Totally Cool Grandparenting: A Practical Handbook of Tips, Hints, & Activities for the Modern Grandparent

by Leslie Linsley

Overview

What Every Modern Grandparent Needs To Know

Today's grandparents continue with their careers and activities well into their grandparenting years. Totally Cool Grandparenting explains how these modern grandmparents can participate in the traditional joyous reponsibilities of their role in up-to-date ways. With clear, upfront advice, humor, and time-tested tactics, gathered from personal experience and dozens of interviews with grandparents--and grandkids--across the country, Linsley covers such topics as:
Spoiling the grandchildren without annoying the parents
Giving gifts that the kids will like
Handling the visit, from baby-sitting to a holiday vacation
Tackling errands with grandkids in tow
Coping with modern methods of communication
Teaching, giving, and receiving respect
And much more

They always say children don't come with a manual, but thanks to Linsley, now grandkids do!

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781429940887
Publisher:	St. Martin's Press
Publication date:	08/15/1997
Sold by:	Macmillan
Format:	eBook
Pages:	228
File size:	535 KB

About the Author

Leslie Linsley is the author of more than fourty-five books including Leslie Linsley's 15-minute Decorating Ideas, Leslie Linsley's Quick Christmas Decorating Ideas and The Weekend Quilt. She lives on Nantucket, where she and her husband, designer/photographer Jon Aron own a home decorating store, Leslie Linsley Nantucket. Linsley has six grandchildren.

Read an Excerpt

Totally Cool Grandparenting

A Practical Handbook of Time-Tested Tips, Activities, and Memorable Moments to Share â" for the Modern Grandparent

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By Leslie Linsley, Jon Aron

St. Martin's Press

Copyright © 1997 Leslie Linsley Enterprises, Ltd.
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4299-4088-7

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CHAPTER 1

What Do They Call You?

Yes, you look younger than any of your friends. Yes, shopkeepers often mistake you for your grandchild's parent when you're out together. No, you don't have a single gray hair on your head. And, yes, your daily visits to Club Exercise are paying off. However, this is all wasted on your grandchild, who insists on yelling "Grandma" across the supermarket aisles for all to hear no matter how many times you've told him to call you LuLu.

What's in a Name?

When I was a young mother in the midst of raising a family, my best friend lived a few houses away. Our children's schedules were synchronized so we could walk and talk while giving our children a fresh air outing in their carriages every afternoon. Now, more than thirty years later, we write to each other from one end of the East Coast to the other. Our letters are mostly about our children and our grandchildren. In one of my letters I asked what her grandchildren call her and her husband. "They used to call us Grandma and Grandpa, and I honestly hated it," she said. "Now that they're getting older, I suggested they call us Joan and Tom. They loved it, and so now that's what we go by. Even when they write, that's how they address us. I explained that since they're growing up, Grandma and Grandpa sounded a bit passe. I like to think they see us as friends."

Modern Grandparents

Mimi and Jon don't particularly like being called Grandma and Grandpa either. Mimi says, "I often pick up my granddaughter from school or one of her lessons. I arrive in my Jeep, wearing shorts and with my hair in a ponytail, and, quite frankly, I feel more like her mother than her grandmother. In fact, people are often surprised that I'm her grandmother."

Many grandparents who feel young don't like the stereotypical image the old-fashioned titles Grandma and Grandpa conjure up. Some grandparents have tried, in vain, to get their grandchildren to call them by their first names; others have done this successfully but aren't sure how it came about. Mimi says, "I'd love to be called Marmee, from Little Women, but this hasn't caught on."

But I Don't Feel Like a Grandma or Grandpa

Each one of my grandchildren calls me by a different name — Nana, Hannah (a variation on her sister's "Nana"), Gran, Grandma, LaLa — and I answer each of them in exactly the same way, with utmost interest in whatever they have to say. The two-year-old calls both grandmothers Gamma and gets two responses at once, which is just fine with us.

A Nickname Is a Nickname Forever

When my cousin had his first baby, my aunt Helen was a typical first-time grandmother. The title Grandma made her feel old, so she tried to teach him to call her Helen. His version of her name was cute when he was little, but now that he's a grown man with three children, his grandma remains forever Hum Hum.

