Yuck came downstairs to say good night. He was dressed like a superhero, wearing his underpants outside his pajamas.
“Yuck, why are you dressed like that?” Dad asked.
“These are my Amazing Underpants,” Yuck said.
“They stink!” his sister, Polly Princess, told him, pinching her nose.
Yuck’s underpants were dirty and crusty and smelly. He had been wearing them every day and every night for six weeks.
“They’re full of germs,” Mom told him. “Go and put them in the laundry basket at once!”
Yuck ran out of the living room. He raced straight upstairs to his bedroom and hopped into bed.
From under his pillow he pulled out a flashlight and his Superspy Magnifying Glass. He dived under the covers to investigate.
Through the magnifying glass Yuck could see hundreds of germs squirming and wiggling in his underpants.
They were almost ready!
Yuck reached over the side of his bed and shone his flashlight onto Swampland. He grabbed his jar of mold.
From his bedroom floor he picked up a paintbrush. It was one he’d borrowed from Polly’s painting set. He dipped the paint-brush into the jar and stirred the green mold around and around.
“It’s time for a midnight snack,” he said, heading back under the duvet.
Yuck painted a thick blob of green mold onto his underpants, working it deep into the crusty cloth.
He painted another blob, then another. He dabbed mold all over his underpants, first on the outside and then again on the inside.
By the time he’d finished, his underpants were moldy and green.
Yuck smiled. He lay down and closed his eyes, feeling the germs nibbling and wiggling, eating the mold as he drifted off to sleep.
In the morning, Yuck woke up giggling. Something was tickling him under the duvet. He threw back the covers and looked down.
Wow! His underpants were moving!
Yuck grabbed his Superspy Magnifying Glass and inspected them closely.
In the night, the germs had eaten the mold. They’d grown and multiplied. MILLIONS of them were crawling and wiggling in front of his eyes. His underpants were ALIVE with germs!
“Rockits!” Yuck said.
At that moment, his door opened.
Polly Princess came into his room.
“Get up, Yuck,” she told him. “Mom says you’ve got to help with the cleaning!”
“CLEANING?” Yuck asked.
Mom came in behind Polly. “Your room is disgusting, Yuck,” she said.
Mom started picking up the dirty underpants and socks from Yuck’s floor.
“What about those ones?” Polly said, pointing to the underpants Yuck had on over his pajamas.
“No!” Yuck shouted. “You can’t wash these!”
“I told you to put those in the laundry basket,” Mom said. She pulled Yuck’s underpants off his legs.
“But they’re my—”
“Don’t be silly, Yuck,” Mom told him.
“They’re dirty and crusty and smelly,” Polly said.
“Now get dressed and come and help with the cleaning,” Mom said.
She carried Yuck’s underpants out with the rest of the dirty washing. Polly stuck her tongue out, then ran downstairs.
Yuck decided that when he was EMPEROR OF EVERYTHING, every-one’s underpants would be dirty. It would be the LAW. Anyone who tried to clean their underpants would be bounced up and down in the WEDGIE MACHINE.
Yuck got up and put his clothes on. He emptied the mold from his jar into his pocket, then crept to the bathroom.
He grabbed his moldy underpants from the laundry basket, stuffed them up his T-shirt, and ran downstairs.
Mom was wiping the kitchen table.
Dad was scrubbing the kitchen floor.
Polly picked up a pink feather duster and went to dust the living room.
Yuck followed her.
He sneaked in and hid behind the sofa.
Polly dusted the ornaments.
She dusted the pictures on the walls.
Then she dusted the trophy she’d won in a coloring competition.
She stood back to admire her work. Everything looked shiny and clean. “Mom! I’ve finished!” she called.
While Polly went to find Mom, Yuck crept out from behind the sofa.
“Let’s help her,” he whispered to his underpants. Yuck dipped them into his pocket of mold, and they started wriggling in his hand.
He put them onto the mantelpiece, and they wriggled over the ornaments.
He wiped them up the wall, and they wriggled over the pictures.
He put them on Polly’s trophy and they wriggled up and down the shiny silver.
They covered everything in mold.
Yuck heard Polly coming back with Mom. He grabbed his underpants and hid behind the sofa.
The door opened.
“Polly, what have you done?” Mom asked. “It’s filthy in here!”
“It was clean a minute ago,” Polly said.
“What a mess you’ve made, Polly!”
Mom snatched the pink feather duster.
