Reading Group Guide
Is Your School a Vampire Academy?
Take this quiz to find out how terrifying your high school is, from warm and fuzzy to blood-curdling to all-out blood sucking:
1. The most popular girls in school look like:
a) Each other. No seriously—it's like somebody just photocopied the same girl seven times and then slapped her in on the same stick-thin body and gave her the same Balenciaga bag and shades.
b) Models. Thin, big eyes, pale (obviously), and a weird way of getting everything—and everyone—they want. Although it's not that weird if you figure that all vampires are gifted in the art of compulsion.
c) Popularity is an oppressive word manufactured by a patriarchal society to engender insecurity in impressionable young adults. It doesn't exist.
d) Cheerleaders. But be careful—the super-hyped-up-built-out-of-silicone-blond-exterior conceals a raging control freak lunatic underneath.
2. At lunch, kids at your school drink:
a) Water. Bevs are such a waste of calories.
b) Blood. Beats Red Bull any day.
c) Herbal tea, with a twist of locally-grown, 100% organic lemon.
d) Diet Coke.
3. The pale kid who's always showing off his Fantasy Bowling ranking and talking about biochemistry takes a nosedive during lunch. You assume that he:
a) Caught sight of the Queen Bee and her Posse of Clones actually eating something (in unison, of course). The shock would be too much for anyone.
b) Just came up from the feeding room and fainted. Sure, vampire bites feel good at first, but that stuff will knock you out. Imagine losing two pints of blood in, like, fiveminutes.
c) Slipped or something. But you're too busy running to get him a glass of water to think about it—while one classmate props up his head and yet another one fans his face with a paper towel.
d) Got tripped by a member of the Football Team, clearly. It happens every day—once the poor kid even broke a rib. Oh, well. Better him than you, right?
4. There's a hot new teacher at your school who's like, just out of college. The girls in your class:
a) Flirt with him endlessly.
b) Wear vampire lust charms to lure him in.
c) Ew. He's the teacher. They're not messing with their chances of getting into Brown.
d) Use him to make their quarterback boyfriends jealous.
5. Exercise at your school is:
a) Trying to keep up with the ever-changing list of what is "okay" to wear to your school. If you're even caught in leggings one second after they're out, the ruling elite will make sure your social life flatlines.
b) Conditioning, heavy combat, and weapons training. Yeah, gym rocks at your school.
c) Yoga and meditation. Your school believes in the beauty of the mind, soul, body connection. Sometimes after class, everyone holds hands and cries.
d) Running as far as you can, as fast as you can, from your dorky lab partner, who has been trying to get you to go out with him since the seventh grade.
6. The teachers at your school:
a) Have more plastic in their faces than in their Prada wallets.
b) Kick *ss. Literally.
c) Want to know how you really feel.
d) All failed fourth grade.
7. The scariest thing at your school is:
a) The way that whatever the Queen Bee does gets copied, pronto. Once in the third grade she came to school with the chicken pox, and the next day girls were drawing red spots on their face with markers.
b) The threat of sudden attacks constantly hanging over your head. Knowing that there's a bunch of evil vampires desperate to suck your blood and turn you into a maniacal and cold-hearted killer is enough to make anyone a little jumpy.
c) The lunch selection. The cafeteria flat-out refuses to serve any more than three vegan options—and they still sometimes serve meat! Gross.
d) See question #5. One word: Cheerleaders. There must be something freaky about girls who are that psyched all the time.
8. Your evil history teacher gives a pop quiz first thing Monday morning. The kids at your school:
a) Yawn. Whatever—it's not like everything at Barney's is half-off.
b) Use their psychic bonds with their BFFs to score all the right answers.
c) Meditate. Quizzes are an opportunity for learning and intellectual expansion. Besides, your school never gives grades—only smiley faces.
d) Are at the beach. Is it even a school day?
9. The cliques at your school are:
a) There's only one that matters, and you aren't in it.
b) So numerous you can't even keep track. Shifting alliances doesn't even begin to describe it—there are so many power plays around here, it's a miracle WWIII hasn't originated in the student commons.
c) Nonexistent. Everyone is besties at your school.
d) The cheerleaders, the rich kids, the athletes, the math geeks, the drama club, the goth girls, and then everybody else.
10. A typical day at your school consists of:
a) Spreading vicious rumors, boyfriend-stealing, midday mani-peddis.
b) Practicing magic, fighting evil, sucking blood.
c) Advanced Pottery, Actor's Craft, African Dance, Metaphysical Poetry Workshop.
d) Skipping class, stalking football player crush, a pep rally. Go Panthers!
11. The most lust worthy guys at your school are:
a) Nonexistent. Your parents enrolled you in an all-girls school. And if that isn't grounds for emancipating yourself from them, you don't know what is.
b) The hot profs, for sure. All the trainers and teachers are young, good-looking, and could take down any blood-sucking bandit this side of the hereafter. Hot, hot, hot.
c) The P.E.T.A. club. Guys + furry little animals = adorable!
d) The athletes, even though they have a combined IQ that's less than your typical dress size—and you've never been bigger than a six in your life. At least they look cute in their football jerseys.
If you answered mostly A's . . . Your school is Clone Central:
Cookie cutter doesn't even begin to describe it: your school makes a Xerox machine look creative. Everyone is suffering from a serious case of the clones and you're probably feeling left out. Don't worry: beyond the imposing stone walls of whatever ritzy private school your parents dumped you into, copying is definitely not a virtue (hey—in the larger world it's often even illegal, and called plagiarism.) So try not to get sucked in to the drama. Do your own thing, even if it means that you're not marching to the synchronized beat of so many identical Louboutin heels click-clacking down the hallway. Do you really want to look, walk, and act like you just got off of a casting call for some weird Sci-Fi channel Clone Film? Didn't think so.
If you answered mostly B's . . . Your school is Vampire Academy:
High school students in England suck face. At your school they suck blood—literally. Your halls are populated by the undead and their hangers-on, and on top of homework, first crushes, pop quizzes, and strict teachers to deal with, you've got to worry about the evil vampire overlords, who aren't quite so respectful of your personal space as your classmates and are looking for the quickest way to turn you into mincemeat pie. Positives? Night classes, cool parties, tales from the underworld. Negatives? Lunch-time (gross!), missing out on tanning, constant threat of deadly violence, death, etc.
If you answered mostly C's . . . Your school is Freaky Friendly:
Um, hello, have you guys ever heard of teenage rebellion? If you'd stop inhaling patchouli oil and polishing your Buddha statue, you might actually catch on to the fact that your teenage years are supposed to be about getting in and out of trouble and resisting authority figures, not holding hands in Yoga camp and saying 'thank you" to your teachers. Was everybody at your school lobotomized, or something? Start a vicious rumor, cut class, steal your BFF's boyfriend—in other words, live a little, before your teenage years pass in a haze of chakra-building, acupuncture, and meditation.
If you answered mostly D's . . . Your school is the scariest of them all . . . the All-American High School!
Not even the deadliest vampires would dare to step foot on your turf, the cruelest and most dangerous of them all: your average, everyday, all-American high school, where the athletes and their girlfriends rule the school and all the cliques hate each other, where one gaffe can consign you to the absolute bottom of the social barrel, where getting teased, insulted, and back-stabbed is just par for the course. And don't even try to say it's not that bad—it's worse, and the fact that your football team won state doesn't make up for how terrifying it is to troll the hall between the cafeteria and AP English. Wherever you fall on the social ladder, be careful—the rungs are slippery and with everyone trying to claw their way to the top, somebody (more like everybody) is bound to get hurt.