When deciding what the baby will call you, try to project twenty years hence. And keep in mind that you may not have control over the interpretation of your name. Tori calls me LaLa.

You Decide

My friend Ellie came into my store with her five-year-old granddaughter, Sarah. "Will you buy this for me, Ellie?" the girl asked, holding up a wicker doll set. "Do all four of your grandchildren call you Ellie?" I asked. "They know I'm their grandmother. I don't need a title," Ellie answered.

Most first-time grandparents-to be wrestle with this issue before the baby is born. They don't always feel like grandparents, and this title suddenly makes them feel old. When our first grandchild was about to be born, we told our daughter we'd like the child to call us by our first names. She was hurt, taking this to mean we didn't want to be grandparents. Of course, what we didn't know then is that your grandchildren will often call you what they want or can pronounce, not what you tell them to call you.

Step-Grandparents

Nancy and Bill are boating people, and everyone refers to Bill as Cap'n. Bill is a stepfather to Nancy's children. Their grandchildren call them Nana and Cap'n. Many children today grow up with two sets of parents. When they marry, they are likely to have two more sets of parents. This leads to lots of potential grandparents, especially if there are great-grandparents still alive. In this case many families attach names to the grandparent title. For example, Jerry's twin step-granddaughters call him Grandpa Jerry. However, Jerry's daughter just got married, and when she has children he hopes they will simply call him Grandpa and call his ex-wife's husband Grandpa, followed by his name.

Long-Distance Grandparents

"We rarely see my son's children," says Harry, "because they live with their mother in another part of the country. We sign our cards Grandpa Harry and Grandma Bess, and their other grandparents do the same, with their names, of course."

Once a Grandma, Always a Grandma

My ten-year-old grandson, Andrew, often rides his bike down to my store in the summertime. The store is at the end of a gallery-lined wharf in the harbor, where leisure boats dock. The promenade is lined with crushed shells, so he is forced to walk his bike to the end. But, being a ten-year-old and impatient, he often announces his arrival long before he gets to the store and screams out for all to hear, "Hey, Grandma!" One day I suggested, "Andrew, now that you're older, why don't you call me Leslie? I think it would be more appropriate when you come down to the wharf." As he hopped on his bike he yelled back over his shoulder, "Sure, Grandma." Some habits are hard to break.

Later that day I was in the video store. From across the aisle I heard a familiar voice, "Hey, Leslie." I looked up to see Andrew checking out a video game. "How come you called me Leslie?" I asked. "Look around, Grandma. Everyone in here is a grandmother. Do you think I wanted everyone looking at me if I yelled, 'Hey, Grandma'?" Kids have their own sense of logic. We just have to hope it coincides with our desires.

Fantasy Meets Reality

When Susie's daughter had a baby at age seventeen, Susie was thirty-six and felt too young to be a grandmother. "It made me feel older in my own eyes," she says. "I knew one thing for sure — I would never be called Grandma. But when the baby was born, the reality of his existence was overwhelming. I found myself cooing at him and saying things like, 'Come to Grandma,' and I realized what an opportunity I had to enjoy all the most pleasurable things about being a parent again." Now she has three, and last summer she took them to Disney World to celebrate her fortieth birthday! And what do they call her? SuSu. "And would you believe," she says, "I keep trying to get them to call me Grandma."

CHAPTER 2

Communication

There are all sorts of ways we communicate with our grandchildren depending on their ages, how far away they live, and what technology is available. When my sister and I were growing up, my mother's parents lived half the year in Florida and half in Connecticut where we lived. From the time we were in elementary school until their deaths, we corresponded by mail when they were away, and when our children were old enough they too wrote back and forth to Nana and Gramp. My grandparents' ability to communicate with all of us — my sister and me, my children and hers — on the appropriate levels was incredible. I saved their letters and marvel at how perfectly right their correspondence was at any given time, both in content and length of communication. This is an art that came naturally to them, and I find myself remembering their letters as I struggle to connect appropriately with two-and four-year-old grandchildren living far away.