“But it wasn’t me!” Polly said, looking at the mess in the living room.
“Where’s Yuck?” she asked.
Yuck kept very quiet.
“I thought he was helping you,” Mom said.
Polly stormed out of the door.
While Mom cleaned up, Yuck sneaked out from behind the sofa. He crept to the coatrack in the hallway and watched as Polly took the vacuum cleaner out of the cupboard under the stairs. She connected the long tube and switched it on.
The vacuum cleaner began sucking up dust and dirt from the carpet.
“Let’s help her,” Yuck whispered to his underpants. He dipped them into his pocket of mold and they wriggled in his hand. The more mold he gave them, the more they wriggled. They were growing stronger.
Yuck placed them on the floor and they crawled out from behind the coats.
As Polly pushed the vacuum cleaner, Yuck’s underpants shot straight up the tube.
The vacuum cleaner groaned.
Polly gave it a kick.
The vacuum cleaner growled.
She looked down the tube to see what was blocking it.
BANG!
Dust and dirt shot out of the end of the tube, covering Polly in a thick gray cloud.
Yuck giggled. He reached out from behind the coats and grabbed his underpants from the floor.
“Polly! What have you done now?” Mom shouted, running to see what had happened. The hallway was covered in dust. “What a mess you’ve made, Polly!”
Mom snatched the vacuum cleaner.
“But it wasn’t me,” Polly said, looking at the mess in the hallway.
“Where’s Yuck?” she asked.
Yuck kept very quiet.
“I thought he was helping you,” Mom said.
Polly stormed off into the kitchen.
She filled a bucket with soapy water. Then she grabbed a sponge and a rag, and went out of the front door to wash the car.
When Mom’s back was turned, Yuck sneaked out from behind the coats and followed Polly outside.
Hiding behind the trash can, he watched as Polly covered the car with foam and bubbles.
She rubbed it all over. Then she rinsed the bubbles off and started polishing the car with a rag.
Polly stood back to admire her work.
The car looked shiny and clean.
“Dad! I’ve finished!” she called.
While Polly went to fetch Dad, Yuck crept out from behind the trash can.
“Let’s help her,” he whispered to his underpants.
He dipped them into his pocket of mold, then for extra energy he dunked them in a dirty puddle.
They lapped up the stinky brown water and started wriggling.
They jumped out of Yuck’s hands and onto the hood of the car. They were growing even stronger.
They crawled across the roof and up and down the doors.
They rubbed mold round and round the wheels and sloshed stinky brown water over the windshield.
Yuck heard Polly coming back with Dad. He grabbed his underpants and hid behind the trash can.
Dad looked at the car. “Polly! It’s filthy!” he said.
“It was clean a minute ago,” she told him.
“What a mess you’ve made, Polly!”
Dad snatched the rag.
“But it wasn’t me!” Polly said, looking at the mess on the car.
“Where’s Yuck?” she asked.
Yuck kept very quiet.
“I thought he was helping you,” Dad said.
Polly stormed off through the side gate into the backyard.
Yuck followed her and hid in the bushes.
Polly fetched a broom and began sweeping the back path.
“Let’s help her,” Yuck said.
He filled his underpants with big balls of sticky mud. They seemed to like mud.
They wriggled and squelched, then jumped out of his hands, rustling in the bushes like an animal.
Yuck made a gap in the leaves, and his underpants hopped into position.
He stretched them like a catapult.
SPLAT!
His underpants shot sticky mud all over the kitchen window.
“Polly!” Mom shouted out. “What do you think you’re doing?”
Polly turned and saw the window covered in mud.
“What a mess you’ve made, Polly!”
“But it wasn’t me!” Polly said, looking at the mess on the window.
“Where’s Yuck?” she asked.
Yuck came walking up the garden.
“Where have you been?” Mom asked.
“I’ve been helping Polly,” Yuck said.
Polly glared at him.
“No, he hasn’t,” she said. “He hasn’t done anything all morning.”
“Come indoors now, both of you,” Mom told them. “It’s lunchtime.”
Yuck and Polly went inside.
All through lunch Yuck hid his underpants under the table, feeding them mold from his pocket.
“This afternoon, I’d like you both to tidy your rooms,” Mom said.
When Yuck and Polly had finished eating, Mom cleared the table.
Yuck ran upstairs and lay on his bed with his underpants.
“I think we deserve a rest,” he said, opening his copy of Oink.
