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ISBN-13: 9780688161170
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
Publication date: 11/28/2000
Edition description: 1ST
Pages: 224
Sales rank: 41,630
Product dimensions: 7.37(w) x 9.25(h) x 0.56(d)

Becky A. Bailey, Ph.D., specializes in early childhood education and developmental psychology. Her lectures reach more than 20,000 people annually, and her awards include a Parents' Choice Foundation commendation for three of her parenting audiotapes. She has appeared on CNN, PBS, and The Hour of Power with Dr. Robert Schuller, among other programs. She lives in Oviedo, Florida.

Read an Excerpt

Chapter One

Boosting Your Child's Brain Potential: The Four Vital Goals ofI Love You RitualsFrom a little spark may burst a mighty flame.
—Dante

I Love You Rituals are delightful interactions and games that adults can play with children from infancy through eight years of age and that send the message of unconditional acceptance. Unconditional acceptance is love.

Imagine arriving home to be greeted by your spouse. His or her eyes light up as you enter the house. You begin to talk about your day, and you receive your spouse's complete attention. Simultaneously, your spouse begins to give you a deep hand massage that sends invisible cellular messages coursing like radio waves throughout your body. The messages are, “You are safe, you are adored, all is well.” In this loving state, you become attuned to the wonders of life and the passion of living, and the world becomes a positive place where each person has untold value. What a wonderful interaction that would be. What a powerful display of love. This greeting sure beats the heck out of, “What's for dinner?” or “Did you pick up the dry cleaning?” I Love You Rituals are gifts of love you can give your children. Since what you give to others, you strengthen in yourself, they are gifts you can give yourself.

Take a deep breath and read the following aloud:

A wonderful woman lived in a shoe.
She had so many children
She knew exactly what to do.
She held them,
She rocked them,
And tucked them in bed.
“I love you, I love you,”
Is what she said.

Reflect on your emotions. How do you feel after reading therhyme? Now take another deep breath and read the original Mother Goose rhyme:

There was an old lady who lived in a shoe
She had so many children
she didn't know what to do.
She fed them some broth without any bread
And whipped them all soundly and sent them to bed.

Reflect on your feelings once again. What word would you use to describe how you feel after reading this rhyme? This simple exercise vividly demonstrates that what you see, hear, and sense affects your brain, and your brain governs your physiology, your feelings, and your behavior. It is time to create new rituals, rituals that reflect our worth and extend love to others.

It is one thing to revise the old Mother Goose rhymes, but I Love You Rituals are much more than that. They are rituals that send the message of unconditional love to children. Unconditional love is something we all seek to find and hope to give. This unconditional love is sent in what I call “child language” through I Love You Rituals. It is sent in a game, in words, and through touch, and it is sent repeatedly. The playfulness of the game is crucial, for in play, children and adults are totally present, absorbed in the moment. Think about watching your children play. They become so engrossed in their actions, you can't get them to notice you or the call to supper. Pay attention to yourself when you play. For some of us, reading is play. We become deeply drawn into the story, easily staying up to 2:00 a.m., losing track of time. Those of us who enjoy tennis or other forms of play lose ourselves in the activity. In this flow of activity, we find a precious part of ourselves and feel rejuvenated.

The Good News about the Tragedy and Violence We See

Over my twenty-five years of working with children and families, I have noticed a growing undercurrent of change. Viewed from a small perspective, this change could appear disruptive or negative; yet from a bigger picture, its beauty is unfolding. From a microscopic view we see increases in juvenile delinquency, suicide, rebellion, depression, apathy, and drug addictions. In young children, we see enormous increases in hyperactivity, impulsiveness, power struggles, demanding behavior, and willful fits of displeasure when they do not get what they want. In young adults, brilliance and genius are budding, yet a moral compass is missing. Busy, frantic parents chase dreams and miss moments with each other and with their children. Others work to make ends meet and spend little time with each other. Material goods seduce us more than kindness. News headlines offer tragedy after tragedy, so that denial becomes a defense against hopelessness. But under all these struggles, all these cries for help, is a rumble, a wave building in the ocean of life, ready to crest and carry us all forward. This rumble is our intense, true desire for connection with each other. We long to belong. We strive to offer and receive unconditional love. This desire to be loved and loveable unites us all.

We are shifting from being families and communities based on roles to groups based on healthy relationships. The role of wife had certain duties, the role of husband had required obligations. The role of the child to be seen and not heard was paramount. These roles of days gone by offered security. Yet that security was riddled with oppression, lack of freedom, and rigid rituals that served the powerful, not the many. The roles provided security without connection. These roles had to crumble; they needed to fall. In this process, turmoil, crisis, pain, confusion, and hopelessness reign as families scramble to hold together and marriages fail more often than not. However, our souls seek to overcome these strivings and are ready to connect with each other in a different capacity, on an equal footing. To move from roles to relationships, we have traveled from self-hatred, shame, and guilt to acceptance of ourselves and each other. We progressed from the rigidity of sameness to tolerance of differences, from fearing change to embracing its potential. We are shifting from living in the past or the future to living in the present. We are returning to love. On the outside, it looks like the end of the world is coming, but on the inside, we are pulling together as never before. This book is about getting together. It is about reconnecting with ourselves and our children. In these cute activities and rituals you will be conducting with your children, you will find something very precious'yourself. These I Love You Rituals are needed now in our culture. They are our bridge from roles to relationships.

