Read an Excerpt
CHAPTER 1
Reliability
How trustworthy are you? And whom should you trust? This book is meant not only to teach you about how to choose whom to trust in your life, but also to teach you about being trustworthy. We are not taught either of these growing up, and as a result we make errors in whom we trust and get ourselves into trouble. So I want you to study this from both perspectives: trusting others and being trustworthy yourself.
First, I would like to give you some more information about reliability and consistency, the first facets of trust. A person who does as promised can be considered reliable. Reliability is an admirable characteristic. People don't like to deal with those who are unreliable. They'd rather give their business and rewards to the person they can count on. Also, the reliable person feels good knowing that he or she is trusted.
Questions you may have are:
• What does it mean to be reliable?
• What is being unreliable?
• How does reliability pay off?
If you promise to do something, you are assumed to be good for your word. Sometimes that promise is implied or presumed. Some people will renege on their word or responsibility for any number of possible reasons.
For example, a person may lie to get out of an uncomfortable or awkward situation and may never have intended to do what was promised. Suppose someone asked you to come over to help with some task, which you did not really care to do. It may be easier to say you will, but then never show up. The other person would likely think you unreliable, especially if this situation happened more than once. Another example is if you agreed to meet someone, but some friends come over and want to take you out. So you never show up to meet your friend because the other activity was more important to you. Being considerate and calling to excuse yourself might feel awkward, so you don't bother.
Suppose a person at work is often late on completing assignments, either because the assignments are too difficult or he gets sidetracked with more interesting activities. His boss and fellow workers consider him unreliable.
Of course, you cannot count on a person who is known to be unreliable and does not follow-through on what he or she has promised to do. A person may promise to pick you up at the airport, but then not show up because "he forgot." Or a person may come to a meeting late because she got involved in some other activity and "lost track of time."
What happens with unreliable people is that they renege on their promises. They are unreliable because of the way they set their priorities. Their promise to you is not as important to them as something else. I bet we have all encountered people like this.
Some people actually lack the skills to complete jobs. Some lie and have no intention of doing the job. Some have good intentions but are so forgetful or caught up in their own interests that they either forget or don't bother to do what they promised. Often, what they are really saying is that you aren't as important to them . People who are unreliable at work are saying that the job is not as important to them as some other activity.
A reliable person is one who has a track record of doing what he or she has promised to do. If a person continually completes the tasks she promised to do, she is then considered reliable. If a person says he will show up at 10:30 AM, and he is known to be reliable, you can count on him to be on time. Being considered reliable means that you are conscientious and keep your promises. A reliable person does not make excuses.
Certainly you would want to associate with a person you can count on. Supervisors want to keep employees who are reliable and who they can count on to come to work on time and to complete assigned tasks. Such a person is trusted to do as promised.
The benefit of being reliable is that people trust you and feel they can count on you. A reliable person will get and keep friends much easier than someone who is careless in personal relationships and can't be counted on to keep his or her word. A reliable worker will be trusted to do the job as promised and can reap the rewards in raises and promotions. A business that has a reputation of being reliable or making reliable products will get repeat and new business, as well as reducing costs of rework or repair.
On the negative side, being considered reliable can put you into situations where others can soon take you for granted and not appreciate your reliability. It is a trait of human nature that if something or someone is very predictable, then those actions are not appreciated.
Although it is possible to be taken advantage of by being reliable and predictable, in the long run reliability is the best way. Being reliable is an admirable trait. We all dislike dealing with people who are unreliable, so being reliable is a character trait for which we should strive. People thank you for it. You get a good reputation. You also feel good about yourself when you do as promised. It is a good feeling to be a man or woman "Of your word".
Again, a reliable person has a track record of keeping his or her promises. An unreliable person shows he or she doesn't really care about others. You can't count on such a person. The benefits of being reliable include promotions at work, better personal relationships, and increased self-esteem.
Isn't it interesting that being reliable leads to a better sense of self-esteem? That you can feel better about yourself by learning to be reliable for others? As you give, so you get for yourself! And isn't it interesting that when something is predictable, we do not value it so much? Think about that!
So yes, reliability is certainly part of impeccability. Doing the very best you can do at all times. It is also speaking your truth, isn't it? And it is also about forming an intention and keeping that intention. Reliability is also a shamanic trait.
CHAPTER 2
Consistency
The second part of reliability is consistency, which means that we are stepping up to be reliable all the time, not just sometimes or to certain people or promises. We all know what it means to be consistent. And consistency is part of being trustworthy. Do you see how being reliable and consistent is good for you personally?
