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Casanova in Bohemia
A Novel
By Andrei Codrescu OPEN ROAD INTEGRATED MEDIA
Copyright © 2002 Andrei Codrescu
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-5040-1527-1
CHAPTER 1
On the fifth of June, in the year 1798, a body believed to be that of Giacomo Casanova, self-styled Chevalier de Seingalt, was buried in the graveyard of Dux Castle in the kingdom of Bohemia, in the presence of his last patron, Count Waldstein, his nephew, Carlo Angiolini, who had traveled from Dresden, and an assorted retinue of servants, most of whom had done their utmost to make miserable the last years of his life. Among the small group of mourners stood a woman named Laura Brock, who, though no longer young by the standards of that time, was nonetheless in the full bloom of womanhood, and radiated the certainty of a still firm body that knew its pleasures and its power. She alone knew the bittersweet secret of the passing of the man whose remains were being so perfunctorily disposed. As she listened to the ridiculous sentiments (all lies, really) of the priest delivering the eulogy, she suppressed a smile, and remembered the first time she had entered the library to serve Signor Casanova a cold supper of melon and ham.
"The cook must belong to that race of men, born in the North and soured by the East, for whom food is something to be endured rather than savored," quipped the old man in French, a language he felt sure the serving-girl couldn't understand. The ham was exceedingly fat and was flanked by a lump of red sauerkraut topped by a shriveled half potato. Certainly not what he had in mind when he had ordered it. What he had in mind was thin prosciutto wrapped around slices of ripe yellow melon. Ah, what he had in mind and what surrounded him were like sunlight and shadow.
He was dressed in a brilliantly colored Chinese silk robe embroidered with gold dragons, and wore a red wool cap over his wig against the dampness and cold that were a permanent feature of the castle. "And where," he continued,"did he find such a beautiful woman to abuse with his bad moods? Undeserving bastard!" He then gazed at her so long and so suggestively that she felt she could slap him.
Instead, she had answered him in competent, though oddly inflected French, "If Monsieur Librarian wishes his ham warmed, that can be arranged without making an enemy of the cook." She did not mention that among her duties she was required to serve and to please Hans Gelder, the cook, who was in all respects exactly as the Chevalier de Seingalt had described him. Laura Brock was neither innocent nor silly, and knew well the sound of hollow compliments, but if the old man assumed that she would serve him as she, of necessity, served Hans Gelder, he would wait a long time as far as she was concerned. The cook, though brutish and fat, was only thirty years old — the librarian looked to be at least one hundred!
Oh, how she had underestimated the old goat! Sitting in front of her in his ridiculous, old-fashioned wig was the most famous seducer in Europe, a man who at one time had made himself unwelcome in more than a dozen countries. Jealous men had hidden their wives and daughters at the mention of his name. Or so she had been told by Gelder when she asked what the curious Italian gentleman had done before becoming librarian at Dux. In truth, after she had gotten to know him, she learned that Gelder's description of Casanova, unlike Casanova's description of Gelder, was not in the least accurate. There was something boyish about the old man, almost innocent, though he was without doubt a devilish charmer.
"My dear fraülein, I did not mean to offend you or the cook," Casanova declared, recovering quickly from the surprise of her French. "De gustibus non disputandum. I still maintain that you are a beautiful woman. I see also that you are not a simple maid. I believe, in fact, that you know how to read and that this library is not an entirely strange place to you."
At this Laura blushed in all sincerity. He had somehow discerned what she had been at pains to conceal for the eight months she had labored in the service of Count Waldstein. She had been taught to read by her father, the minister of a small country church in the village of Würzburg, Bavaria. At seventeen she had entered the service of Baroness Stefania von Helmund, who had taken a liking to her, arranging for French lessons and loaning her books, only some of which were moral or instructional. They would discuss Laura's reading in the Baroness's great baldaquin bed, from which the ailing and elderly Baron had been absent for many years. Often they wept for their heroes and embraced in sympathy with imperiled lovers, hoping that by imitation they might save the fictional characters from their literary fates. But only a few years into her service fate had intervened, and the Baroness had died unexpectedly in childbirth, a mysterious occurrence that baffled the impotent Baron most of all.
Rather than return to her village, where her father hoped she would marry a local farmer, Laura found employment, and a certain freedom, at Dux. Count Waldstein seldom visited his country estate; the servants had the run of the place, and after becoming Gelder's occasional mistress, Laura Brock could do as she pleased. It pleased her to read, in secret, books from the vast Waldstein library. So when the new librarian appeared, Laura had volunteered immediately to serve him. If he was a strict old man who didn't approve of a servant reading, she would put sleeping drafts in his wine. It now appeared that drugs would not be necessary.
