.

Customer Reviews

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781632208828
Publisher:	Skyhorse Publishing
Publication date:	06/16/2015
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
Pages:	264
File size:	2 MB

About the Author

Ronald A. Kotkin, PhD, is a clinical professor Emeritus at the University of California, Irvine, and has been an elementary school teacher, chairman of a special education credential and graduate degree program, researcher, clinical psychologist, and director of UC Irvine's Child Development Center day treatment program for children with ADHD. Kotkin has published multiple articles and chapters on school-based intervention and is the coeditor the Therapist's Guide to Learning and Attention Disorders. He lives in Orange County, California

Aubrey H. Fine, EdD, is a child psychologist and a professor at California State Polytechnic University, Pomona, where he has been a member of the faculty for over thirty years. Over the course of these years he has received numerous professional awards including the Educator of the Year presented by the California State Learning Disabilities Association. In 2001 he was awarded the prestigious Wang Award which given to a distinguished professor within the entire California State University. Fine has authored ten books on a variety of subjects, including Fathers and Sons and The Total Sports Experience for Children. He lives near Pomona, California.

Table of Contents

Dedecation vii

Acknowledgements viii

Foreword ix

An Invitation to the Parent-Child Dance xii

Section I 1

Chapter 1 The Journey Begins with Taking the First Step 3

Section II 25

Introduction to Section II 27

Chapter 2 Learning Basic Steps: Understanding Techniques That Make Leading Easier 29

Chapter 3 Motivating the Dancers 51

Chapter 4 No Time for Tap Dancing?Let's Tango: Steps to Decrease Non-Compliance and Opposition 78

Chapter 5 Avoiding Missteps 101

Chapter 6 Helping Your Child Make Friends 123

Section III 149

Chapter 7 Transitions in the Dance Steps: Tweaking for the Pre-Teen and Teen Years 151

Chapter 8 Enchancing Life within the Family: Recipes to Make Home Life More Meaningful and Enjoyable 182

Chapter 9 The Family That Plays Together Stays Together: Enriching Our Families with Leisure, Sports, and Companion Animals 199

Chapter 10 Pointing Your Child to a Life of Resiliency: A Lifetime Journey 221

Editorial Reviews

The Parent-Child Dance: Strategies and Techniques for Staying One Step Ahead is an outstanding guide for parents wanting to improve their child’s behavior. Clearly the product of seasoned clinicians, this remarkable book provides unique insights into why parenting can go awry and what parents can do to change it. This book is chock-full of state-of-the-art, research-supported, practical strategies for improving child behavior. Detailed parent and child perspectives about the strategies, culled from years of experience using them with families, powerfully illustrate for parents how and why they work. There are many books about parenting, but the Parent-Child Dance stands out by empowering parents to use these proven approaches. This is an invaluable resource for parents and their children.

Linda Pfiffner, PhD
Professor of Psychiatry
University of California, San Francisco

The “Parent Child Dance,” is a wonderful metaphor for the complex, often mysterious, deeply rewarding, and always surprising relationship between parent and child. In this masterful and important book, authors Aubrey Fine and Ron Kotkin provide richly descriptive insights into the varied dimensions of the parent-child “dance.” From motivation techniques to managing sibling rivalries, transitioning from childhood to adolescence, and creating positive family environments, the Parent Child Dance moves the reader metaphorically through the jitterbugging improvisation of early childhood to the frenetic rock n’ rolling teenage years. In a book designed for anyone who is, has been, or aspires to be a parent, Fine and Kotkin help us understand how to more effectively synchronize the “dance steps” of responsible parenting with those of our ever evolving and constantly changing children. A must read--I guarantee you’ll sleep better at night!

Dr. Stephen H. Davis
Professor Emeritus of Educational Leadership
California State Polytechnic University, Pomona
Former faculty member at the Stanford University School of Education and the University of the Pacific College of Education;
Past Superintendent, Shoreline Unified School District

As a pediatrician, I see many parents who struggle to find an effective approach to their children's behavioral challenges. Kotkin and Fine have written a book that provides an articulate road map; one filled with the strategies and ideas that will help them effectively lead their children in the dance of life. I strongly recommend this book to all parents who are looking for a creative and effective approach to parenting.

Marc Lerner, MD
Past president of the Orange County, California Chapter of the American Academy of Pediatrics
Chair, Behavioral and Developmental Pediatrics, CHOC Children's
Clinical Professor, Pediatrics?School of Medicine, University of California, Irvine
Medical Officer for the Orange County, California Department of Education where he serves as the County school physician.

PARENT CHILD DANCE overflows with a realistic optimism about making positive changes in a child’s life as a way of bringing the family closer together. Brimming with proven strategies, with insights into how children relate to their parents, and why, this provocative book written by two experienced therapists offers every parent much-needed encouragement and support as they learn to choreograph their own family life.

Dr. Dale Salwak, Citrus College, Author of TEACHING LIFE: LETTERS FROM A LIFE IN LITERATURE – to which he is currently writing a sequel.

It's not often that a book with practical suggestions about how to improve parenting skills gets me laughing out loud. But that's what I did as I read the Parent Child Dance. For each typical toe stepping mistake parents commonly make, the authors take us into the typical unspoken thoughts going on in the child's mind. The section on how parents model what children learn brought me back to a highway, my son behind the wheel, the car going too fast for my comfort level and my son reminding me that it was my driving that gave his body a certain feel for how the rubber meets the road. This book will help you dance better to enjoy the dance.

Mary Fowler
Educational Consultant
Author, advocate, educator and coach,
Positive Difference PD for Educators

“The Parent-Child Dance” is a vital addition to every parent’s toolbox. Through “dance” steps that even those of us with two left feet can follow, Drs. Kotkin and Fine provide a practical, compassionate, and humorous array of techniques designed to connect the parent and child through self-reflection and mutual respect. The result is a stronger parent-child bond that allows the entire family to thrive in an atmosphere of consistency and calm. I wish this book had been available when my husband and I were raising our three sons.

--Christine Loidolt, PTA President

This practical easy-to-use guidebook is perfect for families who need help to transform their dance with their children into one that is smooth and harmonious!"

--Sue Schecter Keir, M.S. Education

I like the dance metaphor employed in the book. Both parent and child need to work together, and the child shouldn't take the lead, just as in dancing, because if two people are leading, it causes disharmony. The book offers many suggestions for children of all age levels, including family-friendly activities and discussion points to help strengthen the family as a whole. One tidbit not often included in parenting books¬—choosing a pet, not just for family-friendly aspects or cuteness, but to actually help enhance family dynamics as well.

--Motherhood Blog

Wow, if you’re looking for a must have parenting book for your personal library, this is the book! Authors Ronald Kotkin and Aubrey Fine have put their combined fifty five years of experience to talk to you about a dance we are participate in with our children everyday, The Parent Child Dance.
As parents, we want to create healthy loving relationships with our children and we want them to grow up and be happy, self sufficient and strong. However, this is a delicate task and we have to be aware. Wisdom and empathy fill this book as we work with the authors to strengthen our “dance steps”.

--The Baby Spot

From the Publisher