Here is a little mini quiz. Just pick the answer that best describes your reaction. Don't over- think it!
1. If you promise to help a friend move on Saturday, but then you start watching a good TV show, what should you do?
a) He probably has other helpers, so you finish watching the show
b) Call him and say your grandma died
c) Keep your word and show up as promised
2. If a friend is always late, would you ask him to take you to the airport?
a) Yes, but make him promise to be on time
b) Probably not, because you can't count on him
c) Yes, but don't be home, so you can teach him a lesson
3. Would you be considered reliable if you are usually on time, except when your car doesn't start?
a) You are as reliable as your car
b) An unreliable car is a good excuse for being late
c) Yes, because you had good intentions
I have asked you to look at yourself as someone people can rely on and also identify who you can trust. I have explained what reliability is in its most fundamental form so that you can understand it fully. I don't want any confusion here! Here is another definition of reliability:
"Systemic reliability is the ability of a system to perform and maintain its functions in routine circumstances, as well as hostile or unexpected circumstances. In natural language it may also denote persons who act efficiently in proper moments/circumstances."
Bill Smith, Six Sigma
So it means being reliable even when things get mucked up! An inherent quality of reliability is honesty. If you say you will be there at two, you are there at two, right? And you are consistent.
I am afraid that reliability is no longer being taught to our young people. They are taught that it is fashionable to be late or even worse that other people's time is not important. They cannot trust each other because they have thrown reliability out the window with the bathwater, as my Mom would say!
Self-Esteem and Self-Respect
Being reliable is a good way to increase your own self-respect. Certainly the advertising media has taught us that there is no truth in advertising. If the advertising media is not truthful, then it is not trustworthy. There is a difference between respect and trust. You can certainly respect someone, but not trust him or her.
I have never had the problem of being so dependable that I was taken for granted. I have more often seen people amazed that I do show up on time every time. I have more often seen people awed by my doing what I say I will do. They just don't encounter this in their own lives, or hardly ever.
I bet you rarely see it in others as well. So what an honor it is to show people what trust is and what being reliable means by being consistently reliable yourself! That is why others need to see it in us as teachers. What a great example you can be. What a great thing to teach by example! And you also develop your own self-esteem at the same time. You feel good about yourself because you are being reliable!
I don't think it takes strength to walk in truth. Rather, I think it takes strength to look in the mirror and see what you are really doing. I think walking in truth is being your authentic self.
Nothing given by Creator is hard or difficult. Man alone makes things hard. Reliability is a virtue, a positive character trait. It should be part of your authenticity. It makes you authentic to be reliable.
Being reliable or not is a freewill choice you make. A short parable may help explain this. There once was a woman who was very trustworthy. She assumed that everyone was trustworthy. She wanted everyone to be trustworthy. And she could not see why people were not reaching for trustworthiness in their own lives. She wanted to teach trustworthiness so she practiced it and practiced it and showed it to everyone around her.
But they rejected what she was teaching and she got upset and frustrated. She knew that trust was valuable and gave her a good sense of self-esteem and she wanted this for everyone. But by trying to make everyone trustworthy, what was she doing? She was violating other people's freewill choice, wasn't she? An even bigger mistake! So she had to understand that it is each person's freewill choice to be trustworthy or not and to let them choose for themselves. She could continue to be an example for those who wished to learn trustworthiness but she should not try to make other people trustworthy against their free will choice.
"It is what you do that defines you!"-Traditional Shamanic Truth
If you are trustworthy, reliable, consistent, accountable, truthful, and you practice follow-through, then that is what defines you. That is your character, your authentic self. That is who you are.
Speaking your truth is a choice you make. It builds self-esteem and makes you trustworthy. Speaking your truth is also a component of compassion.
I find people are attracted to me because I speak my truth. In fact, I don't feel any isolation because of it. People regard my speaking my truth as a breath of fresh air in a lying world! People are attracted to other people who speak their truth with compassion.
The only approval that counts is your own approval of yourself. People seek approval because they are not sure that their own beliefs are true beliefs. They also seek approval because they have beliefs that do not benefit them and they want confirmation from others to continue believing in those non-benefiting beliefs. They look for others to tell them to continue believing in those non-benefiting beliefs or others who also believe those non-benefiting beliefs. They look for outside confirmation. The wife beater goes down to the bar to hang around with other wife beaters for confirmation that what he is doing is okay.