Casanova had asked her what she liked to read. She refused to tell him at first, declaring indignantly that it would be like baring her soul. "Baring her soul" was how the heroine of a romance novel might have described such a disclosure, but Laura knew it was more a matter of what tickled her fancy. Her taste in books did not run to very serious works. When she finally confessed that she was fond of frivolous novels, Casanova did not express any disapproval, but embarked with her on a course of study that in the years that followed would make her a dangerously well-educated woman.
Not many evenings after that, when Laura had prevailed upon Gelder to put a few extra slices of trimmed ham and a whole ripe pear on the old man's plate, Casanova asked her to read aloud to him from the French translation of Boccaccio's Decameron. This book, which she had read together with the Baroness more times than she could remember, was as dear to Laura as a lover; indeed, it had served her better than a lover many times, certainly better than Gelder, whose brief, grunting exertions were over before she could recite a favorite passage to herself, which alone, she blushed to think, made his rapid intrusions bearable.
Seated at the library table, Casanova set the volume in front of him and invited Laura to sit on his knee to read. She refused, he cajoled her, she refused again, he insisted. There was a sleepy, ritualistic rhythm to these pleadings and refusals like the melody of a familiar tune, something by Mozart perhaps, and it made them both laugh. Finally Laura admitted that she wasn't worried about what he might do to her if she sat on his knee, but what she might do to him — the weight of a hefty wench could damage such a fragile-looking limb. Casanova reacted with amusement.
"I like you so much!" he exclaimed. "I could even love you! Ah, mademoiselle, you do not know what joy you bring to an old man's heart."
There seemed to be no deterring the old goat, so Laura sat her well-rounded bottom gingerly down on the Chevalier's knee, listening for the snap of bone, and sighing with relief when the skinny leg held. Casanova shifted her so that her bottom came to rest fully on his lap. She smelled on his person wig powder, cinnamon, and something else that might have been a subtle scent of death, or only the dust of old books. In his lap she felt no telltale stiffening, and so she relaxed and prepared to read.
Casanova opened the book not to the beginning, but randomly in the middle, and explained to her that any book of high quality, the Bible, for instance, or the histories of Herodotus, was capable of answering any question posed to it. He called this form of divination "oracular reading." All one had to do was ask the question, open the book, and voilà, the answer would be found.
"Ask a question, my dear."
Laura thought for a moment. "What does an old man want from a girl like me?"
The Decameron opened to the sixth story on the third day, the tale of Ricciardo Minutolo, who loved the wife of Filipello Fighinolfi. He tricked her into believing that Filipello would secretly meet her at a bagno, and then made love to her himself, she believing all the while that she was actually with her husband.
"How does this answer my question?" Laura was bewildered.
Casanova explained. "Clearly, an old man would like to do with you what Ricciardo did with Filipello's wife, but he must trick you in the dark and make you believe that you are with another man. A younger one, no doubt."
Laura bid the Chevalier to ask a question of his own.
"What does an old man have to offer a beauty like you?"
The book opened to the ninth story on the first day, in which the King of Cyprus is transformed from a weakling to a man of courage by the sharp words of a Gascon lady.
"You see," Casanova said, "a perfect answer."
Laura did see. An old man needed courage, and she could give it to him. Her face lit up at her own cleverness, and turning to Casanova, she told him that she understood, and she knew then that she looked more beautiful to him than ever before.
Courage, for Casanova, was the most noble human quality. Courage was synonymous with sexual conquest and intellectual daring. To possess a woman, to defeat stupidity, or to think thoughts fully, without fear of where they might lead, these were only possible through courage. In grasping this, Laura Brock became Casanova's partner in adventure.
Casanova had always regarded women as fellow adventurers. It had been his good luck to meet courageous women.
"What does courage mean to you, Mademoiselle Brock?" he asked pedantically, sounding like his old tutor Gozzi.
"We can never know just how much courage we have until a situation arises that tests us. ... I suppose there must be some other qualities, at least for men. Foolhardiness, perhaps."
"A splendid answer." Casanova beamed. "You forget, however, the two most important ingredients, necessity and imagination! Courage without those criteria is no more than foolhardiness, as you say. Self-defense demands a certain sangfroid but it is hardly courage. Do you know who is the most courageous woman I have ever met?"
"I will be much obliged if you told me her story."