Win-Win Activities

One guiding truth about life is that what you offer to others, you strengthen within yourself. Stop reading this book for a moment. Think about your children and how much you love them. If they are at school or a room nearby, just wish them well. From your mind and heart, allow the feelings to overflow and send them a silent blast of love. Now, how do you feel yourself? Probably warm and cozy. You offered your children love and security by wishing them well, and you yourself welled up with love. The same is true when we offer criticism and blame. When we see what is lacking in others, what they are not doing, and what is wrong with the world, we simultaneously feel lacking. You cannot go through your day seeing what is wrong and go to bed happy. Self-esteem does not come from how others see you, but from how you see others. Thus we can see the power of the Golden Rule. It is golden because it affects both parties. See the beauty in others, and you can see the beauty in yourself. By conducting these I Love You Rituals with children, not only do you boost your child's brain potential, but you heal your old wounds. Parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, stepdads and stepmoms all find love for themselves as they extend love to their children. I Love You Rituals ground you in the present moment, connect you with your children, and help you reestablish and maintain a safe place within from which love radiates.

	Acknowledgments	xi
Chapter 1	Boosting Your Child's Brain Potential: The Four Vital Goals of I Love You Rituals	1
Chapter 2	I Love You Rituals and Disciplining Children: A Powerful Connection	23
Chapter 3	Getting Started and Ensuring Success	37
Chapter 4	Positive Nursery Rhymes	57
	A Wonderful Woman Who Lived in a Shoe	59
	Peter, Peter, Pumpkin Eater	62
	Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star	63
	Little Miss Muffet	65
	Humpty Dumpty	67
	Georgie Porgie	69
	Margie Pargie	71
	Mary Had a Little Lamb	72
	Little Bo Peep	74
	Hot Cross Buns	76
	Mary, Mary, Extraordinary	79
	To Market, to Market	81
	Wee Willie [Wendy] Winkie	83
	Jack Be Noodle	85
	Ba Ba, Black Sheep	87
	Three Nice Mice	89
Chapter 5	Interactive Finger Plays	91
	Dancing Hands	93
	Five Little Babies	96
	Growing Up	99
	Here's the Beehive	101
	Here's the Bunny	103
	Mr. Sun	105
	On Your Face	107
	One, Two, Three, Four, Five	109
	Round and Round the Garden	111
	There Was a Little Mouse	112
	Ten Little Candles	114
	The Hello Game	117
	This Little Finger	119
	This Little Finger Goes Night-Night	122
	Today Is--'s Birthday	123
	Two Blackbirds	125
	Warm Hands	128
	You Have Ten Little Fingers	130
	Your Fingers Are So Sleepy	133
	You've Been Gone	136
Chapter 6	Silly Interactions	139
	Family Handshakes	141
	My Hand Is Stuck	143
	Greetings	144
	What Did You Bring Home from School Today?	145
	My Face Has a Gift for You	146
	Silly Me	148
	Jelly Bean Toes	149
	Yes and No Game	150
	You Have a Present	151
	Mama's Smart Girl [Boy]	152
Chapter 7	Soothing and Relaxing Games	153
	Goodnight Elbow	155
	Guess What I Am Writing [Drawing]?	156
	Hot Dog Game	158
	Putting Lotion on the Hurts	160
	Tell Me When I Am at the End	162
	Rub and Dry Game	163
	Move What I Touch	165
	Story Hand	167
Chapter 8	Hide-and-Seek Games	169
	Find the Stickers	171
	Find the Yarn	173
	Hello, Toes/Good-bye, Toes	175
	Can You Find It?	176
	I'm Hiding	178
	Peek-a-Boo. I See You!	180
	Where Are Those Hands?	181
	Where Did It Go?	183
Chapter 9	Cuddling and Snuggling Games	185
	Snuggle Time	187
	Blanket Swing	188
	Row, Row, Row Your Boat	190
	Snuggle Up	192
	Held in My Arms	194
Chapter 10	Physically Active Games	195
	Blanket Volleyball	197
	Cotton Ball Blow	199
	The Big Crash	201
	The Cat and the Bunny	202
	Walk and Stop	204
	Bibliography	205
	Index	206

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I Love You Rituals

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Customer Reviews

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Chapter One

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I Love You Rituals

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Customer Reviews

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Chapter One

Table of Contents

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