That is why we talk about beliefs in the course I teach at www.ShamanElder.com. In my course, you get to chose your own benefiting beliefs so that you can speak your truth. If you don't know what you believe, what truth can you speak?
Do you have to believe what other people believe?
• Who knows you better than you?
• We are all unique.
• No one out there knows what you believe better than you do!
So when you know what you truly believe and you work to make all your beliefs benefit you today, then you will really have some truth to speak.
And if you find out that one of your beliefs no longer benefits you, choose to change it. It is a very easy choice to make.
We speak the truth as we know it in this moment, but we can stay open to changing our beliefs if at any time they do not benefit us.
CHAPTER 3
Truthfulness
I wanted to talk about the next point in trust, which is truthfulness. But before we begin I want to remind you that we are learning what trust is not so much to make you work on being trustworthy, that is your choice, but more to point out to you ways to know whom you can trust.
When we trust the wrong people we get hurt, don't we? I think it is important to trust the right people. Not everybody is trustworthy. If we assume that, we do get hurt.
It is OK for people to be whoever they are, but I want to know what trust is so I can choose carefully.
Judgment and a Free Mind
Wow! What does having a free mind and no judgment have to do with truth? Truth is found in perception and unless we perceive clearly, we can't tell what is true. And when we judge, we are putting our own belief system on someone else's head, aren't we? Your truth is not necessarily for everyone, is it?
The following parable will illustrate this point. A group of blind monks were taken to see an elephant for the first time. One by one, each blind monk went up to the elephant. The first one touched its back and exclaimed, "Oh, it is a wall!" The second blind monk touched its trunk and said, "It's a strong pillar!" The third blind monk touched its tail and exclaimed, "It's a rope!" Each monk assumed that the part he touched was the whole thing. Their knowledge of the elephant remained defective, a partial understanding, and imperfect. This is true whenever we gather only a little information about anything before making a judgment. To really know something is to experience it fully.
"Truthfulness is the firmest road leading to God, and the truthful are fortunate travelers upon it. Truthfulness is the spirit and essence of action and the true standard of straightforwardness in thought; the spirit and essence of action."
Key Concepts In The Practice Of Sufism: Emerald Hills of the Heart, Vol. 1
By M. Fethullah Gulen
It is pretty hard to move forward in action if you are not truthful, isn't it! And if someone can speak their truth, they pretty much have their heads screwed on straight, don't they!
"A loyal, truthful one changes states at least forty times a day (in order to preserve personal integrity), while a hypocrite remains the same for forty years without feeling any trouble or unease (over his or her deviation)."
Al-Qushayri, Al-Risala (p. 211)
"Truthfulness elevates ordinary people to extraordinary heights, and is a key that opens the door to realms and realities beyond visible existence. One borne aloft by truthfulness cannot be detained from journeying upward, and doors are not closed in the face of one who uses this key."
Key Concepts In The Practice Of Sufism: Emerald Hills of the Heart, Vol. 1
By M. Fethullah Gulen
The Shaman knows this and uses this key of truthfulness always.
What is truthfulness?
• Feelings, thoughts, words and actions that do not contradict each other.
Why is it important to be truthful?
• To gain trust, mostly for ourselves; no self deception; free to be you and me, but let's do it honestly!
If we can't trust ourselves, others will not trust us either. This is true!
Why do people lie?
• Because they believe their truth will not be accepted by others.
• Fear of what people will think.
• Fear of change.
• To protect themselves when they do wrong.
What else might someone be afraid of and thus lie?
• non-acceptance
• fear of confrontation
• fear of getting caught in a lie that perpetuates a bigger lie.
Whose acceptance do you need so badly that you are willing to lie for it?
Is it necessary to have people hold sway over you to the point of lying to gain acceptance? No one has ultimate authority over individual free will choice. Parents love you more for speaking your truth than for lying to gain their acceptance. And it seems to me that if you must lie to your employer to keep your job, maybe it's not the job for you.. If you must lie through thought, word or action to be accepted by a religious community, maybe then you should reconsider belonging to that community.
We are indeed taught to lie! And yes, people lie because it is easier than telling the truth, for sure! But is it being true to you? I want you to be authentic to you, within or without the conventions of the age. And you can!
(Continues…)
Excerpted from "Whom Do I Trust? A Practical Guide"
by .
Copyright © 2012 Shaman Elder Maggie Wahls.
Excerpted by permission of Loving Healing Press, Inc..
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