"When I met her, she was disguised as a castrato named Bellino. She has since made a great name for herself on the opera stage as a castrato and no one knows that she is really a woman. I met her at an inn where she was spending the week with her mother and her three siblings, a traveling theatrical family. I conceived a passionate desire for her. I was certain that she was a woman, despite her denials and her mother's oath. Her mother was a bit of a procuress, as it turned out, because when she saw that I was mad with desire for Bellino, she sent me one of her younger daughters, who was only twelve and a virgin. I spent a pleasant night in the company of the child and rewarded her handsomely in the morning, but I could not get Bellino off my mind. I pursued her to no avail all day, begging her to let me see for myself if she was a man or not. I only needed some proof for my hand, I even promised not to look. But she only fed my fires by first seeming to give a little, then drawing back. The next night, the wily mother sent me her other daughter, who was fourteen and just as delightful as her sister, though not a virgin and much more experienced. She pleased me very well, but I wanted Bellino. I was mad for her, so I laughed when the old fox sent me the last of her siblings, a real boy, about sixteen years old, who was completely effeminate and already trained to please men. I increased my pursuit of Bellino until, after much coaxing and some extraordinary conversation about the male and female natures, I was able to convince her to show me if I did not touch her. She allowed me to peek through her bodice from above and I saw what I thought to be a monstrous clitoris. I knew it could not be a male membrum because I had no doubts that Bellino was a woman. In any case, I had resolved that even if the giant clitoris turned out to be a membrum, I would possess her. An outward maleness did not deter me. After much, much pleading and more philosophy than I care to recall, I undressed her and found the truth."
"I can only guess that your unfailing instinct for our sex did not mislead you!"
"You understand me well, Mademoiselle Brock." Casanova fell, rather creakily, to the Oriental rug and kissed her pointed slipper, to Laura's embarrassment.
"Please, rise, monsieur, you might be seen. She was a woman then?"
"Not just a woman! Theresa. Theresa-Bellino! There were a number of qualities about Theresa that I will never forget. One was trivial, perhaps. Bellino had worn an artificial penis perfectly molded to her body, a contraption that, when she had first allowed me a glimpse, I had mistaken for a monstrous clitoris. Later, after I unmasked her, we delighted in playing with this artificial limb, making and breaking the illusion. There was something deeply satisfying in encountering her male organ, with all its potential menace and similarity to my own, and then conquering it and revealing the hidden vagina. This game confirmed my belief that the universe is, in essence, feminine, and that the aggressions it evinces are merely a mask, removable like a false penis."
"You believe that the universe is a woman?" Laura was astonished. When Casanova nodded positively, she said: "This interpretation must gratify your maleness because in a feminine universe you must be the only man."
Casanova savored her insight for a moment, letting it melt in his mouth like a Dutch chocolate. Perhaps she was making sport of him. He studied his uncannily bright servant through lowered eyelids and decided that she was serious. Nonetheless, it would not have served him to acknowledge her remark, so he went on.
"The second thing about Theresa that has impressed itself on my mind forever was her courage. Theresa, in order to resist the entreaties of men, transformed herself into one, but not an ordinary man. She became a castrato, a man who was desired by other men, men who loved women and who would have had to have a great deal of courage to trespass on their understanding of what constituted a man or a woman. In the mirror of Theresa-Bellino all men were bound to feel troubled, none more than myself, who knew that I would possess her no matter what gender she turned out to be. I have never been unduly bothered by trifling with other men, but I fell in love with Theresa-Bellino, and love, as opposed to trifling, is what, in the end, unmans us. ..."
"Forgive me, Chevalier," Laura interrupted, not quite following Casanova's logic. "Love is impossible then between people of the same gender?" She had loved the Baroness Stefania von Helmund and she defied anyone to deny it.
"No, that is not what I mean. Love between men is possible."
"And between women?"
"I don't believe so," Casanova replied firmly. "Sooner or later one or the other will feel the lack. Do not misunderstand me, I love the activities of women with that proclivity and I have been a willing participant in a number of such orgies."
"You are a conceited peacock, Chevalier, and I would challenge you to a physical contest if you were not a creaky old man!" She made a threatening fist and brought it down, in jest, on the Chevalier's jaw. She had actually landed a blow, despite herself, and was sorry to see Casanova wince.
"I do not wish to argue this, mademoiselle. Your lack of experience gives me too much advantage."
Laura held her tongue. Lack of experience, indeed. She had known her employer's body like the palm of her hand and had since explored other women's bodies, each one a mysterious island that she had delighted in mapping.
"In any case, it was a battle," Casanova said.
"How was it a battle? What was?"
"I had succeeded in removing Bellino's penis before Bellino removed mine. This, in my opinion, is the model for all the battles I have waged in the world. The world, as you have so concisely put it, is a woman, but it is disguised as a male warrior, wearing a false penis. With courage and charm one can pull off her mask and reveal the beauty and kindness that are its true nature. In my laboratory, I have often been astounded by the transformations which substances undergo with the help of mercury. Matter is always in a process of metamorphosis, a process that has served me as a means of reflecting about my feelings and experience. Mercury is nothing but courage."
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Casanova in Bohemia by Andrei Codrescu. Copyright © 2002 Andrei Codrescu. Excerpted by permission of OPEN ROAD INTEGRATED MEDIA.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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