You Gotta Connect: Building Relationships That Lead to Engaged Students, Productive Classrooms, and Higher Achievement

by James Alan Sturtevant

Overview

Demonstrates how to build a strong student-teacher connection in the classroom.

A secure and trusting relationship between teacher and students is at the heart of positive discipline and a safe, productive classroom. The positive effects of building teacher-student relationships impact all aspects of classroom life. Students come to class and like to be there, they are more engaged in learning, they retain more of what they learn, and their creativity is unleashed. There are fewer behavior issues, lower dropout rates, and more harmony between class members. With humor, practical action steps for the teacher, and a few wacky stories, Jim Sturtevant shows all educators how to connect with students and operate a classroom in ways that show acceptance, breed mutual respect, handle and reduce conflict, build self-esteem, support students in trouble, and add peace and enjoyment.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781629500041
Publisher:	Incentive Publications, Incorporated
Publication date:	03/04/2014
Pages:	280
Sales rank:	438,992
Product dimensions:	6.90(w) x 9.00(h) x 0.90(d)

About the Author

James Alan Sturtevant has been a high school economics teacher for 30 years. He lives in Galena, Ohio.

Read an Excerpt

You've Gotta Connect

Building Relationships that Lead to Engaged Students, Productive Classrooms, and Higher Achievement

---

By James Alan Sturtevant, Kathleen Bullock, Marjorie Frank

Incentive Publications

Copyright © 2014 World Book, Inc.
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-62950-004-1

---

CHAPTER 1

Commitment

Don't Start Class Without It

My student teacher, Charley, was nervous. He had been teaching for about three weeks and it was judgment day. His professor was coming to observe him for an entire period. He was anxious. I wasn't. I knew that he was going to shine.

I had schooled Charley well on my motto, "You've gotta connect!" A former social-studies-teacher-turned-athletic-director had thoroughly indoctrinated me on the same mantra many moons prior to this. Steve G. was an exceptionally popular teacher, and I replaced him when he moved to administration. He was a good-looking dude with a great personality (and still is). One night after a football game, Steve and I, along with a group of male administrators, went to a local watering hole. After a few adult beverages, he got off his stool, looked me dead in the eye, and said, "Jimmy, to make it in this business, you've gotta connect, Baby!"

He sounded like the sports announcer Dick Vitale. (Dick Vitale is a legendary basketball announcer at ESPN. He constantly calls people "Baby" in his thick New Jersey accent.) Steve emphasized his directive by punching his big fists together over his head to demonstrate connectivity. His pronouncement got a huge laugh from the posse that was gathered. Instinctively, I knew he was right. And his boisterous way of expressing his idea left a vivid, lasting memory.

When Charley (the aforementioned student teacher) first arrived, I let him know that my primary mission was to help him build strong relationships with the students.

"Your exciting lesson plans will have little impact if you don't bond with these kids," I told him straight out. While I didn't pound my fists together or slide into a New Jersey accent, I think Charley got the point.

Over the next few weeks, I gave Charley many specific directives. Only a few were academic in nature; the rest were detailed suggestions about how to build stronger relationships. He was an awesome pupil. His teaching content needed a little work, but I wasn't concerned because his "bedside manner" was solid.

My young protégé made a spectacular impression on his professor. He was a little apprehensive that first time she observed him, but she was wowed by his performance and was certain that he was going to be a star! Over the next few weeks she observed Charley many times, and he really settled down and excelled.

After one visit, the professor pulled me aside and asked, "Do you have ANY discipline problems?"

I shrugged my shoulders and said, "Not many."

She added, "I have been in a lot of classes, and by comparison, the atmosphere in here is fabulous. The students are lively, but they seem so relaxed and happy."

I was unprepared for her next question: "How did you create this?"

I sputtered some unsatisfactory response.

* * *

The question plagued me. How do I create this atmosphere? How much of my rapport is due to my personality and how much is based on technique?

Ask Yourself:

Do I WANT to sharpen my ability to connect?

After much thought, I came to some conclusions. It's not easy to quantify what proportion is nature and what proportion is nurture. I decided, however, that a significant portion of my ability to connect is what I do, not who I am. I arrived at this conclusion because

• Throughout my career I have become so much better at connecting.

• I see that connection has not been automatic; I've had to work at it.

• I can recall students with whom I did not connect or didn't have many clues as to how to connect — at least not in a way I'd be proud to repeat.

• I can recount specific times when I tried a new technique and gauged its effectiveness.

• I have had the pleasure of mentoring two student teachers that were very different in personality. I gave them the same directives, and both thrived.

• I can name colleagues that connect well with students. They have very different personal characteristics. None of them are anything like me.