Now my mother lives in Florida, and while she doesn't write letters to her five grandchildren the way her parents wrote to us, and later them, she talks to at least one and often more of them by phone every week. As the next generation of grandparents, Jon and I E-mail messages to our grandchildren who are computer savvy. I hope this will affect them the way my grandparents' letters affected me. I can't imagine what form the future of grandparent-grandchild communication will take, but no matter what the method, it's a precious activity that your grandkids, and you, will always treasure.

By Phone

Sometimes I answer the phone only to get silence on the other end. "Hello, hello," I say over and over into the phone until a little voice speaks up and says, "Hi, Nana." Sometimes we just hear heavy breathing. I have to remember in these incidents to ask, "Is that you, Cody?" until a little voice identifies itself.

Never Too Young to Sing Along

When Dan and Joanna had their first grandchild, they were overjoyed. They called every day to hear even the most trivial news. "Put the phone to her ear," Joanna instructed when the baby was only two months old. She sang a well-known nursery song to the baby. Both Dan and Joanna took turns singing to the baby every time they called. They did this right up until the child could talk to them, and now they sing songs over the phone together. Joanna says, "Now when I call her two-year-old brother, he says, 'Tell Grandpa to get on the other phone so we can all sing together.'" Singing together has become a tradition in the family. Dan and Joanna do this with all seven of their grandchildren.

Short and Sweet

Tyler, age four, knows the speed-dial buttons to press to call all his grandparents. When any of the four answers, he quickly gives his message, "Hi, this is Tyler. Bye," and hangs up. None of his grandparents tries to get him to say any more, because they don't want to turn calling into a chore. Just hearing his voice from time to time is fine.

Talk to Her Parents Later

Edwina calls each of her grandchildren once a week. When a parent answers, she makes it clear that she's calling to talk to the child. She has a complete conversation with the child, brief if the child is busy and uninterested, longer if the child is in the mood to talk. Then she says good-bye. She never asks to speak to the child's mother or father, so the children know these special calls are meant only for them. Edwina calls their parents at other times and loves hearing about her grandchildren's latest accomplishments. "Right now," she says, "my children are so involved with parenting that it's all-engrossing. I'm the perfect listener because they know I'm totally interested."

How Often Do You Call?

According to a recent AT&T nationwide survey of more than one-thousand grandparents, those between the ages of forty-five and fifty-four are twice as likely as older grandparents to talk with their grandchildren on the phone. Further, the study found that 59 percent of grandchildren frequently call their grandparents. Twenty-five percent never call, and 16 percent are too young to call. Not surprisingly, grandparents are more likely than grandchildren to initiate the call. More than half of grandparents surveyed call their grandchildren at least once a week, and four in ten grandparents receive a call from their grandchildren at least once a week.

Grandmothers and grandfathers are equally likely to talk with their grandchildren on the phone, and 21 percent call their grandchildren four or more times a week. Younger grandparents call more frequently. Younger grandparents also get more calls from grandchildren. The most memorable phone conversations between grandparents and grandchildren recognize holidays and special occasions.

What Did He Say?

Carl loves to have "conversations" with his two-and-a-half-year-old grandchild. The boy babbles incoherently, and Carl responds. If you ask Carl what the child is saying, he tells you he hasn't a clue. But this doesn't stop them from doing all sorts of things together while conversing nonstop.

Listen Carefully

On the other hand, Jon's ten-year-old grandson has lots to say and is extremely articulate. Listening to grandchildren can teach us a great deal about what's going on in their world. For example, the other day Andrew called to tell his grandfather about a book he was reading. It was filled with scientific facts he wanted to share. Grandpa was impressed with his ability to explain what he had learned and realized that Andrew's vocabulary and level of understanding had grown quite a bit. Our grandchildren are learning and growing all the time. By listening to what they have to say, we won't risk talking down to them and undermining the relationship.

Heard but Not Seen

Small children love to play peekaboo before they can talk. You can play this over the phone. My daughter Robby puts the phone up to her one-year-old's ear, and I say, "Where's Cody?" I pause because I know he's putting his hands over his eyes. Then I say, "There you are!" and I'm content to hear his little squeals of laughter.