Out of these ponderings and conclusions, I decided to share my techniques. And the idea for this book was born.

The Pitch

The first step in connecting to students is to make a commitment to connection! This must be a commitment to work hard and make progress at connecting with all students (yes, even the ones with annoying attitudes or sagging pants). Before you can pursue that goal and learn how to do it well, you've gotta get what it is! Beyond that, you need to see why it is absolutely critical for your students. Chapter 1 is about cementing these understandings and getting motivated to be a better connector.

Many people step into the field of education with this bold assumption: "I am popular. I make friends easily. I am very outgoing. I have lots of empathy. Getting along with kids will come naturally." However, being Mr. or Ms. Congeniality with your peers and college instructors does not necessarily translate into forging strong bonds with students once you are the teacher. Many beginning teachers quickly learn that connecting with young people is a lot harder than they anticipated. At least it's harder to connect with the reserved, reluctant, disinterested, defiant, or smart-alec students.

Listen to Students

A student who feels noticed by the teacher will learn best.

In some respects, connectivity is easily visible and clearly defined. But in other ways, it is subtle and nuanced. To become better at connecting with your students, you'll need to deepen your understanding of connection and how it works. For this chapter on commitment, your learning targets are:

Learning Targets

1. Show understanding of what connecting is and what it is not.

2. Show understanding of the importance of connecting.

3. Examine and advance your commitment to connecting with students.

4. Identify your current connecting skills.

5. Take steps to begin strengthening relationships with students.

As with all chapters, the ACTION STEPS of Chapter 1 will be at the heart of your journey to better connection with your students. These give you a chance to practice and grow. Follow them all! (See pages 27 to 32.)

Why Connect?

Given the choice, you would probably elect to spend time with people you like. (Most of us do!) Conversation with them is effortless. You share common interests, and there is mutual caring and respect. If the relationship is strong, you hold each other accountable. In other words, you connect. If you have many such relationships, you are blessed.

Now consider this scenario: You have been invited to a party. You don't want to go because you don't care for the host. However, not going would cost you socially and professionally, and you already returned the RSVP. You are stuck! You put on some nice clothes, arrive as late as possible, and endure the occasion. You keep pulling out your cell phone to check the time and hope for an urgent message that you are needed elsewhere. You don't connect with the host or his guests. You are there out of a sense of obligation. The moment finally arrives when you can tactfully leave, and you do so.

It's likely you've had experiences in which you were forced into the midst of a group of people (or into a situation with only one or a few people) with whom you didn't jive — or worse, didn't even like. Imagine being required to spend most of every day in such a setting. Unfortunately, this uncomfortable (often unbearable) situation is a reality for many students. The situation is called "school."

Ask Yourself:

Do any of my students feel disconnected daily?

I hated one class in high school. I didn't care for the teacher and the feeling was mutual. Looking back, I see that I am largely to blame for the lack of rapport, but the instructor was the adult and did little to help the situation. I got such a negative vibe from this guy that eventually I thought, "the heck with it," and became a bigger pain. On the other hand, I had classes I couldn't wait to attend. The teacher was always the difference between these two kinds of classes. We bonded. I felt liked, welcomed, noticed. It wasn't the subject, it was just him or it was just her! Mastering the action steps in this book can turn you into an It's just him! or It's just her! teacher.

Humans need connection. All kinds of physical, intellectual, emotional, and social situations or aspects of life just work better when you have reliable, healthy, caring, and satisfying connections. In the classroom, the reasons for and benefits of connection are legion. The brain (and the person it inhabits) needs safety in order to learn, deepen understandings, and retain ideas. A positive, comfortable, and secure relationship with the teacher is at the heart of a safe classroom. When kids connect with their teachers and feel their teachers really want to connect with them ...

• they are happier and more productive

• they come to class and like to be there

• they are more engaged in learning activities

• their creativity is unleashed

• they learn and retain more

• they have fewer behavior issues

• they are less likely to drop out

• they feel better about themselves

• they get along better with each other

• they're more likely to be comfortable with themselves as students

• they achieve at higher levels

The positive consequences of connection multiply throughout the classroom, impacting all aspects of classroom life. An exciting and growing body of research addresses such benefits of trusting teacher-student relationships — and supports what many teachers (including this one) know from experience to be true. For more reading on this, see the list of resources on page 273.

Don't think for a minute that the benefits of connection are all for the students. Earlier I said you were blessed if you have connective relationships in your life. It may seem like a weird idea to some teachers, but your students can be blessings. You, too, will be more excited about coming to class. There are so many joys and satisfactions that accompany successful student-teacher relationships. You'll experience less stress, fewer struggles with students, and greater joy in your profession.

What Is Connection?

Some people get the wrong idea when they hear that you want to connect with students. These other people might even be teachers. (Yes, you read that right!) They may think you are needy and are just trying to be a buddy. This is an unfortunate misconception. You can care deeply for someone and have high expectations. You can bond with young people and still remain an adult. Just because you have wonderful deep relationships with your students does not mean that they walk all over you. Nor does it mean that you don't hold them accountable for their work and behavior. In fact, if you really care about a student, you will definitely set high expectations and do all you can to help him or her meet them.

Here's what effective connection looks like in a classroom:

* * *

Effective Connection Is:

1. being available

2. caring (and showing it)

3. treating students with respect

4. being a trustworthy confidant

5. showing belief in students

6. acting warm and welcoming

7. showing compassion

8. being on the student's side

9. exuding love for teaching

10. showing true interest in students

11. being a great listener

12. accepting every student

Effective Connection Is Not

1. acting like a peer

2. trying too hard to be liked

3. gossiping about students

4. having vague boundaries

5. having vague expectations

6. being unable to say "no"

7. using sarcasm

8. pampering students

9. failing to follow through

10. being phony

11. demanding respect

12. pretending to care

* * *

Turn these two lists into a poster. Copy this page and post it on your bathroom mirror, refrigerator, desk, or classroom wall. Transfer it to your computer desktop or notepad on your smart phone or other mobile device.

Get-Connected Action Steps 1.1 and 1.2, found at the end of this chapter, will plunge you right into examining your current connection and disconnection habits. Get-Connected Action Step 1.5 will help you identify the things you already to connect well with students.

Major in Chemistry

(even if you were lost in science class)

Chemistry is the subtle side of connecting. It is difficult to define, but you certainly know it happens. There is a burgeoning online industry devoted to helping lonely people find chemistry in the dating world. The goal is building a relationship online first — bonding in terms of personality and interests. If this half of the chemistry equation clicks, then you can venture into the nerve racking face-to-face meeting realm.

Chemistry is not limited to romantic relationships. You've undoubtedly experienced its drawing power with lots of people. You may have enjoyed relationship chemistry with your parents, siblings, friends, certain coaches or teachers, a particular boss, a neighbor, and others. One thing however is certain: Attraction is laden with complex variables. What attracts one can repel another.

You won't automatically experience a spark with all students (not a positive, promising, or delightful spark anyway). (There might be sparks — but not the kind you wish.) With some, a pleasant chemistry will be natural. With others, work is required.

Fortunately, as the teacher, you are not bound to spend your life with each student the way you intend to spend your life with a perspective mate. However, you DO have to live with each student for a while. And if you don't develop some positive sparks with a student, he or she (and you) may have a miserable year. Worse, the student will not have a successful experience in your classroom. So you are behooved to expand your chemistry skills.

It is easiest to generate those warm sparks when you are open and enthusiastic about getting to know a student personally — showing interest in her interests, hobbies, strengths, opinions, and abilities. Sparks will fly when a student feels that you want him to succeed, or when you care enough to help her develop her talents. This doesn't mean there will never be any negative charges flying around with this student. But a good positive relationship — based on the student's confidence that you DO "see," believe in, and care about him or her — gives a safe and productive environment in which to handle the sizzling sparks.

Relationships are curious things. Students stride into class the first day with a host of diverse expectations. Some (unfortunately) are determined not to like you and won't give you much of a chance. Don't panic! Recognizing negative expectations and other relationship variables is an important first step in the connection process.

Twenty-five hundred years ago, the Greek philosopher Heraclites made a comment that every teacher should remember: "You cannot step twice into the same stream." So here's another chemistry lesson to apply to relationships: Change is constant. This applies to relationships as well as to the physical world. Consider these examples:

• the aloof teenager that used to be a snuggly 7-year old

• a long-time rival you now consider an ally

• the once-proud elderly parent who is now totally dependent on you

• a renewed relationship inspired by a shared loss

• a marriage strained by stress

• a marvelous catch-up moment with an old friend at a class reunion

You can forge bonds with students who are initially reluctant to be engaged. On the flip side, you can fall out of favor with those with whom you felt an incredible connection. There is great potential in this simple awareness. Embrace the fluid nature of your relationships with students.

You step into a new stream dozens of times each day with your students. Never assume that the stream will be the same as it was yesterday.

(Continues...)