Baby's First Words

First-time grandmother Mimi reports, "My son, Jim, called to say that our grandson had just said his first word. Jim put the phone up to the baby and prompted him to repeat the word. 'Say Dada,' Jim repeated over and over. The baby just chewed the phone and gurgled." However, Mimi assured Jim that she had indeed heard the baby say "Dada."

A Grandchild's Voice Is Always Welcome

There isn't a grandparent I know who minds being interrupted at the office to hear a breathing baby on the other end of the phone. Tell your children that a call from a grandchild is appreciated at any time. When the grandchildren are older, there are ways to encourage them to keep calling.

Stephanie is nineteen and calls her grandmother once a week from college just to chat. From when she was a little girl, she says, no matter when she called, her grandmother would say, "Stephanie, I'm so glad to hear from you. I'm so lucky to have you." Stephanie says her grandmother is always eager to listen to what's going on in her life and remembers to ask all the right questions to get an update on where they left off in their last conversation. Her grandmother is an executive in a very busy office and says she keeps notes on her desk about things she thinks Stephanie will be interested in and can mention when they talk. But mostly she knows that teenagers like to talk more than listen, and she's a good listener. "And there's one more thing," Stephanie's grandmother says. "A grandmother's job is to give unconditional love. Sometimes Stephanie asks me for advice. I try to give it as objectively as I can, even when I find the idea of a nose ring utterly appalling."

Special Events

Keeping abreast of your grandchildren's special events and things they are participating in will enable you to call shortly after the event to share in their excitement. I am always slightly jealous of the other grandparents who live nearer to my grandchildren because they can see them more often and plan special activities together. However, when Sara called to tell me about her trip to the circus with her father's parents, it made me part of the experience and I was able to share and delight in her telling of the event. It wasn't the same as having been there, but I was thrilled that she wanted to tell me about it. In the summer, when I see her more often, we do something special together and she calls to share our activities with her other grandparents.

By Mail

When we go away I try to buy postcards right away to send to all our grandchildren, but that's different from establishing the mail as the route to an ongoing relationship. Now and then I remember to send a silly card or drawing, but I must admit that most of the cards and drawings come from their house to ours rather than the other way around. Here's how some mail-savvy grandparents do it.

Scrapbooks

Helen sends her granddaughter scrapbook pages with photos, sketches, and clippings that show what Helen is doing, her surroundings, and activities. She also sent the child a pretty three ring notebook so she could keep the pages as an ongoing chronological scrapbook. When her grandchild is older, Helen will encourage her to make her own scrapbook of her everyday activities and special memories to share with Grandma.

Building a Family History

It's important to keep family stories alive. One grandfather sends short tales about his grandchild's mother and father when they were little and stories about things he did with them. He includes photographs to illustrate the stories. These family memories are often read as bedtime stories.

A Good Tale Goes a Long Way

When my husband, Jon, was a little boy he rescued a baby squirrel that had fallen from a tree in his front yard. He nursed the squirrel and took care of it until it was grown. Gus Gus, as the squirrel was called, became his pet and got into all sorts of trouble. All the little grandchildren in our family love "Tales of Gus Gus" and can't seem to get enough. They never tire of hearing the same stories over and over. Each has his or her favorite.

(Continues...)

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Excerpted from Totally Cool Grandparenting by Leslie Linsley, Jon Aron. Copyright © 1997 Leslie Linsley Enterprises, Ltd.. Excerpted by permission of St. Martin's Press.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents

Contents

Title Page,
Acknowledgments,
Introduction,
1 - What Do They Call You?,
2 - Communication,
3 - Visiting at Their House and Yours,
4 - The Art of Giving Presents,
5 - Everyone Deserves Respect,
6 - Rules for Behavior,
7 - Special Events, Holidays, and Family Celebrations,
8 - Activities,
9 - Holiday Crafts,
10 - My Grandparents Are Really Cool Because ...,
ALSO BY LESLIE LINSLEY,
Index,
Copyright Page,