---

Excerpted from You've Gotta Connect by James Alan Sturtevant, Kathleen Bullock, Marjorie Frank. Copyright © 2014 World Book, Inc.. Excerpted by permission of Incentive Publications.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

---

Table of Contents

Foreword

Chapter 1 Commitment Don't Start Class Without It 15

The Pitch 18

Why Connect? 19

What Is Connection? 21

Major in Chemistry 23

Get-Connected! Action Steps 27

1.1 Connection Do's and Don'ts 27

1.2 Repeat That! 28

1.3 It's Just Her! It's Just Him! 28

1.4 Up for Grabs 30

1.5 What's Working? Start There! 31

Learning Targets Checklist 40

Chapter 2 Acceptance It's Not the Kids, It's YOU 41

The Pitch 42

Take a Close Look (Your biases are showing) 44

Get an Attitude Adjustment 46

Beware the Teachers' Lounge 50

Kiss Nostalgia Goodbye 51

Trade Annoyance for Acceptance 55

Get-Connected! Action Steps 60

2.1 Attitude Inventory 60

2.2 Change Your Self-Talk 61

2.3 Give It a Rest! 63

2.4 Up Close & Personal 63

2.5 Environment Stealth Check 65

2.6 Repeat That, but Change the Subject 66

2.7 Pardon Me, Your Biases Are Showing 67

Learning Targets Checklist 75

Chapter 3 Communication What You Say (and How You Say It) Matters 76

The Pitch 77

Put Yourself Out There 79

Get to Know Them 80

Get to the One-on-One 86

Watch What You Say 89

Watch How You Say It 92

Notice What They Hear 96

More Words About Words 97

You're Being Watched 97

Be Wary of Needy Messages 98

Protect Students 98

Make a Pact 99

Be Polite 99

Get-Connected! Action Steps 100

3.1 Cultural Literacy Checkup 100

3.2 Invitation to Connection 101

3.3 How Do I Know You? 102

3.4 What Do I Really Say? 102

3.5 What Do My Students Hear? 103

3.6 Hone In on Tone 104

3.7 Anxiety Check 105

3.8 Take Affirmative Action 106

Learning Targets Checklist 113

Chapter 4 Nonverbal Communication What You Don't Say Matters 114

The Pitch 115

Ramp Up Awareness 116

Learn to Read Signals 120

Face 121

Arms & Hands 123

Legs & Feet 124

Posture 125

Join Forces 127

Get-Connected! Action Steps 132

4.1 What Do I Broadcast? 132

4.2 What Do Students Broadcast? 133

4.3 Without a Word 134

4.4 Mirror Movements 135

4.5 On a Mission 136

Learning Targets Checklist 145

Chapter 5 Safety They've Gotta Know You Have Their Backs 146

The Pitch 148

Check Your Mindset 149

Do a Safety Inspection 151

Plan That First Impression 152

Set the Tone 154

Clarify Expectations 156

My First-Day Preparations 158

Survive Beyond Day One 161

Meet the Warm Demander 163

Get-Connected! Action Steps 172

5.1 Safety Inspection 172

5.2 Listen In on First Impressions 173

5.3 You'll Love This Class! 174

5.4 What Can We Expect? 175

5.5 What Did You Hear? 176

5.6 How Do You Stack Up? 177

5.7 Grow as a Warm Demander 178

Learning Targets Checklist 186

Chapter 6 Enjoyment If You're Not Smiling, You're Not Connecting 187

The Pitch 189

Find 1,000 Ways to Laugh 190

Tell Jokes 193

Capitalize on Fun Phrases 195

Add Wisdom 198

Tell Personal Stories 200

Connect with Care 204

Embrace the Class Clown 205

General Disruptions 207

Sarcasm 208

Derision 209

Get-Connected! Action Steps 211

6.1 Joke-Telling 101 211

6.2 Storytelling 101 212

6.3 Photo-Embellished Stories 212

6.4 Signature Phrase Cache 214

6.5 Safe Humor 215

6.6 Behold, the Class Clown! 216

6.7 Managing the Class Clown 216

Learning Targets Checklist 223

Chapter 7 Advocacy Run Toward Trouble 224

The Pitch 226

Look for Trouble 227

Don't Borrow Trouble 230

Preconceived Notions 231

Unrealistic Expectations 233

Reputations & Stereotypes 234

Differences & Disappointments 236

Egos & Humility 238

Connections Over the Long Haul 240

Handle Double Trouble 241

Confront Colleague Trouble 248

Get-Connected! Action Steps 251

7.1 How Did I Handle That? 251

7.2 Welcome to Conflict! 251

7.3 Typecasting the Teacher 253

7.4 Past Efforts 254

7.5 Your Intervention Plan 255

7.6 Turnaround: The Inside Story 256

7.7 It's Not Just Lunch 257

Learning Targets Checklist 264

Afterword 265

References 273